I wrote this fic in response to a challenge. I will put the requirements
at the end. I am back to doing comedy after my last fic which was much
more serious. Tenchi, Kagato, Kiyone, Sasami and Ryo-Ohki all do some
things they wouldn't normally do. It's rated PG-13 for quite a few
reasons.
A Darker Evil (The Prequel to the Darkest Evil)
by Prince Janus
Kagato woke up on the ground. It was raining hard. "Where the hell am I?" he muttered.
"I have revived you from the dead." Said a booming voice.
"And to whom and for what do I owe the honor of being revived?" asked Kagato.
"Who I am does not concern you. If you want to remain in your state of being alive then you will do exactly as I command."
"Kagato takes orders from no one. However, I am willing to do this one favor for you."
"I thought you might. Here is what I want you to do. Kill Tenchi. He has gotten in the way of my plans for far to long." Said the voice.
"It shall be as you command." Said Kagato as he stood up. A ship appeared nearby. He boarded the ship and headed up, off of the desolate planet. "I tried killing Tenchi before, but he was too powerful. I will need some help." Kagato thought for a few minutes. He decided that a bounty hunter should be able to take out the others. Then Tenchi would be distracted enough that Kagato could defeat him. "I would summon that Nagi, but she has that whole honor problem going on. Hmmm. Computer. Who is the second most successful bounty hunter after Nagi?"
"That is Kain. He has only recently joined the ranks of the bounty hunters but he has been extremely successful." Stated the computer in a monotone voice.
"Excellent. Patch me through to him."
Kain (No relation to the Kain from one of the Tenchi movies.) was sitting in his ship The Destiny when he received the call. "My name is Kagato. I wish to hire you."
"I don't work cheap." Said Kain bluntly.
"I am offering 10,000 standard credits per person. There are at least seven people, perhaps more."
Kain whistled. "You must really want these people dead."
"You don't have to kill them. Just keep them busy while I kill someone else." Said Kagato.
"Okay then, you have a deal. Half up front and the other part when the job is done."
Kagato nodded and waved his hand. Destiny spoke "Kain. Thirty five thousand credits have been deposited in our account."
"Excellent. Where are we going then?" asked Kain
"A really out of the way place called Earth."
"I will meet you there." Said Kain cutting off the transmission. "Well Destiny, it looks like we have work once more." Kain set course for Earth.
Tenchi was once again strapped down to a table in Washu's lab. She was preforming more tests on him. Why was she always having him coming in here and striping almost naked and . . . he got it then. She wanted him just like all of the other nut jobs in this house. Washu was wearing a particularly low cut top today that would make even Ryoko blush. She reached over Tenchi to flip a dial. His nose started to bleed uncontrollably.
"What's wrong Tenchi? Oh? You like? I wore it just for you." Said Washu with a smile.
"Ahhh! Let me out of this!" Tenchi practically ripped the straps off and jumped up off of the table. He ran for the door as fast as he could. Washu however got there first and spread her arms out blocking his path.
"What's the matter Tenchi? You don't like me?" asked Washu in mock disappointment
"No, it's not that. I mean, I am into young kids and all, but you're not really even a young kid. Now Sasami on the other hand, now that's a fine piece of ass."
"Ahh, but Tenchi. Don't go. Please?"
"Sorry Washu, but I have a lot of important work to do." With that Tenchi pushed Washu aside and ran out the door.
"Tenchi!" Ryoko called.
"Lord Tenchi where are you?" asked Ayeka.
Tenchi heard them calling and started to run the other way. They spotted him and quickly caught up with him.
"Ah, there you are Lord Tenchi. Ryoko thought up a brilliant plan to help you decide between us." Said Ayeka
"I can't take all of the credit. Ayeka also helped. She is sometimes smarter than I give her credit."
Tenchi looked nervous but went along for the time being. "Okay so what is this idea."
Ayeka spoke first. "Well we have decided to take the mystery out of the equation for you." With that Ayeka opened the front of her shirt and flashed Tenchi. He fell over blood pouring from his nose. Ayeka covered her chest again.
Tenchi stood up and wiped the blood off his nose. Ryoko then winked at him. "I guess those are okay, but catch a load of these!" Ryoko opened her shirt and flashed Tenchi. Tenchi fell over with blood pouring from his nose again.
"We'll give you time to think about it." Said Ryoko as she and Ayeka walked off.
Tenchi wiped the dust off of his pants as he stood up. "What's next?" he asked with a sigh. Tenchi didn't have to wait long. As he was making his way toward the fields, he spotted a ship coming down from space. It landed nearby. A man in dark blue armor soon got off. Tenchi started to walk toward him.
The man raised his hand in a gesture of greeting. "Is your name Tenchi?"
"Yes that is I. Who are you?"
The man smiled and disembarked. "My name is Kain. I have come here to kill you." He said with a smile.
Tenchi fell over. "Kain? Well I have to say at least you are up front about it."
"Oh don't worry. I get that a lot. Having the same name as a very famous criminal has helped my career. Anyway, I am not going to kill you right now. I have to wait for Kagato to get here. I think he may want to kill you himself. Oh what does it matter. I am going to have to follow you around until he gets here."
Tenchi sighed. "Kagato is back? Well isn't that just great. Follow me if you have to, but I have really got to get to practice. Grandpa is going to kill me for being as late as I am." Tenchi ran as fast as he could to get to the training ground. He looked over his shoulder to see Kain running along behind him.
He soon arrived at the training ground. Katsuhito was standing there leaning against a tree. "You're late Tenchi."
"I know. I am sorry Grandfather." Tenchi bowed. "I was delayed by Ayeka and Ryoko."
"I am becoming worried about you Tenchi. Every day or so you are delayed by those two." Said Yosho sternly.
"Oh don't worry about that. I am not really interested in them like that. I like my girls a bit younger." Said Tenchi
"What do you mean by younger Tenchi? Ayeka and Ryoko are much older than you in reality, but they have the minds and bodies of girls the same age as you."
"No I mean really young. Eight or nine year's old." Yosho and Kain fall over.
"You really are a freak Tenchi." Said Kain. Turning to Yosho "Oh, I'm Kain. I'm here to kill your grandson whenever Kagato shows up."
Yosho took a moment to reply. "I see. Then Tenchi had best train hard today. Let us begin Tenchi." Tenchi and his grandfather gripped their wooden swords and squared off. They rushed at each other and the sound of wood smacking wood was heard throughout the forest. They fought for several minutes. Every once in a while Kain would yell out some piece of advice to one of them.
"No Tenchi, you are keeping your guard to high. Stay lower." Called out Kain from the side lines. "He's stronger than you, but you are faster. Take advantage of that. Go for it. Now! Now!"
Yosho turned looking quite mad to glare at Kain. "Do you mind? I am trying to teach here." Tenchi took advantage of Yosho's distraction to attack him. Tenchi brought his sword down hard on Yosho's head and sent the old man sprawling.
Kain stood up and started to clap. "Nice one Tenchi. I am glad you have learned to take advantage of everything."
Tenchi helped his grandfather up off the ground. "I'm sorry Grandfather. I shouldn't have done that."
"No, Tenchi he is right. In a battle you must take advantage of any distraction of an opponent." Said Yosho.
As the Yosho, Tenchi, and Kain were talking Kagato's ship arrived in orbit. He sent down a message to the Destiny which relayed the message to Kain. "Okay sure." Kain closed his communicator and looked over to Tenchi. "Kagato is in orbit. I am going back to the Destiny. See you in space." Kain waved goodbye as he went back to his ship.
Kagato's ship sat in orbit around the Earth. He first saw the Destiny followed by Ryo-Ohki and the Yagami. He opened fire as soon as they came within range. Both ships moved away dodging his blast easily at the range they were at. "You might want to try aiming next time," came a message from Kain over the radio.
"Shut up and do your job. Blow both of those ships up!" screamed Kagato back.
"Sure, whatever." came the reply. Kain having a smaller ship than Kagato's squared off with Ryo-Ohki, the smaller of the enemies ships. Kain fired his forward lasers, but Ryo-Ohki however was very agile. Meanwhile Kagato had unleashed a full frontal assault on the Yagami.
"Fire the missiles Mihoshi!" yelled Kiyone.
"Um, I kind of forgot to load them." Said Mihoshi.
"Mihoshi! We really need those . . ." Kiyone was cut off in mid sentence as the Yagami was hit hard in the engine.
"Ahhhh! We're going down!" screamed Mihoshi as they started to sink back toward Earth.
Ryo-Ohki launched the special missile that Washu had created. Kain tried to avoid it but the missile had an excellent tracking system. It smashed into the Destiny which followed the Yagami back down toward the Earth.
On board Ryo-Ohki Ayeka watched with Tenchi as Ryoko skillfully defeated Kain's ship. "I really am the greatest." Said Ryoko.
"Oh you got lucky. Let me do this one." Said Ayeka wrestling the controls away from Ryoko.
"Fine princess. Let's see how well you do." While Ayeka wasn't watching Ryoko teleported behind Tenchi and put her arms around his neck. Ayeka piloted toward Kagato's ship and opened fire. Her shots went very wide of their target. Kagato returned fire and scored hits across the front of Ryo-Ohki who gave a cry of pain. "Okay Ayeka, playtime's over. Give me back the controls."
"No! I know what I am doing. Ryo-Ohki! Ramming Speed!" shouted Ayeka.
"Whaaaa!? No!" shouted Tenchi. Before Tenchi or Ryoko could do anything Ayeka put Ryo-Ohki on a crash course with Kagato's ship. The impact made Tenchi think his teeth were going to fall out. He looked up to see the inside of Kagato's ship. Then his vision blurred as he and the others passed out from the reentry into the Earth's atmosphere.
Meanwhile, back on Earth Kiyone and Mihoshi were climbing out of the wreck of the Yagami. "Do you have any idea how long this is going to take to repair?" asked Kiyone.
"Sorry Kiyone." Said Mihoshi.
They were interrupted by the Destiny crashing down nearby. Kain climbed out and looked around. His eyes locked on Kiyone. She was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Kain jumped off of the ramp and ran over to her. He gave her a deep bow. "And what is thy name oh vision of beauty."
Kiyone looked very embarrassed. "Ummm, I'm Kiyone. This is Mihoshi."
"Kiyone." repeated Kain. "What a beautiful name. My green haired love."
Mihoshi laughed. Kiyone smacked her on the back of the head.
Kagato screamed as Ryo-Ohki crashed into the side of his ship. "What the hell are those idiots doing?"
"Our ship is going down." Said the computer
"What? Why?" said Kagato
"We have sustained heavy damage. Repairs are estimated at three weeks."
Kagato cursed as his ship fell to the Earth with Ryo-Ohki imbedded in its belly.
Tenchi awoke on the ground. Ayeka, Ryoko and Ryo-Okhi were making their way to their feet. Sasami and Washu walked over and helped the four of them up. "What happened?" Tenchi moaned rubbing his head.
"It seems the four ships shot each other down. Now none of you are getting off the planet for several weeks." Said Washu while assessing the damage of the three ships.
Sasami picked up Ryo-Ohki. "You look okay don't you." Sasami smiled and put a still dizzy Ryo-Ohki on her shoulder.
Kagato climbed out of his ship and glared at Tenchi and the others. "Damn it all to hell! Now I am stuck here. Uh, Tenchi do you think I could stay here with you for a while?" Everyone except Kain and Kiyone fell over. The two of them were too busy talking to each other to pay any attention to Kagato.
"Well sure, I guess so Kagato. As long as you promise not to try and kill us." Said Tenchi.
"Yeah, sure whatever you say." Replied Kagato getting together his luggage and walking toward the house.
Tenchi put his hand to his forehead. "Why me?"
The others including Kain made their way into the house.
A few days later all of them were gathered around the table. Tenchi sat at one end of the table. To his right was Ryoko followed by Washu, a seat for Sasami, Kagato, Noboyuki, and Yosho at the other end of the table. Next to Yosho sat Mihoshi, Kiyone, Kain, and Ayeka next to Tenchi. Sasami sat a large plate of noodles down and everyone began to eat. After they had finished Tenchi walked out to go to work in the fields. Sasami caught up with him on the way and asked him to come to the new bathhouse that Washu had built. She wanted to show it to him before lunch. Tenchi agreed and went to work growing carrots. Ryo-Ohki went with him looking with glee at the carrots as Tenchi pulled them out of the ground.
Ryoko sat down on the couch to do what she did most days. Watch one of the thousands of channels that they got with Washu's satellite dish. She looked over at Kiyone and Kain. They had been practically inseparable since they all crashed back on Earth. It was almost sickening except Ryoko figured one less opponent for Tenchi's time was always a good thing.
Tenchi worked until noon. "Let's go and get lunch Ryo-Ohki. Ryo- Ohki? Where did you go?" He got his answer when he spotted a basket of carrots that were half empty. Ryo-Ohki had her paws over her stomach. Tenchi sighed and picked up the baskets of carrots stacking them on top of his head. He then remembered that he had promised Sasami he would come and see the new bathhouse. Who knows with the people he lived with.
Tenchi sat down the carrots and Ryo-Ohki jumped up onto his shoulder. He opened the door and walked in. "Sasami? Are you in here?"
"We're over here Tenchi!" Called Sasami.
Tenchi walked over and saw Tenchi and Mihoshi standing over in the corner. "Okay, so what do you want."
"Well Tenchi, Sasami and I heard about what Ayeka and Ryoko did and we decided that wasn't fair."
"Ahhhh! Why do all of you think this is some kind of contest?" screamed Tenchi.
"Well, here goes." Mihoshi opened her shirt. Tenchi fell over with the bleeding nose as always.
"Okay Tenchi. Now it's my turn." Sasami opened her shirt just as Tenchi was making his way to his feet. He fell over once again. Tenchi got up and ran from the bath house screaming.
Kagato looked around the house. He then noticed Noboyuki standing around not doing much of anything. Kagato walked over to him. "You are called Noboyuki right?"
"Yup, that's me."
"As a man who has been married I was wondering if you could give me some advice."
"Uh, sure Kagato, what do you want to know?" replied Tenchi's father.
"Well, I uh, like this girl. She lives here in this house. And I was just wondering how I should tell her? I have never been very good with stuff like this."
"Well, bribery works well with women. You can bribe them with most anything, flowers, jewelry, candy. Just whatever you do, don't give them cash. They will become extremely pissed off if you do that."
"Okay thanks." Said Kagato smiling. "I will remember all of that." Kagato turned and walked off. He went outside and looked for a gift. The first thing that he saw where a bunch of flowers planted in a garden. Kagato walked over and pulled several of the flowers out of the ground. "She will really like these."
Kagato took the flowers and started to walk toward the bath house. He passed Tenchi and a few minutes later Mihoshi walking up the path. Kagato then saw the girl of his dreams walking up the path. Sasami had Ryo- Ohki on her shoulder and was singing a song. "Hello Kagato!" she said as she met him on the path.
"Hello Sasami. These are for you." Kagato said holding out the flowers.
Sasami took the flowers. "Wow, thanks Kagato, these are really nice. Wait, did you get these out of my garden?"
"Yes that's right." Said Kagato looking proud of himself.
"Do you have any idea how long those took me to grow?!"
"Well, no, I guess I didn't think of that. I mean . . . I just wanted you to like me."
"Like you! After all the times you have tried to kidnap or kill us!" shouted Sasami.
"Fine then." Said Kagato throwing off his cape. "If I can't have you then I won't leave you around so that Tenchi can have you."
"You want to fight me? HA! Fine. Let's go Ryo-Ohki!"
"Meow." Ryo-Ohki hopped down off of Sasami's shoulders and started to hop off.
"Wait Ryo-Ohki. Where are you going?" asked Sasami.
Ryo-Ohki turned around and raised her paw to Sasami. She put down the two fingers on the side leaving her middle one standing. "Um, but Ryo- Ohki. I really need your help." Ryo-Ohki ignored Sasami and made her way toward the house. Sasami was really starting to regret that diet that she had force Ryo-Ohki to go on.
"Wait Kagato. You promised Tenchi that if he let you stay here you wouldn't try and kill any of us." Said Sasami.
"I am evil you know. I lied." Kagato ignited his sword.
"Wait what am I worried about." Sasami smiled as Tsunami appeared. "Hey Kagato, what's going on?"
"Oh damn." Said Kagato. Tsunami proceeded to beat the living hell out of Kagato. "Ouch, what are you doing Tsunami."
"I'm kicking your ass, what does it look like." Once Kagato was on the ground Sasami reappeared. She proceeded to kick Kagato a few more times.
Sasami made her way up the path and into the house. Everyone sat down for supper except for Kagato who stumbled in after everyone had eaten.
Noboyuki held up a bowl to Kagato. "Here is some rice that Mihoshi helped make. It's the only thing we have left." The rice was badly burnt.
The next morning Kagato was waiting outside as Tenchi left for work. "Tenchi! I know you are trying to steal Sasami away from me! I challenge you to a duel to the death!"
Tenchi blinked a few times. "Okay three things. 1. Stop yelling. 2. I am not trying to steal Sasami from you. 3. You promised not to try and kill any of us.
Mihoshi walked out after she heard all of the yelling. "What's going on guys?"
Tenchi sighed, something that had become quite common in the last few months. "Kagato wants to kill me for trying to steal Sasami away from him."
"Wow Tenchi. You really should steal things. It's not nice."
"Mihoshi! I am not involved with Sasami!" screamed Tenchi.
Most everyone had wandered outside to see what was going on. Washu listened to Tenchi and Kagato for a few minutes. "Well if you two are having problems, why don't we hold a contest. Sasami goes to the winner."
Sasami looked surprised that Washu would suggest something like that. "What do you mean? I am not some prize to go to the winner!"
Tenchi smiled. "Yes I like that. For once someone else will be a prize in a contest. It won't be me. Yes, I accept Kagato! We shall hold a contest!"
Kagato looked confused as if he knew he has been duped. "Okay, but what kind of contest."
Ryoko raised her hand. "I know. We will have to have a karaoke contest!"
Kain looked over to Kiyone. "Does everyone here scream when ever they think up something. And is that why Mihoshi is so quite?"
Everyone went back into the house. Kiyone and Mihoshi set up the karaoke machine that sat in the corner. They cleared off the small stage. The judges were going to be Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Washu, Kain, Kiyone, and Mihoshi. The first person to get four votes would win. "Okay so who's going first?" asked Ayeka.
"I'll go first." Tenchi stepped up on the stage. Tenchi began to sing a happy pop song that was currently very popular. He started out nervously at first, but as he went along Tenchi picked up and by the end was dancing around and swinging his arms. Tenchi ended his song and bowed. Everyone applauded.
Kagato got up on stage next. "Well um, I really don't know what to sing." He said staring at his feet. Kain jump up and gave a sheet of music to Kagato. "This? Well I guess I could." Kagato cleared his throat and began to sing. "Aishiteta to nageku ni wa Amari ni mo toki wa sugi te shimatta . . ." he continued with the song for a few minutes. He then finished and sat down the microphone. Everyone clapped for Kagato.
Ayeka stood up. "Well that was very nice Kagato. Unfortunately, Lord Tenchi is the winner."
Washu shakes her head. "This isn't Jurai. You can't just dictate. We all have to vote. This is a democracy, not a monarchy."
Ayeka turned her nose up. "Fine, we vote." Ayeka and Ryoko start a "Tenchi" chant. Kain started a "Kagato" chant. Kiyone followed by Mihoshi joined in with Kain.
Ryoko passed around a box and everyone wrote down a name on a piece of paper and put it in the box. When everyone had put a piece of paper into the box, Ayeka took the box and began to read the names. "Okay, here is one for Kagato. Here is another for Kagato. One for Tenchi. One for Kabito? Who the hell is Kagito?"
Mihoshi rubbed the back of her head. "That would be mine. That's for Kagato."
Ryoko sighed and continued to read the votes. "Here is another for Tenchi. One more for Tenchi, and the last one for, "Ryoko frowned. "Kagato." She paused for a second. "Okay I want to know which of you voted for Kagato right now. I know those three did." Ryoko waved in the direction on Kain, Mihoshi, and Kiyone. "I voted for Tenchi, I am guessing that Ayeka did to. So that leaves Washu and Sasami."
Washu shrugged. "I voted for Tenchi."
Ryoko turned her gaze to Sasami who spoke up nervously. "Well I just thought that I should give Kagato another chance."
"I may have lost, but at least I wasn't the prize this time." Tenchi said with a strange glint in his eyes.
A few weeks past until one day right after breakfast a ship appeared in the sky. This ship was huge, stretching at least a mile long. A small drop ship appeared from the under belly and descended to land next to the house. "Who on Earth could that be?" said Tenchi to himself as he saw the ship land. The doors of the drop ship opened and a man in full body armor walked down. "What? Where they having a sale on Star Wars stuff at the costume shop Vader?" said Tenchi.
Even though he couldn't see his face Tenchi could tell that the man was not amused. "My name is Zarika. You are to refer to me as master. I have come to do the job that the worthless Kagato could not do."
"Oh and what's that?" replied Tenchi.
"To kill you and all of your little meddling friends." said Zarika
"Well aren't you just a Scooby Doo villain."
"Would you shut up and go get everyone so I can explain why I am going to kill you all before I do it?" yelled Zarika getting annoyed.
Tenchi ran back into the house. Ryoko was watching TV with Mihoshi. Tenchi quickly explained what was going on and Mihoshi ran outside. Ryoko followed Tenchi into the kitchen where they explained things to Sasami who was washing dishes with Kagato. Yosho and Noboyuki were still at the table talking. Ayeka was staring at a colorful picture in a magazine. "Ohhhh pretty" said the princess. The five of them headed out side.
"Let's go find Washu next." Tenchi and Ryoko made their way to Washu's lab and explained what had happened.
"Zarika huh? I remember him. Intergalactic nutcase. Well I have a little surprise for him." said Washu picking up a small box. She ran out side as well.
"Who are we missing?" asked Tenchi.
"Uh. Where is Kiyone?"
"I don't know, but she never came down for breakfast. Let's go and see." Ryoko and Tenchi ran up the stairs and knocked on the door to Kiyone and Mihoshi's room. When they got no answer Tenchi opened the door. He feel over and blood started to pour from his nose. Kiyone and Kain were laying in Kiyone's bed.
"Wow Kiyone. I didn't know you could bend that way." Said a red faced Tenchi.
"Tenchi! Get out of here! Can't you see I'm busy" yelled an also red faced Kiyone.
Ryoko floated over toward the bed. "Sorry dear, but we've got business to take care of. There's another nut job out side trying to kill all of us." She helped Tenchi up. "Come on Tenchi, let's give them a chance to get dressed. And remember Tenchi. Anytime you want to do that with me then just let me know."
A few minutes later Kiyone and Kain exited the room and along with Tenchi and Ryoko they made their way down the stairs and out the front door.
Zarika looked over the group that Tenchi had gathered. "Well why didn't you just call in the whole damn country Tenchi? How many people do you have here? Now, the reason that I have come to kill you all. You see. 10,000 years ago I attacked the universe. I had conquered it all. Then this small band of "heroes" rose against me. Somehow they were able to over come me and seel me in a prison for this long. Now I intend to go around the universe and destroy all of the groups of "good guys before they can stop me. Once I am done with you I am going to that other Earth and kill Goku and friends. You'd be surprised how many planets are called Earth. Oh well, time to pull a Vargas." Zarika raised his hand and began to gather energy. "Gale Force Wind!" he shouted. A strong wind began to blow which picked up speed quickly. "Only the strong shall survive!" The wind got up to a high enough speed to begin flinging people away. Several of the people aligned against Zarika went flying into the forest nearby.
When the wind had died down only seven of them remained. Tenchi, Yosho, Kagato, Kain who had been shielding Kiyone, Ryoko and Washu. "So this is the best you have to offer?" said Zarika.
"Boy, did you pick the wrong group to leave behind. Washu! Get him!" said Tenchi.
"Behold the power of Washu the Great!" Washu pointed the small box she had taken from her lab at Zarika and pushed the button. A portal appeared around him and tried to engulf him. Zarika raised his hand and the portal shattered. "Okay, the bad news is this guy is really strong. The good news is that if you can punch a hole in his armor then I can trap him in subspace."
Tenchi drew his sword. "Okay you three hit him with your triple tech and then we will hit him with ours."
Kain formed a greenish-blue energy sword in his hand. "Ryoko! Kiyone! Delta Storm!" Kain and Ryoko rushed forward to attack Zarika. Kain cut from right hip to left shoulder and Ryoko cut from left hip to right shoulder, thus forming an X. Kiyone aimed her gun and fired a full power blast into the center of the X.
Tenchi stepped forward. Yosho and Kagato drew their swords. "Hear now the Dragon's Roar!" Kagato rushed Zarika and slashed from his head down. Yosho slashed from the bottom up forming a +, the center of which was in the exact same spot as the X. Tenchi the put all of his force behind his sword and drove it into the weak spot on Zarika that had been created. His armor shattered and he feel back. Washu pushed the button again, and the portal reformed. This time there was nothing Zarika could do and he was sucked in never to be heard from again.
Kain looked annoyed. "Why does Tenchi get the last hit? I'm the special guest character! I should get the last hit. Or at least me and Tenchi doing some kind of Double Tech. I mean it's just not fair." Kiyone whispered something in Kain's ear. "Regardless I really have to go." Kiyone and Kain quickly made their way back into the house.
"That's the most sickeningly sweat things I have seen in a while." Stated Washu. Ryoko gestured that she was trying to repress vomiting.
Ryoko teleported over to Tenchi. "Well now that we are alone with no Ayeka . . . "
"Take your hands off him this instant!" screamed Ayeka marching forward from the forest.
"Can I shoot her with an energy blast Tenchi?" begged Ryoko.
"No."
"Please."
"No!"
"Ahhhh! Lord Tenchi what are you doing with that woman. Get away before she infects you or something." Said Ayeka getting closer.
"Okay go ahead Ryoko." Sighed Tenchi.
"Goody." Said Ryoko as she turned around. Ryoko fired an energy blast at an unsuspecting Ayeka who was once again sent flying into the forest again. She flew over the heads of Sasami and the others as they emerged from the forest.
Everyone laughed at Ayeka and went back into the house.
Where Are They Now -
Once Tenchi found out that Washu could change her appearance to any age she wanted, he instantly chose her. Everyone said Tenchi was a sick freak. They were right. Unfortunately, on their wedding night when Washu took off her small gown, Tenchi lost so much blood through his nose that he had to be taken to the hospital for two weeks.
Kain left bounty hunting to move into the Masaki house. Eventually he joined the Galaxy Police and was partnered with Kiyone and Mihoshi. With two people on the team knowing what they were doing they quickly became the star group of the entire police force. Kiyone is currently the over all commander of the Galaxy Police in the Milky Way, with her two assistants.
Once Ryoko realized that Tenchi was taken she convinced Yosho to return to his younger form. Ryoko decided that she liked what she saw and became as obsessed with Yosho as she had been with Tenchi.
Kagato and Sasami took their cooking show on the road. They became world renowned chefs, with a prime time network deal.
Tsunami became a three-time professional wresting champion.
Ryo-Ohki wrote a tell-all book called "The Freaks I Live With." It was a best seller as was her next book on the topic of addiction. "Good Carrot, Bad Carrot."
Ayeka finally got back out of the forest but then realized that everyone else was already busy. Everyone but Noboyuki that is. Ayeka ran away as fast as she could and then boarded a spaceship back to Jurai where she could find people who were happy to let her boss them around.
The fic had to contain the following.
-Kagato (the original or the Juraian) must return. He has to become romantically involved with one of the female characters (the attraction does not have to be mutual). The relationship doesn't have to survive through to the end of the fic, nor does Kagato. (Falls into some sort of twisted relationship with Sasami.)
-A cabbit (Ryo-ohki or Ken-ohki) must do something ridiculous. (Ryo-Ohki giving Sasami the finger.)
-Tenchi has to make some kind of off-color sexual joke or comment to at least three different people at three different times. (First to Washu about Sasami. Second to Yosho about young girls, Third to Kain and Kiyone about Kiyone.)
-Sasami must fight someone. It has to be a serious battle, and she can't get help from Ryo-ohki. (Sasami fights Kagato. And she didn't get help from Ryo-Ohki.)
-Tenchi must beat his grandfather, either in a training fight or in earnest. (With a little help from Kain he did.)
-Most of the story should occur in the Masaki household, but at least one battle must occur in space. (Most of the story takes place around the Masaki house, but that's close enough. One battle does take place in space.)
-A bounty hunter besides Nagi must make an appearance, which pretty much necessitates an original character (feel free to include Nagi too if you wish). (Kain)
-Noboyuki has to give someone relationship advice. (To Kagato)
-Ayeka and Ryoko must each say something genuinely nice to each other. (When they come up with the contest.)
-Kiyone has to get laid, but not with Kagato. (Kain)
-Kagato must team up with either Tenchi or his grandfather (or even both) to fight someone else at some point. (Kagato teams up with all of the good guys to take out Zarika.)
-Tenchi must see each of the girls naked, semi-nude, or in some other compromising position, and consequently get a nosebleed. (Washu in the lab. Ryoko and Ayeka in the contest. Sasami and Mihoshi in the second contest. Kiyone near the end.)
-At least one scene must take place in a bath house. (Second contest.)
-The fic had to contain Karaoke. (The Karaoke Contest)
A Darker Evil (The Prequel to the Darkest Evil)
by Prince Janus
Kagato woke up on the ground. It was raining hard. "Where the hell am I?" he muttered.
"I have revived you from the dead." Said a booming voice.
"And to whom and for what do I owe the honor of being revived?" asked Kagato.
"Who I am does not concern you. If you want to remain in your state of being alive then you will do exactly as I command."
"Kagato takes orders from no one. However, I am willing to do this one favor for you."
"I thought you might. Here is what I want you to do. Kill Tenchi. He has gotten in the way of my plans for far to long." Said the voice.
"It shall be as you command." Said Kagato as he stood up. A ship appeared nearby. He boarded the ship and headed up, off of the desolate planet. "I tried killing Tenchi before, but he was too powerful. I will need some help." Kagato thought for a few minutes. He decided that a bounty hunter should be able to take out the others. Then Tenchi would be distracted enough that Kagato could defeat him. "I would summon that Nagi, but she has that whole honor problem going on. Hmmm. Computer. Who is the second most successful bounty hunter after Nagi?"
"That is Kain. He has only recently joined the ranks of the bounty hunters but he has been extremely successful." Stated the computer in a monotone voice.
"Excellent. Patch me through to him."
Kain (No relation to the Kain from one of the Tenchi movies.) was sitting in his ship The Destiny when he received the call. "My name is Kagato. I wish to hire you."
"I don't work cheap." Said Kain bluntly.
"I am offering 10,000 standard credits per person. There are at least seven people, perhaps more."
Kain whistled. "You must really want these people dead."
"You don't have to kill them. Just keep them busy while I kill someone else." Said Kagato.
"Okay then, you have a deal. Half up front and the other part when the job is done."
Kagato nodded and waved his hand. Destiny spoke "Kain. Thirty five thousand credits have been deposited in our account."
"Excellent. Where are we going then?" asked Kain
"A really out of the way place called Earth."
"I will meet you there." Said Kain cutting off the transmission. "Well Destiny, it looks like we have work once more." Kain set course for Earth.
Tenchi was once again strapped down to a table in Washu's lab. She was preforming more tests on him. Why was she always having him coming in here and striping almost naked and . . . he got it then. She wanted him just like all of the other nut jobs in this house. Washu was wearing a particularly low cut top today that would make even Ryoko blush. She reached over Tenchi to flip a dial. His nose started to bleed uncontrollably.
"What's wrong Tenchi? Oh? You like? I wore it just for you." Said Washu with a smile.
"Ahhh! Let me out of this!" Tenchi practically ripped the straps off and jumped up off of the table. He ran for the door as fast as he could. Washu however got there first and spread her arms out blocking his path.
"What's the matter Tenchi? You don't like me?" asked Washu in mock disappointment
"No, it's not that. I mean, I am into young kids and all, but you're not really even a young kid. Now Sasami on the other hand, now that's a fine piece of ass."
"Ahh, but Tenchi. Don't go. Please?"
"Sorry Washu, but I have a lot of important work to do." With that Tenchi pushed Washu aside and ran out the door.
"Tenchi!" Ryoko called.
"Lord Tenchi where are you?" asked Ayeka.
Tenchi heard them calling and started to run the other way. They spotted him and quickly caught up with him.
"Ah, there you are Lord Tenchi. Ryoko thought up a brilliant plan to help you decide between us." Said Ayeka
"I can't take all of the credit. Ayeka also helped. She is sometimes smarter than I give her credit."
Tenchi looked nervous but went along for the time being. "Okay so what is this idea."
Ayeka spoke first. "Well we have decided to take the mystery out of the equation for you." With that Ayeka opened the front of her shirt and flashed Tenchi. He fell over blood pouring from his nose. Ayeka covered her chest again.
Tenchi stood up and wiped the blood off his nose. Ryoko then winked at him. "I guess those are okay, but catch a load of these!" Ryoko opened her shirt and flashed Tenchi. Tenchi fell over with blood pouring from his nose again.
"We'll give you time to think about it." Said Ryoko as she and Ayeka walked off.
Tenchi wiped the dust off of his pants as he stood up. "What's next?" he asked with a sigh. Tenchi didn't have to wait long. As he was making his way toward the fields, he spotted a ship coming down from space. It landed nearby. A man in dark blue armor soon got off. Tenchi started to walk toward him.
The man raised his hand in a gesture of greeting. "Is your name Tenchi?"
"Yes that is I. Who are you?"
The man smiled and disembarked. "My name is Kain. I have come here to kill you." He said with a smile.
Tenchi fell over. "Kain? Well I have to say at least you are up front about it."
"Oh don't worry. I get that a lot. Having the same name as a very famous criminal has helped my career. Anyway, I am not going to kill you right now. I have to wait for Kagato to get here. I think he may want to kill you himself. Oh what does it matter. I am going to have to follow you around until he gets here."
Tenchi sighed. "Kagato is back? Well isn't that just great. Follow me if you have to, but I have really got to get to practice. Grandpa is going to kill me for being as late as I am." Tenchi ran as fast as he could to get to the training ground. He looked over his shoulder to see Kain running along behind him.
He soon arrived at the training ground. Katsuhito was standing there leaning against a tree. "You're late Tenchi."
"I know. I am sorry Grandfather." Tenchi bowed. "I was delayed by Ayeka and Ryoko."
"I am becoming worried about you Tenchi. Every day or so you are delayed by those two." Said Yosho sternly.
"Oh don't worry about that. I am not really interested in them like that. I like my girls a bit younger." Said Tenchi
"What do you mean by younger Tenchi? Ayeka and Ryoko are much older than you in reality, but they have the minds and bodies of girls the same age as you."
"No I mean really young. Eight or nine year's old." Yosho and Kain fall over.
"You really are a freak Tenchi." Said Kain. Turning to Yosho "Oh, I'm Kain. I'm here to kill your grandson whenever Kagato shows up."
Yosho took a moment to reply. "I see. Then Tenchi had best train hard today. Let us begin Tenchi." Tenchi and his grandfather gripped their wooden swords and squared off. They rushed at each other and the sound of wood smacking wood was heard throughout the forest. They fought for several minutes. Every once in a while Kain would yell out some piece of advice to one of them.
"No Tenchi, you are keeping your guard to high. Stay lower." Called out Kain from the side lines. "He's stronger than you, but you are faster. Take advantage of that. Go for it. Now! Now!"
Yosho turned looking quite mad to glare at Kain. "Do you mind? I am trying to teach here." Tenchi took advantage of Yosho's distraction to attack him. Tenchi brought his sword down hard on Yosho's head and sent the old man sprawling.
Kain stood up and started to clap. "Nice one Tenchi. I am glad you have learned to take advantage of everything."
Tenchi helped his grandfather up off the ground. "I'm sorry Grandfather. I shouldn't have done that."
"No, Tenchi he is right. In a battle you must take advantage of any distraction of an opponent." Said Yosho.
As the Yosho, Tenchi, and Kain were talking Kagato's ship arrived in orbit. He sent down a message to the Destiny which relayed the message to Kain. "Okay sure." Kain closed his communicator and looked over to Tenchi. "Kagato is in orbit. I am going back to the Destiny. See you in space." Kain waved goodbye as he went back to his ship.
Kagato's ship sat in orbit around the Earth. He first saw the Destiny followed by Ryo-Ohki and the Yagami. He opened fire as soon as they came within range. Both ships moved away dodging his blast easily at the range they were at. "You might want to try aiming next time," came a message from Kain over the radio.
"Shut up and do your job. Blow both of those ships up!" screamed Kagato back.
"Sure, whatever." came the reply. Kain having a smaller ship than Kagato's squared off with Ryo-Ohki, the smaller of the enemies ships. Kain fired his forward lasers, but Ryo-Ohki however was very agile. Meanwhile Kagato had unleashed a full frontal assault on the Yagami.
"Fire the missiles Mihoshi!" yelled Kiyone.
"Um, I kind of forgot to load them." Said Mihoshi.
"Mihoshi! We really need those . . ." Kiyone was cut off in mid sentence as the Yagami was hit hard in the engine.
"Ahhhh! We're going down!" screamed Mihoshi as they started to sink back toward Earth.
Ryo-Ohki launched the special missile that Washu had created. Kain tried to avoid it but the missile had an excellent tracking system. It smashed into the Destiny which followed the Yagami back down toward the Earth.
On board Ryo-Ohki Ayeka watched with Tenchi as Ryoko skillfully defeated Kain's ship. "I really am the greatest." Said Ryoko.
"Oh you got lucky. Let me do this one." Said Ayeka wrestling the controls away from Ryoko.
"Fine princess. Let's see how well you do." While Ayeka wasn't watching Ryoko teleported behind Tenchi and put her arms around his neck. Ayeka piloted toward Kagato's ship and opened fire. Her shots went very wide of their target. Kagato returned fire and scored hits across the front of Ryo-Ohki who gave a cry of pain. "Okay Ayeka, playtime's over. Give me back the controls."
"No! I know what I am doing. Ryo-Ohki! Ramming Speed!" shouted Ayeka.
"Whaaaa!? No!" shouted Tenchi. Before Tenchi or Ryoko could do anything Ayeka put Ryo-Ohki on a crash course with Kagato's ship. The impact made Tenchi think his teeth were going to fall out. He looked up to see the inside of Kagato's ship. Then his vision blurred as he and the others passed out from the reentry into the Earth's atmosphere.
Meanwhile, back on Earth Kiyone and Mihoshi were climbing out of the wreck of the Yagami. "Do you have any idea how long this is going to take to repair?" asked Kiyone.
"Sorry Kiyone." Said Mihoshi.
They were interrupted by the Destiny crashing down nearby. Kain climbed out and looked around. His eyes locked on Kiyone. She was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Kain jumped off of the ramp and ran over to her. He gave her a deep bow. "And what is thy name oh vision of beauty."
Kiyone looked very embarrassed. "Ummm, I'm Kiyone. This is Mihoshi."
"Kiyone." repeated Kain. "What a beautiful name. My green haired love."
Mihoshi laughed. Kiyone smacked her on the back of the head.
Kagato screamed as Ryo-Ohki crashed into the side of his ship. "What the hell are those idiots doing?"
"Our ship is going down." Said the computer
"What? Why?" said Kagato
"We have sustained heavy damage. Repairs are estimated at three weeks."
Kagato cursed as his ship fell to the Earth with Ryo-Ohki imbedded in its belly.
Tenchi awoke on the ground. Ayeka, Ryoko and Ryo-Okhi were making their way to their feet. Sasami and Washu walked over and helped the four of them up. "What happened?" Tenchi moaned rubbing his head.
"It seems the four ships shot each other down. Now none of you are getting off the planet for several weeks." Said Washu while assessing the damage of the three ships.
Sasami picked up Ryo-Ohki. "You look okay don't you." Sasami smiled and put a still dizzy Ryo-Ohki on her shoulder.
Kagato climbed out of his ship and glared at Tenchi and the others. "Damn it all to hell! Now I am stuck here. Uh, Tenchi do you think I could stay here with you for a while?" Everyone except Kain and Kiyone fell over. The two of them were too busy talking to each other to pay any attention to Kagato.
"Well sure, I guess so Kagato. As long as you promise not to try and kill us." Said Tenchi.
"Yeah, sure whatever you say." Replied Kagato getting together his luggage and walking toward the house.
Tenchi put his hand to his forehead. "Why me?"
The others including Kain made their way into the house.
A few days later all of them were gathered around the table. Tenchi sat at one end of the table. To his right was Ryoko followed by Washu, a seat for Sasami, Kagato, Noboyuki, and Yosho at the other end of the table. Next to Yosho sat Mihoshi, Kiyone, Kain, and Ayeka next to Tenchi. Sasami sat a large plate of noodles down and everyone began to eat. After they had finished Tenchi walked out to go to work in the fields. Sasami caught up with him on the way and asked him to come to the new bathhouse that Washu had built. She wanted to show it to him before lunch. Tenchi agreed and went to work growing carrots. Ryo-Ohki went with him looking with glee at the carrots as Tenchi pulled them out of the ground.
Ryoko sat down on the couch to do what she did most days. Watch one of the thousands of channels that they got with Washu's satellite dish. She looked over at Kiyone and Kain. They had been practically inseparable since they all crashed back on Earth. It was almost sickening except Ryoko figured one less opponent for Tenchi's time was always a good thing.
Tenchi worked until noon. "Let's go and get lunch Ryo-Ohki. Ryo- Ohki? Where did you go?" He got his answer when he spotted a basket of carrots that were half empty. Ryo-Ohki had her paws over her stomach. Tenchi sighed and picked up the baskets of carrots stacking them on top of his head. He then remembered that he had promised Sasami he would come and see the new bathhouse. Who knows with the people he lived with.
Tenchi sat down the carrots and Ryo-Ohki jumped up onto his shoulder. He opened the door and walked in. "Sasami? Are you in here?"
"We're over here Tenchi!" Called Sasami.
Tenchi walked over and saw Tenchi and Mihoshi standing over in the corner. "Okay, so what do you want."
"Well Tenchi, Sasami and I heard about what Ayeka and Ryoko did and we decided that wasn't fair."
"Ahhhh! Why do all of you think this is some kind of contest?" screamed Tenchi.
"Well, here goes." Mihoshi opened her shirt. Tenchi fell over with the bleeding nose as always.
"Okay Tenchi. Now it's my turn." Sasami opened her shirt just as Tenchi was making his way to his feet. He fell over once again. Tenchi got up and ran from the bath house screaming.
Kagato looked around the house. He then noticed Noboyuki standing around not doing much of anything. Kagato walked over to him. "You are called Noboyuki right?"
"Yup, that's me."
"As a man who has been married I was wondering if you could give me some advice."
"Uh, sure Kagato, what do you want to know?" replied Tenchi's father.
"Well, I uh, like this girl. She lives here in this house. And I was just wondering how I should tell her? I have never been very good with stuff like this."
"Well, bribery works well with women. You can bribe them with most anything, flowers, jewelry, candy. Just whatever you do, don't give them cash. They will become extremely pissed off if you do that."
"Okay thanks." Said Kagato smiling. "I will remember all of that." Kagato turned and walked off. He went outside and looked for a gift. The first thing that he saw where a bunch of flowers planted in a garden. Kagato walked over and pulled several of the flowers out of the ground. "She will really like these."
Kagato took the flowers and started to walk toward the bath house. He passed Tenchi and a few minutes later Mihoshi walking up the path. Kagato then saw the girl of his dreams walking up the path. Sasami had Ryo- Ohki on her shoulder and was singing a song. "Hello Kagato!" she said as she met him on the path.
"Hello Sasami. These are for you." Kagato said holding out the flowers.
Sasami took the flowers. "Wow, thanks Kagato, these are really nice. Wait, did you get these out of my garden?"
"Yes that's right." Said Kagato looking proud of himself.
"Do you have any idea how long those took me to grow?!"
"Well, no, I guess I didn't think of that. I mean . . . I just wanted you to like me."
"Like you! After all the times you have tried to kidnap or kill us!" shouted Sasami.
"Fine then." Said Kagato throwing off his cape. "If I can't have you then I won't leave you around so that Tenchi can have you."
"You want to fight me? HA! Fine. Let's go Ryo-Ohki!"
"Meow." Ryo-Ohki hopped down off of Sasami's shoulders and started to hop off.
"Wait Ryo-Ohki. Where are you going?" asked Sasami.
Ryo-Ohki turned around and raised her paw to Sasami. She put down the two fingers on the side leaving her middle one standing. "Um, but Ryo- Ohki. I really need your help." Ryo-Ohki ignored Sasami and made her way toward the house. Sasami was really starting to regret that diet that she had force Ryo-Ohki to go on.
"Wait Kagato. You promised Tenchi that if he let you stay here you wouldn't try and kill any of us." Said Sasami.
"I am evil you know. I lied." Kagato ignited his sword.
"Wait what am I worried about." Sasami smiled as Tsunami appeared. "Hey Kagato, what's going on?"
"Oh damn." Said Kagato. Tsunami proceeded to beat the living hell out of Kagato. "Ouch, what are you doing Tsunami."
"I'm kicking your ass, what does it look like." Once Kagato was on the ground Sasami reappeared. She proceeded to kick Kagato a few more times.
Sasami made her way up the path and into the house. Everyone sat down for supper except for Kagato who stumbled in after everyone had eaten.
Noboyuki held up a bowl to Kagato. "Here is some rice that Mihoshi helped make. It's the only thing we have left." The rice was badly burnt.
The next morning Kagato was waiting outside as Tenchi left for work. "Tenchi! I know you are trying to steal Sasami away from me! I challenge you to a duel to the death!"
Tenchi blinked a few times. "Okay three things. 1. Stop yelling. 2. I am not trying to steal Sasami from you. 3. You promised not to try and kill any of us.
Mihoshi walked out after she heard all of the yelling. "What's going on guys?"
Tenchi sighed, something that had become quite common in the last few months. "Kagato wants to kill me for trying to steal Sasami away from him."
"Wow Tenchi. You really should steal things. It's not nice."
"Mihoshi! I am not involved with Sasami!" screamed Tenchi.
Most everyone had wandered outside to see what was going on. Washu listened to Tenchi and Kagato for a few minutes. "Well if you two are having problems, why don't we hold a contest. Sasami goes to the winner."
Sasami looked surprised that Washu would suggest something like that. "What do you mean? I am not some prize to go to the winner!"
Tenchi smiled. "Yes I like that. For once someone else will be a prize in a contest. It won't be me. Yes, I accept Kagato! We shall hold a contest!"
Kagato looked confused as if he knew he has been duped. "Okay, but what kind of contest."
Ryoko raised her hand. "I know. We will have to have a karaoke contest!"
Kain looked over to Kiyone. "Does everyone here scream when ever they think up something. And is that why Mihoshi is so quite?"
Everyone went back into the house. Kiyone and Mihoshi set up the karaoke machine that sat in the corner. They cleared off the small stage. The judges were going to be Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Washu, Kain, Kiyone, and Mihoshi. The first person to get four votes would win. "Okay so who's going first?" asked Ayeka.
"I'll go first." Tenchi stepped up on the stage. Tenchi began to sing a happy pop song that was currently very popular. He started out nervously at first, but as he went along Tenchi picked up and by the end was dancing around and swinging his arms. Tenchi ended his song and bowed. Everyone applauded.
Kagato got up on stage next. "Well um, I really don't know what to sing." He said staring at his feet. Kain jump up and gave a sheet of music to Kagato. "This? Well I guess I could." Kagato cleared his throat and began to sing. "Aishiteta to nageku ni wa Amari ni mo toki wa sugi te shimatta . . ." he continued with the song for a few minutes. He then finished and sat down the microphone. Everyone clapped for Kagato.
Ayeka stood up. "Well that was very nice Kagato. Unfortunately, Lord Tenchi is the winner."
Washu shakes her head. "This isn't Jurai. You can't just dictate. We all have to vote. This is a democracy, not a monarchy."
Ayeka turned her nose up. "Fine, we vote." Ayeka and Ryoko start a "Tenchi" chant. Kain started a "Kagato" chant. Kiyone followed by Mihoshi joined in with Kain.
Ryoko passed around a box and everyone wrote down a name on a piece of paper and put it in the box. When everyone had put a piece of paper into the box, Ayeka took the box and began to read the names. "Okay, here is one for Kagato. Here is another for Kagato. One for Tenchi. One for Kabito? Who the hell is Kagito?"
Mihoshi rubbed the back of her head. "That would be mine. That's for Kagato."
Ryoko sighed and continued to read the votes. "Here is another for Tenchi. One more for Tenchi, and the last one for, "Ryoko frowned. "Kagato." She paused for a second. "Okay I want to know which of you voted for Kagato right now. I know those three did." Ryoko waved in the direction on Kain, Mihoshi, and Kiyone. "I voted for Tenchi, I am guessing that Ayeka did to. So that leaves Washu and Sasami."
Washu shrugged. "I voted for Tenchi."
Ryoko turned her gaze to Sasami who spoke up nervously. "Well I just thought that I should give Kagato another chance."
"I may have lost, but at least I wasn't the prize this time." Tenchi said with a strange glint in his eyes.
A few weeks past until one day right after breakfast a ship appeared in the sky. This ship was huge, stretching at least a mile long. A small drop ship appeared from the under belly and descended to land next to the house. "Who on Earth could that be?" said Tenchi to himself as he saw the ship land. The doors of the drop ship opened and a man in full body armor walked down. "What? Where they having a sale on Star Wars stuff at the costume shop Vader?" said Tenchi.
Even though he couldn't see his face Tenchi could tell that the man was not amused. "My name is Zarika. You are to refer to me as master. I have come to do the job that the worthless Kagato could not do."
"Oh and what's that?" replied Tenchi.
"To kill you and all of your little meddling friends." said Zarika
"Well aren't you just a Scooby Doo villain."
"Would you shut up and go get everyone so I can explain why I am going to kill you all before I do it?" yelled Zarika getting annoyed.
Tenchi ran back into the house. Ryoko was watching TV with Mihoshi. Tenchi quickly explained what was going on and Mihoshi ran outside. Ryoko followed Tenchi into the kitchen where they explained things to Sasami who was washing dishes with Kagato. Yosho and Noboyuki were still at the table talking. Ayeka was staring at a colorful picture in a magazine. "Ohhhh pretty" said the princess. The five of them headed out side.
"Let's go find Washu next." Tenchi and Ryoko made their way to Washu's lab and explained what had happened.
"Zarika huh? I remember him. Intergalactic nutcase. Well I have a little surprise for him." said Washu picking up a small box. She ran out side as well.
"Who are we missing?" asked Tenchi.
"Uh. Where is Kiyone?"
"I don't know, but she never came down for breakfast. Let's go and see." Ryoko and Tenchi ran up the stairs and knocked on the door to Kiyone and Mihoshi's room. When they got no answer Tenchi opened the door. He feel over and blood started to pour from his nose. Kiyone and Kain were laying in Kiyone's bed.
"Wow Kiyone. I didn't know you could bend that way." Said a red faced Tenchi.
"Tenchi! Get out of here! Can't you see I'm busy" yelled an also red faced Kiyone.
Ryoko floated over toward the bed. "Sorry dear, but we've got business to take care of. There's another nut job out side trying to kill all of us." She helped Tenchi up. "Come on Tenchi, let's give them a chance to get dressed. And remember Tenchi. Anytime you want to do that with me then just let me know."
A few minutes later Kiyone and Kain exited the room and along with Tenchi and Ryoko they made their way down the stairs and out the front door.
Zarika looked over the group that Tenchi had gathered. "Well why didn't you just call in the whole damn country Tenchi? How many people do you have here? Now, the reason that I have come to kill you all. You see. 10,000 years ago I attacked the universe. I had conquered it all. Then this small band of "heroes" rose against me. Somehow they were able to over come me and seel me in a prison for this long. Now I intend to go around the universe and destroy all of the groups of "good guys before they can stop me. Once I am done with you I am going to that other Earth and kill Goku and friends. You'd be surprised how many planets are called Earth. Oh well, time to pull a Vargas." Zarika raised his hand and began to gather energy. "Gale Force Wind!" he shouted. A strong wind began to blow which picked up speed quickly. "Only the strong shall survive!" The wind got up to a high enough speed to begin flinging people away. Several of the people aligned against Zarika went flying into the forest nearby.
When the wind had died down only seven of them remained. Tenchi, Yosho, Kagato, Kain who had been shielding Kiyone, Ryoko and Washu. "So this is the best you have to offer?" said Zarika.
"Boy, did you pick the wrong group to leave behind. Washu! Get him!" said Tenchi.
"Behold the power of Washu the Great!" Washu pointed the small box she had taken from her lab at Zarika and pushed the button. A portal appeared around him and tried to engulf him. Zarika raised his hand and the portal shattered. "Okay, the bad news is this guy is really strong. The good news is that if you can punch a hole in his armor then I can trap him in subspace."
Tenchi drew his sword. "Okay you three hit him with your triple tech and then we will hit him with ours."
Kain formed a greenish-blue energy sword in his hand. "Ryoko! Kiyone! Delta Storm!" Kain and Ryoko rushed forward to attack Zarika. Kain cut from right hip to left shoulder and Ryoko cut from left hip to right shoulder, thus forming an X. Kiyone aimed her gun and fired a full power blast into the center of the X.
Tenchi stepped forward. Yosho and Kagato drew their swords. "Hear now the Dragon's Roar!" Kagato rushed Zarika and slashed from his head down. Yosho slashed from the bottom up forming a +, the center of which was in the exact same spot as the X. Tenchi the put all of his force behind his sword and drove it into the weak spot on Zarika that had been created. His armor shattered and he feel back. Washu pushed the button again, and the portal reformed. This time there was nothing Zarika could do and he was sucked in never to be heard from again.
Kain looked annoyed. "Why does Tenchi get the last hit? I'm the special guest character! I should get the last hit. Or at least me and Tenchi doing some kind of Double Tech. I mean it's just not fair." Kiyone whispered something in Kain's ear. "Regardless I really have to go." Kiyone and Kain quickly made their way back into the house.
"That's the most sickeningly sweat things I have seen in a while." Stated Washu. Ryoko gestured that she was trying to repress vomiting.
Ryoko teleported over to Tenchi. "Well now that we are alone with no Ayeka . . . "
"Take your hands off him this instant!" screamed Ayeka marching forward from the forest.
"Can I shoot her with an energy blast Tenchi?" begged Ryoko.
"No."
"Please."
"No!"
"Ahhhh! Lord Tenchi what are you doing with that woman. Get away before she infects you or something." Said Ayeka getting closer.
"Okay go ahead Ryoko." Sighed Tenchi.
"Goody." Said Ryoko as she turned around. Ryoko fired an energy blast at an unsuspecting Ayeka who was once again sent flying into the forest again. She flew over the heads of Sasami and the others as they emerged from the forest.
Everyone laughed at Ayeka and went back into the house.
Where Are They Now -
Once Tenchi found out that Washu could change her appearance to any age she wanted, he instantly chose her. Everyone said Tenchi was a sick freak. They were right. Unfortunately, on their wedding night when Washu took off her small gown, Tenchi lost so much blood through his nose that he had to be taken to the hospital for two weeks.
Kain left bounty hunting to move into the Masaki house. Eventually he joined the Galaxy Police and was partnered with Kiyone and Mihoshi. With two people on the team knowing what they were doing they quickly became the star group of the entire police force. Kiyone is currently the over all commander of the Galaxy Police in the Milky Way, with her two assistants.
Once Ryoko realized that Tenchi was taken she convinced Yosho to return to his younger form. Ryoko decided that she liked what she saw and became as obsessed with Yosho as she had been with Tenchi.
Kagato and Sasami took their cooking show on the road. They became world renowned chefs, with a prime time network deal.
Tsunami became a three-time professional wresting champion.
Ryo-Ohki wrote a tell-all book called "The Freaks I Live With." It was a best seller as was her next book on the topic of addiction. "Good Carrot, Bad Carrot."
Ayeka finally got back out of the forest but then realized that everyone else was already busy. Everyone but Noboyuki that is. Ayeka ran away as fast as she could and then boarded a spaceship back to Jurai where she could find people who were happy to let her boss them around.
The fic had to contain the following.
-Kagato (the original or the Juraian) must return. He has to become romantically involved with one of the female characters (the attraction does not have to be mutual). The relationship doesn't have to survive through to the end of the fic, nor does Kagato. (Falls into some sort of twisted relationship with Sasami.)
-A cabbit (Ryo-ohki or Ken-ohki) must do something ridiculous. (Ryo-Ohki giving Sasami the finger.)
-Tenchi has to make some kind of off-color sexual joke or comment to at least three different people at three different times. (First to Washu about Sasami. Second to Yosho about young girls, Third to Kain and Kiyone about Kiyone.)
-Sasami must fight someone. It has to be a serious battle, and she can't get help from Ryo-ohki. (Sasami fights Kagato. And she didn't get help from Ryo-Ohki.)
-Tenchi must beat his grandfather, either in a training fight or in earnest. (With a little help from Kain he did.)
-Most of the story should occur in the Masaki household, but at least one battle must occur in space. (Most of the story takes place around the Masaki house, but that's close enough. One battle does take place in space.)
-A bounty hunter besides Nagi must make an appearance, which pretty much necessitates an original character (feel free to include Nagi too if you wish). (Kain)
-Noboyuki has to give someone relationship advice. (To Kagato)
-Ayeka and Ryoko must each say something genuinely nice to each other. (When they come up with the contest.)
-Kiyone has to get laid, but not with Kagato. (Kain)
-Kagato must team up with either Tenchi or his grandfather (or even both) to fight someone else at some point. (Kagato teams up with all of the good guys to take out Zarika.)
-Tenchi must see each of the girls naked, semi-nude, or in some other compromising position, and consequently get a nosebleed. (Washu in the lab. Ryoko and Ayeka in the contest. Sasami and Mihoshi in the second contest. Kiyone near the end.)
-At least one scene must take place in a bath house. (Second contest.)
-The fic had to contain Karaoke. (The Karaoke Contest)