So I only just discovered this series and I'm loving it! I just finished the third book and I'm running out too quickly in my humble opinion.

I wanted to do a take on some of the post-Tumulus trauma, so here it is. If you feel so inclined to review I would love to hear your thoughts Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Cal and Niko belong to Rob Thurman…I'm just borrowing them.

It hadn't been an especially pleasant, nor productive day. Of course Cal would snark that my definition of productive ought to be listed on the President's itinerary. Smartass.

It was time for the day to be over. I was ready to move on, start a new chapter, so to speak. Of course what was waiting for me at home quickly shot that thought dead in the water.

"No, no, no, no, no…" He was curled in the corner of the dark motel room practically cursing the litany to someone I couldn't see. His huddled form trembled slightly and his arms encircled his drawn knees in a death grip, as though they could protect him. My chest constricted. For a second I forgot how to breathe.

I dropped everything on the floor and crouched down in front of him. However, I was wise enough to refrain myself from reaching out to him. Past experience had taught me that touch without recognition could be both physically and emotionally catastrophic if I was to ever bring him back around.

Cal was terrified. My smug, self-assured, sarcastic, pain in the ass little brother was petrified, helpless. Five years old again and begging me to make the nightmares go away. And I didn't know how. I didn't even know where to start.

I could deal with the fear. But it was the lack of recognition, the borderline psychotic, blank look in his eyes that had my gut clenching in knots. I needed him to see me. Hell, I just needed him to hear me. I needed him to know he wasn't alone. Would never be again.

This wasn't like the last time when Robin had tried hypnosis to reach into Cal's subconscious and retrieve his memories. Then he had been wild, savage even – uncontrollable. Not like now, with him keening softly in the corner, so petrified he didn't dare move. Now he was simply broken. That scared me more than anything else.

Whatever hell his mind was trapped in, I needed him to know that I was going to pull him out. My voice came out sounding shallow, barely audible.

"Cal?"

He jerked sharply at the sound of my voice and his fingernails dug deeper into his elbows. I risked moving a little closer. God, this was killing me. I had never needed the physical contact so badly. The carpet surrounding him was damp and it wasn't blood. I made sure of it. The smell was fairly telling but it hardly registered in my brain, a fleeting side note.

Cal was back to his litany – a broken record. His voice was panicked. But it still held a spark of fire underneath the terror. I felt a twinge of pride temporarily cut through the guilt threatening to swallow me whole.

"No, no, no…I won't…won't do it. G-get away from me!" His left hand flew to his mouth and clamped down hard as he shook his head violently, sweaty bangs flying back and forth in front of his eyes. His voice was muffled behind his hand. "No, no, no…won't…" His right hand shot out in front of his face as though fending off an attacker.

"Cal," I tried again, a little firmer this time. "I'm here little brother. I'm right here." He was silent. "You're ok," I lied.

For a moment he seemed to be listening. But suddenly his eyes rolled in their sockets and he was keening raggedly to himself again. "No, no, please no…."

I watched in horror as he gagged violently behind his hand before moving it down to his throat. He began clawing, hard enough to draw blood.

"Cal…stop it." I sounded desperate even to myself. He wasn't hearing me. I couldn't help it. I reached out and gently pulled his hands away from his throat. Bad mistake. For a second, his eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open. I couldn't describe the look on his face, except to say it made me want to kill something.

And then Cal screamed. Raw and brutal, it teetered out with a violent sob that seemed to tear his throat in half. My blood froze. I didn't know anyone was capable of making a sound like that. I didn't want to think about who, or what Cal had experienced to be capable of producing it. My little brother shouldn't be able to do that. It startled me so badly that I was launching backwards before I could stop myself.

He sobbed hard. Painful, guttural noises that broke my heart before he lunged back against the wall screaming, "No, no, no, no! Get away from me!"

Now he was shoving both hands in his mouth and viciously scraping at the inside as though he'd ingested poison. His fingernails came away bloody and sticky with saliva. He shoved too far and I heard a gag laced cough. And then he was vomiting all over himself - crying, and retching, and pleading as his stomach tried to gut itself from the inside out.

I didn't dare touch him again. But I kept talking, low and soft. Telling him I was with him. Telling him he was ok. Telling him it wasn't real. Telling myself how I was going to tear every one of those red-eyed sons of bitch's limbs from their bodies and slice their extremities off in front of them, piece by miniscule piece and then shove them down their throats.

The heaving eventually subsided and now his face was buried against his knees. He rocked himself back and forth, his head occasionally colliding with the wall. He was crying softly, his teeth digging into the hand resting on top of his left knee. And then I heard a sound that had my heart catapulting into my throat.

"N-nik…" he hiccupped. It was barely coherent, but I heard it nonetheless. I unconsciously moved closer and held out my hand.

"Yeah, Cal. It's me. I'm right here." His body was sagging, boneless against the mildewed wallpaper.

I was almost touching his shoulder before I heard it again. Broken and lost. "Nik…"

This time I saw the agonized sorrow in his horror filled eyes and realized the terrible truth. It was the abandoned, hopeless voice of a prayer to a dead loved one. Cal wasn't coming back to me, wasn't recognizing that I was here with him and reaching out for me. He was calling for me. Calling for me in hell.

Second chapter delves into Cal's point of view. Be happy to hear what you thought of Nik's though! ;)