Maybe if he imagined them, it would distract him for a moment or two.
He liked girls...no, women...of all kinds. He liked them in his arms, he liked them in his bed. He liked them wearing clothes that hugged their bodies, and he liked them without any clothes on at all.
He liked them to be adventurous, willing to try something new. He liked it if they could hold their drink, and even if they couldn't, he liked it if they would try. He liked women who were into him. He liked women who were a hundred percent for him at the time, who weren't distracted by thoughts of other men. Or women. Or his brother, whichever she was. He liked women who weren't there to judge him. He liked women who didn't have an ulterior motive, who lived in the moment.
All of these things he liked, but there was more. There was another side to Daniel, a side he hid from himself because it was too painful. A side he tried to drown in one-night stands and booze and pills. A side he hid from the media and his so-called friends and his real friends. If they knew about Daniel, if they knew about this side, they wouldn't understand. It wasn't a strength; it was an achilles heel.
For Daniel, while he liked women, he longed for one true love.
Daniel liked sex, but he also liked cuddling. He tried not to admit it to himself, but he secretly wanted the same woman to be in his bed every morning.
In his mind, he could almost picture her. She wouldn't be a plain Jane. This dream woman, she would look kind of like Sofia. She would cause his palms to sweat, but be a good person inside. She would be curvy and drop dead gorgeous, but also one smart cookie. She wouldn't take any guff from him, and she would be sassy. She would be a spitfire in bed, but also stand up to him. She would be the kind of girl that his assistant, and friend, Betty would be willing to be friends with. She would be someone that would make him want to make love to her constantly. Maybe she would become his wife. They would have a family. A son, like Betty's nephew Justin. Maybe a little girl. A Christmas tree with ornaments they put on themselves. She wouldn't have to be a lawyer or a journalist or a genius or a saint. Just someone with a loving touch. He imagined she would be a great cook.
Thinking these things was dangerous, though. It left him vulnerable. Who was he kidding? Who would want Daniel for Daniel? Who would truly love him, through and through? Who wouldn't disapprove if he drank a little too much, one or two times? Who would join him when he lived the high life, and stay with him when he came back home? Who would be willing to, quite frankly, love someone who was as much of a screw up as him?
A woman's voice, raw with emotion said, "Betty, please, take Justin. I just need to be alone for a moment. This wing looks quiet."
Daniel heard a boy sobbing and familiar voice say, "Come here, give me a hug."
He heard footsteps walking away, then a hiccough, then the curtain to his room push open.
"Dios mio, why did you do this to me?" she whispered.
He opened his eyes. The room was blurry. At the end of his bed stood a beautiful woman. She was holding a tissue clutched in her right hand. Her makeup had run all over her face, and her eyes had circles under them, and her hair looked like she had been pulling at it. She was looking to the left, down at the floor, not at him at all. She looked like it was the worst day of her life. She looked like a tear-streaked angel. He realized suddenly that he knew her. It was Betty's sister, Hilda. He wondered what had happened that had made her so sad. He wanted to get up and wrap his arms about her, to croon it her ear that it would be all right, to tell her that he would be there for her.
Damn. He must have had more head trauma than he thought. He liked her, sure, but he barely even knew her. As he watched her standing there, Hilda turned her head and looked over at him. She met his eyes. Daniel saw so much sadness in her eyes that he felt like he someone had punched him in the gut. A few moments later, he saw recognition in her eyes.
"Daniel Meade?" she asked.
He nodded.
"Oh my god," she said. She sniffed, started to attempt a smile, then just shrugged. "I'll go let Betty know you're here."
"Wait," he croaked. She paused in the doorway. "Just...stay here for awhile. She doesn't need to know yet. I need some time."
He watched as she turned and came back, then sat down on his bed and put her hand on top of his, patting it a few times.
"I'll stay," she said, staring off into space, as tears started to leak down her face again. "For a little while."