There was harsh coughing. Hank was vomiting again.

Connor stared at Sumo, the dog staring back at him as it lied on the floor, his tail thumping softly. The android smiled and gave the dog a gentle stroke, his hand running along its side. He repeated this motion, ignoring the Lieutenant hacking behind the scenes.

It was always this. Hank drinking himself to death almost, then running into the bathroom to vomit. Connor tasted the liquor once, his systems warning about the harsh chemicals within this drink plus also being greeted by a slightly bitter taste. He couldn't understand why Hank liked this stuff, why he was so determined to kill himself. He asked before how this all started, and the only answer he was given was Hank "couldn't escape" and that it "keeps coming back."

He heard the toilet flush and looked towards the hall leading to the bathroom, hearing the man's familiar mumbles and sniffles as he exited. He came back, his face flushed and his shirt having slight splotches of vomit on it. He reeked of booze. And then, he sat down on the couch, as gently as he could, and yet still flinched when he was comfortable. Connor merely stared, before giving the dog a pat and standing up.

"Are you alright, lieutenant?" He asked, sitting next to him and eyeing him closely.

Hank rubbed his face with the back of his hand. "Yeah… I'm fine…"

Connor merely frowned. "You know that's bad for your health, Lieutenant."

Hank merely shrugged. "That's the idea… I'll just waste away into nothing…"

Connor blinked at him. He always wondered where Hank's depression came from. Was it from the loss of his son? Or maybe his father? HIs father… Hank never talked much about his father. The only few times he ever spoke of him was while he was completely wasted, either drowning in his own tears or ranting in an angry manner. It only made Connor wondered… Who was Hank's father?

"Lieutenant?" He asked. "Is it okay if I can ask you a personal question?"

Hank merely glared at him. "Why the fuck do you ask so many questions?"

Connor merely stared back at him, his glare not causing any reaction. "I'm simply trying to understand things, Lieutenant."

Hank sighed and looked down. "Fine… What is it?"

"Who was your father?"

Hank glared at him once more. "He was a prick."

"Well… What I mean to ask is…" Connor began. "When did this addiction start?"

Hank blinked. "What…? My drinking habit?"

Connor nodded, an eagerness beginning to wash over him like a tidal wave. Hank sighed again, running a hand through his hair. His face was flushed, his hands were slightly shaking. It only made Connor eye him more closely, finding any sort of indicator he might vomit again or have any sickness trait at all.

"You already know about Cole." Hank started. "You know when he died and how he died and… That day I couldn't bare the thought of my son being gone. I felt like a part of me was gone, just like when my father left."

Connor took this piece of information in. His father left. What did he mean by leave? Can parents do that? Just pack their bags and leave their children behind without a damn in the world? It only reminded him of Amanda and how sudden she turned her back on him, after all the months he spent thinking she trusted him. This shouldn't bother him and yet, deep down, it did. It was a thorn in his side, a reminder that he failed his mission.

He related to this.

"They divorced. My father and mother use to argue a lot and I would never understand why. Sometimes, marriages don't work out." Hank said.

"Did you have a wife?" Connor asked.

"I did… But we divorced, just as my parents did. I think Cole was still a baby when we divorced… Where the hell do you think Cole came from?!"

Connor smiled awkwardly and looked down, still listening.

"I never heard from that bitch again, nothing to me or my boy." Hank sighed. "It's like she vanished off the face of the planet for fuck sake! I still had my boy and that's all that mattered to me! Then I had to deal with the divorce papers and child support and… It was just a fucking mess. Now, Cole is dead and I got nothing left."

Connor merely stared at nothing, his head low. He felt something swell within him, an emotion he never felt before. He thought of Amanda, how she always looked at him as a pupil, something she was proud of. Then, the next minute, she was gone, vanishing into the blizzard where he met her during the android rebellion. She left him there to die, to ultimately freeze. He couldn't understand why she left, he even heard of a new model who now strides by her side, hence taking his place. He hasn't seen her since ever since he helped in the android rebellion and it didn't help when now all androids should be on equal terms with humans, in-laws, and in freedom. He was supposed to follow orders but he betrayed her in the end and now he was supposedly an equal to humans. She had every right to leave, didn't she? Just as Hank's father and wife left him too.

He's a deviant.

A filthy deviant.

Maybe Hank was too.

He just couldn't understand.

This feeling only grew liquid beginning to leak from his eyes. His LED began to darken, his familiar light blue beginning to shift into a more darker tone. He couldn't understand. He wasn't human. He was a machine. And yet, he wanted to feel this way. He wanted to be human. He wanted Amanda to be proud of him but he always knew she was disappointed in him, even when he was being as honest as he could. Tears began to stream down his cheeks, his thoughts began to unfold themselves.

He was sad.

"Do I make you happy, Lieutenant?" He croaked out, his throat tightening. Why was he asking this? He shouldn't be asking something like that. "What am I doing?"

Hank sat up, his eyes widening at the sight unfolding in front of him. Then, he held the android's shoulders, trying to hold the weeping android in place. He never saw Connor cry before, and to be honest, it was making him worried. Imagine that, Hank Anderson was worried for a piece of plastic. "Connor…?"

"Why do I feel this way? Why do I miss Amanda?" Connor said, his voice wavering.

"Because you miss her, that's why," Hank said, his voice calm and reassuring. "You're showing human emotions, Connor. You're sad."

"Sad?" This only made him cry harder, his cries spilling out of him like bile. "I miss her so much…! Why did she leave me? I don't understand!"

Hank pulled him into a hug, his arms feeling strong around his frail body. He couldn't control this, he couldn't control his ugly sobs. Even Sumo came over, sitting near them and licking its snout. Connor spilled his thoughts out, mixed in with his cries.

"I can't understand. I'm not human. I wish I was human. I want to feel. I want to understand."

It all came out in a garbled mess. Ans Hank sat there, holding the trembling android in his arms, listening.

O0O

Eventually, Connor stopped crying.

He laid on his side, his head on Hank's lap, his LED a mix of light blue and dark. His face was as flushed as Hank's was after his latest vomit, his cheeks drying from the tears he shed. Now, his mind was empty, all of his thoughts were now out in the open. Hank hasn't said anything to him, he only waited for him to settle before he spoke up.

"So, who's Amanda anyway?"

Connor just kept staring at the television, watching the basketball players dribble the ball back and forth across the court. "She was my handler. I went to give visit her after our investigations."

"Riiiiight…" Hank sighed. "Well, you don't have to worry about her anymore, I guess…"

Connor only looked at him. "It's hard for me to stop thinking about her, Lieutenant. She was the first face I ever saw when I woke up back at Cyberlife."

"Why do you think I drink, Connor? I drink to forget, but the thoughts always come back." Hank replied back, stroking Connor's hair. "Guess we both got something in common…"

Connor smiled a bit. He was glad he showed a human emotion. For once, he didn't think he was a deviant. For once, he didn't feel guilty about opening up.

He felt human.

"Hey, Hank…?" He asked.

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for putting up with me."

"Well, I wouldn't say putting up with you would be the right term."

"Then what is?"

Hank patted Sumo as the dog's head perched on the side of the couch. "It's more of I got used to your company. It's not too bad having an android around, especially for a sick fuck like me."

Connor's smile only grew wider and he closed his eyes, the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. It was going to rain. Connor loved rain.

"Thanks, Lieutenant."

((Hello~. You guys haven't heard from me in a while, huh? Well, I'm sorry for suddenly fading. I finally was able to join AO3 so I decided to dump FFN for a while. But, now I'm back~! I'll be posting my fics here and on AO3, maybe posting different stories on each platform, I'm not sure. But anyway, take this new fic! This will be a drabble collection so bare in mind that this fic will be all over the place.

Thanks for reading!