Title: Dratted Death Eaters, You Mess EVERYTHING Up

Author: Super Smexy Snuffles

Beta: R. F. Lupin

Rating: K-M

Warnings: anti!canon levels may exceed critical

Pairings: OC/CW, BW/FD, BW/FD, HP/GW, RW/HG, FW/OC, GW/OC, RLNT, PWPC

I think that's all, but will put any new ones down when I think of them.

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, would I have killed Sirius or maimed Bill? I don't think so!

A/N: set post-HBP, and starts a short while before the Weasley Weddingfest. It is about Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, and a whole bunch of other people, but it mostly focuses on Kincaid, an Auror who graduated from Hogwarts with Bill, and was Charlie's first love, and Fred and George and Ron's first crush.

Chapter 1

Alexandra Kincaid awoke one devastatingly rainy, positively dreary day, to find that her roof was leaking. Well, to be more accurate, at some point in the night while she was asleep, the hole in the roof decided it needed to be bigger. She muttered several swear words in various languages, before whipping out her wand and saying "Reparo". Sadly, the hole was not really fixed, and she would have to find some way to pay to have a professional come in and fix it. Luckily for her, however, Minerva McGonagall had just hired her to be the official teacher of Ron, Fred and George Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom, and obviously the Potter boy.

She found that odd, considering Dumbledore had thought it best not to go that route, even before the nasty run in with those damned Death eaters. The ugly scar that now ran from her ear to her chin, just below her lips, was the only physical souvenir from her dear, dear "friend", Mrs. Bellatrix Lestrange. If Dumbledore were still alive, well, the world would have a better chance wouldn't it?

"Well, I think it's time to go." She considered just staying in her little cottage for awhile longer, but thought better of it. She was quite positive that she would be risking an unpleasant run in with Mad-Eye if she were late.

Sealing the charms on her ramshackle home, Alexandra apparated to a field near the Burrow. Time to greet the Weasley horde, and the six or seven Order members who were assigned to protect the place while Harry or anyone, actually, was in residence. It was lucky for everyone involved that several charms and enhancements had been provided by the Order and the older ones of the Weasley brood.

"Alexandra Kincaid! For an Auror of your age to be constantly late, it, well it bodes ill! In my day, when an Auror got an assignment they immediately went and did their duty. You youngsters don't appreciate anything these days," Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody shouted at her as she entered the Burrow.

"Ah, Alastor it is so wonderful to have your dulcet tones serenade me the moment I cross the threshold," Alexandra wearily announced. This met with snickers from the landing and an approving smile from several of the people gathered around the entry way to the Burrow. It also left Moody rather speechless, something to savor if ere there was. Soon, however, he began grumbling to himself about twenty-seven year olds and their lack of appreciation for things.

"Well, m'dear, it's good to see you. Missed you these last months in the Order meetings. Perfectly understandable, though. Now, let's move into the kitchen, you look like you haven't eaten in awhile," Mrs. Weasley said, hugging her and ushering her through the hall and into the cozy kitchen.

At this Alexandra smiled; she actually hadn't eaten in day or two, what with worrying about the Death Eaters trying to hunt her and the multitudes of things Dumbledore left for her to take care of. It was a bit distracting.

"Now, you just sit down, and catch up with everyone, and I'll round up those kids of mine. Harry Ron, Hermione should be here later or tomorrow. They're staying with those Dursley people. I know why they went, but I wish thing had went better," Mrs. Weasley said, and then left the room, mumbling to herself about the Durselys and how "positively awful" they were to "such a nice young man such as Harry".

After all the elder members of the Order were gathered around the table, Mrs. Weasley flicked her wand and the dishes of food flew from the kitchen to the table. Alexandra inhaled the wonderful aromas, and her stomach growled. Mrs. Weasley then hollered for her children to come and eat. The first ones in were Fred and George, who you knew were likely to eat more than a baby whale. Then Phlegm, eh-hem, Fleur came bustling in, practically dragging a very grumpy looking Bill with her. Ginny ran into the room, a letter and mirror in hand. Now, Ginny isn't vain, but you'd think she was at least crazy if you didn't know she was talking to Harry with the two-way mirror (Harry had given it to her so that they would be able to keep in contact, knowing full well that Mrs. Weasley would constantly worry and that Whale-man, Vernon Dursley would have an aneurism if there was a constant flow of owls to Number four Privet drive. And also for the fact that though they were no longer together, they still loved each other and loved to hear the other's voice).

on Harry's End

"Harry, we're about to eat. When are you all going to get here?" Ginny asked him.

"Well I don't now exactly. Ron and I have something to take care of. Piggy boy was rather rude about some things over the summer, and we haven't repaid him yet."

"Oh, well, Mum says that Ron is forbidden from performing any magic on the Muggles, but concedes that she has no control over you or Hermione, but she shall be rather disappointed in you both if you do anything. Remus says to use wandless magic so that the Ministry can't track it," Ginny's voice announced.

"Oh, and tell Ronnie that Alexandra Kincaid has arrived. And you should really get going if you want to hex Dudley and get back before Charlie gets here, and he and Fred and George eat everything," she added.

"Okay, bye. We'll be there in a little while; Hermione might Apparate out to the Burrow sooner than us."

Ginny said goodbye, and Harry tuned back into the world around him. Hermione was sitting across from him drinking tea and watching Aunt Petunia warily. Oddly enough, Hermione, it seemed, was 'tolerable' by the Dursley's standards. Especially after she fixed Petunia's prize vase and, without magic, fixed one of their many televisions. That was a rather odd occurrence. Ron, however, had replaced Harry has Dursley public enemy number one. Ron repeatedly used magic around them, some rather scary stuff for them. He turned Dudley into a pig twice and threatened to call in Mad-Eye every time using magic didn't shut them up. The Silencing charm was a VERY useful tool. Then Harry heard the "sotto voce" voice of his uncle.

"How dare you, you freak!" Vernon raged.

"I dare because this summer is just payback for the way you've treated Harry," Ron calmly stated, walking into the dining room and sitting down next to Hermione.

"Hey, Ron, Ginny said that Alexandra Kincaid is at the Burrow, everyone is there for the wedding, and that if we want any decent food today, we should get going immediately." Harry smirked. They exchanged a glance, deciding to leave their mark on Privet Drive, permanently.

"Don't even think about it, you two. There is no way that I'm going to let you deface the neighborhood. I'll have to leave before anything happens. I'll take your things with me," Hermione said as she stood. She summoned their trunks fully packed and shrunk to fit her purse. Then she politely said good bye to the Dursleys, who just nodded and grumbled unintelligibly.

After Hermione had Apparated, Harry and Ron got up and went out of the house. They made their way to the park. They had several of Fred and George's latest joke products and they set them off. Soon the park had a swamp, a small pink dragon, and several other magical creatures. A crowd was beginning to gather and then Harry heard several pops as ministry officials appeared. Harry and Ron Apparated to the Burrow were Mrs. Weasley was waiting to yell at them.

"Ronald Weasley! I thought I told you not to do anything! Your father was just called and told that there was a fair bit of magic being displayed in front of a large group of Muggles! They can't even get that God forsaken swamp off the street! What made you even think of using those joke things on Muggles?" Mrs. Weasley hollered.

"Mum, we didn't use them on any Muggles! Do you think we're that thick? Geez! . . . So where's Alex? Ginny said she was here," Ron said, changing the subject and ducking into the dining room.

"Hi ickle Ronnie-kins! Did you miss me?" Alexandra called from her seat. Fred and George started laughing, having been reminded of their old pet name for Ron.

"Ah, why did you have to call me that? They haven't called me that in years and now . . . " Ron trailed off. Fred and George had started to sing a song they liked to call "Ickle Ronnie-kins and the Rubber Piggies of DOOM."

It was, needless to say, quite hilarious. No one could help the convulsions of laughter that overtook them. Soon the lot of them were laughing so hard that Alex had somehow fallen off her chair, so had Ginny and Remus and Tonks and Bill. Harry was laughing so hard he had to lean on the door frame for support. At that moment Charlie Weasley came in the front door, and followed his ears to the laughter. When he entered the dining room he accidentally bumped into Harry, who fell to the floor, still laughing. Everyone looked up and Fred decided to sing even louder.

When the laughter finally died down, everyone greet Harry Ron and Charlie, and Hermione came down stairs.

"You know, Fred, I could hear you all the way up stairs. You really shouldn't pick on Ron, he's delicate as it is," Hermione chastised them with a grin, making Ginny, Bill, Charlie, Harry, and the twins start laughing again.

"Evil gits," mumbled Ron.

"Moving on, Harry, allow me to introduce Alexandra Kincaid. She's an Auror, Order Member, and a bunch of other things. She went to school with Bill," Mrs. Weasley cut in, trying to divert everyone from their Ron Bashing.

End First Bit