A/N: Right, bit of a warning for you. If you are a fan of Ste or are holding any lingering Stug feels it might be a good idea not to read this. This fic is a bit of a catharsis for me because I was reading about spoilers for Ste and I'm really hating him so in order to get rid of my lingering Stug feels I need to write this. As you can probably tell by the title and the song used, it's not a lovey dovey fic so if you like Ste or Stug and don't want to be offended don't read. I'm only saying this because I don't want any reviews telling me how nasty I've been to Ste like I did when I wrote Brendan. I'm not going to pay attention to them because you've been suitably warned so one more time; if you like Ste/Stug leave now.
As everybody probably can guess the Lyrics are Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye.
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
It was a Saturday morning and Doug was stuck in the Deli and it had been dead all morning. John Paul had been nice enough to hang out with Matthew.
"It's really dead in here," Doug commented as he flopped down on the sofa next to John Paul who was playing with Matthew in his arms.
"It just means you get to spend more time with us."
"Well, there is that benefit," Doug grinned and leaned in to kiss John Paul. "But it lacks the benefit of making money so that I stay in a job."
"Ah, who needs a job, really?"
Doug laughed and he picked up one of Matthew's teddies. "Maybe I should just close up early and save some money on the electricity bill."
"I like that plan because that way I get you all to myself for the day."
"You already do, there's not exactly many people banging down the door to buy stuff. Besides, who says I want to spend the day with you," he joked. "I might just want to hang out with Matthew and you have to be there because he can't talk yet."
"How can you think such a thing? Does our relationship mean nothing to you?"
"Matthew's cuter than you are."
"Well at least I know where I stand," John Paul replied, pretending to be offended. "Maybe I should take my custom elsewhere," he moved to stand up but Doug pulled him back down.
"Maybe I was being a bit too hasty," he laughed and kissed John Paul again.
"I think you were," John Paul said between kisses. "Come on, let's go and do something."
They stood up and Doug busied himself tidying up whilst John Paul settled Matthew in his pram. Just as they were about to leave the door to the Deli opened. Doug looked up and saw Ste standing there. The mood of the room changed immediately. There was a heavy tension there that hadn't been before. That was in part because John Paul couldn't stand Ste and made no bones about that fact but Doug was also hesitant about Ste's appearance in the Deli, after all the last time he had seen him they hadn't quite parted on the best of terms.
"Hey," Doug greeted coolly, not quite sure how best to judge the situation.
"I'm going to head off," John Paul told him. "Give me a text when you're done and we can meet up, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll see you later," Doug pecked John Paul softly on the lips before he left and Ste and Doug were left in the Deli on their own.
"When did that happen?" Ste asked.
"Not long ago," Doug replied; feeling unusually awkward around his ex. "It's a new thing."
Ste didn't reply. "Haven't seen you around for a while," Doug commented, trying to stop the inevitable uncomfortable silence from descending on them.
"Been busy," Ste replied.
"Too busy to work? I really could have used your help."
"Well, it doesn't look like you've been too busy with customers," Ste retorted. Doug rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"It's not always like this and you know that. You just disappeared on me; walked out and didn't bother to tell me when you'd be back."
"I'm not the only one that does that, remember?" Ste said, reminding Doug of last year when he had spent two weeks hiding away instead of dealing with the fact he was gay.
"And I apologised for that," he responded. "Look, Ste; I know you're going through some pretty bad stuff but I at least deserve an explanation. Are you planning on coming back to work or am I going to have to continue on my own?"
Ste shrugged. "It's not really on the top of my list of things to do."
Doug looked at Ste; really looked at him, and he didn't like what he saw. The Ste that he had been in love with was gone and that left a heavy feeling in his stomach. Instead, he'd been replaced with a hollow shell, empty and dark.
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
"Okay, just so I know," Doug said; trying to sound as nonchalant as possible but there was something about Ste that unnerved him these days. It wasn't as though Doug didn't sympathise with Ste over what had happened, he really did feel sorry for the man but he didn't know how he could help him and what was more he wasn't even sure he wanted to. Ste seemed on a mission to self destruct no matter what and Doug didn't really want to get caught in the cross fire. "Is there any particular reason you're here?"
"Not really."
"It's just that I was about to close up."
"So you can spend time with your new boyfriend?" There was an almost accusatory tone in Ste's voice which sent Doug further on edge.
"Yes, as a matter of fact. That's not a crime is it?"
Ste laughed humourlessly. "You moved on quick."
"Not as quick as you," Doug hit back. "Look, I don't mean to be rude but are we done here? I don't really feel like arguing with you over who moved on quickest." Doug tried to make a move to leave but Ste stepped in front of him; blocking his path.
"I think we should talk."
Doug was certain he could smell alcohol on Ste's breath. "Have you been drinking?"
"Maybe."
"I don't have time for this and I don't really want to deal with you while you're drunk so can you please let me leave?" He took another step but Ste refused to move. He laughed and Doug shook his head. "Look, I know you've been through a tough time and I sympathise with that but we don't have anything to talk about right now."
Ste grabbed Doug's arms and he instinctively took a step back. He was incredibly wary of Ste's motives and he didn't want to be too close to him. "What do you want?" Doug sighed.
"Maybe I want to talk."
"We've had plenty of time to talk and you've never wanted to. We could have talked when I got back; Hell, we could have talked before I left but you chose not to. You chose to bury it all and ignore it and now we're stuck in this damned mess and I'm not going to talk to you when you're like this."
"When I'm like what?"
"When you're drunk and confrontational. You want to talk to me? Fine, we'll talk but do it when you're sober."
"Well I want to talk now."
"Get out of my way, Ste, please," Doug tried to push himself past Ste but Ste grabbed him hard. "Get off me," Doug pleaded.
Ste pushed him and he fell hard against the counter of the Deli. Doug winced in pain as he collided with the hard surface and fell to the floor. He felt stunned. Ste seemed to change demeanour; Doug glared at him and he looked almost regretful.
"I'm…" He started but Doug cut him off.
"Don't even think about apologising," he said as he scrambled to his feet. "I don't want to hear it. You know, I have forgiven you for a lot of things. I forgave you for loving Brendan, I forgave you for shoving me but I can only take so much and there's a point where I'm not going to do it anymore."
Ste deflated after that and he collapsed onto the sofa. "How did we get to this point?"
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Doug didn't reply immediately. He silently walked around the counter and stared at the photo of him and Ste that Texas had taken on the first day the Deli opened. He smiled sadly at the memory. "This was one of the happiest days of my life," he said without turning round to face Ste. "It was supposed to be a fresh start for the both of us. That day we could have done anything, I really was on top of the world. This was our little Deli. I had this and I had you and that was all I ever really needed and wanted. You know how we got to this point? We got here because you weren't honest with me or yourself. I would have been content with just being your friend, no matter how I felt about you; but you strung me along for months making me think we had a future together when all the time you wanted Brendan."
"I thought it was what I wanted."
"You let me fall in love with you; you let me marry you when the entire time you were in love with someone else. You could have ended it with me at any time but you didn't. You ripped my heart out of my chest so many times and you never seemed to care."
"You could have ended it. It wasn't just me in the relationship."
"I couldn't at first," Doug admitted as he crossed the Deli and sat down next to Ste. He rested his head in his hands and rubbed his face. "I wanted nothing more to be with you and the more I saw you pull away the more I tried to cling on. In the end it just hurt too much. There came a point where I just couldn't do it anymore. It was a choice between staying with you and hurting more than I could ever think possible or letting you go. In the end the best choice was to let you go because no matter how much I loved you the pain just wasn't worth it."
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
"I did love you," Ste told him.
"I thought Brendan was the only man you ever loved?" Doug responded, harking back to their conversation a few weeks ago.
"I was just trying to hurt you because I was upset."
"Taking your anger out on me? That's new," Doug sarcastically retorted. "Maybe next time you can blame me for something that's not my fault as well."
"That's not fair."
"That's entirely fair. You treated me like crap pretty much the entire time we were together and I just put up with it. You still treat me like crap and we're not even together any more. You just do whatever you want and expect me to forgive you for it because that's what I always do. Not this time."
"I really am sorry."
"It just gets to the point where those words become meaningless. You've said them so many times now it just seems empty."
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
"Do you still love me?" Ste asked, his voice quiet.
"I left the man I loved at the airport," Doug continued. "You're not that person anymore. You're not the Ste I fell in love with. You're changing, you're falling apart and I don't want to be involved with that. You used to mean the world to me, as a lover and as a friend but right now I can't even bear to be in the same room as you.
"I'm moving on. I've been happier than I've ever been since I came back from New York and that is partly due to us not being together. I was so miserable watching you pine after Brendan that once I got over the fact that we'd broken up I actually felt better. I wanted what was best for you so now you have to want what's best for me and I think its best that we don't really have anything to do with each other. You want to continue working together, that's fine, I'll do that but we're not friends anymore. I'm not in love with you anymore,"
Doug stood up and started to leave.
"If we're not friends then what are we?"
Doug turned to him and sadly replied, "Somebody I used to know," and walked out of the Deli.