Welcome to my first "Nowhere Boys" fanfic! I love this show, and I adore Felix! I wish there were more NB fics posted here. Maybe we can change that!
This fic is my response to (and thus a re-telling of) episodes 12 and 13 of season 2. I was upset that Sam, Jake, and Andy didn't react more to the fact that Felix was willing to sacrifice himself for Andy's sake. If you read, please review! I hope you enjoy!

Nobody Likes a Martyr

Part One

"We need to get Andy back." "You have to fix this, Felix." "Do something. You owe us." How many times since Andy's disappearance had Felix heard those sentences – or variations of them? As if the pressure wasn't bad enough already, as if he wasn't doing everything he could, working to the point of exhaustion, trying to find Andy. Every time he heard those words, he knew what they were really saying: "This is your fault, Felix."

And they were probably right. He was always messing things up, hurting the people he cared about the most. It was his fault his younger brother, Oscar, was confined to a wheelchair; it was his fault the four of them had been trapped in an alternate universe; why shouldn't it also be his fault that Andy was gone? It was his Book of Shadows Andy had used to cast his spell. And, on top of that, he and Andy had argued right before he disappeared. About their powers, about revealing magic...about Ellen. He had assumed Andy would understand the importance of keeping magic secret, and he assumed he would understand what Ellen meant to him, had meant to him since childhood, wouldn't need to be told that he had been planning for months to ask Goth Ellen out. But no, Andy and Felix were very different from each other. And, maybe, they weren't as close as Felix thought they were.

How could Felix have expected Andy to understand?

Jake and Sam didn't understand either. They had bonded with Andy, with each other, much quicker and more deeply than he had; they could talk about things that mattered, things other than magic. The only time any of them ever wanted to talk to Felix was when they needed magical assistance. That's all he was then, the fire-wizard. The loner. The freak.

Jake had made it painfully clear that he didn't expect Felix to do anything right. Felix could still feel Jake's hands, angry and violent, hungering to hurt and destroy him. He could still feel Jake's rage, when he had chosen Oscar over Andy, shooting through him with each word, each glare. Bullets that punctured the soul beneath the mask.

If he had to make that choice a million times, he would always choose to save his brother.

Felix had never been good at friendship. Sure, he had Ellen, but that didn't really count, because, well, he loved her, didn't he? Had loved her for a long time now, though he could never say that to her. He wasn't any good at expressing his feelings either.

In his experience, he had learned that it was better to keep everything bottled up inside. Be distant and reserved. Don't let anyone in, let anyone see. That way he could keep himself safe, and protect everyone from the monstrosity they all thought he was.

As much as the kids at school hated Felix Ferne, no one hated him quite as much as he hated himself.

But that didn't change the fact that he was fiercely loyal, would do anything for the people he cared about; that he carried people's burdens, whether they asked him to or not, and felt it was his duty to fix everything; that he wanted to ensure the happiness of others, even at the cost of his own.

His mum said he'd been like that even as a kid. "You always want to relieve pain," she used to say, her smile loving and her hand warm, as she caressed his cheek, or moved the hair back from his eyes. "You take on all that hurt, and you try to make it better. You have such a beautiful heart, Felix. It's what makes you such a wonderful big brother."

She hadn't said that since the accident. Hadn't commented on the goodness of his spirit, or her pride in the man he was becoming. Had rarely spoken of him and Oscar in the same sentence, let alone mentioned their brotherhood. In fact, she barely commented on anything to Felix anymore.

That, at least, made what he was about to do easier.

Felix had figured out days ago that Alice and Andy had switched places, freeing her from the void by putting Andy in her place. She hadn't just sent him there. It was imperative that an exchange be made. Once he had figured it out, it seemed rather obvious, and he couldn't believe he hadn't worked it out sooner. Still, he didn't share his conclusion with the others.

Maybe Felix kept this a secret because there was a possibility that he was wrong, that maybe he wouldn't have to go through with his plan, or it wouldn't work. Maybe it was because he was by nature secretive. Maybe it was because he had already made his decision as soon as he had figured it out, and he preferred to do things without fuss, and with as little interference as possible. Whether this was his mess or not, he was going to clean it up. Fix it, Felix. Get Andy back. Bring him home. At any cost.

The price he was paying would be an acceptable loss.

Felix was good at keeping his mouth shut. He had had years of practice, especially in the cement hell they called secondary school. They were so close, he just had to keep his secret a little longer. Then it wouldn't matter anymore.

The six of them arrived at the abandoned warehouse, where the lines intersected, feeling hopeful. The others still blissfully unaware, somehow confident they would just need to pull Andy out of wherever he was, and be done with it.

Felix's plan would have succeeded without any problems, if it hadn't been for Oscar's power, planting suspicions in his brother's mind. He had drawn Felix in the place Andy was – alone, frightened. Oscar thought Felix intended only to enter in after Andy, and he begged him to promise that he wouldn't do anything stupid.

A promise Felix couldn't make.

Felix had made a lot of mistakes in his relationship with Oscar, but he didn't want to lie to him, didn't want to make promises he knew he wouldn't keep. He never had, and he never would.

"Felix," Oscar pressed, pleaded. He knew his brother better than anyone. He needed Felix to say the words, "I promise," to him. But they were interrupted when the others discovered the altar. Felix hurried away from Oscar, making his face as stoic as possible. He couldn't let anything distract him. Not now.

The talisman was inserted into the altar, nestled into the perfectly shaped hole. This is the right thing to do, Felix told himself, as he began to spell cast. As his words echoed along the walls, his voice strong, the doorway to Andy was opened. It was great to see his face again, to know he was okay.

"Alice sent me here," Andy told them.

"Not sent, swapped," Felix revealed. "I think that's how it works. Someone has to be there, so to get you out of there we have to send someone else in."

"Like who?"

Me. The word was on the tip of his tongue, and Felix took a half-step forward. This was it; time was up. Felix was ready. He only hoped the universe would deem him an acceptable replacement for Andy.

Suddenly the portal vanished, as Oscar wrenched the amulet from its resting place. "Oscar!" Felix cried.

"What are you doing?" Jake demanded. They had been so close. Andy was right there, almost within arm's reach. What the hell was this kid doing?

"I can't let you, Felix," Oscar replied vaguely, ignoring the others completely. He wheeled from the room as quickly as he could. Their momentary shock gave him a few seconds head-start.

Felix caught up to him first. "Oskie, what are you doing?"

"It's for the best, Felix."

No, it's not, Felix thought. It would be better for everyone if I swapped places with Andy. "Give it back, please. Why are you doing this?" Why couldn't Oscar just let him go?

"Why don't you just tell them?" Oscar snapped.

"Tell us what?"

"What's going on?"

Felix swallowed. They were making this difficult, wasting time. Alice and Phoebe could arrive at any moment. "He's going to swap himself for Andy," Oscar revealed. "I was trying to stop him."

"What?"

"It's the only way to get him out!" Felix declared.

"You want to go in there on purpose?" Ellen yelled, as though it was the stupidest idea she had ever heard. Felix sighed. It wasn't that he wanted to – he needed to.

"It'll take the heat off of everyone, stop Andy's family from going out of their mind." Felix had seen their faces, had seen their suffering. Their pain was his fault. He had introduced their son to magic, had caused his disappearance the first time, and just when they had thought they had their son back, Andy was gone again, without a trace. That was Felix's fault too. He was the prime suspect, wasn't he? Everyone thought he had done something to Andy, thought him capable of hurting - maybe even killing - one of his only friends. If he disappeared, and Andy reappeared, everything could go back to normal. The Bremin police could pat themselves on the back and return to their mediocre jobs, writing parking tickets and confiscating skateboards on public sidewalks.

No one would bother trying to find him.

"What about you?" Ellen challenged. "Your family? Me?" What about him? He had been to the alternate universe, experienced a world in which he didn't exist. In that reality, everyone was better off without him. His parents, his brother, were happier without him. The pain they would feel losing him was nothing compared to the pain he saw everyday in his mother's face, the pain that had kept his father from looking at him a day since the accident, the pain that burned within him every time he looked at his brother.

Hadn't Ellen wondered whether she could become the alternate version of herself? She could, when Felix was gone. She would adjust, make friends, find a new boyfriend. Be happy. Felix himself had said that people between the two universes should be essentially the same at heart. That meant that somewhere within his Ellen existed a sport-playing, school-spirit spreading, blog-writing girly girl who was attracted to boys like Andy.

A world without Andy Lau, Felix decided, was a lot worse than a world without Felix Ferne.

And he didn't want anyone pretending otherwise. He knew how willing Sam would have let the Restoring Demon kill him in the Alternate Universe, if it meant the others could go home (and not disappear into nothingness). If they would have traded him to the Demon for a chance to go home, then he was sure they'd make the same trade to get Andy home. Honour-roll student, Physics Club President, future doctor, the glue maintaining Lau family harmony; or the loner, the outcast, the vampire-reject, the freak who had destroyed his family and almost gotten his friends killed. No contest really.

Felix sighed. "Look. We'll get Andy out first and deal with the rest later."

He just wanted to get this over with. They dropped the matter and returned to the portal. Felix was able to re-open it, and he began to recite the spell that would bring Andy home. But once again his plans were frustrated. Alice was in the building, casting a spell of her own, which robbed them of their powers and bestowed them on Phoebe. Then the sisters stole the talisman, intent on destroying it. They walked right past the fallen, unconscious bodies of the now magic-less teens without a second glance.

Felix was still awake, however. He watched the women leave, took note of the direction they turned. He needed to do something, needed to get the talisman back. He'd tell them his plan, strike a deal.

But first he needed to get away from the others.

Faking defeat wasn't difficult; it was certainly how he felt. He had been oppressed and scorned for so long, why should now be any different? He knew the others would believe he had given up, knew they would accept, maybe even expect, that he had failed them. Felix sat down heavily on the altar, where the portal had been only moments before, and slouched his shoulders. "They've won. It's over."

That was all he wanted – for all of this to be over.

"What about Andy?" Jake demanded, directing all his anger and frustration at Felix. Even though, before the class excursion, Jake had often joined his buddies in bullying Felix – calling him a freak and Dracula, and a hundred nasty names, each of which Felix remembered; pelting him with rubbish and water bombs; taking low shots at his brother and his family's financial status – Jake's hatred and contempt stung Felix. Because now they were supposed to be friends.

Ellen didn't know where Felix's attitude was coming from: "A minute ago you were ready to swap yourself for him."

"You can't give up!" Oscar entreated him. "You've crossed universes! You've proven magic is real." Even after everything, Felix was still Oscar's hero.

"Dude we've come all this way," Sam added.

"And we've failed."

"Felix," Oscar was almost begging now. "This isn't you."

Maybe this is exactly who I am. When he had returned from the alternate universe, Oscar had commanded Felix never to leave him again. Looks like he was going to disappoint his brother, again. He only hoped that one day Oscar would understand. "Alice has the talisman. She'll destroy it the first chance she gets. We're finished. Go home." Let me do this. Go home, enjoy the homes and families I ripped from you.

Ellen was determined to have the final word: "I never thought I'd feel this way about you. For the first time in my life, I'm disappointed." Join the club, Felix thought bitterly. Disappointing people seemed to be his best talent at the moment.

Ellen stormed off, followed by Sam and Jake, and finally Oscar, who couldn't bear to look at his brother. Felix was alone – the sacrificial lamb, abandoned to his fate. He supposed he should get used to being alone. He had an eternity of loneliness stretching before him.

When he was sure they were gone, Felix headed off in the opposite direction, where he had seen the Hartley sisters go. He could hear their voices as he approached. Alice was about to destroy the talisman. Phoebe was testing out her new powers. She seemed quite proud of them, though she was having trouble controlling them. He hoped she could manage them long enough for this to work.

"There's another way," Felix said, descending the stairs to where they stood. "There's another way. Don't destroy the talisman. It's too powerful. Too important."

"Get out of here."

"Let me take Andy's place."

"Don't be stupid." So Alice thought his plan was stupid too. But what did she care? She had sent Andy there in the first place. And in the alternate universe, she had possessed a teacher, his brother, and a cop in an attempt to kill him. She certainly had no concerns for his safety.

"I'll go willingly," he persuaded, "and you'll be safe. You can keep your powers. It's a fair deal."

"Kid has a point," Phoebe admitted. Felix winced involuntarily. He didn't like how quickly she was willing to let him sacrifice himself. Alternate Phoebe would have tried to talk him out of it, would have told him there was a better way. But then he remembered how that same Phoebe had pleaded with him to uphold his promise to get Alice back, how she had clutched at him and begged, tears in her voice. This new deal was the least he could do for her. He owed her.

Now he just had to convince Alice.

"Neither of you know what it's like," she said softly, sadly, a far-away look in her eyes. It doesn't matter. He had to do this, even if the idea scared him. He wouldn't let her weaken his resolve.

Felix tried a new tactic: "I'll leave a note. Make it look like I've run away." He already had the note written, in fact. Had it buried in the bottom of his bag, addressed to his parents. He had written it months ago, revising it a couple times since then. He'd needed a Plan B, in case anything happened with the Unmaking Spell.

"That'll keep the police off our backs," Phoebe told Alice eagerly. She really wanted him to do this.

Alice considered this. "We have to go to the altar."

Alice led the way. Phoebe came up behind her, and grabbed Felix's upper arm. She gripped him tightly, as though fearful he would change his mind and run. Her nails dug into the skin under his jacket. He was reminded of Possessed Bates, when the boys were getting arrested in the Alternate Universe - how the teacher had grabbed his arm to force him into his car. But Phoebe had been there; she had saved him. No one needed to force him now; he would go willingly.

And there was no one to save him.

To Be Continued...