Hey guys, I've wanted to write something like this for ages and finally got around to doing it. I've got exams for the next two weeks so I might not update right away, but it's coming no worries.
DISCLAIMER: I dun own any of the characters or story boards. They all belong to the wonderful and amazing Kim Harrison.
Chapter 1
The setting sun had turned the garden into a magical fairytale landscape, everything was moist from the afternoon rain and it shone gold, bathing everything into shimmering gold and green. It didn't even look real, the smell coming off the moist plants and trees drifted through the kitchen window and into my body. Lightening my heart, and easing the tension in my muscles. Pixies floated lazily through the beams of golden light, oblivious to the beauty of it all.
Sighing, I finished drying the last pot from my macaroni and cheese and placed it in the last cupboard in the row. This kind of mental solace I hadn't had in a long time. Not with everything that had been happening. Jenks had lost Matalina this winter, he hadn't been the same since, sorrow filled my chest just thinking about it. His health had been slowly declining since then and he'd forced me to take out some of his kids for trial replacement runs. It had almost broken my heart.
I felt the tears coming before I could stop them, and blinked rapidly to stop them from falling as I watched the pixies with a new sense of urgency. My eyes unconsciously went to the drawer where I knew the slip of paper was hiding. Ceri had handed it to me a couple days after Matalina had died. I hadn't looked at it since that day, but by the Turn I had thought about it. I hadn't told anyone about it, Ceri hadn't said anything when she gave it to me, but it weighed heavily on my mind.
A long sigh pushed its way out of my lips and I leaned up against the sink. Ivy was hurting just as bad as I was about Jenks, and had buried herself in her work. I hadn't seen her in a couple days. I couldn't do the same, seeing as every time I worked without him something went wrong. I couldn't tell him that though, not without making him feel guilty.
No longer seeing the garden I stared out the window, jumping at the sound of pixy wings coming through the hole in the screen. Jenks flitted in, looking tired and coming to land beside me. I watched him in my peripheral vision as I continued staring evenly out at the garden, afraid that if I watched him closely he might read my thoughts.
Cursing something too quiet for me to hear he kicked a droplet of water on the counter and splashed it across the backsplash and all over Mr Fish's bowl. "Damn it Rachel, I can't do this anymore." He exclaimed. I sighed, I could feel the frustration coming off of him in waves and I wished there was some way I could just wrap my arms around him and take it away.
"I can't even out-fly my youngest anymore. You know that?" He continued. I shook my head, not able to say anything. It was always me he came to…
"Jenks, I don't know if I can keep running." I stated finally, I forced myself to look at him, and meet his bright eyes. Memories of those eyes flashed through my brain and I felt those damned tears come back. I blinked rapidly.
Jenks shot upwards, "What do you mean you don't know if you can keep running?" He asked his voice sharp. He rose to my eye level and I had to look away again, my face hot with unshed tears.
"You knew this was going to happen Rachel, I told you straight out." He continued getting in my face again. His voice was angry, damn angry, but the pain laced into it was more prominent.
"I know." I shot back, unsuccessfully trying to sound mad. "Jenks, it's just so hard, after dad, and…" I swallowed the lump in my throat, and the pain that had seeped into my chest, forcing myself to say his name, "Kisten, I don't know if I can do this anymore." I stated, the tears were falling whether I wanted them to or not, and I sniffed.
"Shit Rachel!" Jenks swore, red dust fell from him like rain, swirling in the breeze from the open window. He landed on the counter again, turning his back to me and my tears, preferring to look out the window and into the garden. I watched him take a deep breath, his wings moving with his chest. "There's nothing I can do and it's driving me bonkers." He admitted, not turning around. He sat cross-legged in the other direction.
"It already feels like I've outstayed my welcome," He began and I jumped a finger of cold running down my back. "Rache, Mattie's been gone two months now, I haven't slept well since. I just… I miss her so much…" My heart fell. "And my kids are moving out, they can all take care of themselves and the garden." He pushed on, the emotion in his voice sounding high and strange coming from him. "I can't even fly straight Rache, how am I supposed to do my job?" He asked.
I pulled a chair out from the table and sat beside him, on his level. My arms resting the edge of the sink, and I rested my chin on them. Tears were still falling, but I was ignoring them. He turned, his eyes searching mine, "Rache, I wish I could stay, you know how hard this is? You and Ivy are the best friends I've ever had, and knowing that in a hundred years you two could still be working when I'm dust? I hate the idea that I won't be here to help, but even if I could stay, what would I have left? Everything I've worked so hard for is drifting away." His words were sharp, but the regret softened the blows. This was nothing I hadn't thought about before. My heart sank into my stomach, and I took a deep breath. I held out my hand and he walked over and sat down, obliging me with an exasperated look.
"Tink's titties Rachel, stop that. I'm not gone yet; don't you have something to do?" He asked, motioning towards my tears. I sighed and shook my head no. His dragonfly wings twitched with annoyance and he stood and walked over to me, until he was centimetres from my face. He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe a new tear away, his face unreadable at such a close distance. "It's just the way it is." He added quietly, his voice bitter.
I nodded slowly, "I know." I agreed, another tear fell quietly.
"Then why are you still crying?" He asked, he carefully used the tip of his wing to remove the tear and shook it off.
I frowned, "Why do you think Jenks? I love you, and forgive me for being selfish, but I don't want you to die." I sighed, "You're my best friend, I know you're hurting and I can't do shit about it." Even as I said this my eyes went to the drawer and then back to him, my heart jumped.
"The feeling's mutual then." Jenks stated stepping back, he shook his head, a thin smile forming on his lips. From this distance I could see his yellow curls fall in his eyes. "It'll be okay Rache, one of my kids is bound to work out…" I shook my head, annoyed I sat up, my eyes finding the drawer again. Insides shaking I reached for it and opened it. I grabbed the folded paper and set it down on the counter in front of me.
Jenks glanced down at it and then back up to me. "Jenks, Ceri gave me this when Matalina died. I'm only going to ask you once, but I want you to know I'll totally respect whatever answer you give me. I want you to really think about it though, don't answer right away." I stated, my eyes flicking to the paper. I tried to stay calm but my heart was pounding in my ears.
Jenks walked over to the paper and unfolded it. Looking apprehensive his eyes scanned the paper intently as he hovered over as he read. "T-this would make me big again?" He asked looking at me. I nodded, my eyes going back to the spell written on the paper, I had done harder spells with Al, but this one was complicated and Al wouldn't be taking the imbalance this time. Ceri's curly scrawl was written on the bottom, lengthens life.
"I don't know how much longer you'd live…" I began; my hand ran through my dense frizzy curls unconsciously.
"Rache, this is stealing time, it isn't natural." Jenks began. I nodded,
"I know, but…" I sighed, I was a really bad girl for even hoping that he'd say yes, but I'd have to give him the choice. If I didn't I might regret it the rest of my life. I took a deep breath, "You said yourself you wished you could stay, I know it's not natural but shit Jenks, after everything we've done don't you think we deserve something?" I asked, my forehead crinkling with anger.
"Rachel, you should know better then this. You said yourself bad things happen when you use black magic." Jenks started, his eyes smouldered with an emotion I wasn't familiar with. I shook my head,
"Not this time. Not with demon curses." I stated, I would take the imbalance when I made the spell, and for Jenks I'd take it a hundred times over if he asked me to.
Jenks was shaking his head, obviously thinking the same thing. He shot upwards, getting in my face. "No Rachel. No, the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I saw what happened when you changed the focus, I never want to see you like that again. You're a good witch Rache." He fumed, the buzzing from his wings hitting a pitch that hurt my ears. I winced.
"Jenks, don't make this about me. Just don't." I stood, "If you want this I'm doing this for you. Jenks I'd take 1000 years of demon smut for you. It would hurt me more to lose you." My tears were long gone, my determination remained. I glared at him and he backed off. I sighed again, forcing myself to calm down.
"Jenks I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through, hell, I'm not even going to pretend to know what you're thinking. It's your choice what you want to do but please, don't make this about me. Make it about what you want, talk to your kids, think about it, but don't make it about me. If it's only going to hurt you more to be big then don't." I stated softly. He landed on the ladle and turned towards me.
I heard him sigh, audible across the room. I knew he was thinking about Matalina, "I don't know if it would hurt me more…" He stated finally. The room was silent and I let out a deep breath, relieved that I had finally gotten what I had to say out.
He wasn't going to survive very long in a life he felt he was already he should have left. I poured myself some coffee and sat down, my eyes going back to the window; the gold was gone, leaving only the deep blue of the spring evening, the air was spicy with the smell of late season fires and new growth.
The clatter of wings reached me and I felt him land on my shoulder. "I don't know Rachel, I have to think about it." He said quietly.
I nodded, "Take as long as you want Jenks."
He walked towards me and I looked down as much as I could. My heart was still pounding and I was suddenly afraid of what he might say. His wing grazed my cheek, it was light, and gentle. "Thank you Rachel." He stated finally, and then he was off through the pixy hole in a flash of wings.
I took a sip of my too-hot coffee, and it scorched as it went down. Hope weighed heavy on my chest, but it was selfish to hold onto it for myself. Even if what I was hoping for was a hug smelling like green and springtime.
I had loved Kisten, and after losing him and shouldering the burden for so long I couldn't believe what it might be like for Jenks, after 12 years of loving someone with all his heart, I didn't know if he had the strength to continue after the light in his life had been snuffed out.
He had told me once that we were his family, but could that really be enough to keep him here? He'd have to adapt to living in a different body, living by the rules of a society not used to the rough and brutal life most pixies had to live through to survive. But damn it, I wanted him to live. Selfish or not, I wanted him around, no matter how little that time might be.
I watched Mr. Fish swim around in his bowl, I was giving him the choice, and what he did with it wasn't my decision. Whether he took advantage of it or not wasn't as important as being able to provide it for him. My tongue felt like cotton as I took another sip of the bitter hot liquid, trying to find the comfort in the situation and still only coming up with fiery nerves.
Will he go big? Will he choose not to? Will Ivy ever find her way into my plot line? Will I edit the next chapter better? Hit the watch button and find out… and ehh, review too?