Diaries of a Dark Lord
By Jerle Shannara
Author's Note
Be afraid, be very afraid! Uhm---I don't own HP, or the books would be a helluva lot different than they are, and in a way that would surely disturb you.
1
Well, here goes. If you're reading this, it means one of two things, maybe a few more. First, Potter probably kicked my ass and I'm living in a condominium in Hell. Second, and just as possible, I've won, but one of my inept servants left this lying out in plain sight. They do do that sometimes, servants. Makes you wonder why you don't just do things yourself. Guess it's a violation of the 1547 Dark Lords' Code of Conduct or some such nonsense. We're all supposed to have servants to do our dirty work, but it's amazing how few of them manage to get the job done right, even as relatively simple a chore as changing the Lordship's underwear each morning.
Ah well, I didn't make the rules. Then again, I am the most evil wizard in about a hundred years, or is it the most powerful? Anyway, I'll probably be taking over one of these days and I can change the rules. I don't want that silver hand of Wormtail's anywhere near my parts! Just what the hell I was thinking when I gave it to him I haven't a clue. Oh well, I suppose I could always chop it off or have Severus do it. And speaking of chopping things off---no! Stop! Can't finish that thought!
Anyway, I got laid for the first time in sixteen years this afternoon. God she was amazing! Who'd have thought a Mud---ahem---Muggleborn would be so good in the sack? I sure as hell didn't. Now what was her name again---Gand---Gang---Gangfield---Granger Ah! That was it, Granger! I was going to rape her like all Dark Lords do, but it seems she'd been after me for a long time anyway. Here I was going to rape her and she almost does it to me. But y'know, sex is really better when the girl wants you. Think I'll keep that in mind. Of course that does mean she's going to brag to Potter that she and I shagged. Suppose I shoulda killed her, but then I couldn't do her again. I've had a fair few women in my time and none have ever come close to being as phenomenal as that seventeen-year-old. But then again, you know what they say about young blood and fresh meat and all that. Well, gotta go. TTFN.
Voldie.