Based on a prompt by Crittab at the Milady/Milord Live Journal community, in which he prompts "Jeff and Annie have a frank discussion about their relationship on the heels of her Christmas Santa Baby-esque routine. Any resolution is fine." Contains spoilers for most of S3.
All told, the latest Greendale study group Christmas special had a pretty happy ending – at least by the standards of this dark semester. True, a teacher had been exposed as a mass murderer, and the group had been seduced by a Glee club that should have been exposed as annoying and unsustainable at least two years ago. But by coming together to watch the worst Christmas special of all time at Abed's house, the group had salvaged some holiday cheer – albeit not as much as when they watched a much better holiday special and imagined themselves in stop motion to end last Christmas. Yet some adventures had a bar set way too high.
While some Christmas happiness had been saved, there was one annoying loose end left – at least in Annie's point of view. And this wasn't due to Annie's usual nitpicking and over thinking – at least not all of it. Since she didn't get the chance to bring it up that afternoon at Abed's, she figured she'd do it the next day, away from the non-Jeff parts of the group.
So that next afternoon, Annie made her way to Jeff's apartment, deliberately not letting him that he was coming. Perhaps he might be a bit more open if he didn't have as much time to put his defenses up, although part of her knew that was wishful thinking. But Annie willed herself not to go there, since she was intending to be the bigger person in this visit.
As such, when Annie finished knocking on the door and saw the doorknob turn, she let out an "I'm sorry" right away – finishing before Jeff actually opened the door. It took a few seconds of awkward silence from Jeff for Annie to realize that, so she quickly backtracked. "Oh, sorry you didn't hear me! Okay then, now I'm back to having just one thing to apologize for…."
"Is this is about you sitting next to Abed and holding his hand yesterday?" Jeff asked.
"What? What are you talking about?" Annie inquired, which made Jeff the one that had to backtrack now. "What are…..you talking about?" was all that master wordsmith Jeff had to say. Annie forced herself not to be suspicious of that, or suspicious/angry that Jeff thought she might want to apologize for holding Abed's hand yesterday – or that he was just trying to cover up jealousy yet again. She came to make an apology for something else, and Jeff would not get her off track – at least this time.
"I'm here to say I'm sorry for my sexy Santa Glee routine, Jeff. You were right, it was beneath me, and it was beneath me to….entice you the way I did. I'm the reason you got sucked into that insanity, and I'm not proud of how I did it. I mean, part of me is proud that I had that much…..power over you, but when I thought about it, it did have diminishing returns. Then again, even with diminishing returns, I still got to you and that has to say something on a few levels…."
Yet again, Annie made herself get back on topic since she didn't come here to make….that kind of analysis. "Anyway, I made you uncomfortable and I made you part of Glee, and if you're still upset about that, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to go the whole break without knowing that, and I don't want to use those kind of….low blows on you again. Next time we get seduced by something annoying and past its prime, I'll resist a little better. Or at least I won't torture you like that again if I fail anyway."
Annie now waited for Jeff to say something in response – like a Winger speech building her and her self-esteem back up, brushing it aside and saying she had nothing to be sorry for, or just a simple "Apology accepted." But after several seconds, all Jeff had to break the silence was an "Okay."
"Okay? Is that it?" Annie double-checked.
"Yeah. Okay, thank you," Jeff replied after waiting a few more seconds.
"I gave a whole apology speech, and you just have an 'okay' for it?" Annie checked one more time. "I swallowed my pride and apologized so we'd be comfortable again when we go back to Greendale. That only warrants an okay?"
"Okay, apology accepted too. We're good now, and this won't affect us after the break, so….there you go!" Jeff let out a bit unconvincingly.
"No no, you didn't lead off with apology accepted! You waited until I asked for more words…" Annie recalled. "Do you have anything else to say to me, Jeff?"
"Nope," Jeff got out with a little bit more conviction, but not 100 percent more. Although Annie really did come here to just apologize, get an apology and make sure they were good before the break started, she found herself falling back into old habits. Habits like noticing that Jeff really just wanted to brush aside what happened, was stopping himself from saying more to her, and was in full on "sweep under the rug" mode. Even when Annie was trying to apologize for making the errors this time, Jeff still wanted to ignore it all – and that was making her feel less apologetic.
"You know, I didn't have to come here and apologize. Technically since I was under a Glee spell, I can enter an insanity plea for what I did, and no jury would convict me," Annie noted, taking satisfaction for a moment at how Jeff struggled not to smirk at her lawyering. Yet she had a more important closing argument to make. "But I wanted to own up to my errors and lack of common sense, admit that I used the creepiest parts of my sexuality on you, and promise not to do it again. When I make a mistake, at least I own up to it!"
That last part got away from Annie a bit – and she did have to block out the whole "covering up breaking The Dark Knight DVD" ordeal that contradicted her thesis. Yet since the part about Jeff not owning up to all his mistakes remained sadly accurate, Annie decided to stand by it and see if he had anything to say on that matter. However, it appeared he was still waiting out the clock in hopes that Annie would just drop this and go away. Or he was at least going through the motions of wrestling with himself to hide what he really wanted to say – but maybe that was giving him too much credit now.
"Annie….I already said I accepted your apology. Since I didn't use enough words to do it, how many do I have to use to satisfy you?" Jeff finally proposed.
"That's not it, Jeff!" Annie sighed, frustrated that he was missing the deeper point again – willingly or not. But in truth, even she was starting to lose track of what her main point was by now.
"Then what did I do wrong? You're the one who admitted you messed up and made me…..affected, so what do I have to feel sorry about here? What mistakes haven't I owned up to this time, exactly?" Jeff asked, which made Annie feel a little guilty about attacking him. Although he wasn't that verbal about it, he did accept her apology, which was the bare minimum she required. It was certainly more than he did when…..
"You know what, Jeff? There are too many mistakes you haven't owned up to already!" Annie realized as she got this back on track a bit. "Like I said, I usually apologize when I realize I've messed up with you! But I still haven't gotten an apology for when you didn't help me move, or the arguing over the biology project, or when you shot down the 'Annie of it all' the way you did! And the Annie Kim apology doesn't count, since I was crazy about it before you egged me on to face her! But even that ended awkward and weird between us, just like the Glee thing, the move thing, and every other thing we've done together since 'Annie of it all' day! This whole semester since then has been one giant step back for us!"
"And you go from one simple apology to ranting about 'us' right on cue. You laid the trap right in front of me and I fell in it again. I tried to avoid it by shutting up, but even that doesn't work with you, does it?" Jeff shot back.
"That's what you get from this? Accusing me of laying traps for you?" Annie asked incredulously. "Are you that desperate to avoid addressing anything that has to do with us? And don't say I started this one, because I only came here to apologize and make things right with you about Glee! You're the one that kept it going by trying to say just one or two words and get me out of here…..just so you didn't have to keep thinking about my routine and what it did to you! That's it, isn't it?" Annie concluded.
"Annie, we have been over this over and over again," Jeff stated in a very forced voice. "How many more times do we have to go over it before you realize we can't…well, we can't!"
"Wait a minute, when has that happened?" Annie nitpicked. "We usually brush things off, avoid the deeper issues and never talk about them again! We haven't gotten as far as you saying we can't be together for a long time! Not since Annie of it All day, at least! So how have we been going over this over and over?" she inquired as she realized she had lawyered Jeff again.
"We haven't…..at least not outside of your head. You've just been telling yourself these things over and over, as if you were telling them to me. And you've been telling yourself that even more since the Glee song, haven't you? That's why you couldn't stand me bringing it up now, even though I'm the one apologizing! But you don't really want to accept my apology, because you're not sorry I did it, did you?" Annie pointed out.
Jeff just sat in his chair, once again at a loss – whether it was because he really had nothing he could say or not. "I would….like to use my Fifth Amendment rights…." he finally let himself say. But since that pretty much gave away his entire position, Annie used that momentum to keep pressing him. "You don't want to say anything, and that's the problem. Ever since Annie of it All day, we've barely talked about anything real. That's why we just had a worse semester together than usual!"
"This has been a dark semester all around, Annie. Abed told us so, and he's the wizard of the group, so what he says has to be enough to explain everything," Jeff responded.
"You're going to use Abed knowing everything as an excuse here?" Annie shot down. "Only Abed's good at that, you know. If he used the dark semester theory as the real answer for all this, then I'd believe it, but you're not him. In fact, maybe I should call him right now and see how you stand up against his human lie detector powers!"
"Don't you think he's been through enough this Christmas? Shouldn't he be left alone to fight off his guilt and his nagging, stupid, way too dirty brain just once already?" Jeff asked, very poorly disguising that he wasn't talking about Abed. Finally he slumped in his seat and took more of a worn out approach. "Annie….what exactly are you looking for here? You brought up several different complaints and haven't tied them all together yet, so narrowing this down would help me a little."
Annie could admit she had been rambling and had gone all over the place a little. So she checked off all the complaints she had so far and tried to tie them into one thesis statement. "Jeff, you and me haven't been the same since this semester started. Maybe that's because of the 'Annie of it All' incident we never really resolved last semester. And maybe that's why we've had more awkward, dumb moments than ever this fall and we barely had any nice or sweet ones to balance them out, like we used to before. I'll bet if we actually kissed in one of those alternate timelines Abed talked about, we found a way to screw that up too!"
"Yeah….probably by you mentioning your dad or me bringing up lip gloss or something, I don't know," Jeff stated, very poorly disguising that he had thought over how that timeline would play out.
"I don't know either…..maybe the Glee thing bugs me because it was just the latest example of how icky things are now," Annie went on. "Maybe I thought by apologizing and admitting I'm the one that messed up this time, it'd help us start making our friendship better next spring. Because no matter what else we are, Jeff, we were friends first, and I'd like to think we still are. That's what balanced out all the awkward, sexual tension-y nonsense we've been in the last two years, but it didn't this past semester. I don't want it to get worse next semester, Jeff….if you really don't want to be with me ever, then I at least want my best friend back…."
Annie closed her eyes to stop herself from crying, or at least crying more heavily. When she was ready to open them, she did it just enough to see Jeff looking quite down as well. And although he wasn't looking that much better than she was, this actually fueled Annie with some hope. Just like the old days, Jeff was beating himself up over making Annie upset, was struggling to not make it too obvious that he was feeling guilty, and was losing his battle thanks to the Disney tears.
Annie wasn't trying to use that as a tactic anymore and was feeling a bit childish for having it happen now. Yet the fact that Jeff was still vulnerable to it was a welcome blast from the past.
"We're gonna live forever…..we're gonna sleep together. God, to think that's how this semester got started," Annie heard Jeff mumble when her eyes were closed again. "What was that?" she then asked to show Jeff that she did actually hear him. Once Jeff registered that she did hear him, he stammered for a bit – but it appeared that all the arguing and lectures for the last several minutes had taken too much out of him to give him a better excuse. He just looked defeated more than usual when he was exposed to the Annie tears – which was less to fun to see than it was back then, adding another example of how things were too dark now.
"When the semester started….I put together a dream musical number in my head. We were all celebrating how things would be fine without Pierce. One of the lyrics was….the one you just heard," Jeff brought himself to admit.
"We're gonna live forever….we're gonna sleep together," Annie repeated. "Jeff…..who sang those lyrics in your head? Was it you and….another person? Or did you sing it by yourself to….someone else?" she tried to ask delicately. But Jeff was clamming up again and not confirming anything. "Jeff? Who or what were those lyrics talking about? Was it….you and me?" Yet Jeff still had no confirmation or denial to say. "Jeff?"
"Isn't it enough I didn't say no?" Jeff finally answered. In some weird, still somewhat inadequate way, it actually was. But before Annie could let those implications wash over her and make her relieved and happy, Jeff actually started talking again. "It all went downhill after that….technically, you started it when you threatened not to be my friend when I went nuts on the Pierce thing! So I'm not the only one that made us all screwed up this semester!"
"I know, I know!" Annie confessed. "Glee, Annie Kim, that threat I made…..I've done some stupid things this semester too, and I am sorry. But when I mess up with you, I try to apologize and learn from it and do my very best not to do it again. You've acted less and less sorry and less aware of when you hurt me lately. At least before the Annie of it All incident, you made more of an effort to make things up to me and strengthen our friendship after we had a tiff. I was one of the few people who made you do that much, and that's what helped make me and us special to you, no matter what unresolved issues we buried. It just…..didn't feel like it that much this semester. Part of that's my fault and I admit that, but it's been feeling like you don't know that it's not all my fault."
"It would be so much easier if that were true," Jeff confessed.
"Then why not make it easy? Why didn't we both balance our awkward nonsense with fun and bantering and the other stuff that makes us such good friends, like we did the past four semesters? Was it just a normal rough patch, or some more ominous sign of things to come? I don't want that to happen….do you?" Annie carefully asked.
"Of course not," Jeff admitted. "I wasn't trying to make it happen this time, either! But you know I don't think about things like that while I'm in jerk mode, it just happens! It didn't happen that much more than usual this time, either, you know! I didn't kiss you or avoid you on purpose or dismiss whatever chemistry we do have this time! That's a step forward, right?"
"Yeah, you didn't do anything worse than usual since spring. But we always had fun and sweet moments to balance out those worse things eventually. We didn't have many of those this fall, and I missed that," Annie reminded him.
"I wasn't deliberately trying not to have them. It just turned out that way….I mean, should you really be that surprised anymore that I was a jerk? It shouldn't be news to you that I can be that insensitive! I mean, you're calling me out on it now, aren't you?" Jeff reminded her.
"That's true, I have been calling you out more lately, too. I'm not as naïve in dealing with you anymore….certainly not like I was after that first summer. I wasn't even won over by your 'milady' in paintball last spring….probably because the Annie of it All thing was still too fresh in my mind," Annie theorized. "Maybe I'm growing up in dealing with you while you're going the opposite way. Then again, if I was all grown up, I wouldn't have done that Glee routine the way I did."
"But you're still getting better and trying to grow up anyway," Jeff credited Annie for. "That's….not something I'm capable of yet."
"You are capable, though! You showed it plenty of times the last two years!" Annie recalled. "You even started seeing a therapist this semester, so that potential is still there somewhere!"
"Maybe therapy is the problem. Maybe it's making me think too much. It makes sense that that's screwing me up, since I hate thinking too much to begin with. Thinking over and over about things I never thought about before, or thinking about people in…..ways I never thought of before….well, that's why I'm in this mess in the first place!" Jeff blurted out.
"What do you mean?" Annie pressed on as Jeff went back into clamping up mode. "Jeff, are you in therapy because of me? Are you at least in there partly because….you're trying to deal with me?" But still no answer. "Jeff, don't do this again, you need to start telling me more! That's why we're in this rut! You're not letting yourself have fun with me or be there for me much these days because you're too busy trying to keep things from me! We need to break that pattern now! While we still can!"
"Damnit, Annie, this is why a lot of this is your fault!" Jeff ultimately erupted.
"Excuse me?" was all Annie let herself say while waiting for a better explanation.
"You keep trying to make me talk and grow and change and be less of….who I am! You're too smart to keep lying to yourself that I'm that kind of person! I mean, if I magically said everything I wanted to say, do you really think I'd turn into Mr. perfect boyfriend all of a sudden? That happens in Abed's romcoms, but not in real life! I can't be that person, and you need to stop settling for anything less than that! Even if I could be close to it, I'm not there yet and I know I won't get there for a while, so will you just stop rushing me? It's going to be hard enough recovering from this dark semester, especially after you just made me hate it even more, okay?"
Annie was too overwhelmed to take all of that in right away. By the time she started sorting a little bit of it out, she noticed that Jeff wasn't even able to look at her right now. It made sense, since it took this much arguing to make him give that big speech, and now it might take even more of an effort to make him talk again at all. But Annie had to try to get him to say a little more.
"I'm going to ask something, although it'll make it look like I focused on the wrong thing in that speech. When you said you couldn't 'magically say everything I wanted to say'….why can't you say it? Does it have to do with how you feel about me?"
As Annie almost expected, Jeff didn't have anything to say to that. Instead of getting annoyed or frustrated, as she had every right to and had done too much already today, Annie realized another approach was needed.
"Jeff, I know opening up is hard for you. Maybe I do forget that sometimes. But for something like this…..you can't just leave me completely hanging. I've been hanging on you for over two years already! And if you can't at least let yourself be my close friend anymore because you're afraid of saying these things….I don't know what we can do," Annie resigned herself to saying.
"That's the point…..you shouldn't have to hang on me. Or settle for just scraps of friendship from me. But that's all I'm capable of doing right now," Jeff lingered, then picked up before Annie could start objecting. "I know, I know, I'm capable of more, you keep saying it no matter how many times I say no! If that's true, then why can't I still do more yet? And why did I take all these steps back you keep talking about?"
Annie had been asking Jeff questions like that since she got here; but now she had to consider the chance that even he didn't know. Or if he did know, he was too held back by his usual character flaws to admit he knew.
"Maybe it's a sign that I do know what I feel now, but I still can't make myself say or do anything about it! I'm not that kind of person yet, whether I want to be or not, and….and just how is being near you and talking about it and singing sexy songs and reminding me I'm not worth you supposed to help me with that, anyway? It's not, okay?" Jeff proclaimed before shutting up again.
For all of Jeff's protests, he wasn't denying that there were deeper feelings he was holding back, even if he couldn't say them out loud. That should have been enough to get Annie through this, yet she needed more – not just for her sake, but for Jeff's as well.
"Jeff, I don't want to nag you into saying something you're not ready to say. But we can't ignore that you want to say it either. Maybe there's a middle way….some way you can let me know that I'm not crazy for hanging on you and hoping you feel….certain things. I'd like if we can work together to find a way, like we did for most of the last two years. We didn't do that much of it last semester, but we can't be that rusty. At least I hope we're not," Annie expressed. "Do you hope we're not too?"
Jeff didn't say anything, yet Annie did catch him nodding his head yes. At that, the rather powerful cogs in her brain went back into full gear. "Wait a minute, hold on….maybe you don't have to actually say these things! If you can't use your words, you can at least nod your head yes or no to some questions! It wouldn't let out everything you want to say, but it can be enough for me until you can admit it in words! Is that….something you'd like to try?"
Jeff took a few seconds to nod yes. Under normal circumstances, it would make Annie laugh to see Jeff actually avoid talking and using his silver tongue. Instead, she now had to focus on crafting questions that Jeff might actually nod yes or no too. Eventually, she put together the first one.
"You and I haven't been on the same page this past semester, and some part of that is my fault. But before that, you did dream a song that included you and me saying we'd sleep together. Did you….really have hopes before the year started that we might get that close?" Annie asked. She watched carefully for any twitches of Jeff's head and neck, yet none came.
Annie started to fear that this wasn't going to work either, and that there was really no way left to make her and Jeff better again before next semester. However, she then caught Jeff struggling to lift his head up by a few inches. It would have been comical if so much wasn't riding on it, yet eventually his head was up – then he let it drop again.
To Jeff, that seemed to be the best yes nod that he could muster under the pressure – yet Annie would take it. But she couldn't take it for long, as she had to keep going while she had the opening. "Did you have these hopes because you were guilty at how the 'Annie of it All' ordeal went, and how we left it hanging all summer?"
This time it seemed to take a little less effort for Jeff to get his head up before he drooped it down. Annie nodded more quickly and happily as she fine tuned her next question. "But when the semester started with Pierce coming back, you going nuts and me threatening to stop being your friend, those hopes hit a snag. Then we had that Model UN mess that we left on an awkward instead of sweet note between us, and things went downhill from there. That gave you enough time to get back into denial mode, shut down and try harder than usual to avoid your feelings for me at any cost. Then when I gave you those….images of me in the Santa suit, it made you more determined to brush it aside and that's why you just wanted me to stop talking about it today. Am I….wrong about any of this?"
Annie was hoping for a no nod, so she was praying that Jeff wouldn't try to lift his head up again. It did seem like Jeff was straining to move his head, but she couldn't tell in which direction yet. However, it became a little clear when his head suddenly fell onto his right shoulder – then clearer when he tipped his head onto his left shoulder before he finally shook it back and forth on his own. It was indeed a no nod.
Now Annie was struggling to not cheer and squeal over getting that much from Jeff. There was still a bit more she had to confirm while this window was open.
"Are you not telling me all this in words because you're not ready to do that yet?" A yes nod. "But are you trying to be?" Another yes nod. "Do you think you'll be ready anytime in the very near future?" A slow no nod. "Is that why it's been harder to be friends with me like we were in past semesters?" Back to the yes nod.
"Why can't you just be with me now and work on the rest while we're together?" Annie chided herself when she realized that wasn't a yes or no question. So she got ready to scratch that until Jeff actually made her jump by speaking out loud.
"Like I said, if we skipped ahead to being together now, before I was ready to be a better guy for you…..it just wouldn't work. And you know deep down it wouldn't too. That's not how it should be after all this….you need me to be better than I've been lately, and I can't subject you to me until I am. Not like that, anyway," Jeff laid out.
"But you want to be that person now, right?" Annie asked again. Since this was a yes or no question, Jeff went back to a yes nod. "Then let me help you! You don't have to do this alone, or push me away until you're ready to be with me! You might wind up doing too good a job!"
Given Annie's feelings and past Jeff worship, she was sad to admit this was probably an empty threat. No matter how much Jeff annoyed her, how much he kept his true feelings a secret and how over the top he was at denying it, she probably would just run into his arms and kiss him forever if he wanted right now – especially after all those yes nods. If she really was more grown up in handling him now, that wouldn't be the right way to prove it.
And Jeff knew it. And that's why he wanted to hold back on being with Annie until he was ready to be his very best for her – and so she wouldn't have to keep excusing him. Yet again, Jeff had found the stupidest and yet sweetest ways to show how he cared. He was still an amateur at it, which explained why he was going about this all wrong. However, now that Annie knew all of the facts, or at least enough to go on, she could actually help him.
"Jeff, I don't know what you're doing to try and make yourself 'worthy' of me. But you didn't come this far by hiding things or not being there for me as often. You became worthy and made yourself better because of the time we spent together, and how we were always there for each other. Even when we weren't or we made each other upset, we made things better and made each other happy in the end. I hate that we couldn't do that as much this semester…..and I think we'll both be better if the next one is different."
"So we're going to schedule and plan out how often we're there for each other? What a very Annie solution," Jeff finally chimed in with a wisecrack.
"That would be better than the Jeff solutions we've had so far, but not by that much," Annie matched him just like the old days. "We don't have to have a certain amount of sweet moments, really. If there's only so many chances to have adventures or side-adventures together, we can't help that. I mean, I live with Troy and Abed now, so I might have more side adventures with them than you next semester!"
"If I actually admit you living with two guys is troubling to me, even if it's Troy and Abed, does that count as one side-adventure?" Jeff checked.
"Sounds like more of a running gag. And a really silly one since it is just Troy and Abed," Annie pointed out, to which Jeff only halfway chuckled. "Anyway, the point is that we might spend a lot of time together next semester, or we might not. But no matter what, I just want us to put more of an effort in having fun and enjoying each other's company again. We only have three semesters left in Greendale, and we can't afford to waste any of them like we did this one. Thank God there isn't only one left after this, or then I'd probably freak out and rant on the Internet before I bashed my computer into pieces!"
"Yeah….thank God the Dean's just dumb instead of totally suicidal, then," Jeff stated to deflect from Annie's potential crazy. "I know, right?" Annie said completely seriously. Once she got those disturbing thoughts of losing two semesters out of her head, she focused on trying to wrap things up with Jeff.
"The good thing is he isn't suicidal, and we do have three semesters left. That means you have time to figure out just how you feel about me, or at least how to express it. I can live with it because now I know you do feel something and you're not denying it as much anymore. So I can wait for you to say the words and do…..other things, as long as we can at least be close again while you figure it out. And we really should make our friendship great again before we let it get any deeper. Who knows, maybe that'll help give you the push you need to go further….but I'll try not to push for it harder than I have to, okay?" Annie offered.
"You know, part of trying to be better is wishing that you didn't have to wait or be that patient with me," Jeff informed Annie. "It isn't helping me think that I deserve you any faster."
"Well, I did a bit more growing up when I wasn't regressing with you this fall. So maybe I can handle you trying not to be with me right now, since I know what I'm dealing with. You're kind of being an over the top perfectionist with this whole 'I can't let myself date you until I'm totally better' thing. But lucky for you I've known people like that all my life," Annie poked at herself.
"People like that are pretty surprising, though," Jeff stated now that they were in a familiar give-and-take. "They might just get better ahead of schedule, or be more flexible when they realize how stupid they are," he went on, hoping Annie realized he was only mocking himself. "Or they come out of nowhere with musical numbers that are….more memorable than they should be. Visually if not vocally, I mean," he finished, as he was mocking Annie that time.
"It's still dumb that I was only visually perfect. And that it was stupid baby Annie that had that effect on you instead of regular old Annie," the regular old Annie admitted.
"But the regular old Annie has that effect on me every day. I might not like admitting that much of the time, but not as much as I hated myself for drooling over baby Annie. Not just because of my usual reasons…it's also because the regular Annie is better and more beautiful in every way." Jeff visibly cringed a bit at being that sappy in front of Annie – despite knowing it was a great sign of progress. In any case, Annie's touched smile nearly made up for it.
"So…if that was regular old Annie in that outfit, and singing that song in a regular voice….would you feel less guilty about being into it that much?" Annie felt brave enough to ask.
"Ah….a test of my honesty if there ever was one. Both the right and wrong answer can get me in trouble….and I already used my Fifth Amendment lifeline," Jeff pretended to rue.
"Well, I guess I can be an activist judge and give you another one," Annie let him off the hook.
"Gee, if I had the likes of you on the bench, I might never have had to go to Greendale. How's that for a paradox?" Jeff needled. Annie didn't know how to answer that, so she went to her go to move of just laughing and smacking him on the shoulder. Her hand then wound up landing on top of his, which made both of them pause and wait to see what the other would do.
Jeff looked satisfied by it at first, then had on his usual look when he struggled to contain that he wanted more. And as per usual, he wound up pulling away soon afterwards, as his hand escaped her grasp. But this time, Annie saw a new look after that which conveyed….regretfulness in having to do that She imagined that Jeff had this look on once or twice before when she wasn't looking after past moments like this – yet now he was letting her see it with her own eyes. Another sign of real progress.
"And we're back!" Annie declared, since this did fall back into their old pattern – only with a welcome twist or two. "Okay then, I came to apologize and I did that a really long time ago….so now I feel more comfortable about leaving you alone," she announced, ready to quit while they were ahead. However, once she got to the front door and opened it, Jeff went right over to her before she could leave.
"Annie….apology accepted. For real, I mean. At least on the condition that you accept mine…for all those things you mentioned earlier. They seem like too many things to count, really," Jeff admitted.
"It's all right, Jeff. You not being at the move was predictable, and the Dean already tortured you enough that day. We both weren't on our game at Model UN, and we have Todd to take the fall for the biology partnership nightmare. And the Annie of it All….I'll admit I wasn't as tactful as I should have been either….and if I'd used better memories to prove our chemistry, you might not have weaseled out of it that easily. I guess after the secret sex with Britta secret came out, you didn't make it easy for me to think straight…but that's not something to hold against you now," Annie conceded. "So apology accepted right back too, then."
"How very grown up of you. That still doesn't quite balance out me being…..the child of it all and all. A real adult would have made up for it then and there…..or not let it linger on and tarnish a whole semester. Even saying the bunch of sorrys that I owe you isn't enough to make up for it. But at least I learned one thing; when I'm done growing up, I hope I become half the adult that my best friend is," Jeff hoped as he gestured towards his best friend.
After the true depth of that compliment sank in for Annie, she forgot that they already had one of their usual awkward touching moments and went over to hug him. She waited for him to stiffen up or back away after a moment, yet felt his arms around her instead.
The two had had a fairly one-sided talk about the actual Glee incident and their relationship as a whole, since Annie did most of the talking and Jeff still couldn't bring himself to state out loud what he really felt. But the important thing was that Annie knew – really knew for sure this time – that he did feel. She helped him express more in nods and gestures than he ever had in words with her, which was something for someone who was usually so good with words.
Of course, after that apology, Annie wondered even more why Jeff couldn't go a step further and confess the rest of his feelings even now. Yet he was weird that way – and they really didn't live in a magical romantic comedy where character traits completely reversed with one measly third act twist. Living with Abed really made facts like that stick in one's brain.
But with this little moment, Annie hoped Jeff's hug was saying something like "I care about you as much as you care about me, and someday I'll say it out loud, and until I do, we're going to have fun bantering, being there for each other, being true friends and matching wits again like we did in the first two years." Or something simpler to that effect.
Of course, if Annie knew that Jeff was thinking and conveying exactly that after all, she wouldn't have cared how many words he used.
Despite the hiccups of this semester, it had redeemed itself with a more heartwarming midseason finale after all. Of course, as Abed liked to point out, happy heartwarming endings and lessons are usually forgotten in the next week or two on TV once conflicts are resolved. Given that there were more than one-two weeks until the next semester started on January 12, this was a bit troubling. Yet Annie still had faith that he and Jeff would be back to their good normal selves on January 12 and have each other's backs again for the next five months – at the least.
As long as they came back precisely on January 12 and there were no nastier surprises and that they still did have three semesters to finish getting the rest of this right, it would be all uphill from here. If they really had had only one more Greendale semester to get it right between them, it would have made Jeff 10 times more freaked out and ticked off than even Annie would have been.
And the fact that thinking about an early exit from Greendale made Jeff so turned off now….that was the biggest proof of how much this….thing with Annie meant to him. Maybe by the end of the next semester, he could tell her so in words even if he did still have two more semesters to spare after all.
But until he was that brave to try, he could at least have his best friend back to watch his back, to come to for help, advice and comfort again, and to share those sweeter moments that made him wish he could make her…..something more a little faster.