DISCLAIMER: They're not my characters. And if they were, they'd be getting
a lot freakier in those books...
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"Ginny." Hermione giggled as she slapped Ginny's cheeks. "Come on Gin," she doubled over with laughter, "you gotta wake up. You're fucking taking up all the room on the," Hermione slapped Ginny as hard as she could while trying to stop laughing, "couch. This couch is in it's prime! It wants snoggers, not passer-outers!"
Finally Hermione managed to slap Ginny hard enough. Ginny's eyes flew open as she looked at her best friend. "What the fuck?!"
"You're awake!" Hermione crowed. She turned back to the people who filled the Gryffindor common room. "Look every one, Ginny's alive!"
Seamus gave her a look only a drunken person could while everyone else ignored her. Hermione just laughed and went off to find Draco. She couldn't stand the kid most of the time, but damnit if he didn't have the best weed she'd ever had. She'd asked him about it one time, but they were really fucking high and he just started laughing. So then she did and the whole thing was forgotten.
"Dray!" Hermione screeched as he came into view. He winked at her before downing the beer in the beer bong Ron was holding over his head. "Dude," Hermione giggled as she leaned on Ron's arm, "what are you doing?"
"Getting fucked!" Ron yelled.
A few "Fuck yeah's" and "Hell ya's" were heard round the room as people agreed with Ron's announcement.
"Sweet." Hermione said just as Draco finished the beer.
He stood up, pounded softly on his chest, and let out the most un-Malfoy belch anyone had ever heard. "Grang-a-langer! What's up?"
"I'm drunk." Hermione told him. "And I'm high." She laughed. "I'm drunk and high. I'm dry!"
"You are past dry Granger." Ron pointed out. "You're baked to high hell."
"Hell's high?" Hermione asked, completely serious. "Like, seriously?"
"Pull my finger." Harry yelled behind them.
"Okay." Hermione said as she reached out to pull his finger.
"Oh no you don't." Ron laughed as he stopped her in the nick of time.
"What the fuck, you ass?" Harry yelled at Ron. "She was gonna pull my finger!"
"What finger?" Hermione asked, confused.
"She's lost it." Draco pointed out the obvious. He burst out laughing. "She's dry."
"What does 'dry' mean?" Hermione asked, still confused.
The three guys rolled their eyes. Then Blaise pulled up and parked himself next to Hermione. They looked at each other for a second before Hermione told Blaise he was 'one sexy bitch' and that she'd wanted to fuck him since 'I learned how to double click my mouse.' The four guys just stared at her until Blaise, whistling inconspicuously, stood in front of her and grabbed her boobs. He held on too.
For a while...
"Okay." Draco laughed, pulling Blaise's hands off Hermione's breasts. "I think that's enough of that."
"Damn." Blaise swore and turned to scan the crowd for more boobs to grab. His eyes landed on a very drunk Lavender and he quickly bounded over to her.
"He's a horny little bastard ain't he?" Harry laughed. "Ah, to be that horny..."
Draco and Ron looked at each other, eyebrows raised, for a second before turning their attention to Hermione who was singing to Britney Spears, even though there was no music, and preparing to climb on the bar they'd set up. With a flick of Draco's wrist 'Slave 4 You' began booming overhead. Hermione swayed to the music for moment before busting a very drunken move right there on the bar counter.
"Take it off!" Draco yelled. He laughed at the dirty look Ron threw at him.
"Dray!" Hermione yelled. "I'll take it off when you take it off!"
Draco seemed to think about that for, oh, two seconds before he whipped off his shirt and began twirling it around his head. He rolled his hips and nearly everyone in the room gasped. Hermione looked down from her bar counter, very impressed.
Then there was a shout from the other side of the room as Blaise's shirt came off. The crowds around the two guys parted as they looked at each other, shirtless and ready for the competition to begin. The two began dancing circles around each other until out of no where Ron jumped in and began shaking his ass Shakira style. The crowd went wild.
The next thing they new Draco was humping the floor with his tongue snaked out of his mouth. Every eye went wide as they watched him grind like the best of the boybands. That is, until out of no where a pole appeared and Blaise got his pole dance on.
"I've watched a lot of stripper movies!" Blaise yelled to a glaring Draco and an impressed Ron. He jumped up and rode the pole to the bottom before arching his back, a smile on his face, and saying, "A lot of stripper movies."
"Yeah, well strippers ain't got nothing on Britney!" Ron yelled as he shimmied and started the complete 'Slave' routine.
Harry just watched in a silent awe.
Draco grinned and quickly pulled Hermione down from the bar. He stood her in front of him and whispered in her ear, "Come on Granger, let's show 'em what we've got."
And with that they began doing every provocative dance move they could think of. This went on for a good five minutes before Draco did one last hip roll and Hermione passed out into Harry's awaiting arms. The partygoers went crazy.
"I win you stupid fuckers!" Draco yelled, his arms above his head in triumph. He looked at Ron and Blaise and yelled, "I beat your asses! Losers!"
Then he passed out.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
The next morning McGonogall slowly made her way through the mass of passed out bodies covering the common room floor. She stepped on someone's hand and hurried an apology, but the kid didn't even wake up. After a few minutes she made her way to the bar and stood up on it to survey the damage. It looked like a battlefield, what with all the people laying passed out on the floor.
"Damn." She said slowly. "Pomprey's gonna be pissed."
"Pissed?"
McGonogall heard somewhere from her left. She looked around for the owner of the voice and smiled as her gaze landed on Hermione Granger, looking completely disheveled. "Yes, Miss Granger. Pissed."
"But Professor McGonogall, we got dry last night." Hermione informed her. "Not pissed."
McGonogall quirked an eyebrow and watched as Hermione fell over onto Seamus Finnegan. "What the fuck does 'dry' mean?"
THE END
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(This is so stupid. I shouldn't have even written it. Oh well, fuck it.)
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"Ginny." Hermione giggled as she slapped Ginny's cheeks. "Come on Gin," she doubled over with laughter, "you gotta wake up. You're fucking taking up all the room on the," Hermione slapped Ginny as hard as she could while trying to stop laughing, "couch. This couch is in it's prime! It wants snoggers, not passer-outers!"
Finally Hermione managed to slap Ginny hard enough. Ginny's eyes flew open as she looked at her best friend. "What the fuck?!"
"You're awake!" Hermione crowed. She turned back to the people who filled the Gryffindor common room. "Look every one, Ginny's alive!"
Seamus gave her a look only a drunken person could while everyone else ignored her. Hermione just laughed and went off to find Draco. She couldn't stand the kid most of the time, but damnit if he didn't have the best weed she'd ever had. She'd asked him about it one time, but they were really fucking high and he just started laughing. So then she did and the whole thing was forgotten.
"Dray!" Hermione screeched as he came into view. He winked at her before downing the beer in the beer bong Ron was holding over his head. "Dude," Hermione giggled as she leaned on Ron's arm, "what are you doing?"
"Getting fucked!" Ron yelled.
A few "Fuck yeah's" and "Hell ya's" were heard round the room as people agreed with Ron's announcement.
"Sweet." Hermione said just as Draco finished the beer.
He stood up, pounded softly on his chest, and let out the most un-Malfoy belch anyone had ever heard. "Grang-a-langer! What's up?"
"I'm drunk." Hermione told him. "And I'm high." She laughed. "I'm drunk and high. I'm dry!"
"You are past dry Granger." Ron pointed out. "You're baked to high hell."
"Hell's high?" Hermione asked, completely serious. "Like, seriously?"
"Pull my finger." Harry yelled behind them.
"Okay." Hermione said as she reached out to pull his finger.
"Oh no you don't." Ron laughed as he stopped her in the nick of time.
"What the fuck, you ass?" Harry yelled at Ron. "She was gonna pull my finger!"
"What finger?" Hermione asked, confused.
"She's lost it." Draco pointed out the obvious. He burst out laughing. "She's dry."
"What does 'dry' mean?" Hermione asked, still confused.
The three guys rolled their eyes. Then Blaise pulled up and parked himself next to Hermione. They looked at each other for a second before Hermione told Blaise he was 'one sexy bitch' and that she'd wanted to fuck him since 'I learned how to double click my mouse.' The four guys just stared at her until Blaise, whistling inconspicuously, stood in front of her and grabbed her boobs. He held on too.
For a while...
"Okay." Draco laughed, pulling Blaise's hands off Hermione's breasts. "I think that's enough of that."
"Damn." Blaise swore and turned to scan the crowd for more boobs to grab. His eyes landed on a very drunk Lavender and he quickly bounded over to her.
"He's a horny little bastard ain't he?" Harry laughed. "Ah, to be that horny..."
Draco and Ron looked at each other, eyebrows raised, for a second before turning their attention to Hermione who was singing to Britney Spears, even though there was no music, and preparing to climb on the bar they'd set up. With a flick of Draco's wrist 'Slave 4 You' began booming overhead. Hermione swayed to the music for moment before busting a very drunken move right there on the bar counter.
"Take it off!" Draco yelled. He laughed at the dirty look Ron threw at him.
"Dray!" Hermione yelled. "I'll take it off when you take it off!"
Draco seemed to think about that for, oh, two seconds before he whipped off his shirt and began twirling it around his head. He rolled his hips and nearly everyone in the room gasped. Hermione looked down from her bar counter, very impressed.
Then there was a shout from the other side of the room as Blaise's shirt came off. The crowds around the two guys parted as they looked at each other, shirtless and ready for the competition to begin. The two began dancing circles around each other until out of no where Ron jumped in and began shaking his ass Shakira style. The crowd went wild.
The next thing they new Draco was humping the floor with his tongue snaked out of his mouth. Every eye went wide as they watched him grind like the best of the boybands. That is, until out of no where a pole appeared and Blaise got his pole dance on.
"I've watched a lot of stripper movies!" Blaise yelled to a glaring Draco and an impressed Ron. He jumped up and rode the pole to the bottom before arching his back, a smile on his face, and saying, "A lot of stripper movies."
"Yeah, well strippers ain't got nothing on Britney!" Ron yelled as he shimmied and started the complete 'Slave' routine.
Harry just watched in a silent awe.
Draco grinned and quickly pulled Hermione down from the bar. He stood her in front of him and whispered in her ear, "Come on Granger, let's show 'em what we've got."
And with that they began doing every provocative dance move they could think of. This went on for a good five minutes before Draco did one last hip roll and Hermione passed out into Harry's awaiting arms. The partygoers went crazy.
"I win you stupid fuckers!" Draco yelled, his arms above his head in triumph. He looked at Ron and Blaise and yelled, "I beat your asses! Losers!"
Then he passed out.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
The next morning McGonogall slowly made her way through the mass of passed out bodies covering the common room floor. She stepped on someone's hand and hurried an apology, but the kid didn't even wake up. After a few minutes she made her way to the bar and stood up on it to survey the damage. It looked like a battlefield, what with all the people laying passed out on the floor.
"Damn." She said slowly. "Pomprey's gonna be pissed."
"Pissed?"
McGonogall heard somewhere from her left. She looked around for the owner of the voice and smiled as her gaze landed on Hermione Granger, looking completely disheveled. "Yes, Miss Granger. Pissed."
"But Professor McGonogall, we got dry last night." Hermione informed her. "Not pissed."
McGonogall quirked an eyebrow and watched as Hermione fell over onto Seamus Finnegan. "What the fuck does 'dry' mean?"
THE END
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(This is so stupid. I shouldn't have even written it. Oh well, fuck it.)