His legs were trembling as he stepped up onto the stool. It wobbled under him, and the shaking in his knees didn't help him to gain his balance. He was barely able to reach high enough to tie the scarf around the beam but he managed and now the scarf, his scarf, was dangling in front of him taunting him. But he didn't need to be taunted; he'd made up his mind.
He closed his eyes, taking one deep breath in as he wrapped the scarf tightly around his throat. He thought of Sherlock, how lucky he had been to find him. Sherlock had saved him from himself, and he'd never thanked him for that. He'd never thanked him for a lot of things, like being his first true love even if he'd never admitted it. He thought about how close he was to seeing him again. Just thinking about it gave him enough courage to lift himself up onto his toes, he need to be able to jump high off of the stool so the scarf would snap his neck instead of chocking him which would take minutes. He didn't want to feel any pain; he wanted to escape from it.
He guessed he could have chosen a different, cleaner way of doing things. Hanging yourself didn't always work but he really hadn't thought of any other way to do it. This just always seemed like the right choice.
Now on his toes he bent his knees, he kept assuring himself that this was what he needed to do. This was what would get him back to Sherlock. His heart hammered in his chest as he took in one final breath, the scent of Sherlock left behind on his scarf traveled deeply through his nose, he was excited about the prospect of seeing him again. Being able to hold him, to smell him to kiss him…
Suddenly there was a buzzing from his pocket.
He could have ignored it and just jumped, but something made him pick it up. He didn't recognize the number but he found himself hitting the answer button anyway.
"How fitting John." He knew the voice right away. The voice of the man who had put him here. Jim continued, "You choosing to 'jump' and all." He had no response except for his labored breathing. "He did too." John cringed knowing that this didn't matter. It would all be over soon. "Do you want to know a little secret John?"
But he didn't want to know the secret. So he jumped. But thankfully he didn't get very far; Sherlock had been there to catch him.