I clutched my books close to my chest as I wound my way through the crowded hallways of my high school, my heart pulsing at a constant rate until I saw your face turn my way and you smiled. Everything seemed to stop, my heart included as your smile sent sparks ricocheting inside of me. It was a warm and welcoming smile, the kind that would make any girl go insane, the smile that would make someone sad feel happy. It was the type of smile that made me nearly faint from happiness and shock, the smile that I had wanted to receive for a year. Today marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life, the chapter that started with you.
As your smile spread across your face, my heart started again and was sending blood racing through my veins. I couldn't get enough of this feeling, it was almost too much to handle. We had become friends throughout the year, learning more about the other as time progressed, our secrets and dreams slowly revealed. As the days passed, I grew closer to you and one day, when I came to school and saw you, it felt like nothing else was holding me to the earth but you. You restarted my whole life, I was reborn.
Even though our time together was coming to a close, my time here dwindling, I felt myself get drawn to you, I fell for you more and more with each passing day. I was leaving in less than fifty days, my life changing the moment I left for halfway around the world. Everything I had grown to love, including you, I was leaving behind unwillingly as I lived the rest of my high school days in a foreign country. You were my heart and soul, I couldn't help but feel so alone when each day ended faster and when our visits with each other began to shorten and finally end.
I was losing you, piece by piece, you spent your time with your girlfriend and you began to shut me out, leaving me to starve for friendship. I desperately needed someone to talk to, and with nobody knowing how I really felt about you, I couldn't tell anyone. When everything I loved nearly gone, I finally lost myself and became someone I didn't know anymore.
So as you smiled at me in the hallway, I felt my old life drift back to me, my memory of my happiness slowly coming back and seeming like a reality. I felt a flicker of hope in my heart, something I craved for months.
The bell ringing awakened me from my thoughts, the students around me shoving and pushing past me as they made their way to class before they were tardy. I didn't move, my eyes locked on you as you wound your arms around your girlfriend's shoulder, her jubilant laugh and beautiful face stealing your attention from me as you joined in her amazing laugh.
The pain in my heart, the longing, it immediately snapped back and bit me in the chest, a feeling I have nearly every moment you aren't looking at me, smiling, or talking to me. I fell in love with those signs, the little things you used to do before you met her, and now I am only invisible.
As I walked to the courtyard outside of the school, I felt the brilliant white light above shine down into the trees, the green hues of leaves reflecting off the windows and creating a piece of art. The colors softened into a rainbow as the light passed through the water of the beautiful green pond filled with fish the colors of the sky and land. I walked down the windy path of cobblestone until I made my way to the bench, the place where we first met. The cherry blossom tree swayed above my head, creating a marveling pattern of delight as petals showered down onto my head, making me feel beautiful. A willow tree hanging over the pond released tiny little leaves into a swirling mist as it wound it's way through the courtyard and up into the sky, reminding me of the birds flying by, the birds free to fly.
I loved coming here, it was the one place I could be myself, the one place I knew I wasn't invisible. As I leaned against the support of the bench, our first memory together drifted back to me in a flash, everything happening as if it were yesterday.
I sat on the bench with a pencil in hand as I wrote down the final words to my beautiful poem. I loved poetry, it was so something that just came naturally to me, so simple but yet intricate. As I began to finish writing the last letter of the word, I felt movement beside me, and looked to my right to find you, sitting next to me as your beautiful red eyes stared at my poem, your pupils reading each word so delicately, so carefully. I felt my heart get caught in my throat when I took in your face, how absolutely angelic you were to me. Your crimson red hair draped over your eyes, your clear, pale face making your smoldering eyes stand out and your amazing smile revealed when you looked up at me and pulled back your smooth, pink lips.
I smiled back and self consciously pulled my journal of poems out from under your fingertips, but stopped when you gently touched my hand. This time, I smiled and blushed dark scarlet when you smiled even wider, knowing I accepted our small and seemingly nonexistent introduction. Instantly I knew that this new feeling I felt had to be love, I had written about it so many times even though I never knew what it was like to be in love.
"Hey, what's your name?" you asked kindly as you touched my hand again the moment I looked away.
I brought my coral colored eyes back to yours and blinked a few times, processing your voice and words. Your voice was higher than normal but had such a smooth tone to it, so relaxed but yet formal and polite. I felt my heart hammer in my chest when I looked away again, glancing down at my lap where my poetry journal lay, my pen sprawled out over the binding and my words leaping off the page, reminding me of the fact that a boy was actually talking to me. Somehow, after a few moments of silence, I managed to bring my eyes back to yours and whisper my name.
"My name is Blossom, what about yours?" I asked with my voice continuing to shake.
"Brick, I assume you are a writer, since your work is exquisite and quite beautiful," you said.
I felt a whole tidal wave of emotions fall down on top of me as I gasped in shock. Not only had you read my poetry, said hi to me, and smiled at me, but you actually complemented my writing. I knew I was a gifted writer, I wrote for the school paper and often wrote poems on the back under a fake name, I didn't want people to know I wrote those poems, they were way to personal and if anyone ever made the connection, I could be ruined. The mere fact that you read it and said it was amazing made me nearly faint, you were talking to someone who was a nobody, an invisible creature that happened to like to write and speak to nobody, a ghost.
"You really like it," I asked, making sure I heard you right.
After you nodded and smiled again, I lost my voice all over again. A literal angel sat next to me, reading my life, words, feelings, truths, and all. It was almost to much to keep from screaming, but I resisted and decided to learn more about you.
We ended up talking for hours, the sun beginning to set as night began to fall, but we didn't care, we stayed out all night, the stars shining down on us in perfect light. That bench marked the day and moment when we met, and how I eventually fell in love. Even though that day I insisted that I had fallen in love with you, it wasn't until later when I realized how much I really did and how much you meant to me, but it was never intended that I would fall for my best friend.
When you walked me home that night, our shoulders occasionally touching or our hands next to the other, I quietly promised to myself to see you again, to not run away from the start of a new friendship we had created. When I fell asleep that night, all I could think about was fate. The moment our eyes met, I was finishing writing my poem, finishing writing the word love.
So now as I sit on the bench and write poetry, I remember you, how much you used to talk to me, smile, laugh, and cry. We were so close and all of that went away when you got a girlfriend, someone way prettier, smarter, kinder, and more perfect than I ever could be. As much as I wanted to scream at you and tell you how I felt when you told me you found the right girl, I simply nodded and said good for you.
Ever since that last conversation, we haven't said much, an occasional nod or hey from one or the other, but nothing more. It has been six months since then and I still write poetry, but now, they are about you, everything is and always has been about you.
As I continued to listen to the hum of the trees blowing in the wind, the tweeting of birds as they danced through the air in unison, I moved my pen swiftly across the paper, my words reflecting my emotion. I whispered the words to myself as I wrote, the words flowing out onto the paper effortlessly, like breathing.
I sit at a bench,
Seeing a pond of green,
Greens the colors of lily-pads with white,
The colors of flowers and the winds of snowy,
Frosted swans,
Their black glossy eyes the color of my empty eyes staring at the pond of green.
I take in the life,
The best symphony playing aloud,
The music of nature,
The beautiful oriental patterned lake,
Decorated in the hues of millions of hues,
The hues the colors of black, white, and green,
The hues the colors of the pond of green.
My eyes flew up to the sound of yelling, my pupils adjusting to the scene laid out in front of me. My heart stopped when I saw her slap you, your face red as you stepped backwards in shock. Your hand touched your cheek in shock, your eyes watery as you gave her a pained expression.
"How dare you accuse me of cheating on you," she screamed, her body leaping towards you.
I watched as she pushed you and tackled you to the ground, your arms trying to resist her nails and teeth as you pushed her away.
"I watched you kiss him, I have every right to accuse you, and you know what, we're done, we're through, it's over!" you said with tears scrolling down your cheeks, clearly heartbroken.
When I watched her lunge at you once again, everything seemed to slow down, the entire world and time stopping. I felt my body run towards you two, my body fitting between you and her just before she managed to scratch you. A wave of pain shot through my arm as her fingers cut through my skin, her nails tearing open flesh. The pain was almost unbearable, but I knew I had to stay up, I wouldn't let her hurt you anymore.
Her face darkened even more when she saw my interference, her lips curling back into a scowl as she lashed at me again, this time breaking skin on my shoulder. Then, she growled and punched my neck, sending me backwards into your arms, your hands cradling me in a tight embrace as we crumpled to the ground together, my vision blurry from the impact. Even with my vision fuzzy, I could make out her evil expression, her body making her way towards me with fury, but she stopped and ran away when a teacher stormed out into the courtyard, and just like that, everyone dispersed, all except you and I. I looked up at you and tried to smile, trying to ignore my pain, but failed. You held me close as I closed my eyes and everything went black.
I woke up on top of my bed, my bag and poetry journal residing next to me. I was home, in my room, and I could barely move. I instinctively moved my hand to my neck and touched the wound, not sure of how it felt or what it looked like. It ached, but it wasn't as bad as before. Slowly sitting up, I glanced around my room, everything back the way it was. After taking it all in, I reached for my journal and began to write, time and everything around me disappearing as I got lost in my own words.
As I finished my poem, I glanced up towards the ceiling and came eye to eye with you, your eyes serious as you walked over and sat next to me. You must have come in without me noticing. I instantly felt whole again, my whole universe that revolved around you spinning evenly, controlled and as it was before. I felt everything come into place, everything the way it should be.
"Hey," you said softly as you leaned back against my wall like you used to, your arm swooping around my shoulders as we relaxed into an embrace as we lay atop my bed, poetry spread out on top of my comforter. You eyed me and picked up a recent piece of writing, my face going red when I saw which one it was.
At night is when people sleep,
When people dream and float off into the starry sky,
Where they dream about their secrets and desires,
Their regrets and loves soon forgotten,
They've been pulled away into another world,
A world of their own.
Sleep never comes for me,
Tossing and turning beneath my cotton sheets causing me to lay awake,
I think about you.
Your beautiful eyes shining in the sun as you watch my every move.
Your lips pulling back every time you smile revealing pearly white teeth.
Your laugh making my stomach do flips and letting butterflies soar free.
The butterflies soar like my heart does when I see you.
After several moments of silence, your eyes moved from the thin piece of paper and moved to mine, smiling. I smiled back, knowing you knew.
"Why didn't you tell me?" you asked curiously, your embrace tighter than before.
"I was afraid to lose you," I said honestly.
"You'll never lose me, I promise," you said as you kissed my forehead, your hands moving to my waist as you pulled me closer to his heart.
"I love you, always have and always will," you said as you looked into my eyes.
"I love you too," I replied, grinning.
And just like that, we kissed, my first one with the man I loved and always would love. With that one kiss, I knew I found the one, the one thing I couldn't live without, you.
I awoke from my deep slumber, light streaming through my window and filling up my room in a brilliance of color. After untangling my legs from the sheets, I made my way to my desk, picking up my phone, and opening up Instagram. After making my way to your account, I sighed when I saw you and her sitting together, her face smiling as you kissed her cheek. I could picture the two of you there right now, spending as much time together as possible. I scrolled down to the comments and saw the time it was posted, which was an hour ago. I immediately touched my hand to my neck and felt nothing, no scar, no pain. It had all been a dream.
As I sat on our bench after school a few weeks later, I wrote one last poem, the last one about you. I had accepted the truth, but still have faith that there is still a chance for us. Today was my last day and as I looked up at the sky, the wind reassured me that we would find each other again. We may not feel the same about each other, but we both know we will always love each other, even if it means we can't be together. Life is a game of choice, and I lost, but you can always try again and in my heart, I know I will find somebody that cares about me as much as I care about you.
I feel a flood of warmth,
Relaxed and at peace.
The pouring rain gets softer as it falls,
Like silk, I feel it's smooth texture slide down my white skin.
I instantly give a sigh of relief,
A feeling never exposed or felt by myself.
My peals of laughter ring like bells,
My laughter escaping into the dark night.
I listen as my long sun kissed golden brown hair whips out behind me,
The wind flaring out in all sorts of directions.
My chocolate brown eyes see the beautiful stars,
They shine down on the luscious green earth.
I fall,
I fall in the grass and dip my hand in the luminous pearl colored stream lit by the stars and white moon.
I stare up and see only sky and earth,
Two fabrics sewn together by the horizon,
The rivers,
The clouds,
The colors of blue and green.
I watch the sky as it begins to change,
Changing from deep blue to red,
Orange,
And pink.
It's time for the sun to rise,
The sun,
The color of warmth.
So when I closed my journal for the last time, I put everything I loved about you into my mind, what we were and all that we are. You may not be mine to love, but you will always be my stars, my sky, and my world. Though I will never change how I feel about you, you taught me to move on and to live my life the way I want to.
After getting up from the bench, our bench, I made my way down the cobblestone path, winding my way out of the courtyard and home, where I would be in the future. I was leaving behind everything I loved, including you, and I wouldn't be coming back for a long time. This would always be my home, you would always be my safe haven, but I am now ready to press on and continue life's chosen path for me.
With one final look back at the garden by the pond, where we first met, I whispered three words.
I love you.