All my friends tell me I should move on
I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song
Ahhh, that's how you sang it
Loving you forever, can't be wrong
Even though you're not here, won't move on
Ahhh, that's how we played it
And there's no remedy
For memory
Your face is like a melody,
It won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me
And telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead
(dead like you)
The things she would do to feel him, hear his raspy voice or just to see him….
It has been two and a half months.
She thought the summer after losing her parents or looking for Stefan was hard. She was wrong.
The first month was the absolute worst month of her existence. She physically could not eat or think properly. She would just sit somewhere staring into nothing for days on end. Of course that didn't last long with them watching over her. They are worried. She knows that. But at times they are so hovering and so forceful for her to move on it makes her worried she will have nothing of him left.
His scent is practically gone now from the sheets she has yet to wash. She doesn't touch the closet where his items and clothes are. Everyone including herself are walking on eggshells. Afraid one thing will send her over the edge.
There was one night in particular Stefan mentioned Damon's name….Big mistake. Elena snapped and started throwing everything near her at him before they had to vervain her and contain her in the cellar.
She feels so weak that just the mention of his name can send her spiraling. It has gotten better since then though in a lot of ways. But in other ways,
It's gotten worse.
Now she doesn't feel much. She feels almost numb. A lot like when her switch was off when her brother died but she still has feelings attached to everything. So it is like the crappy watered down version of it. She tried, trust me Elena tried to shut off her humanity multiple times. The pain is so intense and overwhelming is just snaps the barrier and she is back where she started.
A few weeks ago Elena made a break through. A bad one. But something to get her through.
She was yelling at her brother and Alaric in particular for trying to force her to move on when she stormed out of the house. Her first time out of the house since his…death. She didn't know where to go so she just kept driving in the car Stefan bought her since the Camaro is long gone. She saw spotlights and headed in that direction. Needless to say she has spent the better part of the last month at the bar a town away. It doesn't solve anything but boy does it make her miserable life a lot better.
Elena puts on a halter top and some leather skinny jeans with heals. She feels nice. If he saw her in this he would think so too… She shakes her head of those unnecessary thoughts and straightens her hair and puts on her makeup.
She feels the anticipation of going there and loosing herself so she tries to hurry. She can't wait. She didn't go last night because her brother wanted to spend time with her. Even though she is as useful as air is to a vampire right now she knows he also lost someone as well and that he loved and he needs someone, the only family he has left. Her. Of course he tried to intervene her slowly disintegrating life towards the end of the night which she then called off the bonding and went to bed. She doesn't fight or yell anymore. Elena doesn't have it in her. She no longer has the 'fire'. The same fire that Damon loved. She tried so hard to hold onto herself at the beginning and stay strong but there is no use. In the end she just needs him.
She quickly sweeps her hair to the side and looks emotionlessly at the stranger in the mirror before she grabs her keys and heads downstairs.
Everyone is in the parlor whispering and as soon as they see her it immediately stops. Jeez could they be more obvious Elena thought.
Elena doesn't talk to them much. She loves them, and thanks them for being there and their support but Elena can feel the distance she is putting between her and everyone. She doesn't have it in her to love someone else when she can't even love herself. Hell she can't even take care of herself.
Elena glances briefly at them, Stefan nods, understanding before she is out the door and it slams behind her.
She use to hear them every now and then thinking of plans to bring him back and at first she tried to help the best she could but in the end they were all loose ends and it made it worse on her. She lost hope. They all did.
Elena knew something would go wrong that night. God she fucking knew. Elena told him while looking in those beautiful cerulean eyes 'what if something goes wrong' but he had so much confidence… The plan seemed bulletproof. But Elena has learned nothing is what it seems.
She gets in her bulky SUV and quickly cruises down the road. She fumbles with the glove box while driving and grabs a cigarette. About a week ago when Elena was outside the bar a woman came up to her and offered a cigarette she was about to decline but instead she grabbed it out of her hands and lit it. Vampire or not, it calms her. And right now Elena will take what she can get.
About 20 minutes later she arrives at her safe haven and can feel some tension easing away at the thought of losing herself in here once again. The good thing about being a depressed vampire is you can't get alcohol poisoning. Well you can, but it will just heal the next minute.
Very convenient.
She grabs her credit card from her purse, puts it in her pocket before stepping out of the car and heading inside.
"Elena." Ben greets.
"Ben you know the drill." Elena looks at him pointedly.
"Bourbon neat." He nods.
She sighs leaning against the bar looking out at all the other people here letting go of their inhibitions. Everyone has their own reason why they are here at this hole in the corner bar. But no one asks.
"Here." He says behind her.
She drinks it in one go before scooting it back to him with a small smile on her face.
"Damn girl." He shakes his head laughing before going off and making another one.
She smiles as he leaves. He is one of the only people she can talk to. He won't ask questions. He gives her endless drinks without being compelled and he just gets it.
She is about to sit down on the stool when someone next to her grabs her attention. "Hey beautiful." A deep voice says next to her. Elena raises her eyebrow looking over and sees a big motorcyclist looking her up and down.
He does nothing for her.
No surprise.
"No thank you." Elena says coldly and tries to turn away.
He grabs her wrists, stopping her. "Where do you think you are going?"
She sighs but twists his wrists as he screams in pain before she leads him outside and into the back ally. He is still cursing in pain and is about to slap her when she slams him up against the wall and looks into his eyes. "You will shut the fuck up and never touch a woman like that again you hear me?"
He nods emotionlessly.
"Good." She grins before biting into his neck. He struggles a little but that is what she likes. She moans tasting the alcohol in his blood making it all that much more toxic. Elena can tell she needs to stop soon but she can't find it in her to care. She feels him getting weaker and weaker but keeps going. His blood is swirling around her mouth like melted chocolate and it tastes so good. Elena feels his hands at her neck holding onto her then he is on the ground. She looks at him confused before she gasps. Elena kneels down to him listening.
Nothing.
He is dead.
Elena covers her face with her hands in shock. She has no control.
She tells herself there is nothing more to do so she grabs his arms and pulls him to the end of the ally and out of the light.
Elena gives him a long look. Sorry. She tells him in her head. Elena feels even worse because she feels like she should feel sadder about killing someone but instead his death just makes her feel closer to him.
She gives him one last look before turning around to go pick up her bourbon that is waiting for her.
It is about 2 am when Elena stumbles out of her car. She barely made it here without crashing but vampire reflexes and all she is fine. Elena makes it two steps when Alaric and Jeremy rush out to help her. Like always.
"I'm fine." Elena slurs.
"No you're not." Jeremy sighs grabbing on to her waist as he leads her to the door.
"God Elena…" Alaric sighs sadly, grabbing her other side.
They help Elena into the house and up the stairs into Damon's room which she now uses as her own. Alaric carefully places her on the bed and throws some blankets over her.
"Elena…You have to learn that it will be awhile till he comes back if not ever. But you can't live like this. It is not what he would have wanted…""
Elena sighs rolling over, ignoring him like always. She hears him let out a sigh before she hears him stand up and walk out of the room.
She rolls on her back to see if anyone else is still here but they are all gone. Probably to plan the next 'Elena intervention'. She thinks back to earlier to night how she killed that man and barely felt a thing besides shock. Elena wonders if they found the body. Eh probably not till the sun comes out. She shrugs nonchalantly before rolling over and letting sleep take over her.
…...
She opens her eyes to find herself and a very bright…meadow? Confused she looks around and strangely enough it is a meadow. She stands up shakily. How did she get here? What is she doing here?
The whole meadow is covered in different patches of flowers and bright green grass. She really hasn't seen anything more beautiful. Almost like it is not real. She sits up touching the flowers and looking around absorbing it all in. She is speechless at how incredible it is.
Something about this place though….She feels free. And happy. Like nothing can go wrong here. She wants to stay here forever. She decides to stand up and walk around to discover this place she is in. There has to be a reason she is here….As she walks around more she hears something. At first she thought it might have been her but….Something else is here.
She gets an eery feeling. All the sudden it doesn't seem so great here after all. She has a bad feeling. As she hears the sounds again and again, getting nearer she decides to run from the source of the sound but comes up short.
What?!
She tries to fun again but its….slow…?
It is human pace!
She can only run like a human!? What kind of place is this?! Where is she!?
Wherever she is she wants out, and now.
Scared and confused she runs anyway and as fast as she can as the sound gets closer and closer to her. She doesn't know what is happening but whatever it is knows she is here and if she can't run like a vampire and they are chasing her.
It has to be something bad.
She keeps running even though she knows they are out running her.
She has to try.
She hears this right behind her and pushes herself using all her energy to get away from them but before she knows it she is tackled to the ground. She screams, closing her eyes trying to get away but she can't do much with no vampire strength. Whoever has her has a tight lock and doesn't let go.
"Elena!"
She freezes.
She opens her eyes to her one and only.
Damon.
Let me know what you think?
Been wanting to get my theory out but have been...lazy. Hahahaha but finally did it.
Depending on response i might continue. Most likely. :D