Flashlights For Following

DISCLAIMER: I am not JK Rowling. I do not own any Harry Potter characters, I am merely taking them out to play.

Author's note: Since reading DH different scenes of grieving characters have been flitting around my head. So I've started writing them down and will post them as I complete them. Obviously, there will be spoilers in these one-shots so be forewarned.

Scene One: Only When I'm Not Thinking of You

Author's note: This first one-shot is a little dark I must admit. After reading DH this is the first original thing I wrote. I think I can grieve for Fred through Ginny because, like her, I once lost someone excruciatingly close to my heart. Though he was not my brother he might as well have been. Fred was one of my favorite characters and I know I will miss writing him tremendously. I hope this fanfic seems real to you as her grief will be coming from my heart, not my imagination, which is a rare but welcomed change.

"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." (PS17) – Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, may he rest in peace.

She wasn't exactly sure when it had happened. She had been watching Teddy stumble to Harry across the living room all smiles and giggles. He could take more than three steps now without falling, though his tiny arms still flailed and his little legs still trembled. Harry had been laughing and encouraging the baby to come to him. She had been grinning at the pair of them. They were both absolutely adorable.

And then suddenly it all felt fake – surreal – as though this wasn't her life. It felt as though she was watching someone else's life. Or maybe, the life someone else was supposed to have but never got the opportunity.

Her smile slipped from her face and was rapidly replaced by a frown as a tight knot formed in her stomach. She could feel the weight of the world settle back onto her chest in its familiar place that made it so hard to breathe.

Had she actually been smiling? Had she felt happiness? What did that feel like? For now she cold not remember. It had only been seconds before but it felt like an eternity.

She watched Harry scoop Teddy into his arms and fall onto his back while holding the baby out in front of him. Both of them were laughing and Ginny's frown deepened.

Poor Teddy, a voice whispered in her ear, he will never know his real parents.

Sadness bubbled up inside of Ginny as flashes of her fallen comrades danced before her mind's eye. She watched them enjoying life. She could see her favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Remus Lupin, in his element in front of her class. She could see the clumsy auror, Tonks, changing her hair from bubble gum pink to fuchsia and back. She could see them flirting and laughing with one another. They had seemed so happy. They were so full of life.

But they were gone now.

And, as it always did when she thought about those she had lost in the war, her mind went, without permission, to that place where she kept her most intimate thoughts about Fred.

Her heart clenched and tears welled up in her eyes.

Fred.

Her stomach twisted and for an awful moment she thought she might be sick.

Merlin, how she missed her older brother.

She missed his laughter and his smile. She missed hearing his voice and seeing his face. She missed the warm hugs he always seemed to have plenty of. She missed the fierceness of his love and the passion he had for life. She never knew she could miss someone this much. She wondered if the hole he left in her chest would ever go away. She knew she would never meet anyone that could take his place but she hoped that as time went on the gaping chasm in her chest would get smaller. At the moment it felt the same as, if not bigger than, it had on the first day it appeared.

Her body felt heavy and she let out a deep sigh. It was difficult to breathe and impossible to smile. She wondered if the weight of it all would suffocate her.

And then Harry was suddenly kneeling in front of her. She did not remember taking her eyes off of him, nor when he had moved so near.

"Hey," he said gently while tugging on her chin so she was forced to look into his deep green eyes. They were full of concern and understanding. He knew what she was thinking about. It must've shown on her face.

Suddenly Ginny launched herself out of her chair and flung her arms around Harry's neck nearly knocking them both to the ground. "Oh Harry," she cried into his strong shoulder.

"I know," he said quietly and she felt his hands rubbing her back in a soothing manner.

"I just miss him so much," she cried, letting the hot tears streak down her cheeks and onto his shirt. Her throat felt like it was closing up and she was finding it harder and harder to breathe. Her heart was pounding against her chest. Oh how she wished it would stop. She wished it would all stop so she could see him again. She just wanted to see him again and say goodbye. She wanted to tell him that she loved him. She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted him to tell her that every thing would be ok. She wanted him to make her smile.

"I know you do," said Harry and he hugged her tighter to himself as though to shield her from the pain.

She felt foolish. It had been so long. She should have moved on by now. She shouldn't burst into tears over him anymore. But she couldn't help herself. She missed him so much. And her tears were renewed, not quelled like she had hoped.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, pulling back to look up at the man who held her tightly in his arms.

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said, "I get that you miss him." He pulled her back against his chest.

Just his presence made everything more bearable. To have him there to hold her as she cried meant more to her then she could ever tell him. Yes she was in pain, she missed her brother terribly, but Harry's love seemed to buffer some of it. She wasn't alone, he missed him too.

"It's ok," said Harry gently, "we'll be ok."

She nodded against his chest, her throat was closed, making speech impossible, not that she had anything to say.

She just wanted to ache to go away. The longing to see Fred was almost overwhelming. She just wanted to see him. She wanted to hug him. She wanted to tell him how much she missed him.

And then the question that burned in the back of her mind all of the time came rushing forward. It was the question that kept her up most nights. It was the question that no one could answer. It was the question she had grown to hate.

Why?

Why Fred?

Of everyone there that night, why Fred?

Why her brother?

She closed her eyes tight and hugged herself to Harry's chest begging the question to leave her alone. But it stayed, unbidden by her request.

Why?

She took a deep shaky breath. There was no answer to that question and it drove her half insane.

He was so young and loved by so many. His future was so bright and it seemed so cruel to have ended the way it did. He had gotten cheated of a promising life. And she had gotten cheated of her older brother.

She felt the same way for Remus and Tonks. Yes, they had lived longer then Fred, but they had just been married and their son wasn't even a year old when their lives were demanded of them. Teddy had gotten cheated of the parents he should have had in the same way Harry had been cheated of his parents.

Teddy.

Something stirred inside of Ginny and, pulling back from Harry, she looked through bleary eyes around the room.

"Where's the baby?" Her voice sounded rough, as though she had not used it in years, but it was there.

"I put him to bed," Harry replied, looking down at her with sorrowful eyes.

It was then Ginny realized they were kneeling on the floor and the pain in her knees registered to her brain.

"When?" She asked as she looked around. The fire that had been burning brightly in the grate now had the look of one about to be extinguished.

"Not long ago," he said, "Why? Do you want to see him?"

"No," Ginny shook her head, "I just don't remember it."

Harry nodded solemnly, "You were sitting in that chair for a little while," he answered indicating, with a nod of his head, to the chair behind her.

"Was I?" She asked as she sat back on her heels and glanced over her shoulder. Her body felt achy and she was exhausted.

"Are you tired?" He asked, though she thought he already knew the answer.

She nodded.

"Let's go to bed then."

She nodded again and not a moment later they were making their way upstairs. As soon as they reached their room Ginny collapsed in their bed and closed her eyes. Her body felt so heavy she thought she might sink straight through the bed but nothing happened. She felt Harry crawl in beside her. Then he wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her to him so that her head was resting on his chest and her legs were wrapped around his.

"I love you," he whispered with his lips pressed against the top of her head.

"I love you too," she replied and she felt more tears leak out of her eyes and drip onto his bare chest.

He squeezed her tighter.

"I love you," he repeated.

"I know," she said with a deep sigh. And he held her just like that until she drifted off to sleep.

He watched her chest rhythmically rise and fall and felt her breath on his bare skin for almost an hour. He could not help feeling that she might stop if he took his eyes away. He knew the grief she felt for her brother was tremendous and, at times, almost overwhelming. He had loved Fred too but not in the same way she had.

God he hated seeing her in that much pain. He wanted to save her from it more than he wanted anything in the world but there was nothing he could do. So he held her tight and hoped that if there was a God, He would answer his prayers for her and take away her pain.

As he drifted off to sleep he vaguely wondered if he was the answer to his own prayers. She seemed to be comforted by him. Was he helping to take away her pain? He hoped so as he felt himself slipping away. He hoped to God that he was helping her. And this thought comforted him.

Maybe it was true.

Maybe he was helping.

Maybe.

He hoped against hope that it was true.

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