The Real Tenchi's Lady

by Raine

Parody of The Real Slim Shady, which is property of Eminem, aka Marshall Mathers. It's pretty, ummm........bad, so don't read it if you wouldn't listen to eminem, or something like that. I normally wouldn't be writing parodies, cause they always turn ou

            Ryoko smiled as she grabbed the microphone and turned on the karaoke machine.  She had been working on this song for months, and it was finally finished.  Checking to make sure no one was around, she started the music.

"May I have your attention please?

May I have your attention please?

Will Tenchi's real lady please stand up?

I repeat,

Will Tenchi's real lady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here.

You all act like you've never seen a fight before.

Hiding on the floor, like a bomb just burst through the door.

And started blasting your ass a little bit more,

And then destroying all the furniture.

It's the return of…

Oh, wait, no way, you're kidding.

She didn't just do what I thought she did, did she?

And Ayeka said-Nothing you idiots, Ayeka's dead, she's locked down in the basement!

All the ladies love Tenchi

She can't do that, can she?

Look at her, walking around,

Acting like a you-know-what,

Talking like you-know-who.

Yeah, but she's so smart, though!

She's probably got a couple of screws up in her head loose,

But no worse than that mutated moose.

Some times I just want to get on Tenchi and let loose,

But can't, but it's cool for Ayeka to choose.

My bum is on his hips!

My bum is on his hips!

And if I'm lucky, he might just give me a little kiss!

And that's the scene we hide from that kid,

And expect her not to know what real love is.

Of course she's gonna know what intercourse is!

By the time she gets to be an adult,

She'll have sex ed, won't she?

I think that most of us are mammals,

Well, someone could be a cannibal,

Who cuts people open like Hannibal.

But, of course we can fight over Tenchi like some dopes,

There's no reason that he can't elope.

But, if you feel like I feel,

I need to tie Ayeka with rope,

And then I need to take a doze,

Here's the story, and it goes…

I'm Tenchi's lady,

Yes, I'm the real lady.

All you other prissy ladies are just imitating,

So won't the real Tenchi's lady

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up.

I'm Tenchi's lady,

Yes, I'm the real lady.

All you other prissy ladies are just imitating,

So won't the real Tenchi's lady

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up.

Ayeka don't gotta cuss to be cool-well, I do.

So, Tenchi, don't fuck her, I want to fuck you.

You think I give a damn about queen-dom?

Half of those Juraians can't even live with me,

Let alone understand me.

But hey, what if I am queen, wouldn't it be weird?

Why, so you guys can just lie to love me dear?

So you can, sit me here, next to Princess Tears?

Ayeka, you'd better switch me chairs,

So I can sit next to Misaki and someone worse.

And hear them argue over who hugged me first.

Little bitches, think I'm some kind of toy?

Sorry girls, I'm married to a boy.

I should tape their conversation, and sell it for free.

Just to show the whole world how boring it is.

I'm sick of you little prissy people,

All you do is annoy me,

So I have decided to destroy you.

And there's a million of us just like me,

Who cuss like me,

Who just don't give a fuck like me?

Who think like me,

Drink, fight, and steal like me?

Just might be the next best thing,

But not quite me!

I'm Tenchi's lady,

Yes, I'm the real lady.

All you other prissy ladies are just imitating,

So won't the real Tenchi's lady

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up.

I'm like a devil to listen to,

Cause I'm only giving you

Things you fantasize in your heads

Inside your bedroom.

The only difference is, I got the gall to say it,

In front of you all, and I don't gotta be false and not do it myself.

I just stand up here and spit it,

And whether you like to admit it,

I just fuck better than all of the girls out there.

Then you wonder, how can he not eat up this like lightning.

Cause at the rate he's going, the only person staying here will be him,

Wondering why he didn't kiss all our asses,

He'll be sitting there, working, wondering why masturbation isn't working.

And every single girl isn't into flirting.

He could be sitting there, out side a Burger King,

Getting off on an onion ring,

Or in the parking lot, circling,

Looking for someone who tells his age "I don't give a fuck!"

Wanting to have the windows steam up.

So, will the real lady please stand up,

And put one of those fingers on each hand up.

And be proud to be loud and out of control.

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Tenchi's lady,

Yes, I'm the real lady.

All you other prissy ladies are just imitating,

So won't the real Tenchi's lady

Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up.

I guess there's only one Tenchi's lady…"

            "Ryoko!  How could you invent sure a horrible song?  Look what you've done!"  Ayeka shrieked from the doorway.  Ryoko quickly turned around, embarrassed that someone would have heard her.

            Everyone but Grandfather stood in the doorway, staring at her.  Mihoshi looked confused, Kiyone, Ayeka, and Sasami looked horrified, Washu looked insulted, and Mr. Masaki started clapping after a second.  Tenchi was laying on the floor like he had been hit on the head, and his nose was bleeding like there was no tomorrow.