Hermione Can't Cook!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Note: This idea just came to me and I had to write it down. I'm pretty sure it's cannon, but I'm not an expert on spells, so some of this might violate some rule. It's not my fault I never got my Hogwarts letter! Review?
Married life isn't all it's cut out to be. Married people have to suddenly alter their whole relationships to fit life together. So thought Hermione Granger as she checked on the potatoes she was baking for herself and her husband, Ron. They had gotten back from their honeymoon several weeks ago and were settled into a charming little house several miles from Ottery St. Catchpole, near where Ron had spent his childhood. They had bought the house from an odd old Wizard who was retiring and moving to Cornwall to be with his daughter.
Sighing, Hermione checked the notes that Mrs. Weasley, her mother-in-law, had given her. As she did, a popping noise came from the oven. Rushing to open the door, she saw with dismay that the potatoes had burst. Turning off the oven and opening a window with a flick of her wand, Hermione realized that she had forgotten to pierce the skins of the potatoes.
Hermione let out an involuntary wail and sat down hard on a tall wooden stool at the table. Ron must have heard it, because he pushed open the door from the living room.
"Hermione?" He asked, looking from her to the smoking oven.
"I did it again." She said, ruefully.
"Great. I was getting hungry." Ron grumbled.
Hermione was about to tell him that he could bloody well cook his own meals, but stopped herself. Getting angry would do no good.
"How is it that you can make any potion known to Wizard kind, but you can't bake a potato?" Ron groaned. "Scourgify." The potato mess vanished and the oven was clean once again.
Hermione snorted in response.
"I guess its Spaghetti again, then?" Ron asked.
Spaghetti was the only thing that Hermione cooked well. It was simple enough. Boiling water, crushing tomatoes and sprinkling herbs was close enough to potion making.
"We ran out of noodles yesterday." Hermione said, frankly.
"Oh." Ron said, thinking. "We could apparate outside of the village and eat at the inn. Just because we're married doesn't mean I can't take you out."
Hermione smiled, throwing herself at Ron. "You're amazing, you know that?" She mumbled into his sweater-covered shoulder.
Wrapping arms around her, Ron kissed her forehead. "I know. Well, if we're to eat out, you'd best change into muggle clothes." He gestured to her lilac robes and checked apron.
"I'll be right back." Hermione said, and dashed out of the kitchen.
They ordered the inn's roast duck and ordered glasses of Coca Cola. Ron marveled at the muggle drink as Hermione giggled into her beverage. Afterwards, they walked down main street.
"Hold on." Ron said, stopping abruptly as they passed a muggle appliance store. "What's that?" He pointed at the window.
Hermione stared quizzically at the microwave, then at her spouse, then back to the microwave.
"Are you turning into your dad or something?" she asked.
"No. Answer the question!" Ron said, unamused.
"It's a microwave. It's sort of like an oven, but different. Muggles cook popcorn and pre-prepared, frozen meals and things like that in microwaves." Hermione told him.
"Where do you get pre-prepared, frozen meals?"
"The muggle grocery store, I presume."
"Is there one around here?"
"Yes. It's just down that way." Hermione pointed to the small market.
"Let's get some." Ron said.
Hermione stared at him. "But… we've no where to put it. Besides, it needs electricity."
"I think we ought to pay a visit to my dad." Ron said, taking her hand and pulling her into an alley where they could apparate safely.
Molly Weasley was puttering around her kitchen, cleaning up from the evening meal. There was much less to clean than usual, as her children were all moved out. The Burrow, a lopsided shamble of a house, seemed much less empty now that her and her husband were it's only inhabitants, except for the ghoul, of course.
"Molly! Molly!" Arthur Weasley called excitedly from his shed, where he had been fiddling with his muggle toys again.
"He's probably just found a spark plug or something." She muttered to herself. "Yes, dear?" She yelled out the window.
"Look who's come to call!" Her husband urged her.
Molly wiped her hands on a cloth and bustled outside.
"Ron!" she squealed, running to embrace her son.
"Hey, Mum." He said, patting her back.
How tall he was! Despite her children being fully grown, Molly still thought of them as small. She barely reached Ron's shoulder now.
"Hermione!" she exclaimed, and greeted her daughter-in-law.
"Hello, Mrs. Weasley." Hermione hugged her back. "It's lovely to see you both."
"You too, Hermione. To what do we owe this visit?" Arthur responded.
"Actually, we have some questions for you, Dad, but also just to say hello." Ron added, tactfully.
"What sort of questions?" Arthur asked.
"It's actually about…" Ron's eyes cut to his mother. "Muggle things."
Molly scowled a little. "Why do you need Arthur? Surely Hermione knows everything."
Ron and Hermione exchanged an amused look. Molly was glad to see they were so in-sync. They had squabbled an awful lot when they were younger.
"Not everything, Mrs. Weasley. In fact, I have a few questions for you, too." Hermione said. "Might we step inside while the men talk?"
Molly beamed. "Of course dear. Come in, and I'll make a cup of tea."
Hermione nodded and followed Mrs. Weasley into the Burrow. When they were gone, Ron turned to his Dad.
"You really need to ask about Muggle stuff?" Arthur asked, surprised.
"Yes, dad. See…" Ron explained the events of the evening.
His father listened, nodding, and exclaiming at the right points.
"I microwave? I think I have one of those…"
"No, no, Dad." Ron cut him off. "Knowing you, it would probably explode or turn into a raccoon."
"Then what do you need me for?" Arthur didn't understand where this was going.
"Is there a way to generate… eletricsity with magic?" Ron asked, stumbling on the unfamiliar words.
Arthur's face lit up. "In fact, I've been developing a spell that , when cast on these ingenious things that muggles call 'plugs', will mimic the effects of electricity! Let me show you!" Arthur said proudly, pronouncing each muggle word with caution
Ron followed his father into the shed, cautiously. It was a lot more organized than it had ever been. Apparently, retirement suited Arthur Weasley.
"See, this is a lamp, but muggles have altered the design so it runs off of electricity." Arthur said, gesturing to something on the table. Ron recognized it as similar to the lanterns that had lit the inn and the main street of Ottery St. Catchpole.
"Energelica elecrticita." Arthur pointed his wand at the end of the fuse-like thing that came out of the side of the lamp.
Ron took a step back, but to his surprise, all the lamp did was light up.
"Wicked." Ron breathed.
"Now watch this." Arthur clicked the switch on the lamp, and it went dark. "You have to renew the spell quite often, but I'm working on it."
"That's incredible, Dad. I'm getting Hermione!" Ron ran out of the shed, long limbs moving fast to get to the door.
"Hermione! Mum! You have to see this!"
Inside, Hermione turned to her mother-in-law. "If he keeps this up, he'll be just like Mr. Weasley."
Molly smiled thinly. "He's just excited at the prospect of well-cooked food." She replied, dryly.
Hermione darkened a little, but got up to greet her husband.
"Dad's done it! Come see!" Ron said, panting a little. "We can get a micro-whatsit tomorrow!"
Obligingly, the wives went to the shed and saw Arthur's demonstration. Molly sniffed. "Muggles." She said. "So impractical."
"But Mr. Weasley," Hermione began to question her father-in-law about the mechanics of the spell.
"Quite simple, my dear. See here—" He gestured to a glass of clear liquid with some strips of metal. "It's a home made bat-ter-ee."
"I made one of those in muggle school." Hermione breathed.
"Indeed. My spell replicates this effect. See, it's in the arm motion, because, as this wonderful muggle book says, electricity moves through circuts."
"Brilliant." Hermione grinned.
"We'd best be off, then." Ron told his parents. "We've work tomorrow."
"Good luck, dear." Molly kissed her son's cheek and embraced Hermione.
"Do visit again soon." Arthur urged, shaking hands with Hermione and clapping Ron on the back.
"Of course, Mr. Weasley. Thanks for everything." She told her in-laws.
Ron repeated her promise and thanks, and they walked down the hill to disparate.
Molly was glad that the young couple's problem was solved.
Arthur was glad that his tinkering would be put to use, since Molly would never let him install the muggle lamp.
Hermione was relived that she wouldn't have to cook anymore, and that she'd no longer have to disappoint Ron and herself with pathetic attempts at meals.
Ron was only looking forward to the nice meals in his future.
The End.