The couple walked toward the airport shuttle. Nathan's hand brushed against Meredith's and she pulled it away.

"So, four star hotel, five star, how nice are we talking here?" he asked quietly, joking but also afraid that she would change her mind again at any moment.

"I'm not holding your hand" she quipped and handed him her bag.

That's ok, he thought, I'll take her bag if that makes her more comfortable with this. I'd do anything to make her more comfortable with this.

After booking a flight back to Seattle, they stayed in the nicest hotel in Sioux Falls, four stars. When they got to their room, they put their stuff down, showered (not together to Nathan's disappointment), and changed. They got into the singular king sized bed in the middle of the room.

"We're still not having sex tonight," Meredith stated as she nestled herself against his body.

"That's fine," replied Nathan. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead lightly. She looked up at him. "Too far?" he joked. "What?" he asked when her eyes didn't change, still dark and searching, "Still scared?"

"It's just… nevermind," she said returning to her previous position against him.

"Meredith," Nathan sighed sitting up and turning the lamp on.

"Nathan, I'm not… This isn't… I'm not running away, I just…"

"Ok" he said slightly exasperated, "We're going to sit here as long as it takes so that you are as unafraid as possible, or until we go back to Seattle, whichever comes first."

"Nathan-"

"No I'm serious." he said locking eyes with her, his hands on either side of her face. "I'm not letting this slip away again. I told you I was in this. So let's talk. No holds barred. No subject or question off limits. Ok?" he said. They stayed like that for a moment or two until Meredith finally answered.

"Okay," she said taking a deep breath.

"Okay," he whispered nodding. Finally they were getting somewhere, moving forward. "So tell me about this perfect man who was everything and turned your world." He leaned back against the headboard.

"What?" Meredith giggled.

"Arizona" he explained.

"I see. Well I don't know where to start. We met in a bar, slept together..."

"Oh so you jump a lot of guys huh" They laughed.

"And then I found out he was my boss."

"Oh well that ummm… that's one way to become teacher's pet."

"I was a young intern and well then I found out he was married and we broke up for awhile. He finally got divorced and then we were on and off for a couple more years… and then we got married."

"On a post-it"

"Yes. And then six years and two kids later he was hit by a semi"

"Wait" Nathan interrupted, "two kids? I thought you had three kids."

"I do" she explained "I got pregnant again just before he died. I didn't even know until after."

"Oh Mer I'm sorry."

"No it's fine. Well anyway I went dark and twisty and left for almost a year until Ellis was born."

"Dark and twisty?"

"Yeah it's what I do, when I grieve or whatever."

"Dark and twisty." Nathan said again, like he was trying to figure out how the words tasted in his mouth. "So you've been alone since then?"

"Well there was Thorpe but that was not a good idea," she started. "He was sweet and I liked him I guess and everyone told me I was ready but…"

"No one can tell you when you're ready. It's something you have to decide on your own."

"Yeah I got that… now" she laughed. And then, more seriously, "How do I know I'm ready?"

Their eyes met. "You're never really ready to leave them behind, but eventually, you find someone who makes you feel, like you could be happy, and it's terrifying."

The two kept their eyes locked, slowly leaning in and then the broke the gaze. They backed away from the cliff they didn't realize they had been standing on.

"We were supposed to grow old and smelly together" she whispered. "I was supposed to get alzheimer's and he was supposed to remind me of us." She had tears in her eyes now and she was getting more and more upset. "He was fucking McDreamy for christ's sake."

"I know" he whispered in her ear, holding her while she cried. "Sometimes I think my life is so different now than when Megan disappeared that I wonder if she would even recognize me now."

"Did you and Megan talk about kids? Was she your McDreamy?"

"Yeah. She was my great love story."

"So how do we know that this or anything will be like that."

"You don't I guess, until it happens." Nathan was sitting against the headboard again stroking Meredith's hair in his lap. "Like I said I didn't try to like you. I wasn't trying to find love or anything it just sort of happened."

"I don't want to like you either. Every time we get close to something, something real, I feel scared and guilty and I don't know what to do."

"Me too."

"Really?" She looked at him. She never thought of him as being afraid.

"Yeah but I figure that means this is something worth chasing. I don't want to give up on Megan but it's been ten years. I want live my life while I still have one. I don't want to be alone forever."

"I'm good at being alone but I guess being alone is overrated."

"It really is. There's no sex when you're alone." Nathan joked. They both laughed.

"I'll be right back" Meredith said getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

"As long as you don't run out on me."

She shut the door behind her. She wasn't going to run but she needed a break. There was an all too familiar flutter in her chest. She splashed some water on her face. Looking in the mirror she whispered to herself I think I'm falling in love again.

Nathan repositioned himself on the bed. He was glad that Mer was opening up to him like this and that she hadn't called it off yet. She left the bathroom and he watched her walk back to the bed, thinking to himself, I think I'm falling in love again.

The two continued talking all night. They talked about family, Meredith's mother (she explained throwing her mother down a drain), Maggie, how to tell Maggie, Alex, Christina, everything. They talked until the sun came up. They ordered room service for breakfast and kept talking. No sex, just talking.

"So… still scared?" Nathan asked tying his shoes as they got ready to leave for the airport.

Meredith looked at him and smiled. He smiled back at her.

No she wasn't scared. She was excited, ready to let herself fall in love with him.