1. Humiliation
Day 1, Evening
The shackles on his wrist and ankles had started to hurt only after a few hours. In Light's opinion, they were completely useless. But he would let L have it his way, since it would not help Ryuuzaki anyhow. In Light's cell, nothing could serve as a seat, there was nothing he could lean against, not one piece of comfort that would make his detention a bit more bearable. The ubiquitous, pale blue light flickered and a faint humming noise was the only sound interfering with the heavy silence.
Light was sure he had mentally prepared for any eventuality coming his way. Solitary confinement was one of the more efficient torture methods, developing hallucinations and anxiety states was not unusual. The human brain wasn't meant to be restricted of all social and almost every sensory stimuli. But still, he was sure that most of the symptoms were caused by the fact that the duration of imprisonment was usually incalculable for the victim, and that was his advantage. He knew he had to be released as soon as Rem chose a successor for Kira. And Rem would not dare to leave Misa where she was. The only thing Light needed was a bit of patience.
He stared upwards into the neon light and wondered how much time might have passed with him cowering alone on the floor, only accompanied by Ryuuk, who had not come up with anything but complaining about being bored. And Light could not even silence him. If the gods were really that shallow, Light was not sure whether this really should be Kira's ideal. A small smile crept up his face.
"Light." The voice from the speaker cracked.
"Ryuuzaki?" Light was surprised by his own voice. It didn't sound as soft as it usually did, as if it had been corroding already after such a short amount of time. "What is it?"
"You must be hungry."
The damn bastard had been sitting in front of his screen for hours stuffing himself with sweets for sure. How courteous of him to remember someone else needed food. Despite Light not actually being hungry at the moment, a little change of pace would surely not do any harm. "It might be a good idea to eat a bit. I had so much on my mind, I might have forgotten about it. Thank you."
An indeterminable amount of time passed without an answer. Light wondered whether Ryuuzaki's comment was ever an offer or whether he was just teasing in the first place. Because now, after he had started to think about food, he realized a meal was long overdue.
"Light-kun! You can't imagine what I'd be willing to do for a sweet juicy apple right now!" Ryuuk laughed huskily. "Mhhh... Just thinking about it, my mouth starts watering. Maybe I'll just finish you off to get one. Eh? What do you think?"
Light heaved a resigned sigh and answered, while he tried to appear as if he were talking to himself. "The longer one waits, the bigger the reward will be, I guess. They wouldn't let me starve in here." Actually, he was not too sure about that. Maybe the detective would try to get a confession by torturing him. Certainly, the policemen would not allow that to happen... as long as L had not already kicked them out from the observations. Light's throat felt tight. In his current position he had no influence over that. He took a deep breath and called to mind that it had been the will of God that had brought him to this place. Which was, in fact, his own will. Even if he gave up on all control on the surface, he was still holding all of the threads in his own hands. Everything went according to his plan. And then his stomach growled.
An unexpected, loud creak startled him. The heavy metal door leading to his cell opened slowly. He had expected one of L's henchmen to place a tray in his cell and open his handcuffs, but he had been mistaken. For L to play the butler himself was unexpected. He probably feared another member of the Kira task force might divulge something about the state of the investigations. Any other reason for him to let go of his screens was beyond Light's comprehension.
The sight of the detective holding a tray in his hand was odd. As usual, his back was so crooked, as if somebody had broken his spine again and again a long time ago. The image of a broken spine irritated Light, it seemed logical to him, even if just metaphorically, it felt right. He did not know anything about L's past, but there had to be a reason for his strangely anti-social behavior and the dark circles under his eyes. But it did not matter anyway. It was not supposed to matter. The only thing of importance was L's future, especially that said future was not going to last very long.
"Light-kun, I hope I didn't make you wait," said L unhurriedly and placed the tray in front of the bare feet of his convict.
Rice, fish and renkon next to a bowl of miso soup—nothing special, but because of Light's rumbling stomach the sight of this simple dish was temptatious. However, he decided to hide the fact that L's obvious delaying tactics had any impact on him. He smiled weakly, as if he was demoralized by the thought that he might in fact be Kira. "No, of course not. Thanks." For nothing.
L crouched in his habitual unhealthy position in front of him and looked curiously into his main suspect's eyes for an uncomfortably long moment.
At first, Light wondered what he might be waiting for. Then he realized that it was a rather difficult task to eat with his hands tied behind his back, and that the detective had to know that just as good as he did. But of course L did not bring that topic up by himself. The meal smelled divine and was about to get cold.
"Well, Ryuuzaki…" Light shrugged apologetically. "I can't eat like this." Why not play along L's little farce if he insisted? But a terrifying second long Light imagined L would make him eat on his knees with the hands still tied behind his back—he would rather starve to death.
"Oh, sorry. I'm afraid I cannot uncuff you, so…" Ryuuzaki grabbed the chopsticks and for a moment Light believed he might now eat the meal himself while making Light watch. "What would you like first? The soup?"
Light stared at the chopsticks in Ryuuzaki's hand. He had an insanely strong urge to yell at L. Why the hell couldn't he open the shackles for ten goddamn minutes when the detective was standing right next to him anyway? Did he seriously expect Kira to kill with his bare hands, just with the help of some absurd Ninjutsu gesture? But of course that was not the reason why. The point was that L hoped to peel away Lights façade to catch a glimpse of Kira. Light tried to hide his facial expression with an awkward smile.
"Why... why not?" Once again his voice sounded rusty, barely like he remembered it.
Ryuuzaki had this odd smile that, to Light, had always felt strangely learned and incredibly unnatural. Now, it looked a bit frightening in his eyes. The detective took the bowl and, still crouching, padded a step closer to his convict to help him eat. With an iron stare, Kira, God of the New World, looked into his enemy's eyes and allowed him to assist sip by sip. A single drop of soup ran down the corner of his mouth and Ryuuzaki placed the bowl back on the tray. Once again he apologized, and the single word seemed to be used simply to mock Light. With a halfhearted gesture he reached for Lights face. A slender pale thumb wiped away the drop of liquid from his lips. Just minutes ago Light had decided to play along this silly little game without losing his patience. Now, this plan eroded slowly under this noticeably cold hand.
Unintentionally, Light's gaze wandered off towards the surveillance camera for a millisecond, but of course Ryuuzaki noticed it. "Don't worry. It is late evening already. All the members of the task force already went home a long time ago."
Light wondered what the policemen would say if they found L's motionless body in his cell in the morning because Light had rammed a chopstick through his nose right into his brain. Finally, they would have evidence for Kira being able to kill people by other means than heart attacks.
Ryuuzaki turned to the tray again. "I could inform you when nobody but me is watching you. Surely, you might then feel a bit more comfortable when…" Seemingly random his eyes turned towards the plain metal toilet in the corner of the room.
Light felt his face turn hot and galled about it. He felt more angry about his opponent's audacity than embarrassed. After all he had been aware that he wouldn't be spared this humiliation. But this was nothing compared to his plan, only meaningless, unimportant sacrifices. And he had expected L to see that the same way and spare them both this derogatory act. "We are all just human beings," he feigned although he knew it was not true.
Behind him, he heard a familiar sound he was not allowed to react to—Ryuuk's laughter. If just he wasn't here. In this situation every witness was too much, even one whose discretion was ensured.
"Fish? Or rice?" The innocently spoken words spoiled Light's appetite.
"Fish, please."
He observed L parting the mackerel into bite-sized pieces with astonishing speed and hold one of them out to Light who had to lean forward to reach it.
"I see it as my duty", started Ryuuzaki, "to ensure your physical health during the time of incarceration. After all there is a one percent chance of you two being innocent. I am well aware of the dangers of this kind of custody, the physical as well as the psychological ones. Vision disorders, cognitive derogations, Stockholm syndrome…"
Light choked over his food and coughed.
L put a bit of rice on his chopsticks and continued talking impassively. "That's why I am always attainable through the microphones and cameras installed. If you want to talk. Or confess."
Light wondered whether he had said something similar to Misa and felt a subtle sting. This was strange considering Misa was of absolute insignificance for him, except that she was a more than mild annoyance. "I already told you, Ryuuzaki. Should I really be Kira, I wouldn't be aware of it. Therefore, I couldn't confess. If I killed while sleeping…"
L hold another piece of mackerel against his lips, so he was not able to continue without swallowing it first.
"When I first saw Amane Misa…" Ryuuzaki placed a thumb to his lips; it was the same thumb that had touched Light's lips before, "I was baffled. Watching Light-kun though the surveillance cameras I came to the impression he surely should have a different taste in women. Probably, Yagami Light would like women that were not only as good-looking as himself, but also just as self-controlled and socially adjusted."
Light found his taste in women to be nothing of Ryuuzaki's business, yet before he could change the subject L held some renkon in front of his lips.
"But when I rethink that it makes even more sense. Certainly, Light would like women to be not as self-controlled because then he himself couldn't control them. Amane Misa, on the other hand, does everything he says for sure. You can train her without any effort." Ryuuzaki bit his lower lip and stared at the ceiling absentmindedly as if he was completely alone. Still, he managed to fish for some tofu in the miso soup without even looking.
"Surely, Light would also love to raise a little puppy, wouldn't he?"
Light had a hard time suppressing a grin because Ryuuzaki had just compared Misa to a dog without caring about manners or hurting anyone's feelings.
"It must be fun when another living being is completely and utterly at your mercy." Ryuuzaki lowered the chopsticks and his gaze returned to his main suspect, head slightly tilted. His eyes were so dark as if they were lacking the ability to reflect the light of the neon lamp but instead absorbed it all into an abyss. Combined with the dark circles under his eyes and his typical odd smile he seemed to be enraptured.
With a tinge of dread Light wondered whether this was Ryuuzaki's way of expressing enthusiasm.
"I, myself, deem that to be a very interesting experience."
Had Light really feared that food deprivation was the greatest danger during his confinement less than an hour ago? Again, a lump of rice hovered in front of him, but his mouth was now dry and his lips rough. "I'm not hungry any longer," he said quietly.
L's hand stayed where it was. "I already told you I would care for the physical well-being of my main suspects. The amount of nutrition you had so far does not correspond to your actual needs. Eat."
For one minute they stared each other in the eye without one of them shying away. Light reminded himself that often one had to sacrifice lesser things for the greater good; that he had already sacrificed way more important things that must not be in vain.
He ate his rice.