Sleep is Boring

by Kryptaria

Once again, it falls to John to use texts to keep Sherlock from killing himself, this time by sleep deprivation. Too bad John types so slowly. Part of the If You Were Mine outtakes collection, available here and at AO3 under my pen name.

Friday, 19 February 2010

Sent 4:09 a.m.: Lestrade has kidnapping. Am going to scene of disappearance. -SH

Sent 5:50 a.m.: Locked doors and windows, alarm system engaged. Best sort of mystery. -SH

Sent 6:16 a.m.: No attic access. No alcoves. -SH

Sent 6:18 a.m.: Closed-up door behind panel. Will have splinters removed after. -SH

Sent 9:43 a.m.: Splinters removed. Found dirt. -SH

Sent 9:44 a.m.: Dirt from kidnapper. Splinters were clean. -SH

Sent 1:30 p.m.: Dirt inconclusive. Sterilized? Potting soil. -SH

Sent 1:34 p.m.: Where is potting soil sold? -SH

Sent 7:15 p.m.: Not potting soil. Sterile hothouse soil. Agricultural research. Checking local colleges. -SH

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Sent 10:20 a.m.: Out of jail. Headmaster obstinate and stupid, but listened to Lestrade. -SH

Sent 10:24 a.m.: Lestrade took my false ID. Inconvenient. I took his warrant card. -SH

Received 11:05 a.m.: What have you done? Sherlock, why were you in jail? -JW

Sent 11:06 a.m.: Chasing suspect. Will respond later. -SH

Sent 11:19 a.m.: Lost suspect. Should splinter wounds still hurt? -SH

Received 11:22 a.m.: Jail, Sherlock. Why?

Sent 11:31 a.m.: Checking hothouse soil samples at the Fitton agricultural college. -SH

Received 11:34 a.m.: Fitton? Why aren't you in London? Splinters hurt. Are they infected? -JW

Sent 11:36 a.m.: The family is from Fitton. Most logical starting place. How would I know? -SH

Sent 11:37 a.m.: About the infection. -SH

Received 11:40 a.m.: Send me a picture.

Sent 11:41 a.m.: Of the college? I left. Getting on the train shortly. Reception may be spotty. -SH

Received 11:45 a.m.: Of the splinters. Don't be stubborn, Sherlock. -JW

Sent 11:50 a.m.: [Photo attached] I'm sorry the lighting is bad. -SH

Received 11:56 a.m.: It looks fine. Wash with soap and water, dry thoroughly, apply fresh plasters. And don't DO anything. -JW

Sent 11:58 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH

Sent 8:15 p.m.: Samples match. Suspect janitor at college targeted mother, took daughter for resemblance. Hid in the carport. -SH

Received 8:20 p.m.: Did you do as I said about the splinters? -JW

Sent 8:22 p.m.: Yes. And I wore gloves for the soil analysis. -SH

Received 8:24 p.m.: Good. I'll be busy tonight. Wish the police good luck. You aren't to go after the suspect alone. Understand? -JW

Sent 8:25 p.m.: Yes, John. -SH

Sent 10:22 p.m.: Suspect not at house. Police too stupid to think of the school dorms. I told them. -SH

Sent 11:55 p.m.: Suspect at school dorms, in basement. Victim returned to parents. -SH

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Sent 12:25 a.m.: I know horses. None are pink. -SH

Sent 12:27 a.m.: [Photo attached] And none have sparkles. Attempting to explain this to the victim. -SH

Sent 12:45 a.m.: Victim calls it Twilight Sparkle. Insists I take it. What do I do? -SH

Sent 12:51 a.m.: John? What do I do? It's revolting. -SH

Sent 3:19 a.m.: Twilight Sparkle horse is affixed atop Lestrade's door. Should take at least a week for him to notice. -SH

Sent 3:25 a.m.: Office door. -SH

Sent 3:26 a.m.: At Scotland Yard. It really is an unnatural shade of pink. And purple. -SH

Sent 3:33 a.m.: The mane and tail are purple. -SH

Received 4:00 a.m.: Are you alright, Sherlock? -JW

Sent 4:02 a.m.: Fine. I'm fine. -SH

Sent 4:03 a.m.: I used glue, not sellotape. -SH

Received 4:06 a.m.: You're not feeling odd, then? -JW

Sent 4:06 a.m.: Glue. Horses. I should have used pink glue. Have seen it sold in stores before. -SH

Sent 4:07 a.m.: No. -SH

Sent 4:08 a.m.: Not feeling odd. I did use glue. White glue. -SH

Received 4:12 a.m.: Where are you now?

Sent 4:13 a.m.: NSY break room. Stole case files. Am solving EVERYTHING. -SH

Received 4:22 a.m.: When did you last sleep? -JW

Sent 4:24 a.m.: Sleep is boring. -SH

Received 4:25 a.m.: That isn't what I asked, Sherlock.

Sent 4:26 a.m.: What day is it? I'll ask someone. Hold.

Received 4:28 a.m.: Sunday.

Received 4:29 a.m.: Very early Sunday morning.

Received 4:33 a.m.: Sherlock?

Received 4:38 a.m.: Have you slept AT ALL since this case started on Thursday night?

Received 4:40 a.m.: Sherlock, answer me.

Sent 4:43 a.m.: NSY deserted. Confirmed it's Sunday. Did the case start Thursday? -SH

Received 4:45 a.m.: Well, very early Friday morning. That's when you first told me you were investigating. Have you slept since then? -JW

Sent 4:46 a.m.: Solved the case. No time for sleep. -SH

Received 4:51 a.m.: But you're done with the case now, so you WILL go to sleep. Understand?

Sent 4:53 a.m.: Can't. There are more cases. -SH

Sent 4:54 a.m.: Sleep is boring. -SH

Sent 4:56 a.m.: These are cold cases. The idiots will never solve them. -SH

Sent 4:58 a.m.: Without me. I can solve anything. -SH

Received 4:58 a.m.: Sherlock, I want you to stop texting except when you're answering me. Do you understand?

Sent 5:03 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH

Sent 5:04 a.m.: Or should that just be yes?

Sent 5:04 a.m.: Yes.

Received 5:08 a.m.: It's fine. I want you to take the phone and go find an officer. Tell the officer that your doctor says you need to go home right now. It's a medical emergency. Understand?

Sent 5:09 a.m.: No.

Sent 5:10 a.m.: Well, yes. Obviously. It's simple. But why? -SH

Sent 5:10 a.m.: Yes.

Received 5:13 a.m.: Are you doing as I said or are you trying to figure out how to respond properly?

Sent 5:13 a.m.: Yes.

Sent 5:14 a.m.: To both.

Received 5:20 a.m.: Show this text to the officer. This is Dr. J. Watson. Sherlock is suffering from extreme sleep deprivation. He must be safely escorted to 221-B Baker -continued

Received 5:24 a.m.: 221-B Baker Street. Do not take him anywhere else. Do not stop anywhere on the way. Do not give him stimulants, including nicotine or caffeine. -continued

Sent 5:26 a.m.: You need to learn to text faster. Would you like me to teach you? -SH

Received 5:27 a.m.: If you have any difficulty with him, you are authorized to call emergency personnel to take him to A&E. Thank you for your assistance.

Sent 5:40 a.m.: They're taking me home. -SH

Sent 5:42 a.m.: Can I type now? -SH

Sent 5:48 a.m.: I hate police cars. -SH

Received 5:50 a.m.: It's fine, Sherlock. You just need some sleep. Don't worry. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. -JW

Sent 5:51 a.m.: Police cars are more boring than sleep. -SH

Received 5:53 a.m.: Sleep isn't boring. -JW

Sent 5:53 a.m.: Is. -SH

Received 5:54 a.m.: If you were mine, I'd make you sleep. -JW

Sent 5:55 a.m.: How? -SH

Received 5:57 a.m.: Exactly how I'm doing it now. I'd tell you to sleep, and you would, for me. -JW

Sent 5:58 a.m.: You said you'd stay with me. ? -SH

Received 6:01 a.m.: I will. I'll be right here. But that doesn't mean you can keep texting me just to make certain. -JW

Sent 6:02 a.m.: No proof, then. -SH

Received 6:04 a.m.: Do you need proof from me? -JW

Sent 6:10 a.m.: No. It's not very logical, though, is it? -SH

Received 6:12 a.m.: Does it have to be? -JW

Sent 6:15 a.m.: Yes. But it isn't. -SH

Received 6:20 a.m.: Because you know I'll be here for you. You don't need proof. Logic has nothing to do with it. -JW

Received 6:24 a.m.: You need sleep. -JW

Sent 6:25 a.m.: Am almost home. -SH

Received 6:27 a.m.: Will you sleep? -JW

Sent 6:28 a.m.: Rather stay here. -SH

Sent 6:29 a.m.: Not in the police car. Texting. -SH

Received 6:33 a.m.: Are you home? -JW

Sent 6:34 a.m.: Yes. -SH

Received 6:35 a.m.: Will you sleep? -JW

Sent 6:36 a.m.: If you insist. -SH

Received 6:39 a.m.: I'm not going to ask again, Sherlock.

Sent 6:40 a.m.: Yes, John. -SH

Received 6:43: a.m.: Thank you, Sherlock. Sleep well. -JW