"The Part-Time Job of Kyon"

by KeRose

Pre-AN: This may have grammar as well as organizational issues as I have written this on and off during midterms week. Please tell me corrections! Thanks. And Enjoy my story!

:beep:

I cannot even begin to believe that I am dressed in this ridiculous outfit. Well, at least 'ridiculous', in my opinion. I mean, never, should a guy under any circumstances be forced to wear an apron. What's more is that I'm doing all this against my own will.

:beep:

Seems like an ordinary day in the SOS Brigade, doesn't it? Surprisingly, the reason I am doing what I am doing has nothing to do with the Brigade.

:beep:

Perhaps, I simply have the worst luck in the world. I've had aliens, time travelers, and espers reveal their identities to me. I've almost been killed by a rogue interface... twice. Once in this dimension and again in another. And just a while back, I set the space-time continuum in its tracks by staging events to trigger future effects. Helped an inventor discover something if I recall correctly. All these fit nicely into my resume as candidate of unluckiest person of this millennium. But never would I have dreamed to be …

:beep:

..in this particular situation. They say nothing is stronger than a mother's love. Well the same goes for a mother's advice-slash-strong-suggestion-slash-command. I understand my mother making me go to cram school. I admit that I wasn't doing too well in school when she made that suggestion before. That is completely understandable...

And your total is..

.. but I have no idea why mom made me get this part-time job. It's not like I need more money. Well, scratch that. I thought about how my wallet has been wearing thin due to the countless times I paid for the Brigade on our supernatural hunts around the city among other expenses I was forced to cover.

Thank you for shopping. Have a nice day.

Perhaps, it wasn't my mom's idea after all. Maybe… just maybe....it was God's plan.

:Bouken Desho Desho Sequence plays:

Kyon, you should be more productive in your life. I couldn't agree more with my mother's words. Going to the Literature Club room everyday after school hardly falls under the category "productive" Nor does helping Haruhi search for the mysteries of the universe when, in fact, those mysteries happen to be right under her nose. Despite my quick judgment to agree with her, I would never have guessed that she would ask me to get a part-time job. So when she had told me that she had already got me a job, let alone ask, I was caught off–guard and couldn't find a reason to say no. After all, she already got me the job and forced it on my lap. The least I could do is humor her.

It was Friday afternoon. Haruhi had something huge planned. But just as Haruhi was about to re-write her new position on her armband, the marker that she had used since forever, would no longer write. She was frustrated that her trusty black marker has finally run out of ink. Thinking of that moment now, it didn't stand a chance to the anger that was on her face when I told her I had to leave the meeting early that aftermoon. To attempt to ease the fire-breathing beast, I simply told her the truth: I was working at a part-time job. She seemed to be pondering about the idea for awhile before she raised her finger to her the side of her lip and said: "Well, I guess we need to increase the SOS Brigade treasury funds. Furthermore, you are allowed to leave. And since it is of high importance to the SOS Brigade, I will not be giving you a penalty."

I wasn't surprised at misuse of the word "furthermore", nor was I really surprised that I'd never heard of our "treasury" before today. I was most dumbfounded by the fact that she's allowing me to leave. And without a punishment to top it all off. I thought about this abnormality in her attitude then found myself sighing on the inside. She probably already knew that working, by itself, was punishment enough.

After making a length trek back home, I quickly got changed into my uniform which happened to be a plain white polo shirt and black pants along with a blue apron that bore the logo of the convenience store near my house. Already running late, I rushed downstairs and out the door ignoring my little sister's newest hit single and award-winner for the most annoying song of the year entitle "Kyon's First Day at Work" with Shamisen as the apparent lead dancer.

I had probably been in this store only a few times in my life since it's opposite the direction I usually take to go to school. Being the case, whenever my mom asked me to pick some groceries up, I would do so at another store. As I approached the entrance, the electronic sliding doors opened for me and let out one of those digital beeps that were meant to simulate an actual bell that would normally be hung on the top of the door trying to imitate the atmosphere of a typical Mom and Pop shop.

Da-Ding was the sound it made. I made a mental note to myself to take of note of that sound seeing as it would probably become the most common noise for me to hear. I made my way to the counter where a middle-aged man was stationed. He had messy short jet black hair. He also had a laidback expression on his face which gave me some comfort. I didn't want to be working for someone that would be pushing me around and ordering me. Haruhi does enough of that, thank you very much. Today, since it was my first day, my job was just to work the shelves and make sure everything looked nice and neat. And if it didn't get too busy later, he said he would be able to teach me the intricacies of being a cashier and figure out how the infernal machine works.

For now, he pointed to some cardboard boxes that were in the aisles. I opened a box full of canned food and began to stack them. One by one they went up in the form of a pyramid. As I stacked the cans, I began to get bored and began taking notice of the cans themselves. After reading the Nutrition Facts, pondering how many language to translate the facts is actually sufficient, and criticizing the terrible design and layout of the logo on the label, I had finally created the display with the exception of the last can that I had read that remains in my hand. After trying to find a place to insert this leftover can in my already perfect pyramid, I gave up that approach and decided I should undo the whole thing and try for different dimensions of the pyramid.

After finally putting my inert architectural skills to the test, the next item to attack in the aisle was a shipment of giant bags of rice. All I had to do was raise them from the floor to the bottom shelf. You'd think about 3 inches or so of lifting is hardly any work at all? Well, you haven't carried these bags of rice. I think I almost threw out my back just trying to lift them. I was so worn out that I didn't even bother arranging them neatly. I ended up just piling them up lopsidedly against the back of the shelf. Well I'm sure the manager wouldn't be pleased with this display.

After putting away the endless amounts of canned food for what seemed like an eternity, finally making the perfect display, and putting away those monstrous rice bags, only 34 minutes of my shift had passed. You can all sigh heavily with me now. 11 o' clock seems so far away. Seeing I was done with the stocking, I then was ordered to sweep the store.

Da-Ding

I looked towards the entrance and saw a pretty girl standing there looking somewhat lost. Ahh, such a moe entrance. She almost matches the aura of Asahina-san. She was wearing a Kouyouen School uniform with white kneesocks and tennis shoes of the oddest color: green. She had a fair complexion and long fire-red hair. There's absolutely no way that could be her natural hair color. And what more she's wearing her hair in a fine-looking ponytail. I must have had a funny look on my face when I was looking at her because the moment her golden brown eyes met mine, she first instantly blushed then immediately narrowed her eyes, scowled at me, and stomped off in the direction of the magazine rack. God, she must think I'm some sort of pervert now.

I picked up my jaw and continued to sweep the floor, as several customers came and went. I couldn't believe I was such a fast-learner about the layout of the store. In about an hour and a half, I had already directed maybe 10 customers around the store to assist them in finding what they wanted: Looking for bandages, aisle 7 ma'am. Sir, razors are in aisle 11. The ice cream cooler is in the back, little guy. No, sorry, we don't sell motor oil or any automobile items. All of this came quite naturally to me. I think I could start getting used to this job already.

Unfortunately, I can't. Once my supervisor noticed my impressive directing skills, he deemed me ready to take on the role as cashier. He let me into the area behind the counter and showed me the buttons to press as well teaching me the ways of customer courtesy saying "The customer is always right, so if they need help or assistance, do not hesitate". Yeah, I already knew that. I've probably abused that right once or twice in my life already when I was a customer. After further instructions, I was finally able to have a decent understanding of the register and was able to successfully ring out several customers without a problem as the supervisor stayed by my side. Satisfied with my performance, he opted to arrange the stockroom and said for me to call him on the store intercom if a problem arises.

Now, alone behind the register, I was extremely bored. I decided to get something to read to pass the time. Over to the magazine rack I went to pick out something to read. Much to my surprise, I found that Kouyouen student with one of those teen beauty magazine right in front of her two inches from her face. Something felt off. Something about this girl is bugging me. I've had this feeling of uncertainty before and it is not a feeling I'd like to relish in. Maybe she's another supernatural person. I hope she's not out kill me or anything.

I finally spotted a sports magazine that was in front of the girl.

"Excuse me, miss?"

"Eh?! What?"

"I just need to get this magazine over here" I reached for the magazine on the rack and at the same time, she turned her face to the side away from me in a condescending manner and took one obviously giant side-step to let me by. I don't know about you but I almost got frostbite from that cold-shoulder of a move she just pulled. Ugh, women. At least she doesn't have the power to control the world like someone I know.

I made my way back to my station at the register and placed the magazine on the counter and began to read. Oh, what's this? That baseball team we beat is in their conference finals. Da-Ding…. I really feel bad that we had to defeat them like that. They looked like an all-star team but to be beat by a make-shift group of teenagers plus one little girl is simply embarrassing. I certainly wouldn't want anyone knowing that if I were in there shoes.

Someone cleared his throat.

"Ahem, could you please tell me where sliced bread is?", a male teenage voice had lightly asked.

"It right there over in aisle….what are you doing here?!" I exclaimed as I had looked up to see familiar face of an esper.

Bearing his annoying grin, "Kyon, I didn't know you worked here".

What do you mean, "you didn't know I worked here" ? Weren't you the closest one to me in the clubroom when I announced today that I would be working, Koizumi?!

"While that may be true , Kyon. You never told us exactly where you were working. This is mere coincidence that we happened to meet on this chance encounter."

Although he's got a point, somehow, I find that hard to believe.

Koizumi chuckled, "Always doubting me. Anyways, I had just come back from 'work' myself."

You mean to say Haruhi is making those closed spaces again?

"Yes, but this one was rather minor. It seemed like only something small caused this irritation."

I hope it has nothing to do with the fact that I had to work today and skipped the meeting.

A crash came from the magazine aisle, and shortly after a loud "Sorry!" came from there. That girl has been there for the longest time. Will she ever leave the store?

"Hmm, is that so?..."

Is she something special? A slider perhaps.

"No, she's nothing beyond what you yourself have seen already"

So you're saying she can either be an esper, time traveler, or alien?

"Let's just say, you'll find out eventually. Now, all small talk aside, where could I find some bread."

As Koizumi approached the register, with his items he whispered: "My , My , that girl over there is quite the keeper. Maybe I should give up my life as a supernatural agent and settle down and have children." Oi Oi. I saw her first. Don't I get the right to ask her out first? Don't go stealing girls that I've already set my sights on.

Koizumi smirked, "Really, Kyon? Well, if you'd like to ask her out , far be it from me to stop you." It's not that simple. You have to have tact and chivalry when dealing with girls, especially those that you are planning to be serious with. Koizumi, do you even know the first thing when courting someone?

"My apologies. I'm sure you'd do a much better job than me in that area of expertise."

After I had finished ringing him through and paid me, he came close to my face, nearly leaning over the counter.

"You know, Kyon…", he paused and punctuated it with his trademark smile. "I fancy a man in uniform."

Koizumi, don't say that so darn close to me. People will surely get the wrong idea about us. Especially that Kouyouen Girl. This was what I was talking about tact and chivalry.

"Sorry, I was merely joking. I couldnn't resist the urge."

I felt like I should have punched him right in the face. But , lucky for him, I refrained. I don't want to be losing my job on the very first day because I hit a customer. Koizumi then picked up his shopping bag and headed out the door.

"Well, enjoy you fun-filled night. See you in school on Monday"

More useless time passes by. In all this boredom, I am starting to miss a little bit all the excitement I've had in my life. Fighting that giant desert cricket, solving the lone-island mystery, surviving that snow lodge in the mountain, repeating the last week of summer several thousand times in a row,...well, I did say "a little bit". I'm not that desperate for excitement.

The digital clock behind the register read 9:00. Only two more hours left before the end of my shift

Da-Ding

I raised my head from the magazine to take alook at my newest customer. A man with sunglasses and a baseball hat entered the store. Wait, sunglasses? I don't like the feeling of this. Yeah, he's definitely a suspicious character. I'll make sure he doesn't shoplift. Not on my watch! I made my way around the counter and approached the man who seemed to be wandering the aisles aimlessly.

"Need any help with anything, sir?"

"Yeah, get me one of those." He pointed toward the menancingly huge bags of rice on the bottom shelf that I had stocked earlier today. "And bring it to the counter. That's all I'm getting' ". He said in his scruffy voice.

I obliged with the man and bent down to get good leverage of the darn bag. Earlier I thought it was hard bringing the bag from the floor to the shelf. Now I've got to bring it about 3 feet higher to reach the counter. Just my luck, huh?

As I lugged the bag to the front of the store, the mysterious man just followed behind me dragging his feet. When I reached the counter, I prepped myself to carry that thing up the entire length. I felt like clapping my hands together with some powder and taking the stance of sumo-wrestler. After all, I probably needed that much strength to lift it this high. After much tribulation, I finally lifted the bag up to the counter. Proud of my accomplishment, I wiped my brow and made a huge sigh of relief. It felt like I had just defeated the end boss of a tough RPG game: Kyon 1 point, Bag of Rice 0.

Then, I felt a blunt jabbing in my lower back. No I hadn't thrown out my back. I'm not that old yet. The gruffy voice said "Now, get me all the money in the register and I won't shoot ya" After all the hard work, and you reward me with a stick-up?! Thanks Mr. Non-descript Suspiciously Mysterious Man. Why did you have to make me work so hard just to get robbed?

Of course, I said none of this as I stood there in fear with my back towards the attacker. I could see my entire body shaking as I saw my reflection in the glass counter. I had definitely experience much greater fears during my time in the SOS brigade, a certain blue-haired class representative coming to mind, but those were all supernatural events. This was real-life. This is something I would have been genuinely afraid of before I met Haruhi. What a way to go, huh? After surviving all these unthinkable events, I'd go down in a regular run-of-the-mill robbery. That is, if I didn't comply. Which is what I wasn't going to do. I had slowly began to turn to go behind the counter when I heard a deafening cry that sounded like a banshee.

"Hiiiyyaaaaaa"

I turned around to see where the noise was coming from just in time to see a flash of white knee socks and familiar green tennis shoes collide with the sunglasses on the attacker's face.. The man was sent flying across the room right into my beautiful can display as the Kouyouen girl landed firmly where the attacker once stood. Amazed, stunned, and fearful of everything that had just happened, I just gaped at the red-haired ponytailed girl before me.

"Whar's with that stupid look, Kyon!" She said as she took off her ponytail that she is currently clutching in her hand with the rest of her red hair. Wait what? "You better be thankful I happened to be in the area when this guy was here. I would never let a lowly criminal touch any of my Brigade members"

Thanks, Haruhi, I guess that means you'd let some dictator just waltz on in and take me away. And what do you mean "happened to be in the area"? You were here long before the attacker came. Shortly after I started my shift if my memory serves me well. And what's with this disguise? Where did you get this uniform from? I hope you didn't jump some poor defenseless girl for it. Or did you happen to have is as a souvenir from the alternate reality? Did you really think you'd be less of a noticeable character dressed up like this? Sometime I question you intelligence. Of course, I never once voiced out these questions because (a) she would have given me the death penalty or hit me real hard and (b) she would never have answered them anyway considering the record of how many times she actually listens to me.

I silently mourned the loss of my great piece of edible architecture as I made my way over the unconscious attacker lying on the floor amongst the canned food. I felt bad for the guy having to face the wrath of Haruhi and her flying kicks. In a somewhat twisted sense, this man was just an innocent bystander. With his hat and glasses knocked off, the robber resembled my manager minus the bruises. Oh God. He IS my manager. What was he trying to pull? Why was everyone wearing a disguise tonight? I'm pretty sure Halloween only happens only once a year.

"Looks like he's out cold, Kyon," she said with a triumphant gleam on her face.

Yeah, but he's my manager.

"Why would he do some idiot thing like this? Geez, people don't think before they act."

Instead of pointing out the oxymoron, I kept quiet. Beats me. Looks like I'll be out of a job real soon though.

"That's fine. You can always re-enlist in the SOS Brigade. But you'll have to start off in the lowest rank"

Yare Yare. Doesn't she even realize I'm back where I started this morning? I decided to try and get my manager off the floor so I can properly explain things when he becomes conscious. I propped him up on a chair behind the counter. I then proceeded to clean up the fallen cans not bothering about the display anymore.

"I'm leaving now. Come to the meeting on Monday or else it's the death penalty", she said as she made her way to the door.

"Haruhi…" I called out. I got up from the floor and reached for an item on the checkout counter.

She turned around with a look of mild annoyance. "Yeah?"

"Here, this is for you. On the house" as I tossed the item towards her.

She deftly caught the new black marker in hands, stared at it for a second, then at me. I calmly explained.

"…For saving my life. Thanks." She stared at me for second with her mouth slightly agape then turned around and stuffed the marker in her pocket.

"Y-You're welcome" she said. As she rushed outside into the dark night, I was absolutely certain that she was grateful for my gift. Not too mention Haruhi's face is probably burning bright red too. How do I know? I guess I've been hanging around that crazy girl too much. I smirked to myself. And fortunately, I won't have this job be in the way anymore. I continued to clean up the store as the night drew to a close.

:Hare Hare Yukai plays:

AN: I hope you all enjoyed the story. Like I've said, I'm sure it's not the greatest story I could make. And I accept that. So please, please, please, please, please, please review the story and tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, grammar, I don't care. Just give me a review that I can use to better improve my writing. And don't be afraid to flame it if you hated it. I like flames: I learn more from them afterall. Thanks.

~K~(&)