Author's Note: This story was inspired by the sentence "What if she doesn't make it?" that was part of a drabble I read, deciding to expand on the emotional response of that, wanting to write a few of my own experiences, having way too much time on my hands and working through a few things myself.
Chapter title credits to the Captain for the pun.

Alex paces back forth around the small hospital waiting room- thankfully devoid of anyone besides herself and Kara- for the seventh time in the last two hours. She unconsciously gnaws on her bottom lip while she moves and tries to make sense of her emotions.

"What if she doesn't make it? Oh god," Alex doesn't recognise the raw panic that rises quickly inside her, doesn't know the threat is poses it to her, "oh god what if she doesn't make it?!" Alex whirls around on Kara, now dressed in plain clothes and with her glasses on, "I- I don't know what, I don't think I-"

Kara stands up from her seat and wraps her arms around her sister tightly, rubbing her back to try and soothe her, "You'll get through this Alex, you both will." She wants to say 'I promise' but she's not sure she can promise on Maggie's life right now.

Alex can't stop the little mantra in her head screaming 'What if she doesn't make it?' and her body is shaking even as tries her best to hold everything in and stamp down on her rampaging emotions. She pulls out of Kara's embrace, needing to pace, needing to move and briefly wondering if this is how fish feel needing to move in order to live.

"What happened?" Kara asks, hesitating at first to even ask.

"I wasn't there," Alex pauses her pace for a brief moment as she gestures in front of her and then continues pacing the small waiting area, "I mean why would I be we were both at work and sure sometimes we team up and work together but it just didn't line up today and this wasn't even about work it was random and and-" her feet stop again and her words speed up but her thoughts slow down, merging from three separate trains of thought down to the recollection of the phone call she received.

A private number shows up on her phone and for a moment she debated not answering it, "Danvers."

Special Agent Alex Danvers?"

"Speaking, who is this?"

"I'm Captain Alison from NCPD calling on behalf of Detective Margaret Sawyer-" Alex's thoughts pause along with the captain's words and she unknowingly holds her breath. J'onn looks over Alex with questioning concern. "Ma'am I'm sorry to inform you that Detective Sawyer has been rushed to hospital after an unrelated shooting downtown."

Alex closes her eyes and her body jolts just once as she suppresses the tears threatening to overwhelm her. She doesn't want to cry in the middle of the DEO. Alex draws a slow, deep breath and then removes her hand from her mouth but she can't keep the shakes out of her voice, "Where-where is-?"

"NCGH. I trust you are familiar with it?"

"Unfortunately, as is the nature of our work. Thank you I'll be right there." She hangs up and just manages to catch the Captain wishing them the best as she looks over at J'onn but he already knows. Even if he hadn't heard the short conversation through the phone or Alex's few screaming thoughts the look on her face said it all.

"Go." He gives her permission to leave and then calls a team together to find out what happened on the streets as Alex runs through their offices.

"Alex? Slow down, it's okay."

Alex shakes her head, pulling back from her thoughts, "It's not, I'm not okay, Maggie's not- we're not okay. She- she was shot and they told me they rushed her here and-" what if she doesn't make it? She pauses for a moment as she realises, "oh god I don't even know what happened, I haven't even seen her and I'm-" losing it. What if I lose Maggie? I'm going to lose Maggie. I can't. I can't deal with that, I can't lose her but I am, the doctor-

Alex barely registers her quickening breath because there's an unbridled panic stampeding her heart and it feels like someone has torn her rib-cage apart, plunged their hand through her chest and began squeezing her heart, fingernails digging into the vulnerable organ. She forces herself to put her thoughts on Maggie into the background to try and reign in her body's responses. Alex puts a hand to her chest as if reassuring herself that the skin isn't broken means her heart will stop screaming its agony. Looking down at her hand she rubs the fabric beneath the pads of her fingers and realises she can't feel it.

Kara takes it all in, making particular note that Alex has admitted she's not okay rather than insisting she's fine and can handle it. Despite the situation, she proud of her sister for admitting how she feels and leaning on her for help. "We'll figure it out and we'll find who did this okay? J'onn has already put together a team to investigate and they're working together with NCPD and they-Alex?" She cuts herself off when Alex's strange behaviour continues and she doesn't look at her or seem to respond to what she's saying.

Alex raises her other hand in front of her face, staring at it with widened eyes she flexes her fingers and registers its numbness. Forgetting it she tries to check in with the rest of her body but it only makes everything worse as she really takes note of everything that's happening to her. Her stomach tightens into writhing knots, nausea rearing like a bull at a rodeo and she worries she's going to be sick. But as she takes a step forward in search of a bathroom or bin she finds her feet sluggish and unresponsive. Numb. Alex manages to stay upright though she has no idea how as it dawns on her that most of her body is losing its feeling and with it, control of her own body.

"Alex? Talk to me."

Alex barely hears Kara for how far away she sounds over the sound of her own now hyperventilating breath. She tries to slow it down, tries to force slow, calm, deep breaths but it's beyond her now. Maggie please don't die, please, please, I don't think my heart can take t, it feels like I'm going to be crushed or torn apart and I think I'm losing my mind. Oh god! Her whole body constricts in pain and she gasps, arms around herself to try and protect herself from the onslaught, she opens her eyes but doesn't see anything. "It hurts," she breathes out and her mind is racing again. Racing with Maggie, the numbness in her body, visions of Maggie lying dead on a hospital bed, her heart physically breaking, Maggie lying in the street bleeding out- Oh God I can't breathe- , her body screaming 'pain!', a dark coffin on a trolley over red carpet. Her sight darkening around the edges and spotting everywhere, a funeral, her body out of control, returning to her empty apartment and finding it no longer her home, her mind moving too fast for her to concentrate on anything when everything was flying around her so quickly. What is happening to me! She's not sure if she thinks it or screams it but have the time to answer it.

Alex collapses.

She's vaguely aware of her surroundings despite her lack of sight, touch, hearing, feeling… She knows she's fallen in the hospital in the middle of the walkway but decides she'd rather inconvenience everyone than risk standing back up. It takes Alex a moment to realise that her heart rate and breathing are back under control, the wild panic she was feeling moments before has dissipated to a manageable muffled roar. The cramping pain that gripped her with nausea has subsided and the wrench around her heart, slackened. She focuses on her breath and checks in with each one of her senses starting with her sight. Alex doesn't see anything but is strangely calm as she moves on to test her touch. She thinks she raises her arm but she's not certain.

"Ms Danvers can you hear me?" I heard that! It sounds as though the person is on a distant mountain top but Alex assumes they are right in front of her.

"Alex?"

"Kara?"

She misses the sigh of relief that comes her sister.

A light is shining in her eyes but she sees it between the patches of darkness, "Ow, bright," she mumbled closing her eyes to shield them and turning her head away. The first thing she sees is probably upon reopening her eyes is feet, her sister's and two pairs of white runners. I wonder how fast they ran for me. Was it as fast as I did for Maggie? Alex regrets the thought as soon as it's passed through her head, bringing with it a wave of sadness and worry. Chair legs. She saw them before but it only just clicks that with the orientation of them she must be on the chair. Kara must have moved me.

"What can you feel Ms Danvers?"

Her eyes sight clears up rapidly bringing on a bout of dizziness. The woman before her is older, perhaps in her fifties, dressed semi-formally under her white lab coat and her name tag reads "DR. B WILLIS" in bold black font. Her companion is a much younger male, dressed a little too casually, and Alex assumes, given this and the temporary paper name reading "JOSHUA" stuck on his chest, that he is an intern or student on placement.

"Not much. I can see now and my hearing is clearing up but I don't have feeling in my arms or lower body," Alex responds calmly.

The boy pulls out a small notepad and pen from his jeans pocket and scribbles something in it.

"Okay, do you have a history with seizures or epilepsy?"

"No. "

"Have you ever fainted before?"

Alex hesitates, "Sort of, once." she ignores the blush creeping along her neck and up her cheeks.

"Have you ever had an experience like this before?"

"No."

"Any history of anxiety?"

"No."

"Low blood pressure or diabetes?"

"No."

"Okay," Willis responds gently and pulls her hand away from Alex wrist, which she hadn't noticed was there before. She looks into her eyes and asks with genuine concern, "How do you feel?"

"Uhh… I'm okay, I'm not sure what just happened but I'm okay now I feel a lot better than I did a few minutes ago." Alex raises her left arm slightly out from her side, "You can take this off now I feel fine." Willis gives her a scolding look that says 'I'm the doctor here, not you' but after a beat removes the blood pressure device from her arm, "What's the number?"

"Lower than we'd like but given the details your sister gave us I'd say you had a panic attack and a rather severe one at that."

Alex almost scoffs but she hasn't anything to counter with so she says simply, "I don't have panic attacks."

"First time for everything Love," Willis rises and thinks a moment before speaking, "I reckon I know the answer but I'll ask it anyways; I'd like to run a few tests to make sure there are no lasting side effects."

"Technically that isn't a question," Alex starts, flexing her fingers to try and wiggle feeling back into them, "but no I don't want any tests."

"Alex are you sure?" Kara questions, "You're really pale."

"Kara I'm okay, I promise. I can see, hear, speak, and I can feel most of my body again, it's coming back slowly."

"Alrighty then," Willis looks between the two women, "let us know if you need anything else."

"Thank you," Kara responds and Willis nods before walking away, her second shadow in tow a moment later, "You really gave me a fright there."

"Yeah me too. That was… mildly terrifying." Understatement of the year. "But I'm okay now, I actually feel pretty calm-still worried for Maggie of course, I really don't want to lose her-"

"Of course," Kara agrees.

"But I think my brain has sorted itself out now and worked out all the uh, freak out." She really didn't want to use the word 'panic' but the more she thought about it the more it made sense. It didn't lessen how terrifying the experience of her body making up sensations that weren't really there was, but having an explanation helped ease her mind from the unknown. Even if she didn't like it.

Kara moves to sit the chair beside her, "What happened?" she whispers.

"I don't really know how to explain it, I just sort of lost control over my body and my senses faded away. My heart felt like it was put in a vice, slowly being closed tighter and tighter and my stomach was tying itself in complex knots mixed with the sensation of being stabbed." she dared not mention that she had direct experience to draw the parallel with. "I couldn't figure out what was going on and then everything just kind of… stopped for a few seconds and then when I would think clearly again it all backed off and my senses started to return. Both figuratively and literally I guess," Alex gave a small laugh.

Kara returned with a sympathetic smile and rubbed her sister's back before settling her head on her shoulder, "Are you going to be okay? I've never seen you like this before."

"Well I don't plan on it happening again. Yeah, I'll be okay," Alex flexes her hand in front of her face like she did before and then rests it on Kara's shoulder, "See? Full mobility again." She decided to leave out that she wasn't quite sure she could stand or walk just yet but was confident she'd regain full feeling soon.

"Okay."

Silence falls between them, Kara watching Alex closely out of the corner of her eye and Alex wiggling her toes and fingers. They don't end up moving until hours later when a doctor appears calling for family of Margaret Sawyer.

Author's Note: Every time I wrote 'Margaret Sawyer' google docs kept trying to autocorrect it Maggie xD
IT KNOWS!

Currently this story is all over the place with ideas scattered everywhere, I have no idea if/when this'll get updated or where it's going really, but, I'm excited! (And lowkey rly nervous cos this story currently holds my soul)