Happy Birthday
Her shoulders dragged, her eyes felt heavy, and her hair spilled from it's tie. Kagome brought her hand up to massage her forehead. She pulled a late night at the university library tonight. She shut her book on Socrates and Aristotle. She worked so hard, but sometimes she wondered why. She just wanted to be a professor already. "Every thing has it's own time," she sighed.
Is this what 25 felt like? It had been a mundane birthday, the most mundane there could have been. Her mom, brother and grandpa had left town to visit her aunt a week before her birthday. All her friends have either moved or just lost touch. And Sesshoumaru… well, never mind about him. Kagome gave a sad smile thinking about him as she looked down at her paperwork.
Silent, and alone. 25. She tried not to think of it too much, she had school and a life and … well she had Sesshoumaru in a way. It was sad actually, to think that she had spent so much time there, that she had no friends here to wish her a good 25. This was a milestone birthday, the big ¼. "Birthdays will be birthdays, there will be one next year."
She picked up her book and wrapped herself in her gray sweater. She looked out the window only to see the snow fall. her eyes sparkled as she watched it. It was elegant and silvery. 'So subtle' she thought.
Kagome's revere broke when she heard someone speak.
"Will you be leaving for the evening Miss. Higurashi?" the man asked.
"Yes, I think I've done enough writing to get carpel tunnel syndrome. You have a good night."
She left the library and walked the silent halls. Silence had much power over her. It crushed her, and made it hard for her to breathe. It made her heart go wild and make her knees weak. Silence was a very powerful thing. She should know.
She had made silence her new friend for seven years.
It was seven years ago, the day the well had sealed itself up.
-----------
Something heavy landed on top of her. Panic struck her heart. She began to breathe heavily. Neither of them moved. She could hear his claws scrapping the damp ground. She could hear the deadly growl emanating from his throat. All she could see, were his eyes maliciously staring at her. They were tinted red. Quickly she scooted away from him. Backing herself into a corner, she out her hand to her heart.
"Woman," he spoke. Her throat never seemed so dry. She felt that even if she had tried to scream, no one would hear the rasps of her voice.
"Ses…Sesshoumar-s…sama."
He had watched her that morning, waiting to find her alone so she may take a look at his ward for illness. She sat on the edge of the well, which she did often. She was muttering to herself about how dumb Inuyasha was. She had decided to jump and go home. He ran after her. She would be of no use to him if she was dead.
Then they ended up here.
He had looked up expecting the sky, when he saw a roof. He jumped out with her and asked ( more like demanded) and answer. After a lengthy explanation of what she had been doing for the past 3 years, she convinced him the only way back was to jump back in with her. They had tried. They had tried again, They had tried so many times. Kagomes knees began to bleed. She began to sob. Some how all her hope faded away. Before when she couldn't get back, she kept trying knowing that she would be able to. This time was different, there was a sense of finality every time she jumped. She knew no matter how hard she tried she would end up on the damp soil of the well.
Her fists pounded the ground as she yelled about how unfair it was. She held her head in the palm of her hand, repeating that it wasn't happening. She had completely forgotten about who stood next to her.
He was composed and strict. She knew he was watching her.
"What does this mean, Human?"
She glared at him with all she could. She repeated his words through gritted teeth.
"What does this mean? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? It means we can't go back, we can never go back, we can never see-," she paused in horror. She would never see Inuyasha again. She would never get to laugh with him, or talk to him. They would never walk foot on the same ground again. They would never hold hands again, or lean on each other in a tree… ever again.
-------------
Kagome sighed, that was the last time she had ever seen Inuyasha. Even if she had willed it not to be that way, it was. She wrote letters to him, wishing that those words would reach him. She kept them in a box under her bed. The first ones were angry ones, about how dumb he was, and how he made her leave, to ones filled with tears. Eventually she just wrote about her life…her life without him. Thought that didn't matter. At least Inuyasha could appreciate the first few where she blamed Sesshoumaru for everything.
'I swear to God Inuyasha, if he hadn't followed me, the well wouldn't be sealed. You were right, Sesshoumaru is always the bad guy.' Kagome laughed. She had repeated that line so many times, she had lost count. Yet it had made her feel better to blame Sesshoumaru rather than fate. She used to believe that if fate was on her side, her and Inuyasha would have had a future.
Though she may have blamed him for everything that had happened, she knew she had no right to. It was really Kagome at fault.
He had come to her, seeking help for his ward, and believing that she was ending her life, and followed her into the well.
She always felt terrible. She knew it was because of her, he had left Rin behind. Just like she would never see her love again, he would never see his daughter. He didn't know if she was safe or if she had been killed. He didn't know if his lands were taken over, and the worst part of it all was he didn't know anything about this new world he was forced to live in.
He did the only thing left to do, he adapted. He learned from modern mathematics and physics, to politics and philosophy. He excelled at everything, just like the feudal times. He eventually began his own business in architecture (something that had always held his interest, Kagome noted). Now, he was successful and driven. He owned one of Japans leading and thriving businesses. He had adapted.
There were days that Kagome had felt overshadowed. He was so…powerful and majestic. He picked up on everything at such an alarming rate, and he always followed through. Kagome envied his dedication and admired his focus. He was Sesshoumaru. What could she expect?
Kagome laughed, there was a time at the very beginning of it all, that he relied on her for everything. From teaching him algebra to shopping for clothes with him. It was a feeling she hadn't felt in a long while, the feeling to be needed. Alas, Sesshoumaru had advanced from her. He knew the way this world worked better than she could ever. Money, that was what the world was run on. Sesshoumaru quickly became fond of this idea. Making money was his life. Hell, they were living together so that she didn't have to pay rent. University was expensive enough and with the shrine being so far away, she hesitantly accepted to move in with him.
Kagome got into her freezing car and rubbed her hands together for warmth. She touched the steering wheel only to coil back from the piece of round plastic ice. She dug through her purse to find her phone noticing she had a voicemail.
She listened. It was silence.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAGOME!!!!!!!" It was her mom, brother, grandfather, and aunt all at once. She nearly had a heart attack in her car. After gaining her composure and breath, she smiled. Even when they couldn't be with her, they were with her.
Kagome sadly looked at her phone again. No calls from him. He had left for work before she got up in he morning. There was no note, no flowers, no anything from him. Kagome reprimanded herself. She shouldn't be complaining, the real gift was free housing. Kagome shook her head, thinking about the days they'd lived at the shrine together. He'd only lived there for two years before moving out. They used to celebrate birthdays together, but now… 'He's just busy,' Kagome thought sadly. He was always busy. They lived together and still she hadn't ever had a decent conversation with one another.
Sure they were once close and had shared a major turning point in each others lives, but he worked all the time and she studied. Once again time had changed things. She had many fond memories of Sesshoumaru. Unknowingly, he had grown to be a part of her.
"Time changes things way too often," she said out loud. Keeping her eyes on the road, her hand reached for her cell phone, she saw that it's was already 10:30. It was Thursday. Kagome rolled her eyes, she couldn't even go to her apartment.
Sesshoumaru's girlfriend spent Thursday nights at their place. Today was the one day she just didn't want to deal with it.
It being sex.
Kagome bit her lip, entering a deserted parking lot. She stopped. How long could she go on like this? She buried her face in her hands, thinking of the two of them. 'Sesshoumaru…'she thought. She never realized that she had become so attached to him. At first she thought she wanted him because he was the closest thing to Inuyasha, and now? Every time he passed her, her mind would fuzz up. He would begin to speak and all she could do was stare at his lips. Every time he was gone when she woke up, her heart clenched. Every time he brought her to their home, she wanted to cry.
She was in love with him.
She loved him, with her whole heart.
He would never know. Kagome had vowed to love him from afar. Rin, his kingdom, his home. She had taken everything from him. This was a new start for him, and he had his whole life to live in this world now. The least she could do was give him that chance, and not tie him down further with a profession of love. Besides, she loved him enough to let him have all that he wanted, even if that didn't include her. If it made him happy to be successful, then she was happy. If it made him happy to be powerful, then she would be happy. If it made him happy to be with that woman, then…she was happy.
She never knew she could love him so, or anyone for that matter. Even with Inuyasha, when he chose Kikyo, she would say that she was happy for him. Deep down, she never would be.
Not with Sesshoumaru, she was willing to sacrifice everything to make him happy, and right now she wasn't needed to make him happy. It hurt at times ,yes, but in the end it was all for him.
Kagome composed herself. Tonight, she just wouldn't be able to be there.
She wouldn't be able to listen to them make love. Many nights Kagome lost control, she began to think Sesshoumaru was making love to her. She would close her eyes and imagine him, in all his dignified glory. Whispering into her ear, biting her lip, and then…Kagome would often try to stifle her moans as she reached her peek. She would feel her heartbeat sky rocket and her breathing was completely uneven.
Not tonight. It was her birthday and it was the least she could do for her self. After all, who wants to hear the man they love , sexing up the woman he candidly brings home. Besides, she had work to do anyways. Her philosophy thesis on Homer was coming close to being finished, and she wanted to go over the minor details again. Besides she had it right….
"FUCK!" Kagome said out loud. She had left it at home, in her room, on her dresser, with a red pen on top. That was her one fucking excuse not to go home, and now it was blown right to hell. She needed that paper for tomorrow anyways. If she went to the shrine, it would take her to long to get back and to the university on time. If she went home she would be forced to listen to Sesshoumaru and his girl toy romp it out.
"Romping it out it is then." She shook her head. How could this happen to her. On her birthday. Fuck being 25. It was definitely not all that it was cracked up to be. She cursed on the way home.
----
Sesshoumaru had been waiting. He stared at the clock, it was 11:15. Kagome should have been back by now. He sat pensively at their kitchen table. There was a birthday cake in front of him. Her name was neatly written in scarlet letters. It stood out, and it was the only thing catching his eye. He glanced at the clock once again.
He folded his arms over his chest. Today Kagome was 25. Some how the reality of another year had passed had hit him as cold as the winters bite. He had realized that in the short amount of time he and Kagome had grown close, and then apart. In only seven years. She was the same at 25 like when she was 18. He was not.
He had seen what the feudal era had to offer him and was content, but then he became forcibly trapped in the so called "modern" era. He had changed. If he couldn't be powerful in the way he used to be, he'd just have to find another way. He did it, he was more advanced in their so called advanced world. Their human world.
He was shocked to hear that demons no longer existed in this world. He was the only of his kind. The humans had found a way to progress in life without them.
He sighed, wondering were a particular human could be. She actually could be anywhere. It wasn't like he had made plans with her, or even mentioned her birthday today. In fact he hadn't said happy birthday to Kagome in 5 years. He remembered everyone else's, but hers seemed to fall in a place where he was either extremely busy or he forgot. Not this one, he'd been waiting for this one. It was funny though, all those times that he'd never said anything, she'd never reminded him or seemed spiteful and bitter. She just smiled and went about her day. He'd later find out by her mother or Souta. Then it'd be to late, she'd already gone to bed or she wasn't home. His pride also found a way to keep him quiet and not say anything at all.
She was 25.
She was 25.
She was 25.
Not matter how many times he said it, or how many reminders he had. He couldn't help but fixate on the fact that she was getting older.
Soon she'd be older and be a professor, soon she'd be older and have a husband, soon she'd be older and have children, soon she'd be older and have grandkids, soon she'd be too old and she would fade.
She would be gone. She was human. It was inevitable.
Sesshoumaru clenched his hands at this. Kagome would die, and he would be alone. She was the only person he had in this life. He never needed to depend on anyone before. It was incredibly difficult to accept that he needed help, but compassionately she held out her hand and he took it.
It was something about her. Kagome consumed him. She was his life. He watched her from afar. He took pride when he made her laugh. He took pride when he could provide for her. He took pride in her. This was something he had never done before. When they lived together at the shrine, they had become accustomed to one another.
Besides, he owed his life to her.
------------
He had heard the door click. He looked up only to see Kagome carrying a pile of books and some groceries in her hand.
"You are late," he monotonously stated. He went back to reading the Iliad. She smiled at him and dropped the groceries off at the counter. She brought her books toward him and sat on the opposite side of the couch.
"Sorry about that. The lines at the book store were insane, I can't believe I made it out alive." She laughed. He looked at her with his expressionless face, but inside he felt his stomach flutter just a bit. She pulled a book out to show him.
"So, I know you're leaving the shrine in a couple of days and I just wanted to get you a little something before you left." She held the book out to him. The Phaidon Atlas of Contemporary World Architecture. She smiled and nudged it towards him. He slowly took it.
"This was unnecessary." He spoke softly. His hands roamed the cover. He gentle flipped through the pages seeing exotic picture of buildings and significant landmarks. Her words broke him out of his trance.
"Nothing I do for you is necessary, I do it because I want to." She squeezed his hand and walked away.
----
He glanced at the clock, as if daring it to be later. It was now 11:40.
Kagome.
He had been thinking about her constantly. Ever since he left the Higurashi shrine, he thought about her. How she was away from him. Although he never called her just to talk, or even to say hello, he constantly let himself be immersed in her. When he had found out the toll of traveling from the university back to her home was having on her, he pounced on the opportunity. He casually suggested she lived with him for the time being. At first she had refused, saying she couldn't even imagine what he was paying to live there and how she couldn't even pay for her share of the rent. Silly human. He had told her that she needn't worry, that he'd take care of it. She was against it at first, but was soon persuaded.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. His hands fell on the prayer beads on his neck.
Even if Kagome had managed to seal off his markings, she could never seal his true nature. His possessive and dominant nature.
He wanted Kagome to be his, and only his.
None of this marrying another human.
None of this having another's child.
Naturally, one would think Sesshoumaru would deny his pull towards a certain woman. They would be wrong. He smugly knew there was nothing unrequited about this, so no need to hide, right?
Oh yes, he knew about her. He could hear her moaning, her small gasps, and her laboured breathing. He knew exactly why. And on every Thursday. At first he thought she was just indulging in a sexual fantasy over someone at the university (it made his blood steam). Then he heard it, to him it was as loud as a siren. She said his name. Then the girl he was fucking just became Kagome to him. Every Thursday he'd wait until Kagome went to her room and then took his toy of a girl upstairs. He would hungrily look a the wall that separated their rooms. He'd look down, and somehow there'd be Kagome.
He would hear her in the other room, silently climaxing and quivering trying not to scream. And he smirked. If he had this effect without touching her, imagine what he could do with some touching. That was just sex though.
He grudgingly admitted he wanted more. Just from her.
He had lived for centuries. Kagome had lived for a quarter of a century.
She only had so much time. Rarely did humans live to a full century.
The thought of Kagome ever dying instantly made him growl.
That's why on her 25 birthday, he would give her the onl-
He heard the apartment door being open quietly. He heard her shuffling feet and small amounts of cussing.
The apartment was draped in darkness, he could only see the digital clock. 12:00 am. She strained her ears to hear anything. No grunts or moans. No shrill screams or heavy panting. Maybe it was her lucky break. She shuffled in, trying not to make to much noise. She failed miserably. She bumped into chairs and tripped over some shoes.
"Damn it," she leaned over to grab a dinning room chair. All of a sudden the air didn't feel right. She cautioned.
"You are late."
She screamed.
"MY GOD SESSHOUMARU, YOU CREEP!"
She held her heart, her books sprawled all over the hardwood floor. She quickly turned on the small nook light on. Dimly, she could see him sitting at the table. His arms folded over his chest. He long, silvery hair spilling down. His lips in a straight thin line.
She turned red in the face, and instantly dropped to the ground picking up her books and literature. "Why the hell are you sitting like a weirdo in the dark? I felt like I was having a heart attack." She flustered about, struggling to stand up.
"It's your birthday, is it not?"
"Well, yeah…" she said confused pushing some stray hairs from her face, pushing her papers to her chest. She looked at him once again. He stayed the same, as if glued to the spot. His eyes just watching her every move. Then her eyes took notice of something in front of him. It was a cake.
"You…you bought me a cake?" She asked incredulously. He still sat there.
"That is custom, is it not? To bring gifts and cakes on such occasions?" He watched her calmly. Her hair was messy, her heart was racing, her cheeks still red. Her eyes, however, were lively and vibrantly in the dull light. He stared right at them.
"Yeah, yes!" She walked over looking at the round white thing. "Thank you, yes, thank you. You know that you didn't have to." She took a seat, pushing her books to the side. He gave a plate to her whish she gladly accepted. He stuck one candle in the cake, and lighted it.
"Why one?" she asked laughing. The noise began to ring through his ears.
He composed himself, "Because, you are one quarter of a century." He said it and it sounded surreal.
"Clever." She smile looking at the cake. "Now, what should I wish for?" She thought and thought. She came from her revere to only Sesshoumaru staring at her more intently. Though she had seen him do this countless of times, this time seemed different. Her mouth went slightly agape, staring right into his golden eyes. "What do I have something on my face?" Silence. "Ha ha, Sesshoumaru, what are you staring at?" Silence. "Are you okay?" More silence, "Wax is getting on the cake…not that I care…but," More Silence. "Sesshoumaru?"
"Kagome." Finality.
They sat there looking at one another. The candle was growing shorter and the flame was slowly dying. Both were sinking in each others presence. They hadn't sit in the same room for this log for ages. She was waiting for him to say something. She was done sitting and waiting.
"I'm sure, your girlfriend won't be happy with you if you're late, so I'm going to go to bed. Thank you for the cake, I really appreciate it." She made a move to get up. She grabbed for her papers.
"Kagome," he said it more forcibly. "You didn't make a wish," she calmly sat back down.
"Yes, well, here's to looking to getting to a healthy 26, right?" She was about to blow out the candle.
"Is that all you want?" He asked
"Well, yes. I want another good year ahead of me. That would be all I could ask for." she smiled that damn foolish smile that made his heart increase in beating. He grit his teeth, and clenched his fists. He was furious. For once, he was furious with her.
"That's all ?" He once again in dead calm voice.
"Yes, I mean, I don't know what else to tell you?" She sighed deeply, "Sesshoumaru, are you sure you're alright? Is it work? Is it Hanako? Are you guys having a fight? You can talk to me, I'm always here for you."
"Don't say that like it means something, Kagome." He replied at her with ferocity.
"What do you mean Sesshoumaru? Look I'm trying here,. Really trying to understand what you're talking about. Please just tell me. This is the first time we've actually talked in ages, and we're fighting."
"We're not fighting, this conversation is over." He looked away from her once again.
She propped her elbows up on the table, burying her face in her hands. She was so tired, and the one day she was suppose to be celebrating she was crying. She became to tired to care if he saw her. What did he care? It was so blatantly obvious he didn't.
He watched he sigh into her hands. She was crying and he knew that. He sighed as well. He had ruined it.
"All," he began to speak, "you want from life is to make it to 26, yet here you tell me that you are always here for me. That is hypocritical Kagome."
She took her face away from her hands and looked at him.
"I'm…I'm not sure what do with myself now. Here you sit, each second that slips away from you means you are a second closer to death. Each year that you pass by, you are closer to dying, and you don't even understand that. You are completely blinded, it's pathetic."
She shook, she didn't understand? She was blind? On her birthday, he had to make it known that he truly found her pathetic and useless. He was a cold hearted bastard. Her eyes hardened.
"You say you'll be here for me, but you'll leave me. I know it, you know it. I will be alone." He said this all evenly.
She was taken aback , "Sesshoumaru, you… I'm not going anywhere any time soon. I'll be here for you as long as I can. Don't you understand? I'm here, right here. I have been this whole time"
"And the time you have, that's good enough for you?"
"As long as you and I will always be okay, then whatever time I spend here on earth will be good enough." She searched his eyes trying to grasp on to anything. He was still calm, sitting there as if all her emotions had no effect. If she didn't know better she would have believed it too.
There was silence, her best friend, coming to comfort them both.
"It's not good enough for me." They sat, Kagome still speechless. "You're amount of time here is not good enough." he had been waiting for this moment for a long time. Tonight would by the night that all the cards would be face up.
"I'm sorry…Sesshoumaru. Believe me, if I could live longer, and be here for you I would. Really, I would do my best. But, I can't, I'm human…" Here she was on her birthday, speaking about the day she would die. Morbidity with a sense of need ran through the air. "Sesshoumaru, I can't change who I am, it's just not possible…I mean, if it-"
"Mate me."
He said it.
Time seemed to lag, his words just hung in the air. She was bewildered. She just sat reveling how many words were spoken to her in a day, and how these two just changed her life. She was too in shock, she couldn't even stutter out a reply.
"I could never sit and watch you die Kagome." She sat still. "So mate me." She swallowed. She shook. She sat. He waited patiently and evenly for her reply.
Amidst the silence she spoke.
"Sesshoumaru, stop. I understand you feel...compelled …to say such a thing. I mean we've been here for one another for a long time. Seven years. We've shared major turning points in each other's lives. I mean, it'll be hard for me to be gone from you, really it will," She reached her arm over and let her hand caress his cheek Her eyes hardened, "But something so special should be given to somebody you love, that you hold dear. Not carelessly. I could never take that away from you." Retracting her hand, he grabbed it and held on.
"You still do not understand." He smiled at her, and her heart began to race. "I cannot imagine a day of my life without you.." He continued. "I have nothing to live for if you are not by my side. So let me be selfish, and keep you here, with me."
"Sesshoumaru…I…." She started out. She shut her mouth not knowing hat to say to him.
"Say yes."
"But I…"
"Do you not love me?" he candidly asked.
"N..no, I don't."
"Lying mars that beautiful face of yours. " She blushed. He stood up and walked behind her chair. "What is then, that makes you moan at night? Have you been bringing men into my house?"
"No," she whispered.
"Then you love me?"
"No…"
Silence.
"I love you." She stiffened. He turned his back to her.
"With my heart." She began to cry. He stood frozen.
"With my soul." She put her hands to her mouth. He breathed steadily.
"With my life." She stood and tuned him around.
There he was, completely serious, collected and waiting. He was not lying, he was not faking.
She was crying.
He kneeled at her.
"I have been here for these seven years at your mercy. For seven years I have loved you. For seven years I have watched you come closer to death, and for seven years I have only wanted to ask you one question." His eyes turned from being strong to pleading, "please give me an eternity with you. I have never felt so completely lost within a person before. I have never felt so prepared to share my life span with someone. I have never wanted to live for someone more than now. "
"It's…it's just that…it's that you…and I'm," she struggled.
He shook his head, and watched the ground defeated. "I have been foolish to believe that you felt the same." He made a move to stand from where he was. She gently placed her hands on his shoulders. He looked up at her to see her sobbing and smiling. She rubbed her shoulders crying before kneeling down to his level. She placed her hands on his chest. She was gasping for air from crying. Her hands fumbled with the beads around his neck.
She lifted them off and finally saw someone she seen in seven years.
She placed both of her hands on the sides of his face and kissed him with all the feeling she had. "I want to spend forever with you. I will always love you, Sesshoumaru. Never ever doubt that. It is the nicest gift anyone has ever given me." she said in a hoarse whisper.
He put his forehead to her hers.
"Happy Birthday."
FIN.
Nadi's Notes- Well, this is the biggest oneshot I have ever written. I really just felt the need to write it. Anyways, I hoped you guys liked it. Reviews and critiques are always appriciated a lot. Oh, and to everyone who read How To Be Alone, I'm working on a second part, thank you guys so much for reviewing and reading it. It means a lot.