The Hidden Mind
Sarah Mackenzie walks quickly to her car. A woman isn't safe in the dark at night, not even if that woman is a Marine, trained to defend herself. Not even if there is a guard nearby. Sarah has her keys out and ready to push into the fitted hole. As she walks her car seems to get further and further away, even as she draws near to it. Quickly she shoves the key into the tiny space and turns them in the lock. The door opens, she withdraws the key and she throws her briefcase into the car, climbing in afterwards. She shuts the car door and sighs, glad to be safe. She starts the engine and drives quickly from the parking lot, feeling safer once she reaches the gate.
I smile. I'm so proud of her. She is so cautious, yet still she doesn't see me. But I would never hurt her. Ever. He would kill me if I did and I would never touch her. I love her too much. I watch Sarah drive away and my smile fades. I want her to love me. I can't believe she loves him. Just because he has a good sense of humor and would do anything for her. I would do anything for her. I love her more than he does. I should be the father of her child, not him. I'm glad she didn't change her name after she married. Years ago I wouldn't be watching her like this, but being in love has taken a horrible effect. I run to my car and climb in, driving after her.
I reach her house, their house, just after she walks in the door. I stop my car just across the street and watch. Through the front windows the lights shine and I can see her putting her briefcase and her jacket on the couch. Her husband walks up to her and wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck. She turns around in his embrace and kisses him passionately. They break apart quickly as their daughter runs into the room, excited because her mother is home. Sarah reaches down to pick up the small child and gives her a hug. The girl squirms out of Sarah's arms and runs to her room, Sarah quickly follows, her husband walking back into the kitchen to continue with dinner. She is gone for about five minutes and when she comes back into the living room she is in jeans and a T-shirt. She walks into the kitchen to see what her husband is making for dinner. She reaches up to kiss him on the cheek but he turns his head and kisses her slowly. They pull apart and Sarah smiles at
him. He speaks the she turns and walks over to one of the front windows. I duck quickly, still watching, as she looks at my car. She must be starting to worry about my car being here every night because she stares it for a while. I hide from her; part of me wishing for her to spot me here, part of me scared of what she would do if she did. Fortunately, she closes the blinds and I know from experience that she won't open them again tonight.
I sigh and drive home, the tears I hold back burning my eyes.
The next morning I wait for her at work; she will get suspicious if I wait for her in front of her house after I left last night. I sit for nearly an hour before I spot her car. She looks beautiful and I long to hold her in my arms. But I only have pictures...
She passes the guard at the gate, showing her ID then quickly maneuvers her car into her usual place in the parking lot. I smile. Nothing ever changes with her. She follows a tight schedule when it comes to work. She emerges from her car and grabs her briefcase before locking the door behind her. Walking into the building she sees a friend and smiles as she catches up to him. They stop and talk for a few minutes, Sarah probably asking how his ten year old son is doing at school. The man beams as he and Sarah turn and walk into the elevator, walking out of my sight.
I smile. Sarah loves children; you can see it in her eyes. Every time she is near them happiness shows and she can't stop smiling. I love it when she smiles. I turn back to my steering wheel and drive away. I will not see her again today but tonight I have something special planned.
I know she is home; I can see her through the front window as I saw her last night. She looks beautiful as usual. The jeans and top she is wearing show her curves completely and the shadows bounce off her form. She is setting the table for dinner. I will see her tonight, really see her. I will speak to her.
I see her husband playing with their daughter and I nearly cry. Oh, how I love her, want to be loved by her. But she loves him. I guess it was meant to be this way. I wonder for a while if I should just drive away, not show my face to her but to do that would be as bad as committing suicide. I open the car door and step out slowly, locking it behind me. I lean against the door and look back at the house. Sarah and her husband are playing with their daughter now, hugging her, and tickling her. Sarah stands up and runs quickly out of the room and I choose this moment.
I sigh and shove my keys into my pocket. I walk quickly up the driveway of their house. The light is on at the porch and it bathes me in an eerie glow. I hear Sarah and her daughter giggling and laughing inside and I know I will be intruding on a happy moment. I raise my fist to knock then lower it again. I am a coward. I am scared of her reaction towards me. Finally I raise my fist again and knock. I hear her husband calling to me.
"I'll be right there!"
And the smile leaves my face. A few seconds later the peep hole in the door darkens and I know someone is looking out. The door opens suddenly and AJ Chegwidden stares at me, amazement evident in his face. I start feeling extremely uncomfortable soon and start fidgeting. He finally regains his voice and invites me into their home. I feel out of place here. I stand in the living room and look around. Their daughter, Amy, stares at me then gets up from the floor and walks over to her father, hugging his legs. It looks a lot nicer in here than it did from my car window. I turn towards AJ and I can see from his face that he doesn't believe that I am here. I hold out my hand and he stares down at it, finally smiling and taking it. He understands now.
Then behind me I hear a gasp. Sarah. I release AJ's hand and turn towards her. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly open, begging for breath. I stare at her for a moment then I slowly walk towards her. She continues staring at me. I stand before her and look into her frightened eyes.
"You're dead," She whispers. "They told me you were dead. They said you'd died defending your country and that I should be proud. You're dead. I know you're dead."
I smile at her softly. She always believed. She still does.
"Surprise." I can't force out more than a whisper.
Suddenly I feel the impact. She holds onto me tightly, not wanting to let me go again.
"Harm," She sobs and I feel her tears burning my chest. "I can't believe you're here. I missed you so much."
I was told of her reaction when they told her I was dead. Clay told me she cried for weeks. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that she needed me so much. And because of me she turned to someone else and fell in love with him. I didn't want it to be that way. I wanted to come home to her but they said I couldn't and that it was the best way to hide me after my Tomcat crashed. They wanted me dead. I missed her so much.
I hold her for what seems like hours but has only been minutes. Sarah pulls away and reaches her hand up to my face, running her fingers over my cheek. She smiles, the touch now confirming that I'm real. I turn to find AJ smiling at me. Then he speaks.
"Harm, what happened?"
"Sit down and I'll tell you." I say.
So we sit on the couch and I tell them my story of death, love, betrayal, and hope.
I am so glad to be home...
Sarah Mackenzie walks quickly to her car. A woman isn't safe in the dark at night, not even if that woman is a Marine, trained to defend herself. Not even if there is a guard nearby. Sarah has her keys out and ready to push into the fitted hole. As she walks her car seems to get further and further away, even as she draws near to it. Quickly she shoves the key into the tiny space and turns them in the lock. The door opens, she withdraws the key and she throws her briefcase into the car, climbing in afterwards. She shuts the car door and sighs, glad to be safe. She starts the engine and drives quickly from the parking lot, feeling safer once she reaches the gate.
I smile. I'm so proud of her. She is so cautious, yet still she doesn't see me. But I would never hurt her. Ever. He would kill me if I did and I would never touch her. I love her too much. I watch Sarah drive away and my smile fades. I want her to love me. I can't believe she loves him. Just because he has a good sense of humor and would do anything for her. I would do anything for her. I love her more than he does. I should be the father of her child, not him. I'm glad she didn't change her name after she married. Years ago I wouldn't be watching her like this, but being in love has taken a horrible effect. I run to my car and climb in, driving after her.
I reach her house, their house, just after she walks in the door. I stop my car just across the street and watch. Through the front windows the lights shine and I can see her putting her briefcase and her jacket on the couch. Her husband walks up to her and wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck. She turns around in his embrace and kisses him passionately. They break apart quickly as their daughter runs into the room, excited because her mother is home. Sarah reaches down to pick up the small child and gives her a hug. The girl squirms out of Sarah's arms and runs to her room, Sarah quickly follows, her husband walking back into the kitchen to continue with dinner. She is gone for about five minutes and when she comes back into the living room she is in jeans and a T-shirt. She walks into the kitchen to see what her husband is making for dinner. She reaches up to kiss him on the cheek but he turns his head and kisses her slowly. They pull apart and Sarah smiles at
him. He speaks the she turns and walks over to one of the front windows. I duck quickly, still watching, as she looks at my car. She must be starting to worry about my car being here every night because she stares it for a while. I hide from her; part of me wishing for her to spot me here, part of me scared of what she would do if she did. Fortunately, she closes the blinds and I know from experience that she won't open them again tonight.
I sigh and drive home, the tears I hold back burning my eyes.
The next morning I wait for her at work; she will get suspicious if I wait for her in front of her house after I left last night. I sit for nearly an hour before I spot her car. She looks beautiful and I long to hold her in my arms. But I only have pictures...
She passes the guard at the gate, showing her ID then quickly maneuvers her car into her usual place in the parking lot. I smile. Nothing ever changes with her. She follows a tight schedule when it comes to work. She emerges from her car and grabs her briefcase before locking the door behind her. Walking into the building she sees a friend and smiles as she catches up to him. They stop and talk for a few minutes, Sarah probably asking how his ten year old son is doing at school. The man beams as he and Sarah turn and walk into the elevator, walking out of my sight.
I smile. Sarah loves children; you can see it in her eyes. Every time she is near them happiness shows and she can't stop smiling. I love it when she smiles. I turn back to my steering wheel and drive away. I will not see her again today but tonight I have something special planned.
I know she is home; I can see her through the front window as I saw her last night. She looks beautiful as usual. The jeans and top she is wearing show her curves completely and the shadows bounce off her form. She is setting the table for dinner. I will see her tonight, really see her. I will speak to her.
I see her husband playing with their daughter and I nearly cry. Oh, how I love her, want to be loved by her. But she loves him. I guess it was meant to be this way. I wonder for a while if I should just drive away, not show my face to her but to do that would be as bad as committing suicide. I open the car door and step out slowly, locking it behind me. I lean against the door and look back at the house. Sarah and her husband are playing with their daughter now, hugging her, and tickling her. Sarah stands up and runs quickly out of the room and I choose this moment.
I sigh and shove my keys into my pocket. I walk quickly up the driveway of their house. The light is on at the porch and it bathes me in an eerie glow. I hear Sarah and her daughter giggling and laughing inside and I know I will be intruding on a happy moment. I raise my fist to knock then lower it again. I am a coward. I am scared of her reaction towards me. Finally I raise my fist again and knock. I hear her husband calling to me.
"I'll be right there!"
And the smile leaves my face. A few seconds later the peep hole in the door darkens and I know someone is looking out. The door opens suddenly and AJ Chegwidden stares at me, amazement evident in his face. I start feeling extremely uncomfortable soon and start fidgeting. He finally regains his voice and invites me into their home. I feel out of place here. I stand in the living room and look around. Their daughter, Amy, stares at me then gets up from the floor and walks over to her father, hugging his legs. It looks a lot nicer in here than it did from my car window. I turn towards AJ and I can see from his face that he doesn't believe that I am here. I hold out my hand and he stares down at it, finally smiling and taking it. He understands now.
Then behind me I hear a gasp. Sarah. I release AJ's hand and turn towards her. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly open, begging for breath. I stare at her for a moment then I slowly walk towards her. She continues staring at me. I stand before her and look into her frightened eyes.
"You're dead," She whispers. "They told me you were dead. They said you'd died defending your country and that I should be proud. You're dead. I know you're dead."
I smile at her softly. She always believed. She still does.
"Surprise." I can't force out more than a whisper.
Suddenly I feel the impact. She holds onto me tightly, not wanting to let me go again.
"Harm," She sobs and I feel her tears burning my chest. "I can't believe you're here. I missed you so much."
I was told of her reaction when they told her I was dead. Clay told me she cried for weeks. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that she needed me so much. And because of me she turned to someone else and fell in love with him. I didn't want it to be that way. I wanted to come home to her but they said I couldn't and that it was the best way to hide me after my Tomcat crashed. They wanted me dead. I missed her so much.
I hold her for what seems like hours but has only been minutes. Sarah pulls away and reaches her hand up to my face, running her fingers over my cheek. She smiles, the touch now confirming that I'm real. I turn to find AJ smiling at me. Then he speaks.
"Harm, what happened?"
"Sit down and I'll tell you." I say.
So we sit on the couch and I tell them my story of death, love, betrayal, and hope.
I am so glad to be home...