Triage: Finding Home
AmberEndorphin
Thursday, July 12, 2007 (8:41 AM)
Sometimes her apartment made her feel lonely. It wasn't oversized by anyone's standards, but that didn't stop her from feeling alone. Besides, the pros of having her own living space far outweighed the twinges of loneliness (that often felt like fear). At the tender age of seventeen she had claimed an independence from her family that most clan members only ever dreamt of. But then again, most clan members had family who shared their profession, and most clan members didn't have to deal with matriarchs with borderline psychosis.
The weight of her father's death had always burdened the widowed Haruno woman. Combined with the stress of having a daughter who was sure to follow in his footsteps, Sakura's mother retreated into the safety of her home—and her mind—never straying further than the countertops of her kitchen island.
In ways, that place had been even more lonesome.
Moving away had seemed like the grown up thing to do anyways. All of her teammates lived by themselves, and it was selfish to continue to flaunt her profession before her mother. She hadn't even needed help in the actual process of moving out. Her mother had been near hysterical when she had suggested emptying out her room, so she decided to leave it as it was. Thinking about it made her skin crawl, it was as if her mother lived in a shrine of memories—as if she would fall apart without her habitat.
Instead, Sakura had been blessed with the perfect excuse to buy herself a new home. A two and a half room apartment, complete with one bathroom and kitchen (respectively), she had had the liberating experience of creating her own place.
It was amazing.
Truth be told, Sakura had never liked putting up with the Mrs. Betty Home Maker ideology of women. Yet when it came to furnishing and decorating her own house, she discovered a new side of herself. The living room was her favorite. The walls were a unique shade of red, offset by white cedar trim and thick beige carpeting. The furniture in that room consisted of a dark brown couch, a gnarled and pitted cherry-wood coffee table, and her baby…
A thirty-two inch plasma screen, hanging right over the mantel of the much appreciated fire place.
She loved this room dearly. When she had first moved in, she had worked on it immediately, turning it into the most lived in aspect of her apartment. In fact, the rest of the place had seemed so terribly empty that Sakura had made her bed in front of the fire place. Ino once remarked, when helping the girl put her actual bed together, that the living room resembled a love nest. That's when Sakura made an effort to liven up the rest of the place.
Starting with the bedroom. Its' most prominent feature, the bed, was also by turns, the oddest. It lay flat on the floor and closely resembled the basic structure of a sandbox. But it was king sized and oh so very comfortable. Besides, the benefits of having a bed that was boxed in right on the floor were obvious: no one could hide beneath it, and if she should trip—well no problem, chances were she would land in downy goodness! Of course, getting up was a bit of a chore.
Pillows were stacked up against the wall connected to the 'head' of the bed. Two stuffed animals, the only memorabilia salvaged from her old room, were casually tucked under her blankets. And her bed was never made.
It always looked more inviting that way, no need to struggle with sheets turned stiff from being tucked away—she had no reason to want to make it harder to relax. And this is where she usually did, relax that is. Right next to her bed was a book case. She simply need roll over and reach out. More often than not she needed to clear away scrolls and the like before getting under her comforter.
At the opposite end of the room were her dresser and vanity, the tops of which were strewn with various keep sakes. Bottles of perfume, ceramic figures, candles, and pictures. These were strategically placed on the other end of her bedroom as an incentive to get up and out of her bed in the a.m. Her alarm as well.
The fact that her apartment was a two and one half room apartment confused some. What was considered 'half a room' on the lease was really more of a glorified closet with a single window. Sakura turned it into a study/workroom/junk room/storage space.
And weaponry.
All in all, she was very pleased with the results of her living space. Over time, everything showed signs of her wear and tear. The kitchen counters became cluttered with documents, junk mail, sunglasses and keys. The bath tub/shower ledge displayed a variety of scented body washes and soaps along with shampoo and conditioner, and a ton of disposable razors.
All the signs pointed to this being her home.
But sometimes Sakura wasn't so sure. After a long day of work or missions, there wasn't that sense of relief she'd attributed to the idea of coming home. Which, in itself, was an oddity, as she hadn't felt that sensation when she had lived in the clan house.
"Home is where the heart is." Even her doormat mocked her.
Sure, there was some sense of belonging when she tumbled into bed at all hours of the morning, but it wasn't the same. And no amount of cuddle time with Blizzard and Mr. MilitaryBear would change that.
She wasn't depressed or anything, just disappointed. Let down. She knew that she had felt it before, that sense of home that so eluded her now—she just wasn't willing to admit that her new house wasn't it.
Because then she would be a hypocrite.
"Naruto," she'd said, not a year before, "this place is a disaster!"
He'd given her that cheeky smile of his, one hand scratching at the back of his head. "Yeah well, it's my place. This is where I live." He turned back and began rummaging through the cushions of… 'Is that a couch? Why is it growling at me?'
"Aww, come on! I know I put them somewhere!" Desperately, he began to toss random articles of clothing around his living room and into the kitchen.
Snickering just a bit Sakura took in the apartment. "Geez Naruto, I know you aren't an aesthetics expert or anything, but you could liven this place up a bit." She gestured towards the peeling whitewashed walls. "Make it homier you know?"
Shaking a pair of pants upside down, her blonde companion cocked his head to the left. "Ah, well. It's not really—where is it?—I don't know, I guess I haven't really thought of this place as home. I just eat and sleep here."
She rolled her eyes and planted her hands on her hips in her patented 'lesson teaching' stance. "Come on! You've lived here, what, nearly seventeen years? And you still don't call this home?" Naruto just shrugged. "Psh. Well I bet you would if you put some effort into it. Decorate some."
Another eloquent shrug, coupled with a "Whatever you say, Sakura," before he gave an excited yip. He turned towards her and propelled her to the front door. Grinning from ear to ear, he presented two wrinkled Ichiraku coupons. "Got 'em!"
No, Sakura wasn't going to admit to defeat. After all, she'd blown nearly all of her savings in the effort of creating her haven, no way was she going to recant and waste all of that money.
But all that pep talk didn't stop her from dragging her feet, one night after work. She'd been at the hospital for nearly thirty hours, including an hour and a half cat nap she'd managed to snag on one of the resident cots. There had seemed to be an influx of people who were in dire need of medical assistance. All day she had kept one ear open, listening for small talk of some impending disaster that had occurred. She kept waiting for more casualties to wrack up. She spent most of her time standing over critical patients, handling their internal organs and pumping life back into their skin.
Then the girl child, Mia, arrived. A genin on patrol, she'd gone and stepped on a remnant shizumotai, a ninja landmine of sorts.
She was a mess.
She had such big, bright eyes.
"It's gonna be okay sweetie." Sakura passed a clammy hand over the girl's pale brow and over her smoky brown hair. Shaking from the blood loss, Mia tried to capture her hands.
"Help m-ugh!" Bright red bubbled up and onto an otherwise paper white face. Five other medics were already at work on the girl, but one gave way when Sakura gathered the chakra into her hands.
'More, I need more.' With urgency, she shaped her mind around the injury and pushed, grabbing for thick, green ropes of her chakra and throwing them at the ruptured spleen. 'That first.' Someone was busy mending the legs, emptying the lungs, stopping the blood. 'Not enough hands. Not enough people.'
The medics were being pulled away; a ninja reporting with gapping shoulder wound, acid in another's eyes, that one in mental agony.
All the while, the background noise of labored breathing, the sounds of someone drowning, filtered through. 'More, more, MORE.'
Kids were always hard for her to let go. As a medic of the highest caliber, there came a point during an operation where she knew whether or not to stay. Sometimes the patient just couldn't be helped, and so it would be more beneficial to save up her chakra for those who needed it most, offering the patient the quickest, most painless end she could.
Triage.
But, there were times when she just couldn't stop. And Mia… Mia was looking right at her. So she pumped more chakra into her. 'There's still blood here! Why haven't they--- A quick look around her told her that the others were stopping. 'Then I'll need more…' There was so much to do. Sakura could keep the girl breathing, keep the heart beating, but it wouldn't mean anything if she couldn't stop the blood from flowing. The legs, maybe if she could cauterize them… but then the ruptured organs still needed to be attended too. "Sakura…"
She would need more chakra. There was a jutsu… one from the Core, to heat up her hand and burn away infection and seal the wound. If only she could spare a second, or get someone who knew it to tend to the legs, she really needed to see to the spleen. "Sakura-
And there was still blood in her lungs. She grabbed for another rope, and another, each a lighter green than the one before it. Were those bright blue eyes growing dim?
'No, that's not right. Her eyes weren't blue.' And suddenly it wasn't Mia on the table, it was a twelve year old Naruto, then Sasuke, and everyone else she'd lost, or nearly lost. "Sakura!"
A hand on her shoulder jerked her out of the hallucination, back to the blood spattered reality. It was Shizune. "Go home, get some rest. There's nothing else you can do."
Go home.
Sakura completely bypassed the locker rooms. Whatever she had stored in there could stay over for a while. She didn't even bother stopping to rinse her hands, her shirt, her face…thinking about it, she wiped her sticky palms across her skirt, leaving a bright red smear in their wake. All the while wondering about where she was going to go. Somehow she just couldn't bear to go back to her apartment and be alone, while simultaneously she didn't want to be around people.
Walking outside, she couldn't even manage to be outraged at the weather. 'It doesn't even have the decency to be raining.' The hot sunshine and humid air blasted down on her as she stepped out and into the thoroughfare of the streets. Mostly she kept her eyes on the ground by her feet, watching one step at a time. She knew she looked like a mess too, and it gave her a perverse sort of pleasure to know that she was creeping people out. What with the blood and all…
"Sakura?"
She wondered if maybe that was part of the attraction to all the killing. Being decked out in liquid crimson certainly leaves an impression on the passersby. 'Maybe that's really why Gaara did it.'
"Sakura-
Albeit, she wasn't sure it would be worth the effort. Sure, giving people the willies was nifty once in a while. But the substance was drying and melting with alarming inconsistency. Crusting and flaking in some places, under her eye, the backs of her hand, all up her arms, while retaining the fluidity of warm jello and pudding in others, between her fingers, down the front of her shirt, on her neck and on the inside of her elbows…
"Sakura!" For the second time that day, she was shaken from her inner ranting, this time by a more familiar hand.
Raising dull green eyes to his, she sighed in defeat. "Naruto." He managed to take all the fun out of being gory—since she took no pleasure in seeing his frantic response.
"What happened? Where are you hurt?" He reached forward and gripped both her arms while scanning her body for any tell-tale injuries. Despite the fact that she was a medic-nin, he knew first hand that she would forgo treating herself and rationalize it later. When he could find no obvious injury, Naruto looked up into her eyes. "I need to know where you are hurt Sakura-chan."
'He added the 'chan' again. Little shit.' He knew that it got to her, but somehow she couldn't gather the energy to respond accordingly. She was just so tired. Being up for thirty plus hours straight will do that to a person. All Sakura wanted to do was sleep.
'He's so worried. It's okay Naruto, I'm fine, I'm not hurt.'
"So tired." That was all she actually said to him, her eyes glazing over. But he needed to be sure.
"The blood, Sakura-chan?"
For just one second she seemed to come into herself. "It's not mine. Worked late. Told me to go home." The she laughed.
He didn't like it one bit. "Okay Sakura-chan. I'll take you home." Naruto wrapped one strong hand around her upper arm and lead her down the street.
She stumbled a bit then clutched at his shoulder. "Promise?" She asked.
Startled, the blonde looked over at her. What was she talking about? But she was looking at him in such a strange way! Like this was a big deal. So nervously he racked his brain for anything he said that she might want him to swear by. Drawing a blank he risked asking, "Sorry?"
".. said, take me home." She reminded him a bit of a drunk person. Remembering one of her lectures, Naruto knew that the effects of extreme exhaustion were similar.
"Take you home? Of course I will! I'm not going to leave you here, not like this." Suddenly fearful that this was some sort of feminine trap, he back pedaled. "Not that, you know, if I did, you wouldn't be able to take care of yourself and everything. I just, um, figured that I'd lend a helping hand." Backing away from her, he raised his hands. "I'm well aware that you are perfectly capable of –
She fell.
"Oh shit—Sakura!"
Frightened for her, he reached down and hauled her up in his arms. Did she need a doctor? Was she sick or something? Not at all sure what to do, he glanced down at her a bit helplessly. "Oh Sakura, what do I do?"
As it was, he ended up rushing back to the hospital like a mad man from hell, only to be told (in no uncertain terms) by Shizune that, "The girl is exhausted, she overworked herself and she lost a patient. What she needs is to go home and get some rest. Oh, and she is not to come in until summoned by Tsunade. I figure she has a mission coming up soon or something."
Okay, get Sakura home and make sure she gets rested up. Sure, he could do that. No problem.
Looking down at the slumbering bundle in his arms, he thought 'Ah Sakura-chan, the things I do.' He smiled, and then they were off.
When she came to, she figured it could only be a few hours later because she still felt exhausted. "Ughhhhhhh." Groaning, she reached over for another pillow with which she could cover her face with. But once she had the pillow in hand she became confused. The mass in her hand was lumpy, limp, and smelled different. Going still, she listened to the various pops and clicks she associated with her normal apartment sounds.
What she heard was quiet snuffling from her left.
Turning her head at a speed that made her dizzy, Sakura snapped to full alertness. Leaning on the wall was the snoozing Uzumaki. Originally she had thought this to be her house, as the bed was also located close to the floor… only to realize that this was simply a futon ( plus a rather large mattress) and a whole mess of blankets and pillows. She was in his room.
Slowly, so as not to disturb her companion, she sat up and surveyed the room. A dresser and a nightstand were the only other furnishings. Pictures and other random articles (that looked suspiciously like piles of pocket lint and change) littered the tops.
The walls were painted the color of sunset on the desert, and were adorned with a few of Sai's paintings, certificates, and even some scrolls…. Her eyes twitched when she saw that they were hung with thumbtacks, 'Naruto.'
There were even a few things hanging from the ceiling, placed strategically in front of the windows and the door were strings of shuriken, makeshift chimes. They were even painted, closer inspection would reveal that they were intricately designed and more closely resembled the paper spinners than the lethal weapons they were.
With a small smile, she laid herself back down into the warm nest. "Wow," she murmured under her breath. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that such chaos could make her feel so… comfy.
The touch of his personality was on everything. He lived here. Looking over at him, Sakura admired his ability to adapt and thrive wherever he chose. To be able to make a home amongst the people who had scorned him since birth.
'He really is something,' she mused, rolling over on her side to get a better view. Gazing at him, she saw he really was an amazing individual. And with a smile, she recalled he happened to be her closest friend.
Eyes softening, warmth flooded in her chest as she looked at his face. He cared for her, this Naruto Uzumaki, and she was happy in the knowledge that she cared for him too. In her own violent way perhaps, but she cared none the less. Through thick and thin they had stuck by each other's side. Always there for each other.
It surprised her at first. Him too.
She had thought for sure that with Sasuke gone, Naruto wouldn't care about her—about the team. He would go off, he would get strong, and he would leave her behind.
He had thought for sure that with Sasuke gone, Sakura wouldn't give him the time of day, wouldn't care about anyone else. She wouldn't grow up, and she'd leave him alone again.
So after two years and not a little bit of maturation, it was a surprise to both when—instead of falling apart—they came closer together. And over the course of three more years, continued to do so.
Then it struck her.
'I cannot imagine life without him.' A cliché realization perhaps, but all the same, it hit her with breathtaking intensity. Frantically she scrambled her brain to at least attempt the idea.
'Traveling without Naruto.' A sick, cold lump settled in her stomache.
'Lunch at Ichiraku's without Naruto.' The lump hatched into a tangled mass of something like fear.
'Never receiving his dirty innuendo.' Definitely fear.
'Never seeing him smile…' Oh look, the tangle had claws…
"Sakura you're awake." He yawned a bit, and it was obvious he was still tired. "What's wrong?" Immediately, he noticed the distress in her face and leaned closer to her. "Do you need something? I can take you back to the hospital if you want."
But she just shook her head. "No, no. Thanks Naruto. I'm fine." Pressing the heel of her palm against her forehead, she attempted a shaky smile. "It's nothing."
"I don't believe you."
Looking up at him in surprise, she was startled to see the seriousness of his voice match the set of his jaw, the steely glint of his eye. She blinked. 'When did you grow up?' Inner Sakura whistled.
Blushing, Sakura shook her head and said, "I was just… I was just thinking." Pausing, she sucked in a breath, and it came out sounding like a sob. "What would I do without you?"
Naruto sat there for a moment, completely shocked. His wide eyes stared at her, uncomprehendingly, while she sat on the verge of tears. "You can be so weird, you know that Sakura-chan?"
Her first reaction was hurt, then anger. "Excuse me?." The words came out between a snarl of teeth and a sheen of rapidly drying tears.
Knowing he tread fragile ground, Naruto crawled onto the bed, ignoring her protests and threats, and simply sat in front of her. "I just mean, I'm not going anywhere." He grinned at her and pulled gently on an errant strand of pink hair. When she only gaped at him with a wide open mouth and even wider green eyes, he continued, with more assurance. "I'll always be there for you Sakura-chan. You know that."
With one last tug, he tucked the strand behind her ear. "Weirdo."
The endearment was barely past his lips when she launched herself at him. "Oomph!" Despite having the air knocked clean out of him, he wrapped his arms around her with a happy little sigh. This was the life alright. And he wasn't going to take it for granted either, as far as he knew Sakura would snap out of it and hit him upside the head for 'copping a feel.' So for now—he tightened his arms—he would take what he could get.
But once it seemed she had fallen asleep on him yet again, he gently laid her down and attempted to detach himself from her. He might be wistful, but he wasn't suicidal. The blonde was completely aware of how his long time love interest would react if she found herself awake next to him come morning.
Already he winced at the thought and renewed his efforts at freeing himself from her vice like grip.
No use.
Glaring down at the offending appendage, he whispered, "Could you please let go before she kills me?" If anything, her hand tightened its grip. With a sigh and a slightly goofy grin, he laid down and decided to await his fate. At least this time he would have a legitimate excuse—not that it would stop her.
Ridding himself of such thoughts as best he could, he turned over and pulled her into him, deciding to rest up for the big confrontation that lay ahead.
Unknown to him, Sakura smiled.
'I'll always be there for you Sakura-chan.' He may not know it yet, but with those words something woke in her. And by 'woke', she meant started kicking and screaming and tingling in every way that was good and true and pure. She felt safe, and loved, and cared for.
This new feeling, combined with the reminder of how she'd always felt around him had been all she needed to latch onto him, to take that next step. This new feeling might be love, she didn't know yet. But she figured it had better be.
After all, she already felt at home—how much further off could her heart be?
Fin
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AU: Triage is the title for a series of One Shots featuring NaruSaku. As of yet, this is the first in said series. And it ended on a good note. Not all of my drafts do (dun dun duuunn.)
NaruSaku obsession. Seriously. It's the only thing that makes sense. Sure, I love a ton of other pairings, but right now—all I want is to read an amazing, complete Epic NaruSaku!!! Someone RECOMMEND ONE TO ME and I will make a one shot in your honor. Please.
Anyways. I'm not sure I liked how this turned out. But I spent all night on it so… myeh. Whatever. Special thanks to: Metric and Shiny Toy Guns for keeping me awake and inspired. Do your part and leave a review. Thank you.