:-Rurouni Kenshin-:
Chapter Three:~ Falling.. I Can't Reach You ..
The trees were overgrown with luscious green leaves. They lined up the road we took. It was bright and sunny and a bit too humid for a March morning. The animals took the opportunity of the lovely weather to look for food while Yahiko and I were to visit Kaoru's grave.
He walked beside me, all the while looking ahead with a faraway look. This morning, he went to buy the roses and he did come back with twenty-four white roses. His knuckles were white as he gripped the bucket filled with water with the roses. The soft petals were decorated with small drops of water on it. Its smell was of fresh spring and I felt less depressed as it lingered in the air. One would think that this morning would be cheerful but our feelings were all gloomy like the freezing winter.
He wore a solemn look as he knelt before the headstone. I followed suit. Delicately, he placed four of the roses before her headstone. He did this very carefully as if he was afraid that the petals would fall off. Then, he took the rest and slowly plucked off all the petals. Gathering the petals, he took in his palms and lifted it up, just a few centimeters above the headstone. Soon after the soft wind like a gentle hand carried them up into the sky and choreographed them into a dance of swirls. The petals twisted and turn at the call of the wind but not long after the choreographer wind left them and the petals slowly yet gracefully landed on the headstone signaling the end of the dance. Somewhere, I felt as if I could hear Kaoru's warm laughter as if she was tickled by the dance of the rose petals. I watched the ritual attentively all this while and I could feel and see his strong feelings for Kaoru. I couldn't help but let out a smile on my face. It would have definitely touched Kaoru if she were watching this.
Kaoru-dono, your son loves you very much. You would be glad.
We both put our hands together to pray. Silence filled the air. I opened my eyes to see him biting his finger fresh blood immediately flowed out. I was startled at first but then I realised what he was doing. Using his blood as ink, he wrote the kanji 'ai' on the headstone next to her name. His big brown eyes were starting to quaver and it glistened with strong emotions. For a fraction of a second, one could see his tears. He abruptly stood up, showing that he wanted to leave.
For the whole morning, we have not spoke to each other. He was in his world of his own. Somehow he's ignoring me, as if he does not realise my existence.
After reaching home, he went to his room straight after and shut the door behind him. I let out a big sigh.
Yahiko? Are you lost in your thoughts and in the sadness that fills your soul? Come back! I cannot afford to lose anyone no more. Please don't drown in your thoughts, and never let depression devour you. COME BACK!
"Summimasen, can I come in?"
When I didn't hear a reply, I slowly pushed the door open. There he sat leaning against the pale wall with his arm on one of his knee and the other holding his bokken which lay stiffly on the floor. His eyes showed no signs of any expression, they were emotionless. My worst fear has happened and that was him falling into depression. Apathy framed his face. I was losing him. I had to do something before it's too late.
"Yahiko-san?"
His name didn't even strike him or made him flinch. There he was, the perfect epitome of me after the truth that I killed Kaoru dawned on me. His mind is lost in the midst of confusion and shock. His wandering has done him more harm than good. Now, he looked like a beaten up, worn out stranger that I couldn't recognize. Kaoru told me that he was searching for his answers to life but apparently he didn't find it and now he's more lost than ever before.
Can I wake him up from his dreams of confusions, when even I have failed him? Can I make him learn the essence of life? Can I make him see what he's blind to?
"Yahiko-san!!! WAKE UP!!!"
My call broke the peaceful mid-day silence and he finally turned his eyes to me.
"Yahiko-san! You got to pull yourself together. Don't wallow yourself in depression. Please tell me if you have anything to ask or say. I don't want you to live your life like that, I don't want to lose you! What happened to your boundless determination, you endless energy for life and how you bravely faced the challenges ahead? What happened to that boy? Is he not in you anymore?"
His right eyebrow raised questioningly and his head turned towards me as if he just noticed that I was speaking to him."
There is still hope. I will bring him back.
Then he spoke, in a low monotonous tone.
"You have not told me how did oka-san passed away. Please tell me. I really want to know. I have no care for revenge already just tell me the truth. She warned me that the truth will be hard to accept but I must blame no one for she loved that person very much. I supposedly think it's you, am I right?"
Now it's time to learn of the truth. I hope you'll understand.
The trees were overgrown with luscious green leaves. They lined up the road we took. It was bright and sunny and a bit too humid for a March morning. The animals took the opportunity of the lovely weather to look for food while Yahiko and I were to visit Kaoru's grave.
He walked beside me, all the while looking ahead with a faraway look. This morning, he went to buy the roses and he did come back with twenty-four white roses. His knuckles were white as he gripped the bucket filled with water with the roses. The soft petals were decorated with small drops of water on it. Its smell was of fresh spring and I felt less depressed as it lingered in the air. One would think that this morning would be cheerful but our feelings were all gloomy like the freezing winter.
He wore a solemn look as he knelt before the headstone. I followed suit. Delicately, he placed four of the roses before her headstone. He did this very carefully as if he was afraid that the petals would fall off. Then, he took the rest and slowly plucked off all the petals. Gathering the petals, he took in his palms and lifted it up, just a few centimeters above the headstone. Soon after the soft wind like a gentle hand carried them up into the sky and choreographed them into a dance of swirls. The petals twisted and turn at the call of the wind but not long after the choreographer wind left them and the petals slowly yet gracefully landed on the headstone signaling the end of the dance. Somewhere, I felt as if I could hear Kaoru's warm laughter as if she was tickled by the dance of the rose petals. I watched the ritual attentively all this while and I could feel and see his strong feelings for Kaoru. I couldn't help but let out a smile on my face. It would have definitely touched Kaoru if she were watching this.
Kaoru-dono, your son loves you very much. You would be glad.
We both put our hands together to pray. Silence filled the air. I opened my eyes to see him biting his finger fresh blood immediately flowed out. I was startled at first but then I realised what he was doing. Using his blood as ink, he wrote the kanji 'ai' on the headstone next to her name. His big brown eyes were starting to quaver and it glistened with strong emotions. For a fraction of a second, one could see his tears. He abruptly stood up, showing that he wanted to leave.
For the whole morning, we have not spoke to each other. He was in his world of his own. Somehow he's ignoring me, as if he does not realise my existence.
After reaching home, he went to his room straight after and shut the door behind him. I let out a big sigh.
Yahiko? Are you lost in your thoughts and in the sadness that fills your soul? Come back! I cannot afford to lose anyone no more. Please don't drown in your thoughts, and never let depression devour you. COME BACK!
"Summimasen, can I come in?"
When I didn't hear a reply, I slowly pushed the door open. There he sat leaning against the pale wall with his arm on one of his knee and the other holding his bokken which lay stiffly on the floor. His eyes showed no signs of any expression, they were emotionless. My worst fear has happened and that was him falling into depression. Apathy framed his face. I was losing him. I had to do something before it's too late.
"Yahiko-san?"
His name didn't even strike him or made him flinch. There he was, the perfect epitome of me after the truth that I killed Kaoru dawned on me. His mind is lost in the midst of confusion and shock. His wandering has done him more harm than good. Now, he looked like a beaten up, worn out stranger that I couldn't recognize. Kaoru told me that he was searching for his answers to life but apparently he didn't find it and now he's more lost than ever before.
Can I wake him up from his dreams of confusions, when even I have failed him? Can I make him learn the essence of life? Can I make him see what he's blind to?
"Yahiko-san!!! WAKE UP!!!"
My call broke the peaceful mid-day silence and he finally turned his eyes to me.
"Yahiko-san! You got to pull yourself together. Don't wallow yourself in depression. Please tell me if you have anything to ask or say. I don't want you to live your life like that, I don't want to lose you! What happened to your boundless determination, you endless energy for life and how you bravely faced the challenges ahead? What happened to that boy? Is he not in you anymore?"
His right eyebrow raised questioningly and his head turned towards me as if he just noticed that I was speaking to him."
There is still hope. I will bring him back.
Then he spoke, in a low monotonous tone.
"You have not told me how did oka-san passed away. Please tell me. I really want to know. I have no care for revenge already just tell me the truth. She warned me that the truth will be hard to accept but I must blame no one for she loved that person very much. I supposedly think it's you, am I right?"
Now it's time to learn of the truth. I hope you'll understand.