Warning: This fic deals with non-consensual body modification (nipple and genital piercings) and some light body horror/hate because of it.
The door to Cloud's room swung open, and it was only the years spent trying to remain inconspicuous that kept him from flinging his hands across his chest like some startled maiden. As it was, his abrupt heel-turn was anything but normal, but at least it wouldn't earn him any uncomfortable questions.
"Oh! Sorry! I didn't realize you were home."
Cloud sent a nod over his shoulder. He kept his back to Tifa until he'd finished zipping up his shirt. His shirt which he'd taken to wearing like it was some kind of religious artifact since it was one of the few he'd managed to find that were thick enough to keep things…unnoticeable.
He turned around to find Tifa staring at him. Great.
"You know," she started, her tone teasing, "I do know what a guy's chest looks like."
Cloud shrugged. If there was anything Vincent had taught him, it was that the best way to avoid questions you didn't want to answer was to just…not answer them.
Tifa's smile slid into something closer to a frown. "Is there something wrong? You didn't get hurt, did you? I have a Cure-"
"It's not that," Cloud interrupted, unable to take any more of her worry. Not over this. "It's something else." He looked away.
"I see."
Except she didn't see. That was sort of the point.
"Now that I think about it…" she paused and in that moment Cloud had to physically fight the urge to jump out the window before she could finish putting the pieces together.
"Are we ever going to have sex?"
Cloud jerked back. What the hell kind of topic change was that?
"It's just," Tifa continued before he could answer, "I don't think I've even seen you take your shirt off around any of us. And one sort of precludes the other." The smile she gave him was soft. Understanding.
Cloud couldn't bring himself to remove it, so he stayed silent.
"We don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought…we've been getting closer, haven't we?"
They had, ever since the Remnants. And Sephiroth.
He'd been forgiven, but more than that, he'd been reminded that there were those still here, now, who needed him. Who wanted him. Things with Tifa had progressed naturally after that.
But that didn't mean he wanted her to see him. Wanted any of them to see him. Ever.
Cid had always joked about what a shy little flower he was being when they would break into groups to bathe - 'ladies' and 'pervs,' as Yuffie would say - and Cloud would end up waiting until the others were done or he'd managed to find a different water source. Barret would give him an odd look but had never said anything, apparently thinking it none of his business.
Vincent had always just nodded.
Cloud sighed. If only he'd fallen for him instead.
"I don't know if I can…with you," he said finally, his thoughts coming back around to the topic at hand.
Vincent, yes. Zack, hell yes. Even Aerith might have understood something of his situation by the end, though he would have died a little on the inside at the sadness the truth would have brought her. But Tifa, for all her misfortune, didn't know what it meant to be treated like a thing. Cloud would rather she not get the experience second-hand from him.
"I see," Tifa said again. The words came out quietly but they filled the entire room. This time her smile was a tad broken. "Good to know. Now that that's out of the way, what should we have for dinner? It's just the two of us tonight. Barrett's taken them out to see Cid's new airship, and you know Cid. He'll have them flying across the Planet if Barrett lets him."
No, no, no, that's not what he'd wanted at all.
"Tifa-" Cloud tried.
It wasn't her fault.
"I was thinking maybe a nice salad with some-"
"Tifa."
He couldn't let her think that- But he couldn't let her know-
"-fried meat. It's Elfadunk, don't ask me where Barrett got it, but a little monster meat never hurt any-"
"Tifa."
Why did it always seem like he was forced to do things he didn't want to do?
She sighed, and somehow she managed to make even that sound sad. "It's ok. You're not attracted to me like that. It's not your fault."
Cloud rubbed at the back of his neck in a motion eerily reminiscent of Zack. Tifa's eyes followed the motion. He snapped his hand back down against his thigh. Damn it.
"Hojo did something to me."
Tifa's expression started to shift, and he spun around and leaned down to press his palms against the footboard of the bed before he was forced to acknowledge whatever new face she wore next. He tried not to shake from the memories. From the humiliation. "I don't want anyone to see them. Especially not you."
"Them?" She stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm, right over the ribbon. Aerith's ribbon.
Aerith. Zack.
His thoughts whirled. Had Hojo forced him through the same 'experiment?' He recalled Zack's constant cheer, so obviously forced towards the end. If he'd been dealing with this on top of everything else…
Planet. He'd never even thought- Why did he have to think of these things now, of all times?
The next breath he released came out through gritted teeth.
"You don't have to show me, but you know that whatever he did was his fault, right? It won't change how I think about you." She gave his arm a tentative squeeze.
Are sins ever forgiven?
…Are horrors ever forgotten?
Cloud huffed. He didn't need to ask to know that this too was something Vincent had never tried. Seems he was destined to be the test case for everything.
Standing straight, he turned back towards her and unzipped his shirt before he could convince himself not to and then, after a moment's hesitation, allowed his hands to fall to his sides.
Tifa got the hint. Her hands glided across his abs and then his sides as she pushed the ends of the zipper apart. Cloud shivered. He was suddenly aware of how close they were standing.
Her brow furrowed but she didn't say anything as she caught sight of the small barbells that pierced each nipple. Cloud looked at her rather than them, already knowing how the ball-shaped ends framed each peak of skin and how the metal managed to make them appear almost permanently erect.
Her hand rose slowly, giving him more than enough time to shy away or grab it if he wanted. He tensed, but didn't stop her. Cloud hissed when her fingers traced over them. Planet, they were sensitive, even after all these years.
"Why don't you take them out?" Tifa's voice had an odd quality about it, as if she wasn't certain if she was supposed to be confused or horrified or alarmed or all of the above.
"I can't. I don't know what he was testing with them-" If he'd been testing anything at all. "-but nothing works. I didn't want to cut them out."
Tifa grimaced. Cloud merely nodded, long since used to that particular truth. As much as he hated them, it'd never quite gotten to the point where taking a knife to his chest seemed like a good idea. Especially when that'd still leave him with the other ones.
"I have others," he said, suddenly wanting to get this all out into the open so that they could move past it and never speak about it again.
There was a split second before she realized what he meant and then her eyes widened as her gaze slid downward.
"You don't have to-"
"No, it's okay." Cloud wasn't certain which of them he was talking to as he fumbled with his belt. His pants were down before he'd given his brain a chance to catch up to the actions and then there he was. Out in the open. He stepped out of the pile at his feet and kicked it to the side. No backing down.
He felt jittery as Tifa looked at his cock.
"They're on the underside."
Tifa nodded.
"You can touch it," Cloud said, knowing she wouldn't ask. His voice was low, but thankfully not too weak. In that moment, he'd have given anything to think he was Zack again - the other man had always seemed so confident in any situation - but couldn't bring himself to pull his friend's memory into this mess.
Now that she had his permission, she handled him like she'd done it a thousand times, not an ounce of hesitance in her actions. It was then that Cloud realized that, of the two of them, he was the innocent one here. Sure, he'd shared an awkward handjob or two with some trooper whose name he couldn't remember any more, but who knew what Tifa had done before they'd met up again at Seventh Heaven?
Tifa lifted it up and this time Cloud did look. A series of barbells ran up the length of his cock, topped off with what he thought was a curved piercing that went vertically through the head to come out his urethra opening. It was difficult to tell the exact shape since only the ends broke the skin. Down below that were five tiny rings that made a line through the middle of his sack.
All in all, he sometimes felt like he had more metal down there than he did him.
"Do they hurt?"
"No." Thank the Planet. They'd been fully healed by the time Cloud had had enough presence of mind to even know they were there.
Tifa ran the pad of her thumb across the skin that covered the top-most bar piercing. "Is this all right?"
Cloud didn't answer right away. Was it all right? Tifa continued to touch him, her fingers light against his skin as if she didn't want to make things "real" just yet.
Well, if he forced himself to ignore the "how" and the "why" and all of the other bad memories, it was…kind of nice.
"It's all right."
She looked into his eyes. "Do you want to…?"
"Yeah."
Cloud couldn't think of anything else to say. Probably shouldn't say anything else. He had a bad habit of ruining the moment and this moment was already on shaky ground.
He bit his lip when she sunk to her knees.
"Tell me to stop if it's too much." The tip of her fingers glided down the row of rings on his sack.
Planet, he was already half-hard.
"I want to." And, somehow, he did.
She spread butterfly kisses across his stomach before dipping down to run her tongue across the line of piercings in his cock. Cloud had to grab her shoulders as she practically bent him in half with just her mouth. Then he thought better of it and brought his hands up to grasp at the edges of his shirt, if only to give them something to do when his cock slid past her lips. He swayed dangerously.
Tifa was very good at this. And very thorough. Time seemed to simultaneously last forever and disappear instantaneously, resulting in a feeling that could only be described as both damnation and salvation. Not even his fights with Sephiroth had left him feeling this wrecked.
It was when she pulled back to tease the piece of metal poking out of his urethra that Cloud had to force himself away so that he could do himself the dubious honor of coming all over his nice, clean bed instead of her face.
"We should have used a condom," he croaked after he was done, still trying to regain control of his voice. The idea of coming on Tifa's face was bad enough. Who knew what sort of side-effects any part of him could produce if it got into her body.
He hadn't exactly had time to ask Zack how mako affected your partner. And that wasn't even considering the S-cells. He'd have to ask Shelke if she could get him copies of the SOLDIER program files.
Planet, that was going to be one hell of a conversation.
"I didn't want to risk you running away while I got one." Tifa's eyes said she wasn't entirely joking.
"Sorry."
"It's fine."
"Do you want me to-" Cloud waved vaguely in her direction, not really knowing how he was supposed to end that sentence. The experience level between them was staggering.
"Sure." Her grin was playful.
"I'll get the condoms." Cloud moved towards the hidden box he'd found one day while looking for his misplaced wallet.
She smirked. "Oh, I don't think we'll need them for what I have in mind."
AN: Let me know what you thought! :3 All reviews are loved and constructive criticism is more than fine.
Also, feel free to follow me on AO3 if you also want to see my explicit fics (username pt_tucker).