Disclaimer: Trust me, if I had owned Sailor Moon, quite a few things would have gone quite differently. It is, of course, unknown if that would've been a good thing, but regardless, I would certainly have turned things around.
Well, another one-shot. This one is, in a way, a very happy one. Hopefully, everyone can see that as well, despite the apparent sadness in it. Well, here goes.
~Bound~
It had been kind of hopeless from the beginning, Usagi mused. All along, they had been bound together by destiny. Their history in the Silver Millennium had followed them to the earth, where her mother had intended for them to start a new life, with its own opportunities. A life where they could be happy, instead of having to suffer from the dark influence of Beryl.
Back then, they had met and fallen in love instantly. In a way, it had been a whirlwind romance, barely knowing anything more than the fact that they loved one another and that they wished to be together forever. It had been beautiful, and she didn't doubt that, had Beryl not interfered, they would've gotten married and ruled the world justly. A soul bond, she had described it back then, and it had been. Serenity had known instantly there could be no other for her but him.
That had been as true then as it had been now. In the deep of her heart, she knew that the love she had with him would be equalled by none other. For it went much deeper, much further than anything this earth could offer. They were destined for one another, back then as well as back now.
But sometimes, she mused, that wasn't quite enough. The unconcerned life her mother had wanted for her had not been, and at fourteen she had been sent to battle, something she had never done before. Whereas the other Senshi at least had their unconscious memories of past fights and training, Serenity had never been meant to be a fighter. And now she was.
Beryl had found them again, intent upon destroying them once and for all. Usagi and Mamoru had gotten together again, once again feeling that soul bond. They were meant for one another, after all.
The intent of her mother had been to get them away from suffering. It had given them new lives and, along with those new lives, new experiences and even personalities. Mamoru was not Endymion and Usagi was certainly not Serenity. Although it didn't matter for the bond they felt with one another, it did matter for the humans they were. After all, such deep connections as the soul bond mattered little for the superficiality that was also part of this world.
Despite their love, despite the deepness of their bond, they were not meant for one another. It was hopeless to think that they could be together as they were.
Even though colder and more lonely, Mamoru retained his dignity, his strength and his quick mind. He was older than his physical age and it showed in him. Without a doubt, if he wanted to, he could be Endymion again and rule the earth as it was meant to be. He had changed little from how he had been, all those years before.
Usagi was different. As Serenity, she had been gentle, dignified and graceful. While she had been wise, she was also untouched by the evil of the world. Now, she was a loud girl that cried often and yelled a lot. Her clumsiness was well-known, as were her awful eating habits. Luna's appointment of her as a Sailor Scout had forced her to fight, making the innocent girl a warrior too quickly. Many times, she had been in danger and she had almost given her life in battle more than once. No, Usagi was far from Serenity, and she was aware of it.
In his lonely life, she brought laughter and love. But for the moment, she knew she was no more than the healing balm he needed. And when he had been healed, there would be nothing left for her to do. Already, he was approaching that point, and it had gotten Usagi to think on her life carefully. Because once he was healed, once he was able to be content with himself and who he was, there would be no space for someone like her. Mamoru himself would deny it, of course, because of that soul bond they still felt and their daughter from the future. They were meant to be together, to rule the earth together.
No matter the freedom Queen Serenity had promised her daughter, they had still ended up being chained in a completely different way. Meant to be together even when they were two pieces of an entirely different puzzle.
Usagi thought back to what had been said about the future. But really, there hadn't been much more than talk about the great freeze and then her, as Neo Queen Serenity, once again bringing life to earth after a long time. There had been nothing in there about what had been going on before that, or even when she and Endymion were to be married.
Originally, it had been her curiosity about her wedding that had inspired this thinking session. When it would be and what it would be like. And with the when had come the question; how much longer would it be before the two of them finally had the marriage they had been desiring for so long?
In combination with her thoughts on Mamoru lately, and how he seemed to be pulling back as well as getting closer, she had gone off thinking about the future and their relationship.
On one hand, it seemed as though Mamoru wanted to be more than what they were at the moment. Their relationship was an innocent one, in part because of her age, and they were comfortable with one another. It was their soul bond that inspired the greater closeness, the greater comfort. But at the same time he, too, was coming to the realization that while their souls may be destined to be together, their personalities conflicted too much for that to happen. What they had was at the surface, and at the very depths of their souls. The part in between that was still missing from their relationship, and both began to feel that loss.
Perhaps, in this lifetime, it wasn't their destiny to be together. All she knew was that, at some point, what was now Usagi would become Serenity. With Endymion by her side, she would rule the earth. They would then have a child together that would, one day, travel to the past and meet what would become her parents.
It was unclear how close that transformation into her future self was, though. For all she knew, it could be that the great freeze would instigate something in her.
The thought was a tempting one. Although she loved none more than Mamoru, than Endymion, it wasn't as fulfilling as it had once seemed. To her, it seemed like they just weren't ready yet. And that could be exactly the point. At the moment, they didn't fit together like they should. It was hard, even in her thoughts, to explain the exact feelings she had with him.
On one hand, Usagi knew he was the one for her, she knew he was her only love and her soul mate. On the other hand, that love went so deep that it was hardly comprehensible to her simple human mind. That mind needed a relationship that would also be enough without that feeling. She needed to know they could love each other for who they were, instead of due to a soul bond. Mamoru, she knew, could only love her because of the soul bond at the moment, no matter how much he cared for her otherwise. She would never satisfy him as she was. And the more she thought about it, the more she wondered how much her feelings for him would be without that bond. She realized that, while she could very well feel affectionate toward him, she also didn't feel that other connection. That simpler connection that was all most humans in love ever shared.
As Serenity and Endymion, she recalled, they had also had that connection. While it hadn't had much time to develop, their love was also about a more superficial connection of two minds that understood one another. Without it, their love seemed unfulfilling no matter how deep it went. There was a piece missing, and that piece needed to be found before they lost any and all hope in and affection for one another.
Looking at the moon from her window sill, Usagi came to the realization that their relationship right now was headed for a disaster. It had been distorted, it was mutating in something that didn't nearly resemble the true love she yearned for, the true love they should have. If they continued on like they did, they would remain stuck in what was and could never truly love one another. A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought this.
Their love was deep, deeper than most would ever be. Even when apart, she would continue on loving him deeply. She didn't resent the soul bond that bound them together, forever tied up in fate. One day, they would be together like they were supposed to be; connected on all levels. It would be a truly fulfilling love. But right now, they weren't ready for it, and they needed to go their separate ways.
Perhaps, Usagi concluded, it would be better if they had their freedom, even if not exactly like her mother had intended for them to have. Both of them should go their own ways, live their own lives and become their own persons. As it was, they were stuck in the past and bound to the future. There was no time for the present, and that seemed to be the exact thing they needed right now. To live their lives the way they wanted to.
In the future, they would be together and they would love one another like none ever had. They would rule together, fight evil and create a beautiful new life. Right now, however, should be their time. Right now, they should be who they wanted to be and become who they wanted to become.
It was time to let go of the past and to stop looking toward the distant future. If they ever truly wanted to be together, they had to part now. Before it was too late and there was no more time.
Yes, Usagi decided. She and Mamoru would live their own lives, separately, be who they wanted to be and do what they wanted to do. Somewhere in the future, who knew when, they would meet up once again and fall in love all over again. But this time, they would do it right. This time, they wouldn't let their past decide. This time, they wouldn't obey what the future told them. This time, they would look beyond that soul bond and realized the soul wasn't the only part that should fit together. This time, it would be love in its truest form, like it had been in the Silver Millennium and like it would be in the future, just because that would not be dictating them. This time, they would be who they were at the moment and see where that took them.
Destiny may have plans for them, but it was not determined how they would come to be, and Usagi would not sit and wait until it might show up. She was going to live her life, not Serenity's and not Neo Queen Serenity's. Mamoru was going to live his life. If things were meant to be, they would be. Her love would never waver, as she was sure his wouldn't. And afterward, things would only be better, more beautiful than they would be if they continued on like this. So, they wouldn't.
This was their time to live.
~The End~
I hope you liked it. Hugs,
MoonlightKitten22
