A/N: This story contains SPOILERS for both the ANIME and the REBELLION STORY (or at least the way I interpreted it). No offense is meant to either PMMM or the Shrek franchise. PMMM is owned by Shaft and Magica Quarter and Shrek is owned by Dreamworks SKG. I do not own either sadly.

Madoka Kaname sat on her bed and watched the rain fall. The translucent drops tapped on the window pane, distorting the lighting of the environment in her room. She laid down on the bed and sighed. It was going to be an another boring, lazy Sunday.

Ever since Homura got rid of the magical girl concept, life in Mitakihara Town became quite boring. Madoka found out she is a goddess destined to save magical girls from ultimate suffering and destruction, and at the very same moment got her powers back, but suddenly all changed. The world became so boring and uninteresting. Nihilism kicked in. What was the point of creating a new concept of magical girls? A depression overtook her psyche, locking her powers away and making her usual and irrelevant again. This only furthered the despair that spread through her soul like cancer, and made it harder and harder for her to get her powers back.

Ever since Homura's creation of the Third Reic.. Universe, she constantly hit on Madoka and tried to get into bed with her. Madoka says she is way too young and innocent to partake in such frivolous unlawful faggotry and suggests that she waits a year or two.

The life of the other members of the Quasi Breakfast Club "The Holy Quintet", however, wasn't too bad.

Kyoko and Sayaka finally accepted their feelings for each other and paraded to celebrate the Obergefell v. Hodges same sex marriage ruling. They decided to move to the US, but befofe they did, Kyoko had something important to do.

As a revenge for Kyosuke being a bitch to Sayaka, Kyoko hypnotized him into fingering himself in the arse with a violin stick, which she promptly filmed. After posting it online, Kyosuke had more to worry about than just how the surgery on his damaged prostate went. Everybody mocked him and made fun of him until he commited suicide, but nobody really cared much about him anyway, so a funeral never took place.

Sayaka loved Kyoko even more after everything happened. She never had somebody do all this just to prove their infatuation with her. It was at this moment she realized how much she loved cats more than roosters. She didn't know what job she'll get in the US, but Kyoko promised to bring money from eating competitions. Kyoko also became an atheist and started to picket christian funerals with Sayaka. She would also defecate all millions of megatons of food she ate everyday, on every grave she saw sporting a cross.

Mami too, was having a great time, but on the other head, didn't marry anybody. However, she did adopt Momoe Nagisa and was a parental figure for her. She got employed in a five star restaurant as a waitress due to certain talents and attributes. She also got rid of the smack addiction that had been haunting her for several years. She is really grateful for that and thanks the lord and savior Marshall Applewhite for it everyday.

Homura was pissed off by Madoka's rejection so she turned emo and started cutting herself. Secretly, this turned Madoka on more than Homura could imagine, but she decided to keep it a secret until time comes. All these feelings were way too confusing and it was very unwise not to tread lightly.

Secretly though, she still had the powers of a goddess that were hidden so deep within her, she couldn't unwind them to come outside easily. Her accelerating depression due to being overexterted from her prestigious school her parents enrolled her into, because they mistook the meaning of the word 'special', as well as because of her thoughts of finding herself to be useless and bad as a god, wasn't helping.

Homura wasn't aware of the fact that the single neuron, obscurely floating in Madoka's brain, contained her hope she had for mankind and magical girls and would restore her spirit and powers and make her become god again. She would probably try to have Madoka have a neurosurgery if she knew, as her love for her, and her wish for her to have a normal life was far too strong. Make no mistake, though, she really wanted to help Madoka get over this nasty period of self-mutilation and nihilism.

Being bored as fuck, Madoka decided to leave Mitakihara for a while, and go to a nearby forest to relax in the wilderness. She stole a small loan of a million yen from her parents, packed some food, harvested her dad's tomatoes, and took a few more generic lolita dresses with her. She booked a morning bus trip and walked to the station.

As she arrived at the bus station, she looked up to see the sunlight barely showing on the skyline, leaving a gradient of dark and light blue shadows casting behind the dark sides of the clouds. It was only so early that the color contrast would express the city's smog as much as it did. But right now, she couldn't care less. As she sneered, she went to the TVM to register a printed code she got for the ticket she booked. She didn't want to spend so much on a bus ride, so she took the cheap way out. Unfortunately, this turned out to be a mistake of great magnitude.

Although Mitakihara buses were mostly luxurious and well-maintained, it wasn't rare that other kinds of buses would appear. And we're not talking your everyday regular, grungy, odorous, public transport bus, we're talking something else. Whether it was a truck with sawed in windows, a hippy's attempt at making money with their usual vehicle, or a pick-up with a trailer connected to it, could be anybody's guess. Madoka could swear it reeked of fetuses and crack cocaine, but with how mexican it looked, she really wasn't surprised at all. She decided not to pay much attention to how shitty the bus looked, and tried to be happy with the fact that she was at least going away.

As the bus stopped, it emitted clouds of exhaust fumes everywhere, due to the bad construction of the exhaust pipe. Madoka's olfactory receptors cringed until the smoke cleared. With the doors opening, she stepped forward and set her foot on the platform. She approached the bus driver who tilted his head to face her.

"Ticket, esé?"

She nervously handed him the ticket. Never having seen an ethnic minority, her mind conjured a rather stereotypical, Trump-esque and prejudiced bias about foreigners over the years. A smell of canned beans, cheap burrito leftovers and freebased metamphetamine stampedoed from his oral orifice, while his hand that held a small pool of sweat built in the oblique arch his thumb and fingers made, held the ticket in front of his eyes. She could barely contain the cheese tortillas and kung pao maltese she had the day before.

"Gracias, chola!"

She turned away and faced the back of the bus, walking forward. Various smells expelled from each row of seats. She decided to sit in the back, since it had a broken window, and would likely be the spot in the bus with the highest percentage of fresh air. It also didn't have any occupants, so she would be at least remotely safe from catching HIV. But before she could even get to half of the bus, the doors half-closed and the bus started moving. She fell on the floor, but luckily avoided hitting any of the ebola-infected syringes. She got up and carefully went to the backseat, but before she could reach it, a woman pulled her by the shoulder and said:

"I'll suck yo' dick for a dolla'!"

From the very sight of a woman who looked like a Syrian refugee, Madoka projectile vomited all over her face, spreading bits and pieces of half-digested dog flesh all over the woman, filling her every orifice and ultimately, drowning her in a pool of rotten echidna semen-fillled nacho sauce. Nobody really seemed to care enough to even look at what happened, so Madoka just shrugged it off and went to the seat, trying to forget most of the trauma imposed on her by the event.

As she sat, she looked through the broken window, wind blowing into her face, to see Mitakihara city disappearing in the distance and getting swallowed by the fog. She was getting quite tired of all the same things, so she wasn't going to miss it for the next week she'll be spending in the woods.

As her nose was finally beginning to lose the traces of the smell of donkey shit that had been spread all around the floor, having hens get their legs stuck in it, she got a little tired. She was about to fall asleep, when a vibration near her coochie erupted. She realized she had forgotten her vibrator that was in the shape of Bill Nye's head, so it could only be her phone that was vibrating. She didn't put on her skirt properly in the morning, so the pocket must have fallen between her legs. She reached into the wet realms of her bat cave and pulled the phone out. As she touched the "Accept" button, a powerful voice emitted from the speaker:

"Check yourself, before you shrek yourself!"