So this is my new project! I'm basically going to follow the Hetalia series but with America's states as the main characters! The other countries might show up, but not often, assuming people want me to continue this. So, without further ado, here's Episode 1!
New York stood up
"Dude I think the State Conference can convene! Solving all of today's problems by talking excessively!"
The 50 states (plus DC) were all sitting around a long table for the monthly state conference
"No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops. Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for reelection!"
Delaware was fixing her hair while DC fidgeted in his chair
"I'll go first; about that whole using global warming to enslave humanity thing, I think we'll be ok if we genetically engineer a huge hero and have her protect the Earth! I give you the Superhero Globoman!" New York continued to talk
"I agree with New York." said Hawaii
Oregon growled "-Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!"
"There's no way some hero will help global warming or humanity's enslavement." Virginia said, her hair pulled back in a bun while she sat sipping a cup of Earl Gray tea.
Virginia kept talking. It's apparently about something in Louisiana being like a shower of spit. Seems legit.
"If Virginia and New York don't agree, how about I be superior by dissing them both!" Louisiana was walking over to Virginia as was New York
"Agincourt!"
"You wanna-be Frenchies love to hate on New York! Why not go back to making us cool mardi gras parades like you used to!"
"The Eastern states are so immature. I doubt they ever grow up!" California sighed "Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs that seems to work. Would you guys like to sample some Chinese tasty treats?" she offered
"I used to be an big and beautiful but now I have to deal with West!"
Virginia and Louisiana: We'll just get hungry again!
Florida spoke up "Hey! Why don't you say something, Alaska? They'll stop fighting if you go over and step in!"
"What? Why me? No thanks!"
"Ewe! Nevada looks like she's gonna vomit!" that was Rhode Island
"Besides, I want to see Nevada get in big trouble and come crawling to me for help!"
"I've got Las Vegas!" that would be Navada
"So? I've got Winstar!" and there's Oklahoma
"Then Utah will be right behind!"
Utah was crying at this point, looking like he was going to faint
"You're so tough, next you'll try to pick a fight with New Mexico!
"Do you have a little detachable head?"
"Stop there! If you get any closer to Kansas I'll get Lech Wałęsa and go all Solidarność on you!"
"SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE"
Georgia was sound asleep, as usual, with a half-eaten peach in her hand
"It's like a UFC in here! Hey, that sounds like KFC! Hungry, anyone?" New York was talking again.
Everyone else: (grunting and arguing. Like this! Eh. Ah. Eh eh! Uh. Ah. Eh. Ah.)
"Please everyone; calm down!" said Califonia
"Eh! Ah! Stop! Get your hands off me you frog!"
Wisconsin had had enough.
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
Virginia and Louisiana were startled out of their argument "Wisconsin!"
"We've called this conference to solve America's problems, not to fight about the problems of our past! And since I am the only state who seems to know how to run a meeting, we will follow my rules from here on out! Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit-chatting or side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit! Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock anyone else!
Nebraska raised her hand
"Wisconsin recognizes his friend Nebraska!"
"….PAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"NEBRASKA!"
(Opening sequence)
"It is said that long ago in this land, the founding fathers of America met together in a room together, never leaving until the sun had long set. One of them, Thomas Jefferson, wrote the Declaration of Independence, declaring the United States of America free from England's rule. It said;
"...We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.-That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, -That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness..."
America had it all: wealth, fame, and vast land. The country that had everything… one day just… split in half, the Union, and the Confederacy…"
[The time, was the American Civil War]
Pennsylvania sighed. "I'm supposed to be fighting a descendent of Virginia right now… but so far no such luck...how weird…"
"We crossed that border with no problem, didn't we, mein awesome birdie?"
A little yellow-white bird chirped and nestled into the red-eyed teens white hair.
"I'm so sorry the awesome me didn't share any of my wurst with you, Pennybird! The invasion was going so awesome I forgot about feeding mein awesome friend!"
[Wurst: A German sausage. It is said that originally this was made by nomads in western China and then was brought to Europe.]
Pennybird chirped
"Well you're right; I still shouldn't let my guard down. It's that totally un-awesome Virgina we're talking about; she must have some sort of plan…"
Pennsylvania gasped
Sitting there, in the middle of a forest, was an ominous crate of coal...
[To be continued! Maybe...]
Kids: Chibitejas!
Narrator: Is everyone listening? Once upon a time, in a house called the Spanish Empire…
Chibitejas: It's next to my big brother California's house!
Narrator: …the newborn Texas lived with various other countries.
*Texas, Florida, Mexico, California, and others laughing and having fun*
Narrator: But one day, Texas' grandfather took him away, and forced him to leave his home and friends.
Chibitejas: *cry*
Narrator: For a while, Texas spent his time riding horses learning to shoot with his unusual tomato-obsessed grandfather.
Chibitejas: Wah! Hehe!
Narrator: Texas had a natural affinity for the art of artillery, so his grandfather was delighted!
'It's fun to shoot! Somehow I feel so, wild!' thought Chibitejas 'I want to show my amazing horse skills to my big sister's Florida, and Mexico, and that other big brother whose name I don't know because I haven't met yet! I can't wait to see everyone!'
Narrator: Unfortunately, when he met them again…
"You must become part of the Spanish Empire with me!" yelled California
Mexico scoffed "Hermano? You're a twerp compared to me!"
"Uwawawawawa" cried Chibitejas
Narrator: …they had all become assholes.
"Stop! I want you to become part of the Spanish Empire! No! Please!"
"Waaaaah!"
(Marukaite Chikyuu: Pennsylvania)
Nebraska: "Draw a circle it's the earth, draw a circle it's the earth, Draw-"
"Hmm?"
Wisconsin: " - I am Wisconsin! Dr-"
"Ah! It's Wis!"
Hawaii: "- Could it be the earth? I'm Hawa-"
Louisiana: "- I am Louisiana! Draw a circle it's the earth-"
New York: "- eams are all supersized! New Yo-"
Virgina: "- Could it be the earth? I'm Virgi-"
"This kinda looks like fun! Okay, I'll try it too and see!"
"HERE I AM USA!
Draw a circle, it's the earth
Draw a circle, it's the earth
Everybody follow me,
It's the awesome me!
"Iiiiyaahaaa~~"
Draw a circle, little bird
When did it get there, little bird
Chirping on my head,
It's SOOO cute!
I draw the earth
The awesome! Me!
Whether you're sure or not,
I'm Pennsylvania!
Ahhh, that little guy who's chirping,
is the awesome Pennybird!
The universe's here because I'm here!
I'm Pennsylvania!
Pennsylvania: *uncertainty*
—Ominous Crate of Coal—