I could feel my chest tightening as time itself seemed to slow around me, my sky blue eyes only able to catch the beautiful deep crimson color of a single rose that had managed to survive, despite it being so close to winter, a light frost already covering most of the ground outside. I had managed to catch a glimpse of the cherry red flower while walking past Arthur's room, nearly dropping the box that I had been clenching tightly in my arms since the moment I picked it up.
With a second glance to confirm my own gasping suspicions, I no longer found myself able to look away from it, even after I clearly heard my brother, Matthew, calling for me from somewhere else in the nearly empty house. The flower was newly bloomed, as though it had spread its soft petals for me the moment my foot touched the old wooden floors of the building. The rose had eagerly claimed my attention and I could no longer find myself able to look away from it.
It swayed back and forth in the slight breeze just outside of Arthur's window, beckoning for me to come closer the longer I stared at it.
While carefully setting the box of fragile on the ground, the familiar annoyed audited of an old Englishman filled my ears, a smirk appearing on my lips as I keeps my eyes down towards the box in my hands, already able to imagine the look of frustration spreading a crossed the other man's features.
"What's taking you so long you bloody wanker? I thought I taught you better than to keep a person waiting. So rude." My smirk nearly burst into an all out grin of happiness but I pushed the emotion down, finally laying the old cardboard box down on the ground next to my feet, standing up straight.
I could clearly see the gnawing emotion in the Brit's eyes as he stared at me from a crossed the room, standing just outside the window next to the flower that had earlier craved my attention. I shoved my hands into the one large pocket of my red and blue colored hoodie, my eyes mocking the man yards from me
"I guess you didn't teach me well enough. I'm always keeping people waiting. You should know that better than anyone shouldn't you Arthur?" The name felt strange in my mouth as I spoke it. The air immediately stilled at my own words, an unnameable sadness filling Arthur's eyes the longer I stared back at him, his thick eyebrows making a large crease in his for head. It was as though no one dared to speak and break the silence.
Arthur's delicate hands cupped underneath the brightly colored flower, as though giving it some sort of invisible support to stop itself from simply falling off of its thorned vine and collapsing to the bricked sidewalk below.
The silence around us was finally broken as Arthur decided to be the first to speak, the obvious sadness that clouded the jewel color being forced away and being replaced with a rather annoyed scowl."Bloody git. I should have handed you over to the frog when you were younger then I wouldn't have had to deal with you."
"At least I wouldn't have been eating burnt food all those years." At the mention of his horrible cooking Arthur opened his mouth to throw a comment into the mix only to be interrupted. "Besides, you wouldn't have dared. You loved me to much when I was younger. Who would even be there to annoy you in the early hours of the day?" A grin once again spread a crossed my face and I shoved my hands further into the pocket of my hoodie
I finally waltz's into the room, walking over the soft brown carpet and over to the window, leaning over as I rest my arms on the window sill, laying my head in my handmade pillow of limbs.
Arthur rolled his eyes, a small snort leaving his lips and I laugh in response, my gaze moving over the rose that Arthur tightly clenched his hands underneath." I'm surprised it's bloomed so close to winter, ice has already started covering all the sidewalks and streets around my country." A small bitter laugh managed to escapes my lips, automatically regretting the words as the familiar sadness wrapped itself around Arthur's eyes.
The man in front of me shoved the emotion away once again, rolling his eyes, his focus now also on the crimson red blossom. "It's your favorite flower isn't it?" I smile gently at him, his eyes once again moving over to me, an admiring smirk taking over his lips.
"I'm surprised such a forgetful fool as yourself could remember such a small detail. Last time I talked about them you were really young." The mood was once again brought back to life, moving my chin to the palm of my hand.
"How could I ever forget? You had all sorts of books on the different roses with colorful pictures that taught you all about the different types. Don't you remember how happy you were when you found out they grew on my land to?" A chuckle rose from my throat. "But the one thing you would always say about them was..." There was a small pause in my words as my blue eyes met green.
"If only that old frog didn't use then in such a manner, using them for his own disgusting actions! Disgraceful!" We both scowled in unison, neither of us able to hold back our laughter, Arthur's head tilting back as the cheerful sound filled the air, neither of us able to stop the beautiful noise.
"Do-do you remember what you called it? The first time you saw it?" One of Arthur's hands finally moved away from under the flower, keeping the other firmly cupped like it would stop death itself, placing his hand over his mouth as though trying to swallow the giggles.
Finally able to keep myself together I could only grin at him. "Of course I remember old man!" A scowl was earned at my words, giving an eye roll as my reply as I spoke. "I called it the American flower, even though you told me again and again it grew in many warm places all over the world. I still promised you I would make them bloom every year just for you. It made you so happy you couldn't look at me straight for the rest of the day, all bubbly and excited like some creepy pervert." Anger filled Arthur's eyes before I moved my hand in between us, seeming to take him off guard. "But that's what I've always liked about you. It can be so easy to make you smile; even when you didn't want to."
Arthur's cheeks quickly matched the bright red color of the rose that was still being supported by one of his hands. "T-that's not funny Alfred!" He shouted at me, his voice stuttering as he tried to hid his face from me, looking away.
I give a cheerful laugh, reaching out of the window with my free hand, lacing my fingers around his pale hand, Arthur's face only seeming to darken in color as I brought the back of his hand to my lips, kissing the soft skin calmly. "and the roses are still blooming aren't they? I've kept my promise all these years." I waited for Arthur to yank his hand back and give me some lame excuse to get away, but his fingers only seemed to find there way around mine, our palms pressed against each other as he squeezes my hand shyly, glaring at his shoes.
"S-stupid git..." Though his voice shook with embarrassment, I could clearly feel the happiness the Englishman gave off in the air around himself, the world around them seeming to only brighten as I squeezed his hand back tightly.
As happy as my world seemed I knew all good things must come to an end, the space around the two of us seeming to darken with the blink of an eye, my grip on Arthur's hand loosening, gaining the attention of the male only inches from me, staring down at me with both surprise and concern. The bright smile had disappeared from me eyes, the corners of my mouth turning downwards as I feel myself trying to curl in on itself.
"I'll make sure they grow in England every year to. There will be a whole field of them and no one else will even know where it is! It will just be for the two of us..." I tried forcing a smile as I raised my head to look at him, not wanting to seem upset in front of him. I fail miserably, already starting to feel tears poking at my vision. "I-I promise Arthur..." I didn't mean for my words to stutter, I meant to make them sound confident and cheerful like normal, but I felt to weak to give any extra force into the words.
Soft lips pushed against my forehead, the action only seeming to help me break down more as I covered my face with my free hand, my hand trembling as it grips Arthur's for dear life. I could feel Arthur smiling down at me and when I peeked a look at him his smile showed softly, like a parent looking over their child that had just fallen over trying to learn to ride a bike; proud yet kind hearted, ready to be there if they are needed.
"I'm sure you will Alfred. It will be our special place." I could feel tears actually start to run down my cheeks, dripping off my chin as a small whine makes its way past my lips. A soft sigh was heard next to my ear as Arthur wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling my weak form farther out the window. "I have trust in you."
Crying. That's all I could hear; my own crying. I struggled to not just start screaming and forced myself to be quiet, tears running down my cheeks as I sobbed into Arthur's shirt, gripping the fabric tightly.
"I-I'm so sorry Arthur...If only I had been more careful! I didn't mean to do anything wrong!" I only continued to cry, cursing myself, cursing my land, cursing anything but the person that stood in front of me, that kept me from collapsing into a ball of sadness and locking myself away for months like I had done only a year before. I felt broken, like someone had stepped on me with a heavy boot and I willingly let it crush me.
"Stupid wanker..." A sad bitter laugh left Arthur's lips as he looked down at me. "That's a horrible way to say goodbye..." Arthur's hand stroked my hair rhythmical, trying to calm me down before distant voices filled my ears. Though my cries quickly stopped at the sound of new visitors, my arms that had already been tightly around Arthur, that had been gripping his coat like it would keep him with me forever, somehow seemed to tighten even more.
Arthur frowned against my ear, cursing under his breath as he stands up straighter. "They're here already? I thought I would at least have a little more time..." The words were a small whisper as both of us turned to meet the small group of people walking up the old brick path.
A small boy with eyes only a few shades darker eyes than my own was near the back, his blond hair nearly being completely covered by a large black hat, his eyes locked on a bundle of small flowers tightly wrapped in one of his fists. He looked at it admiral, as though his reason for walking up the path with the others was to deliver the bouquet to someone he cared for.
The small boys free hand was being pulled by what seemed like a larger and much more annoyed Ludwig, though his hair hung loosely over his shoulders, the same stem gaze in his eyes held strongly at who ever he seemed to look at, the look of pure frustration taking up his features as a low growl left his lips.
The Ludwig look-a-likes extra hand was being held with what I could only recognize at Felicia and Romano's grandfather, remembering seeing the old man in a few well aged pictures the two Italians had around their home. The brown haired man swinging the collection of hands back and forth cheerfully, the action only seeming to make the blond more annoyed.
It was the fourth person that took up most of my attention. With her dark skin and animal fur clothing she stood out plainly against the other three people behind her. My mother, who continued to stand proudly, smiled softly at me, seeming as happy as the last time I had seen her so many years ago.
"I have to go now Alfred. They're waiting for me." Arthur's voice was enough to pull my back to reality, his words soft and careful as he spoke, as though scared he would break me with the touch of a finger. The man in front of me stepped away, somehow easily pulling out of my tight grip. My body felt numb at the sound of the words that had left Arthur's lips, only able to stare wide-eyed at him.
Arthur took another step away from me, his fingertips being the only thing left under the brightly colored rose and I felt my mind finally take in the information that had been given to me. I reached out, nearly falling out of the window and barely manage to to grasp his hand, gripping it tightly. All this time I barely managed to notice that Arthur himself was trembling, shaking his head as he keeps his back to me
"Don't leave Arthur...Please... You can't leave me yet!" I begged, I pleaded, I cried for Arthur to stay by my side even if it was for just a little while longer. Arthur's eyes filled with sadness as he stared back at my weak form. "I won't bother you for the rest of time if you want me to! But please!" I felt tears once again streaming down my face. "Please...Don't leave..." Arthur seemed to barely be able to look me in the eye.
I wasn't ready for Arthur to leave yet. I knew I never would be. There was still so much I wanted to say, so much Arthur needed to know and I had never told him, so many fights the two of them still needed to have over such small things.
Arthur spoke as though he had read my mind, his voice genital as he speaks to me. "I know Alfred...I know..." He sets his hands on my cheeks, his thumbs wiping away my tears. "Come on you bloody wanker. Stop looking so sad..."
"Let me come with you.." It was one final plea to the person in front of me, but Arthur quickly shook his head, giving me a disapproving look.
"You can't come with me, not yet. I'll still be here Alfred, just from further away..." A small laugh left Arthur's lips as he rested his forehead against mine. "Besides, who else would look over such a childish boy? No one else would be able to handle your constant blabbering!" There was a pause in his words as we took a moment to stare at each other. "and when you're ready...I'll be waiting in the field of roses you promised me."
I continued to cry, my cheeks wet and I finally realize the tears starting to slowly run down Arthur's face. "P-promise...?" I manage to whisper and he nods.
"Promise..."
"I..." I have to say it. I have to say it now. The words were caught in my throat no matter how much I struggled to force them out. I couldn't let him leave like this, not without knowing that I...that I...
"It's OK Alfred..." My eyes widen as I stare at him, unable to keep myself together any longer, collapsing into the arms that already held me so tightly. Arthur's lips pushed against my own and I felt all my years of hiding the strong feeling all spill out at once. The kiss was one last need for contact, one last conversation only the two of us would ever be able to understand. One last tight hug and one last goodbye.
"Alfred?" The sound of my name coming out of someone's mouth besides Arthur's snapped me back to reality and I quickly turned, instantly feeling the warmth of Arthur's body against mine disappear as my twin brother stares at me sadly from the hallway, stepping over the box I had left at the door.
"I should have known you would be in here, I told papa not to let you come help me clear it out...and you've been crying..." I wanted to look behind me so badly, but I already knew what would be there. An empty garden with empty bushes, waiting for spring to come so that they can once again bloom. But there would be no Arthur. There hasn't been an Arthur there since last year.
because I killed him.
A heavy weight seems to set itself on my shoulders as I slump against the wall, my eyes staring out into nothingness as I struggle not to fold in on myself. Matthew steps towards me carefully, quiet as he speaks. "Alfred?" His voice was soft, much softer than it normally is when he speaks. It was how he talked to me while I had trapped myself away from the world. "Alfred?" He repeats but the memories are already playing out in my head.
I force myself to sit up straight in my seat as I put the phone up against my ear, clearing my throat nervously the moment the other end picked up. "Hey Arthur? Are you free tomorrow?" There was a pause on the other line. "Do you think we could hang out? I have something that I want to tell you..."
Somehow I only felt more tears coming to my eyes, my body slowly turning towards the window.
I pull my coat tighter around my body, sniffling from the cold as I step up to the cross walk, only a few steps away from my meeting place with Arthur. I didn't know weather to feel nervous or excited or both. I was just so surprised that I had actually conjured up the courage to call him and have him meet up with me.
Behind my back I held a brightly colored crimson rose, remembering them as Arthur's favorite flower and buying one on my way over, causing me to be late.
From a crossed the street I manage to see Arthur rubbing his hands together to keep them warm, his body huddled against the wall to try and keep some of the chilling winter breeze off of himself. I wave happily to him, a big grin on my face. He notices me, raising his head slightly as he gives a small wave in return, his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion as I try to shout a hey to him, my voice being drowned out by the many cars rushing by in between us.
I wait for a spacing in the cars before starting a crossed the street, trying to push down my excitement and he steps up to the side of the street. "You're late! You kept me waiting you stupid git!"" Arthur shouted at me, cupping his mouth with his hands. despite his harsh words I could already see the bright smile he tried to hide with his scarf, the color almost perfectly matching his eyes.
I laugh cheerfully, opening my mouth to say a comeback before feeling my feet slip out from underneath me, my body falling backwards. Ice?
I groan painfully as I push myself back to my feet. I could already hear the lecture I'm going to get from Arthur for not watching where I was stepping. What I didn't hear though- was the sound of a rushing car coming towards me, the driver trying to slam on their breaks.
"Alfred!" Arthur shouts my name, my hand on my head as I look up only to feel his hands shoving against my chest and pushing my body backwards,stumbling as I try to regain my balance only to fall onto my butt, my arms stretched out behind me to help me stay up.
A blurred scream was all I heard before feeling some sort of liquid splatter on me, my eyes wide as I look down at myself, my clothes and skin covered in red.
"Arthur?" I look around, swallowing hard, more and more screams filling the space around me. A man next to me shouts for someone to call an ambulance, a group of people moving in front of my and crowding around in the middle of the street.
I stand, trying to stop my trembling hands as I shove them into my coat pockets, looking around frantically for the old Englishman. I couldn't find the voice to shout his name, a dark colored green scarf catching my eye as my body stiffens.
I pushed through the swarm of people, completely ignoring the breathed out insults and grumbles of annoyance being pointed at me, my actions quick and panicked as I barely manage to keep myself calm enough to move.
It was like the world around me had simply vanished.
My body trembled in fear as I collapsed to my knees, unable to keep the rest of my body up, staring down at Arthur's limp body laying on the ground.
"A-Arthur...?" I whisper, barely even able to get the name passed my lips as I cup his face with my hands. his cheeks were red from the cold, long eyelashes fluttering open, the once beautiful jewel green color I could never stop staring at now dulled and filled with a mixture of fear and pain.
He game me a weak smile,opening his mouth to speak. "Guess...guess I got a little banged up...huh Alfred...?" He flashed me a grin, blood running down the sides of his mouth
"I-I..." Tears were already streaming down my cheeks, dripping onto his crimson stained shirt. "I had fallen...and-and-and" I felt my body begin to understand more and more about the situation that surrounded us, stroking his hair, now sticky and an orangish red color with blood.
"I don't think...that they will be able to...to fix me up Alfred..." His grin seemed to falter for a second, tears also appearing in his eyes. "It's not..." It seemed to take him a moment to continue, taking in small gasps of air at a time. "It's not your fault...Alfred..."
But it was. It was my fault. It was me that called him to meet up here, that couldn't pay attention to where I was walking or who didn't watch out for ice. It was me who had fallen for Arthur and just couldn't keep my feelings to myself. It was me who killed Arthur. I killed Arthur. I killed him!
A pale delicate hand touches my cheek, snapping out of my thoughts as I force myself to look at the man that I murdered. "You have a scary...look on your face Alfred..." He frowns up at me, seeming to easily ignore the tears that ran down his cheeks, his thumb wiping away the ones that covered mine. "Don't get up...upset with yourself...don't...don't make me hit you again..."
I couldn't help but give a bitter laugh, my arms moving to wrap around his shoulders and pulling his limp body into my lap, careful to not move any of Arthur's twisted limbs in the process.
He seemed to struggle to keep his eyes open, his hand nearly falling from my cheek before I cover his with mine, holding it tightly and leaning against it. "T-tell me this is a dream Arthur...I'm g-g-going to wake up any minute right? Right?" I swallow harshly, a sad smirk gracing Arthur's lips as he willingly laid his cheek against my lap.
"I'm sorry Alfred..." He whispered. "It's not a dream...it's not..."
"Don't leave me alone Arthur!" I shout, squeezing his hand tighter in mine as I sob, trying to calm my trembling form. "Please Arthur!"
"Smile for me Alfred..." The words stopped me in my tracks, my sobs silencing as I stare at him wide eyed. "Just one smile...? I would really...really like to see...see you smile again Alfred...You look the most happy when you...smile..." The spaces between his words grew larger and larger with each word.
I struggled to fulfill his last wish, feeling his hand grow more limb against mine. I struggle to wipe away my tears, more only appearing to replace them and I smile brightly, giving him the brightest grin I think I've ever given to a person. The smile was for Arthur-it was for the one I cared about- that I myself would die for. It wasn't fake, or forced. It wasn't just to make him happy or to seem like I'm a small child. It was a true smile- a smile only for Arthur.
He gave a small laugh, the soft musical sound only lasting a few moments before coughs racked his body. I held him close to me, nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck, not caring about the strong scent of blood his body held.
"Arthur...Arthur I..." I needed to tell him before I couldn't anymore. "I...I..."
I only managed to say the word over and over again, not able to force the rest out of my mouth and Arthur gave me a small nod, as though understanding what I was going to say.
"It's OK Alfred..." He barely managed to breath the last word out, caring green eyes fluttering closed as his head rolls to the side.
"Arthur...?" My body shook with an unimaginable tear as I shock the smaller body in my arms. "Arthur?" My voice grew louder and louder with each call from the English man, till I was shouting his name in the middle of the street. "Arthur! Arthur wake up!" I could hear people whispering around me. Some cried, being held protectively by their loved ones, others turned away, unable to look at the scene in front of them any longer.
"ARTHUR!" I had my arms wrapped tightly around his limp form, my hands gripped my hair, threatening to pull it out and I sobbed into his shirt. I couldn't stop the cries that racked my body till a handset itself on my shoulder.
I very nearly jerked away from them. They wouldn't touch Arthur. They wouldn't take him away from me. But as the figure became more persistent I looked up, my eyes filled with rage and the need to protect the still person in my arms, only to meet the blue eyes of my brother.
Matthew had tears of his own already running down his cheeks, his eyes moving from mine to the body that lay dead in my arms, sliding to his knees next to me and wrapping his own arms around both me and the smaller figure. Loud cries left both of us as we held onto each other, held onto Arthur's dead body.
I barely even realized Francis's arms coming to embrace both of us protectively. Though he hid his face from me, the blond's head bowed so his hair covered his eyes, I could hear the almost silent weeps that escaped from his lips.
Someone from our family had died.
After that I wouldn't leave my room for months. I barely slept, ate, even drank anything despite Francis insisting I got outside for some fresh air.
"It...I think it would help Alfred... Arthur wouldn't want you to shut yourself away from everyone..." I had hated it when people said that name -His name. At some point I nearly punched Matthew for saying it while trying to get me to eat something.
I don't even remember how long it was till I 'got back on my feet' as Francis described. I could even stand to hear his name without going into a fit of anger and nearly beating someone to dead-though I never said it myself.
Not till today.
"Come on Alfred..."Matthews quiet voice interrupted my thoughts, jerking away the memories from my mind "Papa is waiting for us at the cemetery..." Each word was careful and I allowed him to help me to my feet. "I'll finish up cleaning out the house by myself later. I don't want you here anymore..." His voice was coated in worry as he stared at me.
I shake my head slightly. "I want to help Matthew..." I pause. "Arthur would have wanted me to help, don't you think?" A surprised expression took over my brothers features as we stared at each other, needing to clear his throat before giving a small nod.
"Are you sure?"
I turn towards the window, the once beautiful crimson rose that I had held behind my back and planed to give to Arthur a year before, now laid wilted and brown on the bricked sidewalk below. It's once soft, beautiful petals now cracked and crunched up under the fresh frost. The stem was twisted and broken from the accident, one of its many petals barely seeming to hold onto the rest of the flower.
A short blond male, eyes a jeweled green, and eyebrows as big as the wall of china, smiled at me from the entrance of the garden. I felt myself staring back at him calmly as his lips twitched upward in a sweet,kind smile.
I love you...
I love you to Alfred...
The words were not spoken, we knew they were there and that we had willingly given them to each other, to care for with our own hearts despite us no longer being able to stand next to one another.
I gave him a smile-the smile only meant for Arthur.
"Yeah. I'm sure." I turn, giving a strong nod towards my brother and looping our arms together, a small snicker making it way passed my lips.
"Come on now, Francis is waiting for us." Matthew looked as though he wanted to say more, shocked at his brother's sudden change in mood but derided to keep quiet, my smiling face seeming to be enough for him.
"Hey Matthew? You think we can pick up some roses on the way there?"