When I was little I didn't understand scrapbooks, especially the ones my aunt made. I mean sure, I don't know a whole lot of other little kids who enjoy the wonders of scrapbook making, but stick with me here. My aunt was, actually still is, a scrapbooking fanatic. If she takes a picture of you, you know damn well where that picture was going to go, probably in a matter of seconds if she can manage to get her fingers on a pair of scissors, hopefully on the safe end. I guess it was the organization of the photos that really bothered me. You could say I'm artistically inclined, but I could not figure out for the life of me why the pictures were thrown together so haphazardly. There was no purpose to it, no pattern, and absolutely no flow. Not only did I think the arrangement was horrendous, but I thought the experience in general was pointless. Why was it necessary to put all the pictures into a book if they were only going to be covered by silly things like monkey stickers and ugly border tapes? I mean typically a little kid should enjoy those things, but I digress. Maybe it was just my aunt's process that bothered me, but eventually I asked her about it.

"Tía, why are you putting stickers on the picture?" I asked blatantly. It was a genuine question and I stared at her, eyes wide and mouth agape - probably an ugly sight now that I think about it.

"It's art," she said, "When you see me putting these things together you don't see the whole picture."

I raised an eyebrow. Little old me thought I was the smartest cookie in the world and I pointed my finger to the picture she was gluing at the time, "I see the whole picture there, tía!"

"No darling, the whole picture as in, um," she paused, looking for the right words. When she found them she lit up almost comically - I swore I could have seen a lightbulb flash over her head. "You see, like I said, it's art. You would think some pieces don't fit together, like you say these stickers, but they compliment the whole piece when you look at all the pictures together! It's like when you put the ingredients for tía to make the cookies in the bowl. You know it will turn out okay in the end even if it looks sort of ugly in the beginning. Isn't that art?" she flipped through the book, smile on her face and the same wondrous look I had on my eyes earlier.

She continued, "They work together in ways you don't see at first. But it works. It works out because it just does. The best things are like that."

I tried to understand her, but back then I didn't really listen. Then again, I also didn't understand how a picture could come to life and compliment a sticker. In the end, I still thought scrapbooks were pretty pointless.

"Maria? Maria please, this is unhealthy...and that's coming from me…" my cousin's voice bounced against the gym walls - surprising for such a soft sound - but I refused to show my face.

"Maria…" they had said it again, but much softer this time. Blooky is a kind and gentle person, I don't think they would ever harm their own shadow, but at the moment I really didn't want to see anyone, especially them. I continued to listen to their cries anyway. "Just know that just because I'm graduating elementary school, doesn't mean we can't hang out...I'm still your cousin...you're still my best friend...but you probably don't care about that…just...I'm here for you okay?"

"I don't want you to leave!" I left my hiding spot underneath the grimy bleachers, running so fast I hit my knee against the metal beam holding it up. My cousin leaving the school was like a kick in the gut. Hearing them say it out loud was like a double kick plus a punch in the throat, or something. It hurt, and even though I knew logically we still lived close to each other, I was devastated - as much as a fourth grader could be devastated anyway. I had to say something, so I cried in frustration, "I need you here! No one else knows me like you!"

Blooky was already turning to leave before they heard me, but immediately swung around as soon as they did. They turned their head to the side slightly, frowning at me. I thought I upset them, but when I felt their warmth around me I felt safe again.

"Maria," they pressed their cheek against the top of my head, "You're a lot braver than me…way braver...don't doubt yourself okay?"

I pressed my head against their body, clenching my hands and gripping their back in eagerness. I wanted to cry. I was the biggest crybaby in the whole family and I hated it. I felt my cheeks getting wet so maybe I was already crying, but I forced myself to stop. Well I tried. I didn't know what to say. So we just stood there, in the middle of the gym, holding each other. I guess in a way that was enough.

"Well," my cousin was the first to break the silence, "It's summer now...so feel free to come by...or maybe not, I don't know."

I stepped back. I wasn't ready to look at them directly yet, so I stared at the ground, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. I knew from the hotness of my face that I probably looked like a mess. This is too familiar.

When I thought I looked decent enough, or at least as decent as I could get at the moment, I looked up at Blooky. The tears were still present, but suddenly smiling wasn't so hard anymore. I laughed, "Of course I'll come over. I-I promise."

"Promise?"

"Yeah!" I practically yelled. I turned my hands into fists and jumped in the air. My enthusiasm came back full throttle and my laughter filled the atmosphere once again.

It was my cousin's turn to smile. While mine was giggly, and probably quite stupid, theirs was gentle and compassionate. And while I've never seen them smile any other way, it still made me feel loved and at peace when they did. They extended their hand to me and I gave them mine without hesitation. And in that calm and collected voice of theirs, they said, "Then let's go home…"

When I arrived home, I immediately dashed for my bedroom, almost tripping over my uncle's legs, who happened to be sleeping on the couch as usual. I heard my aunt's voice from the kitchen, probably to ask about my day, but I just quickly gave a thumbs up and headed upstairs. Making a sharp right at the top of the stairs, I came face to face with the door to my room. It was decorated with pink glitter that spelled my name and a picture of a dog doing yoga. And oh boy did looking at that door always make me feel warm and fuzzy - not the door itself because that was ugly, but the sweet decor I put on it. Of course, the inside of the room was only better. So I twisted the knob and pushed it forward.

As soon as I saw my bed a smile grew on my face, and oddly enough I felt sleepy. Anyway, I scanned my room, making sure no one moved any of my precious items. I mean, it's ridiculous to think anyone would; the only other person who ever went inside was my aunt. Now that I think about it, I should probably check to make sure my diaries are still here.

My room was relatively small, at least for my tastes. There was a small bed in the corner and a television the size of a peanut directly opposite of it - no, I'm definitely not bitter, why would you ask? Next to the sorry excuse for a t.v. was a sliding door closet full of some of my greatest treasures, which included all of the outfits I had ever used for my performances. It was my pride and joy, and yet I was displeased with how little there was in it. I knew eventually it would grow. Beside the entrance was a white wooden drawer, full of more clothes and my precious diaries. The paint on the wood was chipping, but it added a cool effect to the tiny space. Although I have to admit getting paint on my hands every time I grab a pair of jeans was getting old. I opened the bottom drawer to reveal an array of pink journals. I could only pray my aunt didn't go through all of them, a constant fear of mine. It's not like she can because they're all locked, but it could theoretically happen. I picked one up and snatched a pink pen from my desk, before laying on my woolly pink rug - and to anyone who says my room is too pink I say you need to learn how to have fun and besides, it's not like it's all the same shade of pink, I mean I'm not tacky.

I lay on my stomach, diary in hand and pen in another, and began my entry:

Dearest Diary,

My darling cousin Blooky walked me home today. I hope I wasn't too much of a burden. I know that my house is quite a distance from theirs. Oh! I forgot to mention they're graduating elementary school. It's exciting, but I don't want to see them go :(

I know what you're going to say: that I'm being irrational as always. Well, you're probably right! I'm just a big worry wart, haha! But hey! I care about them that's all! Plus, with them on a different schedule we won't be able to do our stage performances with Shy and Consuelo as frequently. Double frowny face! Ugh, but yo Shy has gotten more confident with her singing, probably with a little help from me ;) it's so good too! She just needed a little push! Ahhhhh! We're all so good! We're gonna make a great band some day *dreamy sigh*. One day I'll be the number 1 actor, singer, model, and superstar, not just in the USA, BUT OF THE WHOLE WORLD! You better believe it, hahaha!

I'm hoping today that tía will let me go to the park with them. I came up with the perfect skit (psst it involves dragons and bombs!) And also maybe I can get some ibarra today? Who knows! Thanks for listening deary!

OOTD: White graphic t-shirt with a pink pterodactyl, black beaded necklace, brown shorts, and black ankle boots! Only the cutest!

Love, MTT

I swirled a heart around my name and kissed the page. Perfect . I set my journal and pen back in their respective places and opened the bedroom window. It got really stuffy in there, especially in the summer. Looking outside I saw my neighbor Jason mowing the lawn as I took in the freshly cut grass smell. I lived in a really beautiful neighborhood, where basically everyone knew each other. The other day I went to my neighbor's quinceañera and I never talked to them before. They seem pretty cool. It's also beautiful because whenever there was drama the whole neighborhood got involved. Last week I had the perfect view of Jason throwing it down with Jesús - tía Vanessa and tío Ricky sat with me, sharing a bowl of popcorn and laughing. Nothing brings family together like other people's pain. Ah, what was that German word again?

Before I lost my train of thought I remembered the most important task I would do all day, or maybe ever - okay that was a stretch - and that was to get myself some hot chocolate.

I opened the dark wooden door, which I would have to tell my uncle to change because it definitely did not match my color scheme, and yelled at the top of the stairs, "Tía! May I go to the park today with Selena and Consuelo? And can I get some Ibarra?"

I expected some angry response but instead I heard a groggy manly one, "Ay, mi sobrina why do you need to go? Is it for your dance thing?"

"It's not a dance thing!" I hated explaining this every single time. "It has dance in it but it's not all dance tío! It's a performance!"

"You know we support your acting Maria, but it's just so late…"

"It's 4:00 PM tío," I deadpanned. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"Maria," my aunt pitched in her voice, "You can only go if you bring Mateo."

Oh God, anyone but them. My cousin Mateo was everything my cousin Blooky wasn't. They can be tolerable at times, but you know what they say: it only takes a little oxygen to spread a fire. I actually don't know if that's true. I never paid attention to my science class unless it involved robots. Anyway, all in all, my cousin can get super angry super quick, and I don't like being around them when that happens.

"Why tía!" I groaned, "Mateo is only going to cause more problems!"

"Don't say that about your cousin! He's been taking those classes and is getting better, unlike you! Where are your manners huh?"

I really didn't feel like arguing with her today. I complied,"Ugh, fine! But can I have Ibarra then?"

"Ay, dios mios, why would I give you Ibarra before dinner huh?"

"But-"

"Ay Maria, don't argue with me! I cook these meals for you and you're so impatient! If you drink Ibarra before dinner you will get fat! How am I going to explain to your abuelita I let Rita's daughter get fat eh? So selfish, mi sobrina. Think of your ma."

Yup, and that's why I never argue with my aunt. It always leads to how I'm just being selfish and that I'm not thinking about anyone but myself. I don't know how we always to that topic, but I don't know what else I expected. Although, I kind of expected them to tell me to do some chore before I left too, like clean my room, do the dishes, sweep or-

"Ay sobrina! ¡Limpia tu cuarto por el amor de dios!" and of course I spoke too soon as my uncle's voice was echoing through the house again, this time with much more awareness.

"I already cleaned my room!"

"We saw you just arrived twenty minutes ago! And I didn't hear any dusting," my aunt said, "Clean. And then go. And then maybe you will have some Ibarra."

"Ayyy sí...but I am taking the fancy camera!"

Nearly in sync they ran to the bottom of the stairs, in a panicked sweat and staring at me in disbelief, "¡MARIA!"

Mateo was loud, and let me make it clear because they were not just loud they had the foulest mouth ever - not that there's anything wrong with that, but oh boy did it cause attention. I normally like being the center of attention, just not like this. They were a big talker and thought that no one could mess with them because they had a Swiss army knife. It's funny because they're actually really clumsy and a few seconds ago they nearly dropped it down the street grate. I caught it of course, but they still took the credit. I looked back at him to see if he was done arguing with the person we passed by.

"It's right you don't mess with the fucking Mate-O MAN!" he yelled in my ear, even though it was directed at the old lady who happened to be walking a little too slow for Mateo's comfort.

I tried to ignore him, instead looking at my camera and making sure the audio was working properly and that the outfits I brought in my brown backpack were still there, but up until this point I was as silent as a rock, in fear of infuriating him any further. So to avoid reaching a stalemate in the conversation I sighed and finally spoke, "So...um those anger management classes are working out huh?"

"Oh yeah!" their scratchy voice filled my ears once again. "Just the other day I DIDN'T throw my knife at my barber. Dumb asshole still, but hey! I got it under control."

We were supposed to be walking to the park together but they were already two feet ahead of me, walking with such a smug grin on their face. Just from the way they walked you could tell they're kind of a jerk. Pretending they have swagger, as if. They made long strides to mimic confidence but it was always imbalanced with their noodly arms that they hid under their black leather jacket - which apparently they bought at an auction for two dollars so who knows where that's been. Their dirty converses were five shades darker than they originally were - I think they were red, but don't quote me on that - and their ripped jeans exposed their um, very hair legs. Now I'm not one to judge someone's fashion choices, but if you really miss the greaser ages you might as well go full out and not half ass the hair. What was that on their head? Jeez I don't even-

"Yo Mar, is this the park?" I was firmly shaken from my thoughts when I heard my cousin. "Where are all your friends at buddy?"

"Ah Consuelo and Blooky couldn't make it, but Shy should be here," I looked around the older relative, trying to find my tiny friend. The problem was that it was a big park.

I remember the first time I came here, and it was still just as grand as it was back then. The park was nature-heavy, but near the entrance there was a small and lively playground with three different slides (one was steep, the other swirled around, and the other was enclosed and home to Suzy the possum, but it was okay she was the pet of someone I just don't remember who), sets of monkey bars with decorative jungle leaves surrounding them, balance beams, and my favorite was the swing set - I mean the firefighter pole was originally first, but it kind of broke because of a kid who may or may not have been me. Anyway, I still mean what I said, this park is amazing. There was so much open grass for me to roll around, and the forest was densely populated with colorful flora. There were trees ranging from big to small, dark to light, and smooth and rough. One spot in particular was home to the town's only redwood tree. It would probably take twenty of me to wrap around its width! It was honestly breathtaking and my friends and I especially loved to film there. And on a nice cool day like this, with a hint of a breeze just ever so slightly brushing up against our skin, I knew today would be perfect for a trip to the trees. When you were in those woods it was like being transported to a magical kingdom, which is exactly where I wanted to go today!

I finally spotted Shy, just behind the swingset. I waved to her, hands swinging back and forth rapidly. She did the same, just not as quickly. It didn't mean she wasn't excited, because as soon as she saw me her smile widened.

"Hey Shy!" I said, "Stay there, I'll be right over!"

"Hey Mar," Mateo called my attention again, "Don't be running off too far alright? Tía Vanessa would kill me if anything bad happened to you! So don't be reckless alri-"

"Yeah I know already!"

"Dios mios, let me finish my sentence asshole!" they paused, "I-I mean I'll be waiting by the bathroom okay?"

"Whatever!" I swear I could practically hear their eye roll. Yeah, I'm sometimes afraid of their anger, but other times it's like a little game to see how much they could take.

I bounced over to Shyren and directed her towards the trees. She wasn't much of a talker, but I loved her anyway. She was an extremely talented singer and to be honest I was jealous over how gorgeous she was. She had dyed blue and green hair that she tied up into a ponytail, with a few strands loose that covered her right eye and partly her left. Shy definitely had the same sleepy eyes as my cousin Blooky, but despite that she never stops smiling. Ah, her smile was radiant - and her teeth were so white, oh my gosh, I had to ask her about that another day.

"Sorry Consuelo couldn't make it," she spoke of her sister, "She um, was busy." She pulled some of her hair in front of her face, as if to hide further behind it. She seemed, distraught , to say the least. She avoided eye contact with me and kept looking back at the swing set.

"Don't worry about it Shy!" I said, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, "I mean it would have been better to have her here, but we can't always avoid these things. What was she busy with?"

She stopped in her tracks for a split second, trepidation on her lips, before promptly ignoring my question, "So, what's the plan for today? Singing number? Skit?"

"Ah yes!" I nearly dropped my stuff in excitement. "It's going to be both! Picture this: you are a young mermaid on the quest for your lost locket and-"

"In the woods?"

"We'll be near the lake okay? Anyway, your locket actually doesn't belong to you, but it belongs to the magical Dragon named Zalthor, played bymoi , and if you don't get it back the dragon will dry up your kingdom!"

"Sounds dangerous…"

"Sounds exciting you mean!" I pointed my index finger at her, "You are not any ordinary mermaid, you're also a scientist! You built these underwater bombs that help you later when you fight the dragon-"

"I have to fight the dragon?" she seemed worried, yet I could sense a hint of excitement radiating off of her. Or that could have well just been me and my rapidly beating heart. I always got so amped up, and maybe a little carried away, when I explained my story ideas. Oh man, was I sweating? I hoped it wasn't noticeable.

I nodded my head vigorously. "But don't worry, you use the bombs and it's almost an insta-kill with how well made they are. Look! I actually made the prop," I pulled out of my bag a paper mache bomb, made with newspaper from my neighbor Jason - I am coming to the realization that we pick on Jason a lot but to be fair he doesn't really care. The bomb was a little fragile and crumbly, we didn't have good paint at my house so I kind of just added food dye to glue and rubbed that all over it. It wasn't the best, but I shoved it in Shy's face with a giant smile and a sense of pride. I eagerly awaited her response.

"Oh my gosh, it's amazing!" there was a spark in her eyes that sent butterflies down my stomach and I felt the blood rush to face. "Your ideas are always amazing," she continued.

"Oh shucks Shy," I rubbed the back of my neck, "I couldn't do this without you, Blooky, and Consuelo!"

"Right…" the smile on her face dimmed slightly and I was about to ask her another question when she said, "Yo so Blooky couldn't make it either huh?"

"Nah, they had a lot of stuff to do and I didn't want to interrupt, but we should get started before the sun sets on us!"

"O-of course!" she shook herself off and ran to the edge of the lake, rather quickly I might add. I called for her, asking to wait for me to catch up; when I did we got set up immediately.

"I also made dragon wings for myself," I said, pulling out the said wings. They were made of cardboard and the straps of a tank top I owned. I tried to cover the whole thing with green tape, and honestly I thought it was the coolest thing.

"Oh," I chirped, "I also made you your mermaid tail out of an old dress of mine!" I pulled it out of my backpack - and no, I don't understand how I fit everything into my bag either - and handed the mock mermaid tail to Shy. She thanked me and I proceeded to tell her where to place herself.

"Okay, I think we should start with you on the edge of the lake. You're going to look like you just came from the water and once you're on shore your tail disappears and you grow legs!" I pointed to the path behind me where a pile of leaves bunched up, "And there is where you're going to walk to find the mysterious dragon!"

"Oh okay," she finally put the dress over her own clothes and seated herself beside the lake, making sure to not actually get in the water or let any dirt on herself. "Where will you be?"

I put on my wings before answering, "I'll be on the top of this hill filming your scene until it's my turn to pop in. I'll also be making scary dragon noises to, you know, build the environment."

I grabbed the camera and turned it on. It wasn't the best camera, but it was far from the worst. It was a small Canon HD recording camera that my aunt - not the one I live with, but the one on my father's side - got me for my birthday. I think she knew I enjoyed acting even before I was well aware of it. She said I would always say, "ladies and gentlemen get ready" before eating a meal. Why? I don't really know. Oh, and I would always mimic lines from movies and try to repeat them in front of the mirror or in real life - I still do that actually. I especially loved those sci-fi movies like A Space Odyssey . Oh gosh, I loved Keir Dullea's performance as Dave and Douglas Rain's HAL was inspiring! The way he was just so calm and collected, yet had that sinister tone, ah I wish I could act like that some day. I smiled at the camera I forgot I was holding in my hands. One day . One day I'll good enough to inspire other young actors. One day I can say I was part of an A-list movie. One day I will be in the cast of Star Wars...okay that last one might be a stretch, but I needed this to happen. I wanted it to happen more than anything and I needed it.

"Hello? M? Are you okay?" Shy tried to grab my attention.

"What? Oh, sorry Selena…" I kept my eyes on the camera as if staring at it was going to make me an actor in Hollywood. Maybe it would if I stared long enough.

"Whoa, calling me Selena. Are y-you sure you're alright?" she questioned me.

I didn't want to concern her so I quickly nodded my head, "Of course I am! Now let's get on with the show!" Acting. Man, I am so good .

"Um, I don't know my lines…" She murmured.

Oh yeah, how could I be so dumb. "Oh, sure here are your lines, heh," I handed her a thin white paper with lines I wrote out myself.

She scanned her eyes across the paper, taking in every detail, before handing it back to me, "Um okay, but do I come right away or-oh I got it. Okay I got it!"

"Really?" I asked for affirmation, "Well I'll get set up on the hill here and I'll give you the cue to start alright? Oh man, Blooky and Consuelo are going to be so mad they missed this one."

Shy was quiet again. She looked down at the ground and kicked the gravel at her feet. "Mar," she whispered just loud enough for me to hear, "I don't think Consuelo is coming back…"

I widened my eyes and gasped, "Oh no is she leaving too? Oh no this is my fault isn't it?"

"N-no…"

It was awfully quiet. Her eyes were fixated on the ground, kicking the pebbles in my direction. I felt like I did something wrong, but I didn't know what to say. Taking off my dragon wings, I asked her one more time if she could tell me what her sister said. I still didn't get an answer. She shrunk her head into her shoulders, disappearing underneath her thick hair. I didn't want to pry but-

"My sis said that she was getting too old for this. That the acting thing was fun for a while, but she had to focus on the 'real world' and move on," she looked up with teary eyes, like when I looked up at Blooky back at the gym. I felt a lump in my throat. This feeling in my chest was too familiar. She continued, "Those were her words not mine Maria. I'm sorry, I-I have to use the bathroom."

I didn't even get a chance to respond, she just left. I watched her trek across the dirt path to the bathroom. She was still wearing my dress and I noticed that the blue shimmered underneath the sunlight. She was still beautiful, and I was still me, and I was beginning to think that was a bad thing.

I stood there, unable to move. My mouth was dry and pushing air into my lungs suddenly became a chore. The subtle wind pushed some of my long black hair in my face, but I didn't care. Right, I didn't care. Who cares if Consuelo thinks this isn't cool anymore? I think it's cool. I really do. I do. I was just shocked she would say that was all. I, um, It suddenly felt a lot colder than it was a minute ago. I crouched down on the dirt road, next to the giant ironically whimsy oak tree, and brought my knees to my chest. I gripped them as much as I could, but my shaking hands wouldn't allow it. Were my hands shaking or my knees? It was getting dark wasn't it? Or was it just me again? Everything was closing in. I wasn't at the park anymore, or I was but I couldn't escape. I needed to calm down and relax. I wanted to stop the shaking. Just stop it.

I looked up, back at the playground in the distance. I remembered a couple of weeks ago there were a group of boys there who told me to fuck off because "people like me" were unwanted. They called me a baby because I was using dolls as props. I thought they were just being rude, but maybe their words ring true. Stop it . There were probably other people just like them, who don't want me. Just the other day there was a teacher who gave me a dirty look. I thought it was because of my outfit, but now that I think about it they probably hated my singing. They heard me and were disgusted weren't they? Stop it . My passion was immature. My aunt, uncle, and Consuelo knew this. It always was an unachievable goal. My aunt and uncle's words were hollow because they were only saying those things to boost my self esteem. If that's true then is it true for everyone else? Is everyone else lying to me? Stop it . I'm never going to amount to anything. I'm not good at anything else but I have to do everything else. Shyren was only here out of pity wasn't she?

"Oh my God," I felt myself sputter out, "I'm the most pathetic person in the world aren't I?"

I don't know who I was talking to, but I wanted nothing more than to scream at something; I don't know, anything. The amount of times I've done this is humiliating. I wanted to cry, and as if right on cue I started sniffling. Hot tears stained my shirt and I felt the snot dripping out of my nose. I look so ugly . I was a mess. I always got like this after anything bad happened. Actually when anything happened. I don't even know what this is, but I start shaking, crying, and get scared all at once. Why am I so scared? I didn't know, but I was. It's all I ever knew. I wanted that to change so I keep pushing myself to sing and act, but I keep regretting it every time. No one wanted to see me and what I enjoyed was worthless. I pushed my sobs into my knees.

"Excuse me?" a timid voice asked and startled me. I jumped back, falling on my elbows. I looked at the speaker through my blurry vision. It was a young boy, but he was older than I. He had dark skin and he was wearing a red cap I believe. I couldn't really tell. All I knew was that my head hurt and a complete stranger saw me at my worst. I turned away, I couldn't have anyone see me in this sobbing state.

"D-don't look at me," I could barely finish a word without stumbling. Ha, how could I have pictured myself becoming an actor if I couldn't even say a sentence correctly. I'm such an idiot.

"I'm sorry! I'm just lost," they spoke again. Would this kid just leave me alone? He continued, "I happened to see you and your friend doing some kind of performance? I really liked it and you seem cool, so I had to say something…"

Had to say something? Pssh, we were probably blocking his way, he's just being polite. Of course, I'm always in others' way. I'm just an object in the way of other people. When am I going to learn that? My aunt was right, I'm a terrible person who doesn't think about oth-

He extended his hand towards me, smiling. My chest felt tight again. And I was stunned by what he said next: "It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you. And I mean what I said..."

I'm not going to hurt you.