"I AM THE GREEN FLYSWATTER"
By Craig Byrne (PlanetKrypton@aol.com -- http://www.kryptonsite.com)
I am the Green Flyswatter. It is my role to witness, and only act when my services are needed.
I was a regular flyswatter once. I was bought at Fordman's Department Store. Jonathan Kent bought me as a Christmas present for his wife, Martha, in 1986. Most families that year were busy buying Nintendos and Teddy Ruxpin dolls; but not the Kents. For some reason they could not have children, so instead they bought household items. And might I say, the Kents made a very good choice in buying their Green Flyswatter.
Life went on normally for three years. I actually don't remember much of it; I didn't even gain conciousness until 1989. That was when the meteors fell. I was out in the Kent backyard; Martha had recently used me to fend off a dragonfly. A meteor rock landed next to me and suddenly a whole new world opened.
I could suddenly see things; hear things. My life as a Green Flyswatter was great. Unfortunately I could have all of these senses but at the same time I could not speak. I could not move unless directed to. So I just sat and behaved, like any Green Flyswatter would.
I listened as Jonathan and Martha argued about whether or not to keep a baby they found in the field. Martha threatened to go back to Donald; Jonathan said he'd call his Uncle Jesse to find out the right thing to do. Finally things calmed and their love combined knew that keeping the child was the right thing to do.
I saw the baby grow. I noticed that the baby could move pretty fast, but unfortunately I have no mouth, so I couldn't tell anyone about it. I remember one time young Clark misbehaved and Martha used me to spank him. I'm still waiting for that privilege to return to me now that he's grown and he has become a handsome young man, but then I remember, I am supposed to be a heterosexual Green Flyswatter.
I was there when the Fake Martha was in my kitchen. This woman was in desperate need of acting lessons. She seemed nearly as bad as this "Boobs McChesty" person the young people are talking about these days. "We didn't find him, he found us" she said. She didn't convince me. I am glad Fake Martha is gone.
Now that Clark has realized he, like myself, is different, I hear Jonathan and Martha telling their son to be careful not to get caught using his powers. Before they worry about his powers, they might want to get him to put a lock on the barn door, because if that pretty Lana catches him peeping at her, he's going to be in a lot of trouble.
I was even there when a crazy rogue cop from Metropolis threatened the family. I didn't like that. I really didn't like it when his eyes bugged out angrily; I wanted to swat him myself. I also didn't like it when he set Jonathan up and the police came in and told Jonathan they'd have to search this place. It reminded me of the days when Boss Hogg used to try to frame Jonathan and Enos would come in and do a search. But I guess I should be glad; Jonathan was okay, and no one harmed the Green Flyswatter.
Sometimes I wish I could talk and tell Clark that glasses would be a good disguise. Or that I could tell Chloe that she needs to change her name to Lois and then maybe, just maybe, Clark will notice her. Sometimes I wish I could smack Lana Lang when she obsesses over her parents; sometimes I wish I could get down and dirty with her Aunt Nell. But no; instead, as a Green Flyswatter, I just sit on the wall and watch, hoping to be used at some point.
Such is the life of the Green Flyswatter.
By Craig Byrne (PlanetKrypton@aol.com -- http://www.kryptonsite.com)
I am the Green Flyswatter. It is my role to witness, and only act when my services are needed.
I was a regular flyswatter once. I was bought at Fordman's Department Store. Jonathan Kent bought me as a Christmas present for his wife, Martha, in 1986. Most families that year were busy buying Nintendos and Teddy Ruxpin dolls; but not the Kents. For some reason they could not have children, so instead they bought household items. And might I say, the Kents made a very good choice in buying their Green Flyswatter.
Life went on normally for three years. I actually don't remember much of it; I didn't even gain conciousness until 1989. That was when the meteors fell. I was out in the Kent backyard; Martha had recently used me to fend off a dragonfly. A meteor rock landed next to me and suddenly a whole new world opened.
I could suddenly see things; hear things. My life as a Green Flyswatter was great. Unfortunately I could have all of these senses but at the same time I could not speak. I could not move unless directed to. So I just sat and behaved, like any Green Flyswatter would.
I listened as Jonathan and Martha argued about whether or not to keep a baby they found in the field. Martha threatened to go back to Donald; Jonathan said he'd call his Uncle Jesse to find out the right thing to do. Finally things calmed and their love combined knew that keeping the child was the right thing to do.
I saw the baby grow. I noticed that the baby could move pretty fast, but unfortunately I have no mouth, so I couldn't tell anyone about it. I remember one time young Clark misbehaved and Martha used me to spank him. I'm still waiting for that privilege to return to me now that he's grown and he has become a handsome young man, but then I remember, I am supposed to be a heterosexual Green Flyswatter.
I was there when the Fake Martha was in my kitchen. This woman was in desperate need of acting lessons. She seemed nearly as bad as this "Boobs McChesty" person the young people are talking about these days. "We didn't find him, he found us" she said. She didn't convince me. I am glad Fake Martha is gone.
Now that Clark has realized he, like myself, is different, I hear Jonathan and Martha telling their son to be careful not to get caught using his powers. Before they worry about his powers, they might want to get him to put a lock on the barn door, because if that pretty Lana catches him peeping at her, he's going to be in a lot of trouble.
I was even there when a crazy rogue cop from Metropolis threatened the family. I didn't like that. I really didn't like it when his eyes bugged out angrily; I wanted to swat him myself. I also didn't like it when he set Jonathan up and the police came in and told Jonathan they'd have to search this place. It reminded me of the days when Boss Hogg used to try to frame Jonathan and Enos would come in and do a search. But I guess I should be glad; Jonathan was okay, and no one harmed the Green Flyswatter.
Sometimes I wish I could talk and tell Clark that glasses would be a good disguise. Or that I could tell Chloe that she needs to change her name to Lois and then maybe, just maybe, Clark will notice her. Sometimes I wish I could smack Lana Lang when she obsesses over her parents; sometimes I wish I could get down and dirty with her Aunt Nell. But no; instead, as a Green Flyswatter, I just sit on the wall and watch, hoping to be used at some point.
Such is the life of the Green Flyswatter.