I believed when you were gone

by Winga

There was a body in the way home. He looked a bit like you, but I'm not sure if he was real. tw: suicide note

There was a body in the way home. He looked a bit like you, but I'm not sure if he was real.

This was the third time this month, but who's counting anyway.

I missed you when you were dead but at least it was all clear back then, I didn't see things that didn't exist.

Your coming back - I hope you know I was ecstatic - made everything so different and hard. I still sometimes can't believe it, and I think the hallucinations are a part of me not believing.

I would tell this to you in person, but it's hard because when you come close, you take my breath away. You probably always will. I have to touch you to know you're real and every time I do, you seem to be real.

I can feel you under my touch, I can hear your voice calling me, telling me things it used to.

But why do they still look at me so, like I was going mad?

I can't know, I don't know. But I don't think I can keep going on like this, you know. The visions are too much and there's only so much I can stand, Sherlock.

If you're dead, well, I'll just join you. If you're real, well, I'm terribly sorry.

I wish I could believe.