A Wall Around Me
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kakashi x Obito
Warnings: Yaoi
Notes: Just a one-shot!
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It had become a daily routine for the past ten years…lately Kakashi would find himself at the monument not even knowing how he had arrived. It was an instinct for him now; it had become a part of him…this daily tribute to his dear friend who had passed many years earlier.
"Obito…" The name escaped the jounin's lips in a cloud of frost, mimicking how cold Kakashi actually felt in his heart. All his special people had been taken away by force…they were all gone. He was all alone here now, and he hadn't much hope to ever become hole again.
"Obito, you have taught me a lot, you know." It was this way everyday. Everyday Kakashi would find something else that was a product of his relationship with Obito…no matter how miniscule it may be.
"I can't move on, Obito. I don't know how." He was frozen in a time that he could not change. The memories of Obito's death racked his dreams and many nights the jounin awoke delirious in a cold sweat.
"Sometimes I wake, and I swear I see you there…but I reach out to touch your shadow and no one responds. You're mocking me, Obito. Why can't it be you…just one night! One more night is all I want!" Clenching his fist, Kakashi glared at the monument in front of him as if it actually were his passed friend.
"Obito there were so many things I never was able to tell you…so many things I thought would be wrong to say and so I never said them." Kakashi paused, shivering slightly from the winter night.
"I was a fool. They may have been wrong but then you would have never died not knowing! And I would never have to live on with regret…
"That smile of yours… God damn it! I can still see it and it's making me miserable Obito. I want to be able to touch it, to feel you here with me." Kakashi closed his eyes and leaned his head back, taking in a deep breath. Everyday he came here to admit all of these things and everyday his thoughts would bring him somewhere new.
"When you forgot my gift that day that I was appointed Jounin…remember that? You thought I was angry with you and that night you came to me in apology. There was no apology needed, Obito. The fact that you came to me, that was enough. That was our last night together as one. I can't remember it fondly enough. The gift you gave to me that night was love…funny how fast it was ripped away, isn't it?
"I know, I know. You would want me to be happy, Obito. It's so hard! Don't you see? Forever I will have this part of you inside me…forever I will see through your eye…how you saw."
A sudden realization made Kakashi cease in his words. He opened back up his eyes while his hands reached to the back of his head and slowly untied the headband that was tied and tangled into his hair. The metal hit the stone monument in a clink as it fell to his feet. A tear fell from the eye which was graced by sharingan.
"I can't move on, Obito…I don't want you to see that. I can't move on because I don't want you to be watching me. I don't want to make you feel like I could toss you away!
"I want to love again, Obito…but you just won't leave me. I don't want you to leave me but at the same time I can't have you here. I know it seems as though this is all a giant contradiction but Obito I just can't have you anymore!!"
Kakashi felt weak in his knees, pleading in the direction of the monument. Emotion overwhelmed him on this day and he was unaware of the droplets of rain beginning to fall and soak into his soul.
"Obito, I need to be honest with you. There is someone I want to try to love again. It's been ten years…and he has been at my side entirely. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of keeping people…him…locked out of my heart. He wants in, Obito. He has spoken those same words to me! 'Kakashi, let me into your heart!' He was begging me…he really cares, Obito.
"I have to let you go. Forgive me…but I have faith that one day we will be together. This man has convinced me that I still have love in me. Maybe it wasn't all ripped away that one day after all. Obito, I love you, and I forever will."
Kakashi was so into his confession that he was unaware of the footsteps approaching behind him. No one was expected at this time of night so he did not even attempt to put his guard up.
The footsteps grew closer as the person walked to stop directly behind the crying man. Gently, the person reached out his hand to touch Kakashi's shoulder, causing Kakashi to gasp and turn around swiftly.
"Kakashi…" The man spoke, in awe of the confessions he had just witnessed. "Kakashi…" He repeated as he brought the man before him closer and wrapped his arms around him fiercely to hold him tight. "Let me love you…he would want you to be loved."
Kakashi felt welcomed by the warmth of the man's arms and gave in to the touch. His hands slowly traced the man's back and his eyes came up to face the one who pursued him to catch him in a lustful gaze, "I love you, Iruka."