Series - Perfect Strangers
Rating - PG
Warnings - None.
Pairing - None.
Disclaimer - I do not own Perfect Strangers, the characters or the actors that portray them.
Summary - Would you believe that Balki has the goose that lays golden eggs?
Author's Notes - Oh Po Po, Cousin!
Word Count - 981
"Give it here, Balki" Cousin Larry said, holding his hands out expectantly.
"No." Balki replied sternly, adamant that his Cousin would never get his hands on the golden goose.
"Balki, give it to me." Larry said, growing more impatient by the moment.
"Cousin, No, you only want her for her eggs." Balki said, clutching the wheat colored goose tighter against his chest protectively.
"I know, Balki, why don't you hand it over to me and I'll personally see to it that the chicken is returned to the King Of Mypos? I'll send it first class, padded cage and everything" Larry lied through his teeth, giving his best fake smile in another vain attempt to con Balki into handing over the gold mine that was nestled in his arms.
"Ok, let me stop you right there, Cousin." Balki began, seriously. "First of all, it isn't a chicken, it is a goose, they are two totally different creatures. Secondly, this goose is a she and she happens to have a name."
"A name?" Larry blinked quickly. "And what name might that be?" Not even remotely surprised that Balki had only had the animal for less than a minute and had already given it a name.
"Chelsea."
"Chelsea?"
"Chelsea." Balki declared openly.
"Well Balki, I'm sure that Chelsea would like to go back home to Mypos where she belongs, don't you? Don't you think so Balki? I mean sure, the hustle and bustle of Chicago seems glamorous to everyone, poultry included, but just think, Balki, think about next month, when the snow starts to fall." Larry said, with as straight a face as he could muster given the circumstances.
"Snow?" Balki questioned innocently.
"Yes, Balki, snow. The harsh, barren, desolate landscape of Chicago, can you imagine it? The cold working it's way into Chelsea's bones? Unable to keep warm. Soon, hypothermia sets in, there's nothing you can do for her, she's getting sleepy, her internal organs begin to shut down one by one... do you know what that means, Cousin?" Larry inquired, not sure if Balki was following his line of thinking.
"No, Cousin, no! I don't want Chelsea to die!" Balki choked, beginning to cry.
"She's moving on to that great big farm in the sky, unless you do the right thing and give her to me." Larry said, providing Balki with false hope.
"But Cousin, how do you plan on taking care of her? You don't know the first thing about farm animals." Balki said, hoping that his Cousin did indeed have something up his sleeve.
"I have, a plan." Larry began.
"Oh, God!" Balki cried out. "Oh Chelsea, please don't die!" Balki continued to wail, curling up with Chelsea on the couch, wrapping his jacket tightly around her, desperately trying to keep her warm.
"Come on now, Balki, just listen to me."
"I do listen to you, Cousin and every time I do I get a headache." Balki said quietly, placing a hand to his head in an attempt to soothe the pain.
"Balki, all we have got to do is to get Chelsea to lay an egg and then we will be set for life, we can afford to pay off the house and Jennifer will buy you that new TV set you've been wanting. Now how does that sound?" Larry said, his hopes of becoming a multi-millionaire growing larger by the second.
"The flat screen?" Balki asked, intrigued.
"The flat screen."
"With 3-D?"
"With 3-D!" Larry confirmed, smiling like a mad man.
"Cousin, I want to do that, but I can't!"
"Why can't you?" Larry asked, inhaling sharply, drumming the tips of his fingers together nervously, hoping that whatever the reason was that it could be overcome with additional bribery.
"Because Chelsea's golden eggs are the pride of Mypos. They are considered to be national treasures, never to be sold. They are so special that they are kept in the Museum Of Unnatural Things." Balki explained excitedly.
"The Museum Of Unnatural Things?" Larry repeated questioningly, waiting for another ridiculous explanation about some backwards attraction in an equally backwards country.
"Yes, the Museum Of Unnatural Things. It has things like golden eggs, dinosaur skeletons and a picture of Joan Rivers." Balki elaborated, smiling.
"A picture of Joan..." Larry repeated to himself before continuing. "Balki, will you please be serious for a minute? Think of what having just one of those eggs would mean, for all of us!" Larry said, trying to talk some sense into his clearly confused Cousin.
"I don't know, Cousin, what would it mean?" Balki said as he looked at Larry blankly.
"It means, Balki, that we would be rich! You wouldn't have to work anymore. You could have everything you have always wanted." Larry explained, waiting for Balki to become just as excited as he was at their future prospects.
"But Cousin, I already have everything I could ever want. I have a good job at the Chronicle, I have Mary Ann and I have you, my Cousin Larry. What more could I possibly want?" Balki said, honestly in a way that warmed Larry's greedy heart.
"You're not going to give me that chicken, I mean goose, are you?" Larry said, defeated for the moment.
"That's right." Balki said, confirming his suspicions.
"Well, that's alright, you keep her safe for me until I get back." Larry said as he grabbed his coat off the chair and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Balki asked, wanting to come along too.
"To the Post Office. I'm going to buy a shipping crate for Chelsea so we can send her back to Mypos where she belongs." Larry said, pursing his lips together.
"You're doing the right thing, Cousin." Balki said, praising his Cousin for giving into reason so quickly.
"I know, I won't make the same mistake again!" Larry said, smiling as he walked out the door.