Night of the Living Vacuum

by Gas-Masked UNIT

When Zim needs some WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION to take out Dib, so The Tallest decide to send him an 'Irken Galactic Vacuum Cleaner' gone Haywire. Zim is pleased with his "Top Secret" weaponry, but that won't prepare him for the dangers of the Vacuum.

INT. ZIM'S LAB-NIGHT.

Zim is in his lab talking to the almighty tallest on a video moniter.

Zim: (to Almighty Tallest) My tallest, I've called you up to report my mission's current status.

Purple: (sarcastic) (on Moniter) Oh, my, yes Zim. It's ALWAYS A pleasure to get a call from YOU.

Zim: Yes, yes, I know. Anyhow, I'm afraid a big-headed Earthoniod known as Dib is constantly in the way and is blocking my chances to destroy this rock of a planet.

Red: (uninterested) (on Moniter) Is that so?

Zim: Yes, I'm afraid so. You se, Dib is the only one able to see through my BRILLIANT disguises, unlike the rest of those half-wit fools! He knows that I'm Irken and trying to destroy the earth. Maybe that's why his head is so big. Anyway, since I'm defeated by him every time, I'm going to need WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! Then, and only then, Will I destroy him, leaving Earth to bow before the greatness of me, ZIIIIMMM!!!

Red: (lying) (on Moniter) Well Zim, we would love to help you out, but-

Purple: (to Red) (on Moniter) No, we wouldn't.

Red nudges Purple in the stomach.

Red: (lying) (on Moniter) As I was saying, we'd love to help you out Zim, but we think that you're-

Purple: (butting in again) (on Moniter) Completely Psychotic!

Red nudges Purple in the stomach again.

Red: (quietly to Purple) (on Moniter) don't tell him that you moron! (To Zim) Anyhow, we can't give you WMP's because, I don't know, think you're too young.

Zim: Too young??!! I'm 159, FILTHY, Earth years!

Red: (on Moniter) Yeah, but you're only 16 Irken years.

Zim: But you guys are the same age I AM.

Purple: (on Moniter) Yeah but we're Tallest, remember?

Zim: But I-

A small little Irken officer of the Massive wearing a lab coat walks up to Red and Purple.

Irken Scientist: (on Moniter) Excuse my, my Tallest, but there is an emergency in the lab!

Red: (to Zim) (on Moniter) Hang on, Zim.

Red and purple rush off the Monitor's screen.

INT. THE MASSIVE

Red: (to Irken Scientist) What seems to be the problem?

Irken Scientist: Well you see, sirs, one of our Irken Galactic Vacuum systems has gone completely HAYWIIIIIIIIRE! In a matter of time, it will destroy the entire MASSIVE!

Purple: Does that include our snacks?

Irken Scientist: I'm afraid so, my Tallest.

Purple: (screaming franticly) ALL HOPE IS LOST!!! WHAT DO WE DO??? WHAT DO WE DO????

Red: We have to get that insane piece of machinery off the ship!!!! But where will we send it- (getting an idea) Lock it up and send it to Earth!

Purple: (confused) Earth? Why would we send it to Earth?

Red: (sly) Because, if Zim wants a weapon of mass destruction, then we will give him a weapon of mass destruction… That will no doubt DESTROY HIM!

Purple: YEAH! ZIM BEING DESTROYED ROOOOOOCKS!

The two laugh evilly. They then walk back onscreen of the monitor.

INT. ZIM'S LAB

Red: (to ZIM) (on Moniter) ummm, we've decided that you shouldn't get those crummy, VORT-designed weapons.

Purple: (on Moniter) That's why you will get a TOP-SECRET model of weaponry. It will be sent to you immediately.

Zim: (EXCITED) A TOP SECRET MODEL?!

Red: (on Moniter) Yeah, anyway, we're rapping it up right now. Over and out.

We hear sounds of crashing, screaming, and lots of destructive noises coming from somewhere off-screen of the MASSIVE

Irken Scientist: (O.S.) My TALLEST! IT'S RAMPAGING THROUGH THE SHIP! IT'S GOING TO SUCK OUT MY SPINAL CORDS! HEEEELLLPP MEEEEEE! No pressure though.

Purple: (on Moniter) KEEP IT AWAY FROM THE DOUGHNUTS!

They both rush off screen. The monitor then goes to static.

Zim: (evilly) HA HA HA! Soon my weaponry will arrive, and I shall use it to destroy this horrible, stinky, planet OF SMELL! MHA HA HA HA HA! HA HA, HA HAH ! And, as an added bonus, I can use it to destroy DIB, and his gigantic head that is disturbingly LARGE! NOW, all I've got to do is wait, but how long could it take to mail one piece of IRKEN MILITARY WEAPONRY?

FADE OVER BLACK - SIX MONTHS LATER.

INT. ZIM'S BASE - NIGHT.

Zim and Gir are looking at the window.

Zim: (depressed) Oh Gir, I didn't know it would take THIS long to mail a piece of Irken Military Weaponry. I'm starting to think my Top - Secret weapon will never come.

Out the window we see Jhonen Vasquez walk by. He is then CRUSHED by a huge wooden crate falling out of the sky with the Irken symbol on it.

Zim: (excited) MY WEAPON! IT FINALLY CAME!

Gir: WEE - HOO! I DON'T KNOW WHY I SO HAPPY!

They rush outside and try and push the crate, but it is too big and heavy.

Zim: (struggling) MMMMMPPP! HHHHMMMMPPPP! AGGGHH! Okay, listen up GIR. This thing is way too heavy. I'm going to go into the base and get some special equipment to move this thing.

(Zim rushes inside. A few seconds later Zim returns with the Voot Cruiser. A metal claw then comes down from the ship, grabs the crate and lowers it through the roof.)

Cuts To:

Zim and Gir in the house opening the crate with a crowbar.

ZIM: IT'S ALMOST OPEN GIR! IT'S ALMOST OP-

(the crate then pops open and spills Styrofoam. Zim and Gir then looked dazed at the 30 foot tall Vacuum.)

Gir: What is it?

Zim: It is my new device to destroy Dib! HA HA HA HA! Now how do I get it started?

(The Vacuum eyes light up on their own.)

Vacuum: I'm ready to assist you, master.

Zim: Excellent! Soon my rein of terror will begin, umm, soon! (evilly) Mha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Vacuum:(evilly) HA HA HA HA!

Gir:(Insanely happy) WEE HEE HHHAA YEEE!

(The laughter starts to die down.)

Zim: Heh Heh.

Vacuum: Why were we just laughing?

Zim: I don't know. Anyway lets get going.

(Zim and Gir climb on the Vacuum's back.)

Zim: I command you to move!

(The Vacuum busts through the doorway, destroying it completely.)

Zim: Now all I have to do is hit the "Suck" button.

(Zim pushes the button. The Vacuum starts sucking up Zim's garden gnomes, cars, and people.)

Zim: Yes! It is so diabolical! If this Vacuum can do this much damage already, just imagine what it will do to DIB!

Gir: How long do I have to imagine? I'm getting a headache.

(The Vacuum is sucking up everything in sight.)

A little kid is getting out of bed to see what all the noise is about. He screams when he see's the Vacuum. Suddenly the Vacuum starts to suck up everything in sight. It's sucking up buildings, cars, even people. People are running in fear. A random person runs by a Dumpster with HOBO in it.

Random Guy: (screaming) (To HOBO) RUN! THE GIANT VACUUM CLEANER IS SUCKING UP EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN THE CITY!

HOBO: (reflecting) Yeah, I remember when I had a giant vacuum cleaner and I was destroying everything and everyone, but ended up a hobo living in a dumpster cooking Weenies and eating raw Corn on the Cob.

The Vacuum sucks up the Dumpster with HOBO in it.

HOBO: (being sucked up) Yeah, I remember when I was sucked up by a giant, evil, alien Vacuum Cleaner, and I-

(The Vacuum sucks up everything in it's way. A car is driving down the road and the people in it don't see the Vacuum.)

Dad: (in car) (talking to son) See jimmy there's NO monsters out HERE-(notices the Vacuum) AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Jimmy notices the vacuum too.

Jimmy: (calmly) You lied, there are monsters. Where's my 10 bucks?

(The Vacuum sucks up the car. It then sucks up everything in it's way.)

Zim: Yes, Vacuum, yes! Now make your way to Dib's House! It's time we taught the Pointy-Haired Nuisance a lesson! (to Humans) Bow down before me, puny humans! Now you are just putty in Zim's hands! Let the Vacuum rampaging Montage... Eh...Er... Ah.... START!

Gir: WEE-HEE-WOO! I's LUV'S DA VACUUM MONTAGEY!

MONTAGE.... well what did you expect?

Zim and Gir ride the Vacuum everywhere, destroying everything in sight. They ride it over to a Comic Book Store where it sucks up all of the comics, action figures...and Nerds. They ride it over on the Free-way and suck up all of the cars, Trucks, ect. They stop at an Ice Cream stand and lick their cones. Once they're finished, the Vacuum sucks up the stand, and the guy manning it. They go to a Baseball Staduim. It sucks up the fans in the staduim, All of the service food guys, and even the Baseball teams.

Zim: YES! Now the Cubs will defiantly win!

Hot Dog Man: (O.S.) Hot Dogs get your Hot Dogs here! They may not be hot, but I don't care if ya die from eating raw meat on a stale bun!

Gir: Yo. Hook me up with one over HERE!

A Hot Dog comes flying from off-screen and lands on Gir.

Zim: Now, lets make our way to Dib's house, to destroy forever!!!! Mha HA HA HA!

Hot Dog Man: (O.S.) Y'know, that dawg ain't free.

Zim: (angry) FINE!

Zim reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wad of cash and throws it off-screen.

Hot Dog Man: (O.S.) Thanks.

Zim: Don't mention it. (to Vacuum) NOW SUCK THAT HOT DOG LORD-MASTER GUY UP!!!

Cut To: Zim, Gir, and the Vacuum charging downtown. Gir's drinking a SUCKMUNKEY.

Zim: We're almost there, my slaves, can you feel it? HUH?? CAN YOU??? ANSWER ME DAMMIT!!!

Gir: YES! I'M FELLING IT TODAY!!!

Zim: Good! Now prepare for Dib's Doom! Because Nothing, and I mean NOTHING will stop me!

Gir: I have to go to the bathroom.

Zim: What!? You've never had to go to the bathroom before! Alright, Vacuum, stop by that gas station over there, Gir has to go to the bathroom.

Vacuum: I'm afraid I can't do that.

Zim: What!? Why Not!?

Vacuum: Well, I probably should have told you this before, but I never got the chance. (Evilly) I'm completely insane! I don't need you! Now this is MY world to destroy!!!

(The Vacuum tosses Zim and Gir off his back and begins to suck up the Cars and people at the gas station.)

Zim: Gir! We have to get back to the lab and figure out how to destroy that thing!

(The Vacuum overhears Zim. He turns around and angrily stares at them.)

Vacuum: Oh no you don't! You're not going to destroy me! But that doesn't mean I can't destroy YOU!

(The Vacuum tries to suck Zim and Gir up.)

Zim: Come Gir, we must run!

(Zim grabs Gir by his arm. It looks like Zim and Gir are running through a hurricane. One of the cars being sucked up nearly takes Zim's head off. Zim and Gir manage to run into the gas station's convenience store. Inside Zim looks around and see's the bathroom. He rushes in there and locks the door.)

Zim:(Out of breath) Huff, puff, whew.

Gir: What are we gonna do master?

Zim: Were going to have to destroy that thing, but we won't be able to get to our lab and hide out. (Angrily) Ohh, I hate having to ask that Dib human for help, but he's the only one who has a lab, and if we stay here we'll be vacuum food.

Gir: I like vacuum food.

Zim: Well, first things first, we have to get out of here... QUICKLY.

(Zim looks around and see's the open bathroom window and jumps out of it.)

Zim:(Head in the window) Come Gir, we haven't got much time.

(Zim see's Gir on the toilet. Gir then stands up and flushes.)

Gir: All better.

(Gir then jumps out the window.)

Zim: Lets go Gir! We have to make it to Dib's house!

(The Vacuum then sucks up the gas station's convenience store. He see's Zim and Gir running away and insanely charges after them.)

Cuts To: Dib on his couch reading.

(Dib is reading a "MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES" magazine when the doorbell rings several times. Dib walks over and answers the door, to which Zim and Gir hurriedly run in.

Dib: What?! What are you doing here, Zim!?

Zim: No time for questions! I need to use your Lab!

Dib: What makes you think that you can bust into my house and use my lab, you evil, sick, alien freak!?

(The Vacuum sucks Dib's roof up and roar's like Godzilla at Zim, Gir and Dib.)

Zim: That makes me think that. Now we have to use some kind of stun gun or something to shut it down or it will destroy us all, especially me, Zim, your fearless leader.

Dib: My dad has some ray guns, come on!

(Zim, Gir and Dib run out of the living room and past Prof. Membrane who is mixing some kind of potion.)

Dib: (Fast) Dad we have to use some of your ray guns to stop an evil vacuum cleaner, thanks, bye!

Prof. Membrane: (Not paying attention) That's great son.

(The Vacuum then sucks up the screaming Prof. Membrane. Zim and Dib grab a handful of ray guns from Membrane's Lab. Zim and Dib go over to the vacuum.)

Zim:(to Vacuum) Take this... FROM ZIM!!!!

(Zim fires one of the guns at the vacuum. It has no affect. Zim and Dib keep going back and grabbing more Guns to shoot at the Vacuum, but everyone they fire has no effect.)

Vacuum:(Annoyed) Are you done yet?

Gir: Hey Vacuum, want some of my Suckmonkey?

(Before the Vacuum can answer Gir throws his soft drink in the Vacuum's sucking mouth. The drink gets sucked in his mouth and he starts to twitch and gag.)

Vacuum: My circuits...starting to ScRaMbLe (Singing) Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, Jimmy crack corn and I don't Caaaaaaaaaarrreee...

(The Vacuum shuts off.)

Zim: The "Suckmonkey" must have leaked into his wiring! Zim is saved!

(The Vacuum then starts up again and starts sucking violently. It is to much for Zim, Gir and Dib. They are then sucked into the Vacuum screaming along with Gaz, who is playing her Game-Slave 2, and the entire house.)

Fade In: Zim, Gir and Dib in the belly of the Vacuum.

(Zim is depressed, Gir is drinking his Suckmonkey and Dib is just looking at Zim angrily.)

Dib:(angry beyond belief) You Jerk.

End.