SasuSaku Month 2017 - Day 29: Feelings connected
Summary: Their feelings are connected even during the worst times.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Rating: T
A/N: This is my first fic and it is a bit sad… Do not read if this is not your thing.
Many thanks to yurama, who beta-read this Fic.
Sakura had sensed his chakra before he had even reached the porch, but her brain had already tricked her so many times that she preferred to wait. He eventually would open the door if he was really there. Or maybe not… After several minutes went by, she was sure that he was standing by the front door. Static. He hadn't taken a step in any direction and she knew why.
Eight years, eight FUCKING long years, since the day he left. No messages, no letters, not even a small smoke signal to say that he was alive. She probably should be mad. And she would be, later. For now, every piece of her was missing him.
She crossed the house to open the front door. He was still there, motionless. More beautiful than any of the photographs she had been staring at over the past years.
The silent question was written all over his face. He didn't need to voice it. It was clear that he wanted to know if she still had space for him in her life. The answer was infuriating. She would always have space for him. He should know that. She took him by the hand and brought him into their house, into their bed, and into her life.
Next morning, Sasuke opened his eyes to face the pink note placed on the pillow next to him.
Emergency. Hospital. Back at lunch.
Love Sakura
A small smile crossed his face and he allowed himself to enjoy the softness of the covers for a little more. The soft touch of the sheets, the sweet smell of the pillow… everything was foreign to him. He had grown used to sleeping on grass or leaning on trees most of his days. It had been a long time since he slept on a comfy bed. Much more time since he slept in a bed that smelled like her.
The events of last night replayed in his mind. It had been too much for him. He had been away for so long that he wouldn't be surprised if Sakura had become distant, or asked him to leave, or if she had moved on. He would have understood. What he didn't expect was for her to have the brightest smile in the world, to have her eyes shining intensely, as if she was a child on Christmas morning, who had received the best gift of all. He didn't expect for her to still love him… so much. He didn't deserve it. He never had and he never would. But he would try, because she deserved it.
The alarm on the bedside table rang an annoying, happy song. He didn't know how to stop the damn thing. Before he could destroy it, he marched to the kitchen to have something to eat. He was pleased that the disposition of the kettle and cups were the same. He even found some old stuff they had been given for their wedding. He held an old teapot that missed the handle in front of his eyes. Sakura had been so nervous of pouring him some tea, that it rolled out of her hands, spoiling pretty much everything they were planning to eat. His eyes were still on the old pottery when a kunai missed him by a hair.
"Put it down!" the voice commanded.
He stayed still, the eyes fixed on the kunai stuck on the wall.
"Put it down and leave, or I'll show you the way of the street myself."
A smirk formed on his lips. He placed the teapot down carefully and turn to examine the kunai on the wall. It was stuck quite deep. The little kunoichi behind him for sure was very talented. He removed the weapon from the wall and faced her for the first time. Red eyes were staring back at him. It surprised him a little, not that she could use the Sharingan—she was an Uchiha after all—but that she resembled Itachi so much.
"Dad?" The girl called, in a milder tone than before.
He moved toward her, placed the kunai in her hands, and rested a hand on her shoulder.
"I am home, Sarada."
Anyone who knew Uchiha Sasuke was aware of a few things: he disliked being touched, he didn't do small talk, he was not fond of public demonstrations of affection and he was never among the crowd. Sakura had made peace with this years ago, and although she sometimes babbled some nonsense, most of the time, she respected her husband's quirks and avoided to pissing him off. That is why her mouth cracked open when he offered to accompany her to the market. At first, Sakura thought that it was some kind of joke. Never, in all the history of Konoha, has Uchiha Sasuke been spotted at the market. When they were in the Academy, some girls had a theory that he only ate what he had hunted. Some boys used to say that he was some kind of plant that took its energy from the sun. Sakura had known that the theories were insane. At least, until the day Sasuke appeared with his hair covered in leaves. After that, she started giving the theories some credit.
"Sarada and I will plant a vegetable garden in the backyard," he said, interrupting Sakura's reveries. "We need some supplies."
She just nodded and took her purse, before he could change his mind.
At the market, Sasuke efficiently bought everything that he needed in less than five minutes, as if he was on some kind of mission. He had managed to avoid all his acquaintances and did not waste a word more than what was necessary with any merchant. He could have been in and out without calling any attention to him. If only it wasn't the complete opposite of what Sakura had in her mind. As soon as her husband returned to her side, she started to over analyze all the fruits on the stands, saying if any of them were good and that the fruits on the next booth were more appealing, or cheaper, or seemed to have less agro toxins. She also made sure to introduce Sasuke to each and every single person that smiled at her and rub him in the face of each former fangirl that crossed their path.
When they reached the end of the market, Sasuke was more grumpy than ever.
Has he noticed that he's been paraded around for the past two hours? Sakura was still calculating the odds that he would blow up if she told him she forgot to pick something up at the first booth when Sasuke leaned down and pecked her on the lips. Her mind went blank, all plans forgotten, and Sasuke took the opportunity to take her home.
Sundays in Konoha were different from the rest of the week. The rhythm was slow. The civilian families woke up later. The street market was closed. And even the wind blew in a pace more calm than the other days. Sasuke could not feel any different about this day, but the kunoichi in front of him seemed to have a different opinion.
"You have no reason to concern yourself, Sarada," Sakura said, closing the door after herself. The family was heading to the stadium where the chunin exams were being held. "I don't believe there are any genin in the same level as you."
"I am not concerned, mom! I'm just wary," she complained and fixed her gaze on the ground. "I just… never want to take this exam again."
Sakura glared at Sasuke as though it was his fault that their daughter had been nurturing these kinds of thoughts. Sure, he was the one who failed—through no fault of his—the exam, and never tried it again. But in his current occupation, titles didn't really matter. Besides, there was such a thing as "too late" in the ninja world. It is when you are so powerful that the simple mention of your name would cause a mass withdrawal. He doubted Naruto would like that, not even for the pleasure of forcing him to interact with so many kids.
"There is no shame in failure if you learn something from your loss," he said, trying to drive the conversation another way.
Sarada processed his words and nodded in understanding.
"But I am sure you won't lose," he finished and was rewarded with a large smile from his daughter.
They arrived at the stadium and found the seats that Ino had saved for them. Sarada hugged her parents and went to meet her friends in a corridor near the main ring. Some minutes later, Naruto entered the arena and did an exciting speech. When he finished, the genin's eyes shone. They were prepared for anything. Almost anything…
Finally, after four battles, many tears, some lost teeth and a small portion of spilled blood, it was Sarada's turn. She would be fighting a kunoichi from Kumogakure. The match hadn't even started and Sakura was already yelling her name at the top of her lungs. Sasuke stopped himself from complaining. He could understand her enthusiasm, but he also was turning deaf in one ear.
The match had barely started, but the difference between the two kunoichi was clear to the spectators. Despite being younger and smaller, Sarada compensated her "disadvantage" with ability and intelligence. It didn't take her long to strike a good punch and send the other nin flying out the battlefield. When the fight had finished, Sasuke caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. He had difficulty distinguishing what it was. He only noticed that it was going in Sarada's direction and that was more than enough to get him moving.
He took his daughter by the waist and jumped to the other side of the ring. When he rose his head, Naruto was already by his side. From the place that Sarada had been mere seconds ago, two old enemies were measuring them with a pleasant smile.
Kinshiki and Momoshiki.
Sasuke couldn't believe his eyes. He had spent the past eight years pursuing and fighting the two gods, and he only had returned because he had defeated both of them. Now, not only were the pests alive, but they were at his home, threatening his family.
Naruto gestured for him to move. He started throwing fireballs in the enemy's' direction to create a diversion so Naruto could save the rest of the genins. His moves did not distract Momoshiki though, and Naruto was blocked half-way to the group. Sasuke didn't have much time to see what happened after, Kinshiki came with raised fists in his direction. Sasuke evaded his attacks waiting for an opening to counterattack. The stadium was still full of civilians that came to check out the tournament, he had to be careful to not put anyone at risk. On the bleachers, he saw Sakura with glowing hands placed over Sarada's legs. He would pulverize Kinshiki if he had hurt his daughter.
The god stopped his attacks. On the other side of the stadium, Momoshiki was carrying Naruto's body through a portal. Kinshiki ran in portal's direction, stopping only to give Sasuke a last look before crossing it. The stadium went mute.
…
When the shock had passed, a horde of ninjas came to Sasuke, seeking a plan to rescue the hokage. He was quick to pick the best jounins and order the others to check the rest of the village. Then he reached Sakura, who was now attending to Hinata, who had passed out.
He had not even opened his mouth before she stated to him. "I am going with you."
He smirked at the idea. He would love to have her fighting by his side, and could only imagine the hurt she would impose to Kinshiki if she landed her hands on him. But he knew better. With Naruto and him out, someone needed to stay and protect the village. And once more, it would be her who was the one left behind.
"We need someone here to take care of the injured." He turned his eyes to Hinata, who was still laying on the floor. "And to take care of the village, in case they return before us."
Her mouth turned into a fine line and her eyes filled with unfallen tears. She nodded, silent. Sasuke placed two fingers on her forehead and pushed slightly. "Until next time."
He turned to find Sarada and gave his daughter a hug.
"Be careful, papa," his daughter said, holding him a little tighter.
"I'll do my best."
He used his rinnegan to open a new portal. Before entering, he searched for his loved ones and flashed his eyes red to record their faces forever in his mind. Sakura had both hands placed in front of her heart, as if to protect it from the evil that could come. Sarada was looking so sad that his own heart hurt. Endure the pain, that was the essence of a ninja.
Once again, Sakura was left behind. Some would think that after so many times, she had grown used to it. On the contrary, each time seemed to hurt a little more.
As soon as Sasuke entered the portal, she was the one shouting orders. Helping the ninjas and the medics do their job. Busy hands, busy eyes, busy mouth, mind traveling miles away.
It took courage to not abandon everything to chase after him. To stay there, bossing the others around as if her heart was in it. To remain calm and remember that the village came first. It took all her courage to look Sarada in the eyes and say that, against all the facts and odds, everything would be OK.
A commotion of strong chakras appeared in her backyard. Experience had taught her that this was never a good sign.
She walked to the door and found Naruto with a knee on the floor, head low, carrying her husband's body in his arms. By the intensity of his sobs, there was no doubt about what had happened.
"I am sorry, Sakura-chan," he managed to say as she approached him. "It is my fault. I should have been strong. I should—"
Sakura placed a hand on the shoulder of her friend. Naruto turned his head to her and she saw his tears flowing like a river.
"Thank you for bringing him back."
She kneeled near Sasuke and removed some hair from his eyes. His face was peaceful, as if he had been happy all his life. She caressed his face and planted a kiss on his temple. "You are home, dear," she whispered.
The sun refused to shine next morning. The fog was thick and the silence seemed to have embraced Konoha. Sakura found it appropriate. The sun could decide to never shine again, it really didn't matter anymore. Her green eyes were fixed on the clock, the same way that they had been when she laid on her bed on the previous night. The hours moved slow. She couldn't say how many times she ran through the list of things to do for the day. She couldn't forget anything. The alarm finally rang, a stupid, happy song that pissed her off. She stood up and changed her clothes to start the day. First step: breakfast.
When she arrived at the kitchen, Sarada was already sitting on the table. Her black eyes were red, but she was doing her best not to cry in front of her mother. Sakura appreciated it. They needed to be strong. Now more than ever. She reached the cupboard and took the kettle to prepare tea.
"Mom." The child's voice was almost frail. "Are you OK?"
Sakura didn't know how to answer, since yesterday she had lost the capacity to feel. She didn't shed a tear, she didn't feel pain and this was so wrong. She knew that she should be devastated. She should feel something. And there was this force that was trying to tear her apart, but for now, she was holding it together.
Her eyes meet Sarada's and she forced herself to give a smile. "Yes, darling. I am OK."
For her, she would be.
The burial was simple. Only the closest friends in the Memory Stone, near to the training ground three. The flowers were few, the service was quick. Sakura preferred this way. She didn't want to force fake smiles or greet people that she didn't know or didn't care about. Among her friends, she didn't have to fake anything.
Naruto went with his family. Hinata held his hand the whole time. Sakura had never seen him so upset, not even when Jiraya died. She understood, he lost his brother. Once or twice, she caught him glancing in her direction, but every time she was around, he would lower his head and stare at his shoes.
Stupid Naruto. He was blaming himself. As if he could control who lives and who dies. It was devastating, but it was not his fault.
She stayed there for a long time after all her guests had gone. There was nothing for her at home anymore. Sitting on the grass, eyes fixed on the grave, she pondered on the destiny of the Uchiha family. When the first drops of rain fell on her face, a warm hand was placed on her shoulder. Lifting her head up, she saw Naruto offering her his hand. She took it and he pulled her in a warm hug. She hugged him back for the first time, closed her eyes and let his warm skin heat her. The sound of the rain invaded her ears, the cold raindrops soaked her hair and the smell of grass filled her lungs. At this moment, she noticed that her heart was still beating, that she was still breathing and the tears that hadn't come before were dropping at full force.
"Come on, Sakura-chan, you need to go home," he said, forcing her to move.
He walked her to her door. She took her time to fix the bags under her eyes. It would do no good for Sarada see her in that state. Naruto waited.
"Is there anything that I can do?" he asked.
"Give Sarada a mission. We need to keep her occupied."
"What about you?"
"I…" She paused, looking for the right words. What she needed was to be with Sasuke, but life seemed to have another plan. "I need time to heal."
Naruto nodded his head. He had lost so many precious people. Only time could ease the pain. "I am here for you, you know... Do not forget that."
She wouldn't.
It had been four days. Four days since the last time she washed the dishes in the sink, four days since she took a shower, four days since she had a proper meal. Everything in the fridge had a strange color or smell. In her cupboard, there wasn't a single pack of ramen, or anything near suitable, as she had eaten the rest of the sugar water yesterday. Her only option was the tomatoes resting over the sink.
The beautiful, red tomatoes were shining from inside of a basket. They smelled recently harvested. Sakura, who was doing her best to ignore them, was kind of pissed at this. The more scarce food becomes, the more the damn thing smells. Sakura didn't like tomatoes, but she didn't want to throw them out. She didn't want to eat them either, because then the basket would be empty, and she knew what being empty felt like. She didn't wish it, even for a basket.
Her stomach made a lousy noise and made the decision for her. She picked the tomato on top and bit into it. It was tasteful, not too sweet, not too bitter. Just perfect. Just as the person that had grown them.
"Thank you, Sasuke-kun."
She had been successfully hidden inside her house for the last six days. Some people had tried visiting, but when they spotted the closed curtains they normally left. Some others had knocked on the door, but she never answered. Ino and Naruto dared to enter the house without knocking and marched to her room, but she covered her head with the duvet and told them that she didn't want to talk.
The current "guest" had been more cheeky than all the others. She had unlocked the door and walked directly to the kitchen. She didn't stop at Sakura's bedroom, she didn't try to cheer the pink-haired girl up, or convince her to talk, or bath, or eat. She simply invaded the kitchen and started meddling with Sakura's pans.
If times were different, Sakura would have plotted some kind of revenge. But in her current situation, Sakura couldn't care less if Ten-Ten was hiding a weapon or only making coffee. She could destroy the house if she wanted, Sakura would not move a finger.
To reinforce her resolution, Sakura covered her head with a pillow and tried her best not to pay attention to what was happening in the kitchen, but her ninjas senses were making it difficult. Good ninjas could sense the smallest changes in the wind direction. Ears were familiar to the sound of knives, even when knives were cutting vegetables. Even if there was a hiss of hot oil in the background, or the smell of garlic and onion being fried...
Her stomach rumbled. She didn't remember the last time she had eaten. Probably the last thing had been Sasuke's tomatoes. Sasuke. Her appetite vanished.
…
She woke up to a hand on her shoulder. Ten-Ten was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding a plate of soup. She helped Sakura to a sitting position and placed the plate in her hands.
"Eat."
Sakura wanted to argue, but the soup smelled too good for her to say anything. She filled the small spoon and let the soup warm her chest. After eating half of the bowl, she fixed her eyes on her visitor.
"Why are you here?" she asked, without any effort to sound polite.
"Why shouldn't I be?" Ten-Ten replied with a smile.
A million of reasons crossed Sakura's mind, but none of them were good enough to send the girl home. She resumed eating the soup.
Ten-Ten said nothing else. She didn't ask how Sakura was, or made any comment about her appearance. She didn't give her any treats, or tell her that she needed to be strong for the sake of Sarada. Instead, she stayed there, silent. Sakura lifted her eyes once more. The tears were running down the face of her friend and seconds later, running down on her face as well.
"Does this feeling ever go away?" Sakura managed to ask, in between hiccups.
"No," was the girl's answer. "But at some point, the tears will dry and the pain in your chest will ease."
"That is not good enough."
"But it has to be, Sakura. It has to be."
It had been months since she had set foot at the hospital. Naruto had tried to bring her back, but she couldn't fix anyone before fixing herself. The only reason she was there was that she was in need of medical advice and neither Ino nor Tsunade had accepted to do a private consult.
It was weird walking those corridors again. Have the walls always been so grey? She never had time to check when she was working there. Helping her patients were always the priority. And still would be if… if she hadn't decided to focus on her family.
Tsunade's door was ajar. As always, she was analyzing some medical scroll. Sakura knocked on the door frame and waited for the woman to look at her.
She got up from her chair and opened her arms to receive her former apprentice.
"What does a sick old lady have to do to receive a visit from her student?"
Sakura giggled. "You can't be sick."
"Details, details."
"And you know very well why I am here."
Tsunade led Sakura to a bed and signaled for her to lay down.
"Since when have you known?" she asked, putting on her gloves.
"I think I have known for a while, but I started to believe only last week."
"I see." Tsunade spread some gel on Sakura's belly and took the ultrasound to start the procedure.
"Is the baby healthy?" Sakura asked.
Tsunade gave her a wide smile. "Yes, they are."
"They?" Sakura turned her head to see the images by herself.
"They."
Although Sarada had hardly ever shown for dinner, due the number of missions she was always assigned after the Chunin exams, Sakura always made enough food for two—actually for three, since she had been eating a lot—just in case the girl turned up.
At ten-past-seven, it became clear that she would be eating alone again. She was serving her plate when she heard a knock at the door. She opened it to find her blond friend standing outside.
"Hi, Ino. Is something wrong?" Unexpected visits were not a good sign for shinobis.
"It is Wednesday, isn't it?"
"Yes," she said and waited for the other girl to continue.
"Forehead, didn't you invite me to have dinner with you on Wednesday?"
"That was last week, Ino."
"Hum… I thought it was a recurring appointment."
Sakura couldn't stop her smile. She stepped clear of the door.
"Please, come in".
One year had passed since a piece of Sakura's heart had died, and yet, surprisingly, it continued to beat. She left the twins with the auto-proclaimed Aunt Ino and bought some flowers to place by the memorial stone.
To no one's surprise, Kakashi was there when she arrived. He didn't acknowledge her presence in any way, but he knew that she was there. She stayed silent for a long moment, doing her prayers before he interrupted her.
"How are you holding up?" The sadness was clear in his voice.
The question was harder than it seemed. How was she holding up? She was living for their sons and solely for them. She fought the sadness daily, and learned to hold her tears because of them. She allowed Sasuke's memories to visit her, but only if she was alone. In the beginning, they were like ghosts, appearing in the middle of the night to torment her, forcing her to face the solitude that she couldn't bear. In the past months, they were like friends, evoking sweet moments, and helping to forget the pain.
"I am alive," was the only explanation that she could give.
Kakashi glanced at his student and saw the fortress that she had become. He always knew that her capacity to live through pain was big, but he couldn't imagine it was this much. He envied her. He wished he had the capacity to move forward.
No more words were exchanged. There was a mutual understanding that nothing could be said or done to make things better. The only option was to endure.
Sakura left the twins at the Academy and went for a wander. Soon, Fugaku and Mikoto would be placed on a team, and, with some luck, they would be in the Chunin exams next year. Sakura wasn't happy with the idea of not having them home everyday, but she knew better than to block the path of a ninja. Even the small ones.
She walked on the street behind the school and followed the queue of cherry trees that were particularly flowery since the last rain. The path was well known by her and, in a few minutes, she was in front of the bench. Their bench.
She allowed herself to sit there and close her eyes. It was impossible not to miss him. Mainly today, when an Uchiha would become a hokage. Wherever he was, he would be satisfied. He accomplished his mission.
"Sakura-chan," said a voice, interrupting her thoughts. "What are you doing here?"
She only opened one eye to meet the gaze of the friend that was already sitting beside her.
"What do you want, Naruto?" she asked, correcting her posture and facing him.
"Nothing in particular. I just saw you alone and thought you would enjoy company."
"By now, I am kind of used to it," she replied without effort and closed her eye once more. This truth didn't bother her anymore.
She felt Naruto study her face for a minute. He must be noticing how the time hadn't passed for her. The other kunoichi from their generation were displaying the signs of their forties. Ten-Ten's hair was more grey than brown, Hinata had light wrinkles around her eyes and Ino had put on a little weight. But Sakura seemed stuck in the late twenties. She was using her seal to look young. Not that she would confess to it, anyway.
"Don't you think about finding another partner, Sakura-chan?"
She opened both eyes and turned her head to him. "From where is this coming from, Naruto?"
He ignored her question and continued. "I know that Lee's been visiting you quite frequently. I think he's still very fond of you."
This was possibly true, but Sakura had no intention of letting her friendship with Lee evolve to anything else. Lee was a friend and just that. As far as she knew, he was happy with the way it was.
Not receiving any answer, Naruto continued his suggestions. "There's also Kiba."
She put a hand on her mouth to suppress her laughter. Kiba wasn't able to boil an egg, no less taking care and giving support to a woman with three kids.
"Hey! He is not as bad as he seems." Naruto tried to defend his friend, but even he had no faith in the man. "You're still a very beautiful woman, Sakura-chan. Any man in this village would be lucky to have someone like you."
Her cheeks reddened. It had been a long time since she had received a compliment that wasn't from her kids.
"Thank you, Naruto, but I don't want anyone."
She looked him in the eyes and saw that he understood. There was no place in her heart to any other man.
"Sometimes I pretend that he is on a very hard mission, and at any moment, he will be entering the gates and will give that smirk as if saying, 'of course I am here'." She looked to the gates, hoping that that moment would happen now, but nobody was there. "But then I remember that I am the one who is dealing with the really hard mission."
She squeezed her eyes to prevent the tears from falling and Naruto put his arm around her to bring her closer.
"Still hurts, you know. And I am sure that it always will," she whispered. The lump in her throat was making her voice disappear. "I have no memory of a time when I didn't love him, and this feeling will die with me. There isn't space for anyone else."
"I see what you say." Naruto kissed Sakura's hair and held her until there was no sign of tears in her eyes. "Do you think he looks for us?"
She smiled and freed herself from his arms, positioning her back on the bench again. She closed her eyes and lifted her head to the sun to allow it to bathe her face.
"Can't you feel it?"
Her tone was so soft that Naruto was compelled to close his eyes too. He breathed in deep. The sun was just right, and the smell of the cherry blossoms was flooding his lungs. There was no other sound than the wind shaking the leaves. His lips moved without effort before he answered.
"Yes. I can."
A/N: Thank you for reading.