It was liberating to say in the least. To smell the sweat, blood, and adrenaline that lingered in the air around me. I didn't feel like a nervous train wreck in the making. The crunch of bone under my glove caused me to shiver in ecstasy. I let out a sigh as I loosened my muscles and swiftly dodged a straight and threw a jab in the exposed air around me. I didn't care about the money you got for winning, or the person I was fighting. It was all for the thrill and the confidence I felt whenever I was in the ring whenever I was exchanging blows with another person. This was the only time my paranoid mind was calm, and I could think one thought at a time. It was such a relief from the paranoia that seemed to take hold of every crevice of my mind on a daily basis. I felt the bone of his jaw crunch under my gloves and I let out a small groan. I swung again my glove meeting the flesh of his side as he fell. I frowned at the sight of his body starting to fall, so I connected with his chin which caused his body to shot up from the force. I landed blow after blow on him. No one cared this was after all street boxing the more blood was shed the more excited the audience got like the sadistic pigs they were they ate this shit up. They were all cowards that wouldn't even think about stepping in the ring, and take this guy's place. I stepped forward and let the other teen fall forward onto my shoulder. I gently laid him down on the ground of the makeshift ring.

Suddenly the deafening roar of the crowd filled my ears, and my tunnel vision that had only seen my opponent evaporated. I looked at the poor son of a bitch that I had pummeled, and looked away from the bloody mess I had caused. He was red and purple everywhere. His face was swollen to disgusting amounts that I couldn't bear to look at. I sighed through my nose, and watched as the referee looked at him and decided he shouldn't even waste his breath with a ten count. I removed my gloves and wiped the sweat from my forehead, and accepted the water and towel that was handed to me by the owner of the illegal boxing club building. He handed me a stack of money that I didn't spare a glance at. I only shoved it in my pocket.

"Geez kid, you're a brutal beast as usual." He chuckled.

"Like you care." I scoffed in a quiet voice.

"So see ya tomorrow night kid." He laughed boisterously and slapped me on my back. I shook my head. His smile shifted into a frown,"Why not?" he asked

I rolled my eyes and looked towards the ground as I kept walking,"School starts tomorrow. I can't come as often." I told him simply, and pushed the door to the outside opened.

"Alright I'll be waiting for ya,Beast." He called after me as I entered the cool Colorado air. I shivered as I made my way to the chair. My eyes darted around nervously as I made my way to my car. The effects of my fighting high were wearing off, and I sighed watching my breath in the cool air. I unlocked the doors and slid in. I buckled my seatbelt, and started the car. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back towards South Park. My hands gripped the steering tightly as my hands shook and I could feel the trembling spread slowly up my arms, and throughout my body. I swallowed hard as my anxiety all came rushing in. I felt the burning behind my eyes as I started to worry that about the boy I fought, what if he died, what if the FBI was secretly watching me, and were gathering info on me to bring me in, and put me in a national high security prison with terrorist and I was anally raped everyday for the rest of my life and the underpants gnomes followed me there, and stole all my underwear. I was hyperventilating by the time I reached the familiar shitty sign that said, "Welcome to South Park." I glared at it, and quickly made my way home. I looked at the house and all the lights were off, but I knew he was up waiting. I could already see his tried pale, crystal turquoise eyes. I could care less about any other consequences to my destructive behavior but it was those tired, understanding eyes that never judged me that made me regret doing this. I was twitching and shuddering by the time I got out the care. I shakily climbed the ladder that was leaning against the tree by my window. I tried not to think of falling or this was how the underpants gnomes got into my room. I opened my window and scrambled in.

I kept my eyes glued to the floor as I entered my room, and closed the window, but I could feel the weight of his gaze. I looked up and met almost translucent turquoise eyes. Even in the dark of my room I could see them almost as if they were glowing. It seemed to run in the family although our parents' eyes weren't like this, but my own eyes were almost clear white except for the pale green tent they had to them, as well as the almost cat like pupil we possessed made me hate my eyes. I heard him as he shuffled off of the bed, and made his way to me. In the moon light I could make out his extremely light almost blonde brown hair that was curlier than a sheep's wool. He gently took my hand in his smaller one and led me to the bathroom. He flicked on the light and his observant gaze swept over me and I could see disappointment in his eyes although his face was emotionless. I had long since learned how to read my little brother. His eyes seemed to stand out even more by the dark under eye bags that I knew mirrored my own. I looked at the sink which already had the first aid kit on it. I was pushed down in a chair that had been brought into the bathroom. His looked over my busted knuckles, and wet a rag to gently clean away the dried blood and dead skin. I bit the inside of my cheeks and glared at him as his took my shaking hands into his own. It killed me that he never once judged no matter how many times we went through this,"I-I won't d-do it again. GAH!" I said jerking as I reached up to pull my hair. He nodded, and he looked at me. No many how many times I made that promise he never judged or got upset. He always looked at me with tired, disappointed, worried eyes. Then again he had no right to judge, he has his own nasty habits, and we both knew that. I looked at the bandages that covered both his wrist that I knew would have wristbands over the bandages when we left for school tomorrow. Today was the last day of summer break for us. He gently wrapped the bandages around my hand and I looked down into his pale freckled face that was much like my own. In his t-shirt and boxers I could see how thin he was."Gah!," It was almost unhealthy, but I had no room to talk I myself didn't eat much. Our parents weren't really around much to notice our problems, and with both of us having similar self-destructive habits we both knew we didn't have room to criticize the other.

"I'm s-sorry you have to do, AH!, this almost every night, T-Tristian." I told him softly. He looked up at me not saying a word, but I could tell he wanted to say that it was alright. He didn't mind cause we were brothers. There was a time when he was a normal happy kid but around the time he was 8 he just went downhill. Me on the other hand I had been screwed over since the day I was born. He didn't say much, and was pretty much a selective mute. I can't really remember what his voice sounds like I haven't heard him speak in years. He had finished with my knuckles and stood up and lightly poked my cheek making me flinch. I guess that guy did land a hit on me. He lightly rubbed some type of cool ointment on me and I sighed and put my hand over his. His flinched hard and become extremely tense. "AH! I-I'M s-so s-sorry Tristian. I-I forgot." I cried and immediately took my hand away. He relaxed and shook his head telling me that it was okay. I forgot he was Haphephobic, which means he has a fear of being touched. With me he doesn't mind but if I catch him off guard that a whole different story. I kinda understood since we are both Erotophobiac, which means we fear intimacy in any type way. He took a deep breath and gently rubbed the ointment over my wound again. I looked at his wrist and slowly, as to not frighten him, grabbed both his hands. He look at me curiously and then I flipped his palms up so that his bandaged wrist were in view.

"Why?" I asked knowing I wasn't going to get an answer but I wanted to read his expression. I knew it was coming the expression I hate the most when his eyes turned cold, and empty as though he was dead inside. I've seen walked in on him cutting himself before and as he watched his blood bubble to the surface I noticed the look of awe and conformation, as though he realized that he really was alive. I slowly unraveled one of the bandages and I could see the deep cuts etched into his skin and they spelled out in messy letters,"Alive." With slashes going through and around. I flinched and though of how much that must have hurt. I brought him in slowly so I wouldn't startle him again, and I hugged him. I buried my face into his clothed shoulder and I felt the dam break. My tears slowly side out and I couldn't help but bawl my hurt out. How had we become this when everything used to be fine? We weren't almost underweight, we weren't staying up for days until we crashed, I wasn't addicted to fighting, He didn't cut, we took our medicine, he would smile and talk, we wouldn't seek out pain, we weren't isolated. How had we fallen apart and shattered to pieces of our former selves. How had we become so broken? How had I become this monster? I was surprised when thin arms wrapped themselves around me. I pulled back and I couldn't help but cry he looked like a doll, like he wasn't even alive. I wanted how we used to be to come rushing back through our front door.

When I finally stopped crying I felt so empty and dull, and Tristian stood up and I followed. We climbed into my bed and stared silently at the ceiling. I slid my hand over to Tristian's , and he flipped his to face palm up. I gripped his hand tightly and he lightly squeezed back. I was getting annoyed because every time I blinked I felt my eyelashes touch my cheeks. I thought about it and was glad that although we were rapidly losing weight then our faces had retained the baby like fatness. I realized that we wouldn't have to wait long to get up because I had finally slid in the house around four and we had spent nearly an hour in the bathroom, so it was quickly approaching 5. We had to be at school around 7 so we were going to get up at 6. I pointed this out to Tristian, and he nodded then turned to face the ceiling. I stared at the ceiling and watched as where the wall met the ceiling started to move like waves. I tried to blink it away, but it remained. I huffed and turned on my sides so that the asshole of a wall would stop screwing with me. I closed my eyes even though I knew I wouldn't be getting any sleep. I just wondered about everything. I was trying to figure out when my life had spiraled down like this.

I blinked when I felt something nudging me repetitively a few minutes later. I opened my eyes and Tristian was nudging me with his foot. I looked at him curiously, and then read the glowing red letters of our clock. I was shocked that it was already six o'clock. I sat up, and stretched, but winced at how tight my overworked muscles were. Maybe I shouldn't have fought all night, yesterday. I got up and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. I'm assuming Tristian already had his since he bathes at night. I undressed and turned the water up until it was steaming. I sighed in content as the water turned my skin an angry shade of red. I couldn't believe how wonderful this felt. I made sure to wash myself thoroughly and then got out. I wrapped a fluffy green towel around my waist and then went about brushing my teeth, washing my face, and trying to tame my wild blonde hair.

I gave up after a while and the steam from the mirror had evaporated completely to reveal my form. I had purple under eye bags that were heavily layered beneath my eyes. My skin looked sickly with such a bold contrast such as the bruise on my left cheek form last night. My body was thin, and it was getting to the point that you could see the beginning of my ribs pressing against my skin. My arms were thin, but they had a slight muscle to them from all the fighting. My legs were slim like a girl's, and it didn't help that most of the guys in South Park were taller than me since I was 5'6 or 5'5 whichever one I can't really remember. My eyes were wide and a weird pale green color with a cat's pupil, and were framed heavily by dusty eyelashes. My nose was flat but had a slight upturn and light freckles were scattered across the bridge of my nose and my cheeks. They were other places like the right side of my neck, a patch on my left shoulder, near my collar bones, and nipples, and some were on my hips. My bottom lip was full and pink with my teeth mark permanently embedded in it, while my top lip was much thinner. At least my teeth were straight. I went into my room and pulled out the first thing I could find. I pulled out a pair of grey skinny jeans. I hopped into them, and quickly zipped them up and fiddled with the button. I struggled with the little bastard before I finally got it. I twitched and let out a cry of success. I ran to my closet and pulled the first shirt off the hanger. Unfortunately it was a green button down shirt.

I swear I spent ten minutes doing and undoing it before I said,"Gah!F-fuck this s-shit." As I threw my hands up, and flipped my shirt the bird. I went back to my dresser and opened my sock drawer and then remembered I didn't put any underwear on. I gasped completely scandalized at the thought that I could have left out of here with no underwear, and every rapist in South Park would have come after me. I quickly pulled off my jeans almost falling in the process, and grabbed a pair of red boxer briefs. I pulled back on my jeans and growled at the troublesome button. I would ask Tristian for help, but when I looked up and saw his shirt was also button down and somehow worse than mine I decided not to. I pulled out a grey sock, and then a green M&M sock. I sat down and slid them on before crawling over to my bed and grabbed my white converse slip ons. Me and Laces got along about as much as buttons so I decide to get shoes with no laces.

I looked up and Tristian had on white and turquoise vertically striped skinny jeans, and a turquoise button shirt on. He had a white hoodie with cream colored fur lining it over his arm. He wore Knee high converse on his feet that were turquoise on one side and white on the other side. He had his blue massager bag in his hand and he was looking at me expectantly obviously ready to go. I noticed he had a bag of marshmallows in his hand as usual. Marshmallows for him was coffee for me. He looked at the clock and then me it was almost 6:35 and the bus came in ten minutes. "B-B-But I NEED GAH! COFFEE." I screeched as I was about to rush past him he handed me a red messagers bag and thermos peeking out of it and then handed me another thermos this one was green, my main one. I nearly hugged him from joy, but restrained myself. I surged forward, and almost tumbled down the stairs but caught myself. I looked at the full pill bottle on the table by the couch, and frowned. I wonder how it got there. I looked at Tristian, and he was watching me with analytical eyes. I sighed through my nose,"I'll take mine if you take yours." I retorted. He looked at me a little longer before shrugging, then tossed me a black coat with thick white fur on the hood and walking to the front door. I sighed again, and twitched violently before heading out the door. I realized now that the jackets were to make us seem bigger rather than keep us warm. We made it to the bus stop just as the clock at my phone turned to 3:46. Everyone else seemed to already be there.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman were in their little circle as usual, and seemed to be plotting I didn't want shit to do with that. They are always pulling everyone into the most unbelievable amount of utter unimaginable and dangerous bull shit. I saw Red, BeBe, and Wendy were in their little group talking about whatever girls talk about. I nervously took a swing of my coffee as we got closer, and felt almost sick as butterfly's fluttered in my stomach. I turned my eyes to Craig, Clyde, and Token. In between Craig, Stan, Token, and Kenny I couldn't tell who was the tallest. I was banking on Craig because he seemed about the same height, but he did have his back hunched against the pole and his knees bent. Over the years everyone had changed. Token grew dreads that now touch just under his should, Clyde and Cartman weren't pudgy kids anymore and instead replaced the fat with muscle. Bebe had turned into a full figured young that had lots of boys, drooling over her. Wendy had boobs but her hips weren't as impressive, while Red had Hips, but looked to still be in the A range in bra size. Kenny forwent the parka but has many jackets similar to it. He was actually quite attractive without his hood much to everyone's shock. Craig was still an apathetic monotonous asshole. His voice still had a slight nasally undertone to it but now it was a smooth deep drawl that had people wanting him just for him to talk dirty to them. He had cool icy blue eyes, and he had always been taller than everyone else since we were young, but damn this shit was getting ridiculous because Craig stood at, at least a good 6'5 at this point. My eyes swept over to three individuals one with canary blonde hair, another with slightly lighter blonde and the other with dirty blonde hair. Before I could take a step towards them that fatass bastard has to say something. Look I know he's ripped and everything now, but he'll always be a fatass to me. Plus I'd knock all his damn teeth out in one hit in he stepped in the fucking ring with me.

"Tweekers! You look like shit. Been during drugs over the break? Ah and you faggy creepy little bro too you take him there too 'cause you both look like shit." He laughed s he walked over. "Gah!" I squeaked. Oh my FUCKING GOSH I WANNA GO BACK HOME. "You're shaking like a stripper, on drugs. What's in the cup cracked out coffee?" he said as I hugged it to my chest and took a step back almost tripping over my brother. I looked back, and so did Cartman. His face didn't show it, but he didn't like that Cartman was getting closer. "Man you look even more like shit than you did before we left for summer break." He chortled and reached towards Tristian. Tristian back pedaled so face he fell.

"Cartman leave them alone you fat fuck." I heard a voice yell out. I looked around the fatass and saw that Thomas was coming our way. I also noticed how all eyes were on us. "GAH! TOO MUCH PRESSURE." I shrieked as my free hand flew to my hair. Cartman backed off a little to let the blonde by. I noticed Kenny walk past me and he reached to help Tristian up. "No!" I shrieked and stopped him. Kenny looked confused.

"NO one wants your faggy brother, Tweekers. We might catch his fag germs." Cartman chided. Kenny looked down at Tristian and despite it not showing he was terrified at the thought of someone touching him. Somehow I think Kenny actually read his face because he withdrew his hand and asked,

"Why's he so scared." I fidgeted with my shirt and replied," He's Haphephobic." I stated. Kenny nodded his head while the fatass behind us said,"What the fuck does that even mean is he fucking contagious." Kenny sent him a judgmental look.

"Forget it Fatass it's wayyy over your head." Kyle called. Cartman immediately left us alone to go argue with Kyle. I noticed that ironically it seemed like all the blondes were gathered here. Thomas was beside me while Butters, and Pip were standing behind us nervously. Tristian shakily stood up, and looked at Kenny.

"H-He'd like to GAH! T-thank you f-f-for your help, b-b-but AH! he'd also l-l-like to r-r-r-rip your f-fingers off for a-attempting to t-t-touch him." I told Kenny.

"I know that we've hung out with you, but never you're brother. I know he's probably shy if he's anything like you but you should let him talk for himself." Kenny chided, while wagging a finger at me.

"GAH! I'M SORRY" I screeched.

"He's a selective mute." Butters spoke up, and Kenny looked back at Butters in surprise. Before he could say anything then the bus pulled up. We quickly rushed to the bus leaving Kenny behind. I sat by my brother and Thomas, Pip, and Butters squeezed into the seat behind us. Earning a glare from the bus driver. When Cartman got on then he pushed me a little, but when he was walking down the aisle he fell as he tripped over Craig's feet.

"Watch what you're doing, Tucker. Why the fuck were your feet in the aisle anyway" Cartman spat as he got up, and Craig gave him a bored look. "I know you're not that bright but do you honestly think I can fit my legs into this small space." He droned as he gestured to the space between his feet and the space in front of him. Cartman glared at him and went and found a seat next to Kenny obviously talking shit about Craig. Craig looked up and his eyes met mine, and my widened as he tilted his head to the side, cocked an eyebrow at me, and I saw his lips twitch into a smirk for just a moment before he went back to looking bored. I blinked and looked away to my crew. Thomas was looking in between Craig, and I while wiggling his eyebrows playfully."

"Isn't that nice what he did for you, Squeaky baby." He laughed. "JESUS CHRIST THIS IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE." I shrieked, but it was drowned out by the noise of the idiots on the bus.