Healing Starts With the Right Bandaid
spacegypsy1
Vala is confronted with her past and Daniel is there to pick up the pieces.
~0i0~
"The Goa'uld really did a number on this place. Looks like it's been deserted a while. Hey, Vala?" Cam yelled across the deserted street towards the rubble of burned buildings that once was a thriving village.
Back turned towards her teammates Vala didn't respond.
"Vala!" Her CO called again. Still no response.
Worried she was caught up in some fantasy about last night, Daniel rolled his eyes, then took a few steps towards her, mumbling to himself, "I knew this was going to happen." She's probably all caught up in the details. Instead of being annoyed, he suddenly grinned.
He did a little daydreaming about last night himself. There was dinner. And dancing. She doing most of the dancing - him not so much, he sort of just rocked back and forth. There was laughter like never before. It had been so long since he'd felt so close, so close to someone who made him laugh like that. Someone who understood him. Who made him happy. Yes, happy. Vala made him happy and it no longer scared the hell out of him.
He chose to go to his place. Trying to convince himself it was only because of the late hour and the long drive back to the Mountain.
Once they were in his apartment Daniel unexpectedly took her in his arms and kissed her. That, of course, ignited the fire they'd been building for years. Knowing he had no reason to waste more time, Daniel picked her up and hauled her off to his bed.
Finally, Daniel shook his head to clear the thoughts and realized something wasn't quite right. He became aware of her stance. Her shoulders drooped down. From where he stood he could see her profile and he watched as her hands came up to cover her mouth and nose. Hurrying forward he called her name but she didn't answer.
Both Cam and Teal'c, frowning in vexation, followed close behind.
"Damn, what's she up to now?" Cam gripped.
With a brow raised, Teal'c answered, "With Vala Mal Doran one never knows."
She swung around in their direction and the three men halted. Her eyes looked wild, scared.
"What?" Daniel asked, concerned.
"Vala, what is it? What's wrong?" Cam said softly, worriedly.
Teal'c spoke, voice solemn, deep with understanding. Knowing instinctively. "Vala Mal Doran you cannot blame yourself. I know what you are thinking. I have been at this moment myself, many times."
"But I, I... I did this. All of this. I remember it. Clearly and horrifyingly remember this."
The three men crowded around her. Daniel stood closest, whispering, "Hey. It wasn't you."
"Jackson, take her back to the Gate, send Reynolds and Taylor back here." Cam said jerking a thumb over his shoulder towards the Stargate. "Call for some replacements then take her home. And I mean home. Do not let her say anything in the infirmary. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars and for God's sake, don't tell anyone what she said. She doesn't need to get tangled up in a psych eval. Make up something, you're all about myths. I'll contact you when we get back."
~0i0~
Vala hardly stopped chatting long enough to catch her breath all the way to Daniel's apartment. She talked about the weather, her dinner choices last night, her recent visit with Sam, her yearly physical, chocolate, and the latest cat video on YouTube.
What worried Daniel was that she didn't mention that their dinner was a date and more importantly she didn't say a word about the way last night ended. In his bed.
She rattled on and on all the way to his door, but once inside she went silent. Uncomfortably silent as she walked to the balcony doors and just stood there.
"You want something to eat?" Daniel asked.
She shook her head.
"How about some wine?"
Again, she shook her head.
"Okay." He was close behind her now, standing there, wanting to hold her, to say the right thing.
Suddenly she turned, her eyes squeezed closed, and leaned into him.
When he took her in his arms, holding her tight, he never expected her to speak.
"It was my wedding day. The day they came and took me." She said, her voice rough and shaking, barely above a whisper.
Daniel literally bit the inside of his mouth to keep from gasping. He knew. He knew what was coming and he was shocked that she chose to share. With him. Wondering irrationally if his unplanned seduction last night had somehow triggered this.
"Tal and I met when I was 10. He was 11. He was funny. Really funny."
Daniel tightened his arms as she sobbed. Then, she took a deep breath, cleared her throat and continued.
"In my village... actually in all the villages I knew of, there wasn't any premarital sex. No one even considered it. Strange, I know. Tal and I... we grew up knowing we would marry. Funny, though, that as I got older I wasn't really sure I wanted to marry Tal. He was a bit of a goof off and not the best candidate for a good financial future. He reminded me of my father. But I did love him. And when I was days away from 18 we set our wedding date.
"In our ceremony, we marry at daybreak... you know, new beginnings. I wore a blue dress, long, swishy, I can still remember how it felt. Well, to backtrack a bit, we spent the night before together, sort of a Wedding-eve. That was the tradition. No touchy feely stuff, just cuddle and talk about our future and sort of get geared up for the wedding night... I wasn't so geared up. I was a bit confused about the whole thing and not really ready for it. Adria had been no help, she was just glad to get rid of me, and of course my father was, as expected, absent.
"When the dawn appeared we emerged from the small cottage and there..." she drew a ragged breath... "there stood an army of Jaffa. Our wedding guests were on their knees, the decorations and food were toppled over, strewn about.
"I saw Adria, looking concerned, move as if she wanted to help me. I was so confused I missed seeing the First Prime come towards me. Adria stopped and turned away. When I realized what was happening I turned my head to find Tal and he moved in front of me. I thought he would save me." She stopped.
Daniel remained silent, his hand rubbing up and down her back. There were tears soaking his shirt, warm sad tears. His own eyes stung.
She nuzzled her face into his chest, "They struck Tal down, dragged him away and took me. I was... I was so scared I couldn't cry out. I couldn't think. I could barely breathe. By the time I was on the Mothership I found my voice and I screamed. I screamed and screamed and screamed. And I fought. I didn't even know I could fight like that. But it didn't matter. Not one little bit. And then... and then, I was no more.
"Tal was brought before me. Before her. Us. I was still aware, screaming inside. She used him, she used my body, she tortured him, and reveled in my horror, my pain. She laughed, cruelly. My God, she laughed with utter evil."
Again she grew quiet. No tears now. He waited. Wondering what the hell he should do. He was about to say her name when her face lifted to his. Nothing could have stopped the shocked intake of breath. Her face held a look of depravity and he knew he was looking into the face of Qetesh.
"Vala!" His hand went gently to her cheek. "Vala. Hey. It's okay. I'm here."
She softened, and Vala was back. Suddenly he understood all too well what she had suffered. Before now he never let himself think too deeply about what she would have endured. What Sha're endured. Or Sarah. Daniel buried his face into the crook of her neck. "You're my hero, Vala. My life line. My source of life... living. You've always touch me so deep into my heart and soul that for so long I hurt and I lashed out. I wanted to stop. I wanted you to stop hurting. We have something special. You and me. I have to stop feeling guilty. You have to stop thinking you had anything to do with what happened to you. Tal's death..."
"He didn't die. Almost, but didn't. She threw him off to her Jaffa, most of which unbeknownst to her were helping people escape. He's still alive, married. Lives in Liaton. One of the villages near where we lived. He was the first to throw stones, spit on... he was the first."
Eyes filling with the scald of tears, Daniel hugged her tighter, blinked until he felt under control. "Come on. You need to rest. Let's sit on the couch. Okay?"
"I'm fine. Really. I'm sorry I... well..." Looking down, she feigned indifference. "...we have work to do, we should be at the base."
"There is nothing more important than you. We're staying here. Together. You and me."
Head still tucked down she didn't say anything.
"Look at me, Vala. Look at me, please."
"I can't."
"Yes, you can. It's me. Your Daniel."
"Hmm. My Daniel?"
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "My Vala."
"I'm going to be okay, aren't I, darling?" She looked up, her eyes full of unshed tears. "We're both going to be okay."
"Yes, we are."
Daniel, arm around her back, lead her to the couch and they sat snuggled together. The silence now was different. Comfortable, loving, healing silence.
"You're my bandaid." She whispered after some time.
"And you, Vala, are my elixir. We're going to be better than okay."
"And we will always be friends, Daniel. Always look out for each other."
"We'll always be more than friends. Always and Forever."
"I know that I love you, truly love you, and that I could, finally, tell someone... tell you, because, darling, I know that you love me too."
~END