Pokémon. A fun, satisfying and sometimes rewarding pass time for many. Yet, there are times where you just have to scratch your head in confusion, stare blankly at the screen in bemusement or chuck your DS out the window. This is a collection of humerus, at least I hope so, one-shots all about the oddities of Pokémon games. More details in the authors notes at the bottom of the page.
Immobilised By Love!
Ethan had participated in many battles in his short career as a Pokémon trainer. Each battle seemed to bring about something different. Not necessarily new, because let's face it, there's only so many times you can ask your Pokémon to do some fancy attack, with pretty lights, flash effects and all before the novelty wears off. But certainly, the strategy used by the opposing trainer tended to alternate between the same strategies and being the fine, young and talented trainer who did not treat "How To Be A Pokémon Master by Ask Ketchum" as his bible, Ethan had a pretty good idea of how to counter them all.
Yet there was always those strategies that really got on your nerves no matter how many times you came up against them. There was being paralysed, which suddenly rendered your super fast Pokémon incapable of outpacing a Caterpie and simply breathing fire in it's face.
Then there was being confused, in which your Pokemon's flailing attempts to attack not only the opponent, but also itself is only funny to the opposing trainer. Admittedly, seeing one's Lanturn attempt to Thunderbolt itself would be pretty amusing. Inadvertently here, Ethan had stumbled upon a rather good strategy but, unfortunately, no one would really remember it in all the... confusion and frantic flailing of limbs.
But there was one that just topped them all. One that was just so infuriating you just wanted to go up and punt the enemy in the face because quite clearly no one else is going to do it for you. Who cares if you break your own Pokemon's heart?
Yes, that one most frustrating thing was infatuation.
Ethan was not a genius by any means, but he could not fathom how his Pokémon, expertly trained and exuding more macho-ness than a Machamp, could fall in love with a Jigglypuff in a middle of a fight.
If he knew the answer to that, then he would not be in this current situation during a battle against a trainer in one of the many routes in Johto.
"Come on Pidgeot, use Wing Attack!" Ethan cried out to the majestic flying-type but it was useless. His Pidgeot, raised from a pitiful Pidgey into a mighty fighter capable of toppling a Steelix, merely floated about the small pink puff-ball known as Jigglypuff, hearts for eyes and serenading the normal-type with his own rendition of some cheesy love song.
"Aww, isn't that sweet!" Ethan's opponent, a common day girl stereo-typed as a "lass", gushed, "Pidgeot is immobilised by love!"
"No he isn't! He's just lulling Jigglypuff into a false sense of security!" Ethan cried desperately, "Right, Pidgeot?"
Pidgeot paid no attention to Ethan's words. It nuzzled Jigglypuff affectionately. It was so adorable any spectators would coo at the sight, before promptly barfing. To her credit, Jigglypuff seemed pretty unperturbed by the fact that a creature at least five times its size was cuddling against it. She must have been in this situation a lot...
"Dammit Pidgeot, I command you to use Wing Attack!" the male trainer yelled, desperation slowly creeping into his voice. It was just so infuriatingly stupid!
Ethan's yell snapped the bird out of his stupor for a small moment, but once it caught sight of the small pink puff-ball winking at him, he had instantly fallen back in love again. He couldn't help it; she was just so cute!
By now, Ethan had developed several tick marks on his forehead. The lass giggled at his plight and smirked devilishly. Beating a strong Pidgeot would be a major feather in her cap!
"Use Pound, Jigglypuff!" she exclaimed with determination, motivated by the distracted bird. Jigglypuff, with her little stubby arms, bitch-slapped Pidgeot across the face with surprising force.
Of course, being such a high level the attack barely did anything damage-wise to Pidgeot. But it did seem to make Pidgeot love the normal-type even more, much to Ethan's chagrin.
"This is just getting ridiculous now!" Ethan cried, "I mean, why the hell would a Pidgeot love a Jigglypuff of all Pokémon? Hell, who would even love a Jigglypuff, possibly the most puntable Pokémon in existence?"
"Hey! I understand that maybe a Pidgeot loving a Jigglypuff is not the norm, but that last comment was just rude!" the lass pouted. What was so bad about Jigglypuff?
Sighing in aggravation, Ethan tried calling out to his Pidgeot again, "Look, buddy, could you please just Wing Attack the Jigglypuff? Our whole reputation is on the line here."
But still Pidgeot would not listen and opted to try... well, I'll leave it to your imagination. That was the last straw for Ethan.
"You know what? Screw this!" he shouted, "Pidgeot, return!"
Much to his dismay, Pidgeot was returned to its Pokeball. Ethan grumbled at the Pokeball and then stuffed it into his trouser pocket. He made a mental note to give him to a nurse somewhere, because something was evidently wrong with him.
"Wait, what're you doing? I thought this was just a one-on-one battle!" the lass exclaimed.
Ethan looked at her in confusion, "That's not how it works. You can use as many Pokémon as you like, as long as you don't have more than six."
"But-"
Ethan cut her off, "Go, Steelix!"
You can probably tell that Ethan wanted this Jigglypuff to suffer and suffer slowly. Hence, the steel-type seemed the perfect choice.
"Well that's fine then, because I know your weakness!" the lass proclaimed with a smirk.
"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm the greatest trainer in Johto. I have no weaknesses!" Ethan said cockily.
"Is that so?" the lass questioned, smirk still present, "Jigglypuff, use Attract!"
"Wait, no!" Ethan wailed in despair. The tell-tale heart shaped eyes appeared and Steelix moved forward to enjoy the company of his love, "This is not happening. Not again! Why would a freaking Steelix want to make love to a Jigglypuff?"
"Ugh, would you stop your complaining?" the lass groaned, "Just use a Red Flute!"
Ethan stopped and blinked. He looked through his backpack and saw that he did, in fact, have a Red Flute lying there untouched since he picked it up a fair amount of time ago. He looked up at Steelix and then blinked again. There was silence for a good twenty seconds, before the sound of Ethan's hand colliding with his face reverberated around the area.
An inexperienced girl trainer who only owned a Jigglypuff knew the counter to the Attraction attack, while he, the supposed league champion, did not.
Greatest trainer in Johto indeed.
This little story here was inspired by my frustrating experience playing Pokémon Soul Silver. I was battling Erika's Bellossom with my Pidgeot and because of its ability, Pidgeot fell in love upon attacking it. For the next six turns at least, I was unable to attack due to being "immobilised by love". When I told someone about this, she dead-panned to me:
"Didn't you have a Red Flute?"
It was then that I realised I did have a Red Flute, and that in my fury I forgot that I could use it. Silly me.
A/N: So that was the first one-shot in this planned collection. I hope you enjoyed it, since I really did enjoy writing it. It'd be nice if you left a review and I very much appreciate constructive criticism. Also, if you have any ideas for a possible one-shot you want to share then please do not hesitate to do so. I have plenty of ideas myself but some outside ideas would not go a miss.