Beloved Enemy

by Sithlordess

A love story in wartime Japan.

幸治

The sounds in the large reception-room receded and returned like waves crashing upon a beach. The evening was still young, but already the laughter of some of the officers present became louder as the alcohol level in their blood rose. As usual the Japanese drank as quickly and as much as they could in order to prove their manhood and more often than not they glanced at each other to see if they could hold their liquor better than their fellow officers.

In the entire din Xiomara Drake sat quietly in her corner. This evening for no reason she could fathom the General had required her presence at his farewell party.

"I have got a bad feeling about this," Xiomara thought. "Does he want to parade me in front of his buddies one last time, showing off how he submitted the gaijin in her poor clothes."

She did indeed look shabby in her old dress, the best one of the few she had left. Luckily she had always chosen clothes of expensive fabrics, but still the wear was showing. She had no money and the General obviously would not give her anything new to wear, so all she could do was mend the garments she still had and once when she found a few used black kimono, she made them into skirts and a blouse.

It was the last month of Suzuki's present post and another General would take over, which meant Xiomara would be transferred to the new Commander as well. She asked herself if she would have to translate tonight as was her job, but she could not see any foreigners amongst those present.

It was the third year of the war in the Far East and Xiomara had been a prisoner of war ever since the Japanese army made an end to the idyllic lifestyle she had enjoyed on the island of Bali, where she worked for the Dutch Government as an interpreter. Unlike her female friends, Xiomara had not been taken to the brothels where the Japanese soldiers used and abused every good-looking foreign woman they captured. She would always remember the humiliation when two officers walked amongst the women as they stood at attention during roll call and lifted the skirts of the young, attractive girls or pulled at the neckline of their dresses, making rude remarks, which fortunately the girls did not understand, but Xiomara could.

She herself had been too valuable for them since she spoke Dutch, English, German and Japanese and held a high-ranking function, which got her a large, lovely home and enough money to enjoy herself in the wonderful, mellow days of tempo doeloe. All those days were now no more than long lost memories and she regarded the Japanese with a burning hatred.

Instead Xiomara was brought to Tokyo to the office of the General in charge of a female and a male prisoner of war camp and given a simple choice: work as a communications person between the Japanese General and the Dutch and English prisoners of war or join her friends in the brothels. She had considered refusing, afraid she would be considered a collaborator, but she wanted to live. She wanted to see Japan defeated and crushed, never to rise again; preferably with her having a hand in it too and so she had complied. With the exception of one severe beating by the General, she had been treated well enough, so she tried to make the best of things.

Xiomara's job was often demanding when the General took her with him on his visits to the two prison camps under his jurisdiction and she was confronted with the hardship and deprivation in the camps. She had seen how the female prisoners were beaten for any minor offence such as not bowing deeply enough or in fact anything a Japanese could think of as being an insult. Once at the camp for men, Xiomara saw how a soldier was beheaded. She still remembered how her cry of horror stuck in her dry throat as a Japanese officer raised his razor-sharp katana into the air, the sun reflecting fiery on its blade before it flung through the air and severed the head of the young man kneeling on the dusty, heat-baked ground.

The General in the car next to her grunted a few abusive words and drove on to the meeting with the camp Commandant while Xiomara stayed out in the burning sun, talking to the British soldiers and officers. If any one of them wanted to present the Commandant with a petition, requiring food or medicine, or any other request, Xiomara would interpret for him to the General, but so far this had not happened often, simply because he was not one bit interested in the fate of his prisoners and none of them were ever allowed in his presence.

The General would want to know the number of men that had died or any problems there were. Not that he did anything about it if, for instance the women told her there was not enough food for them and their children or how they were beaten. The man did not even bother to put his reading glasses on his short nose to read the request. He was a bureaucrat only interested in getting his paperwork correctly done and every month he wrote lengthy reports about the camps to his superiors in the Daihonei.

So Xiomara worked long hours going through papers from the camps and translate them into Japanese or Japanese orders and notifications into English or Dutch. Beside that she had to serve the General his meals like a common servant and run errands for him at the small shops down the street where his office at the barracks was. He knew she had nowhere to go as a foreigner in Tokyo, so she was never locked up and he felt this was a good way to humiliate the proud gaijin woman. Usually she merely shrugged and did whatever he wanted her to do and if she were honest, the people at the local shops were not unkind to her. Japanese, yes, but Xiomara had always been taught not to judge every single person merely by the behaviour of the rest. So if a woman serving her at a shop smiled, Xiomara smiled back and her hate was only aimed at the Japanese Army.

Xiomara sighed and stifled a yawn; she was bored and wished she had been allowed to stay at the home of the General where she had a small room and catch up on some sleep. She had been fortunate; when the General had taken her into his house, she had been desperately afraid he would also want her in his bed. If he had she would have found a way to kill herself, because she found the man intolerably disgusting. But obviously he was not attracted to her type of woman and in all the months she had been with him, he had never even looked at her with interest, which made her feel that maybe a strong, independent woman would be too frightening for a Japanese man to handle.

Instead the General spent his evenings writing long letters to his wife and children in Kagoshima where he came from. Often Xiomara wondered what kind of woman could love General Suzuki. He was small in stature, with little beady eyes and a balding head. But then again, Japanese marriages were mostly arranged, so the woman may not have had any choice in the matter. Xiomara could only commiserate with her.

A tall, curvaceous woman with long, dark hair and brown eyes that seemed to fill her face, Xiomara had nothing in common with the tiny, subservient Japanese women she often met. Her face contorted with contempt as she watched them kneel on one side of a sliding door, bow, get up, kneel again on the inside of a room and shove it shut. Their submissiveness irritated her to no end and their soft voices and downcast eyes made her want to yell at them. She would bow to the General and other officers, but the defiant look in her eyes and the hatred that made the corners of her lovely mouth turn down were never far away. At times she was certain that General Suzuki wanted to draw his katana and kill her because he knew she had not a grain of respect for him, but he needed her services so she was kept alive. The only way he could make her realise that she was an unworthy woman was to ignore her as much as possible and in all the months she had worked for him, he had never spoken to her unless it was absolutely necessary.

Xiomara's eyes wandered through the room and came to rest on one of the men present. He was taller than his fellow officers and there was something dashing in the way he stood, one hand in the pocket of his trousers, a glass of beer in the other. His hair was close-cropped like all military men and he had a sharp nose, which in Europe would be called a Roman nose. His mouth was finely shaped under a short well-kept moustache and his eyes were large and so dark they almost looked black.

As if he felt Xiomara's gaze, the officer stopped talking to the man beside him and his eyes met hers, a half smile still on his lips. He did not look away and after a while it was Xiomara who dropped her eyes. Immediately she scolded herself, because for a fraction of a second she had considered him a handsome man and also that she wished she were wearing something beautiful. He was a Japanese officer and her enemy. No need to think about him as a man, or even a human being, taking into account the cruelty she had seen so often by members of his race. Yet she could not prevent herself from glancing at him from time to time, although he never again looked into her direction.

"Drake!" The harsh voice of General Suzuki interrupted her thoughts.

He had never once called her anything but Drake and now he motioned her to follow him, he was going home and Xiomara quickly rose to her feet and hurried after him. Outside the staff-car was waiting and she sat in the front seat beside the chauffeur where to her disgust her thoughts returned to the officer she had seen that evening, wondering who he was and if she would ever see him again. As she looked at the full moon, which threw a magical, silver veil over the streets, Xiomara asked herself where he would go after the reception or if there was a woman waiting for him.

The last month of General Suzuki's assignment fortunately went quickly for Xiomara until the day came when she was ordered to pack up the few belongings she had and be ready to be brought to the house of his successor, which was located in the elegant Mitaka district of Tokyo. After a long drive the car stopped outside a large traditional looking house with the typical shiny, dark roof tiles. Upon entering she was met by an orderly who looked at her with a mixture of curiosity and contempt. She glared back at him and he ushered her into an office furnished with a large desk of dark wood, polished to perfection. Pride of place on it took a beautiful Samurai sword and a neat pile of papers next to an antique pen and ink set of tortoiseshell. There were two telephones into one of which a man was talking.

Xiomara's breath caught, seeing it was the officer she had noticed that evening a month ago. After a moment he put down the phone and leaned forward on his desk, slowly folding his hands one over the other, in a manner she would see him do on countless occasions in the months to come. Now that she saw him in the daylight she could see that he was slightly older than she had thought and that there were many grey hairs on his head. But even though his face was stern and unsmiling, his eyes were like calm, dark pools in which one could drown and his cheekbones were high, making him elegantly handsome.

Xiomara bowed deeply before him and as she rose she met his gaze quietly. To her amazement he addressed her in halting, yet very good English.

"My name is Takahashi and from now on you will live in this house, work for me during the day and warm my bed at night. Remember your place as a woman and a prisoner of war and if you serve me well you will be treated well," the General said in a very deep voice.

Xiomara raised her chin. "I would rather die now than let you rape me every night," she said firmly.

"You find yourself too good for a Japanese man? You will obey me, woman and you will learn to like it."

"Never!" Xiomara hissed.

"A courageous gaijin and a woman at that?" he taunted as he sat upright. "All your countrymen were very eager to surrender and save their useless lives. They have only enough courage to destroy Japanese cities in the night. So while the Americans bomb Japan, you will serve me."

Her angry eyes came to rest on the katana, which resembled an aggressive finger pointing at her.

"There is your sword, General. Kill me, because I will never, never sleep with you."

"Have you no fear, woman?"

"My fears, Kaka, are my concern."

For a fraction of a second Xiomara thought she saw a flicker of admiration in the dark eyes, but it disappeared instantly as the General growled angrily.

"We will see. You will still sleep in my bed."

Xiomara shrugged. "Then that is where I will sleep. It makes no difference to me."

She acted more bravely than she actually felt. She was no longer a young woman and she had never been afraid of the sexual desires of men; she had had a short relationship in Batavia before the war, but she found that so far no man ever genuinely touched her heart. If her enemy wanted her to lie in bed beside him as cold as ice and still portray his sexual fantasies on her there was little she could do to stop him. And if he attempted to rape her she was determined to fight him and die at his hands, rather than submit.

Yet when the evening fell and she sat rigidly on the comfortable couch in the western style living room with its long, dark brown curtains and low oak coffee table, she felt apprehensive. In this room stood a large sideboard against the wall and on it a radio like the one in his office, which played soft music, every now and then interrupted by news bulletins. After her introduction to her new master she had had the opportunity to look around her new home and found that the rooms were all western style. But the biggest surprise came when she opened a door in the hall and found herself in an American style bathroom complete with shower cubicle and large bath. Even the bedroom where she would sleep was not Japanese and had a bed instead of a futon.

"A nice change after sleeping on the floor for years," thought Xiomara wryly.

There was only one room in oriental style, a smaller lounge with tatami mats, cushions on the floor at a low black lacquered table and sliding doors opening to a large garden that consisted of two parts, a traditional Japanese garden with ferns, trees and rocks covered with moss and a larger formal garden to the side of the house, where she spotted a target, so she assumed the General enjoyed archery. In

the Japanese room she noticed a Shrine in a corner where his ancestors were revered and on a ledge on the wall stood a white porcelain koro.

Xiomara asked herself where the General expected her to take her meals. There was a good size kitchen and when she worked for General Suzuki she had to eat either in the kitchen or in her own room. However when dinnertime came, Yume, the woman who served as a housekeeper as well as a cook told her that he meant her to eat with him at the dinner table in the dining room that was large enough to seat twelve people at a formal dinner. The meal consisted of rice and small morsels of fish in a soy sauce. Xiomara had never liked fish, but she was hungry and she knew if she did not eat what was served she would get nothing else. Even after living in Japan almost three years Xiomara still hated eating with hashi and she wished as she always did that she had the cutlery she was accustomed to. She sat on the General's right and as he ate quickly and in silence she knew he observed her struggle with the hashi and sensed his amusement.

After dinner the General went back into the living room and read through some more papers sitting in one of the armchairs, while she sat uneasily on the couch having nothing to do. He obviously was not a man who retired early and the evening dragged on until finally he rose to his feet and moved towards the door, where he turned and indicated she was to follow him to the bedroom. Xiomara obeyed with slightly trembling fingers and when he indicated to the right side of the bed, which was to be hers, she waited for what was to come now. The General left and she heard him go into the bathroom and turn on the shower. She took her old cotton nightgown from the chest of drawers, where she had been told to put her clothes.

There was nothing else to do but wait for him to return and see if this would be her last night in this world or if she was to live another day. One thing was certain; she would not give in to him and be raped. Xiomara was a strong woman and not afraid to defend herself, she had done it before when a man thought he could take liberties with her and she was determined to do it again.

After a few minutes he returned, dressed only in a fundoshi and she felt her heart take a leap. As he walked towards the bed, she found it hard not to notice his slim, shapely legs, his small waist and narrow hips and she could not prevent a blush colouring her cheeks. However, the General did not speak to her as he got into bed and lay down. There was little else she could do but turn in herself, moving as far away from him as possible. She heard him snort as he turned out the light and after a while she heard his even breathing, indicating he had fallen asleep. Only then did she relax her muscles and let sleep overtake her.

The following morning Xiomara woke up when she felt Takahashi stir beside her. He rose from the bed and left the room to get dressed and she stretched her limbs, feeling a bit stiff after lying in the same position all night. She stood up and rubbed her sore neck before finding a clean dress and walk silently towards the bathroom, listening if he was still inside. All was quiet and she quickly entered to wash herself before going to see if she could get some breakfast.

The General was already drinking his coffee as she came in and she bowed with a polite 'ohayo gozaimasu'. He nodded curtly and she sat down to pour some coffee and a little of the inevitable miso soup, which she also disliked, but which was served every morning for as long as she had been a prisoner in Japan. Luckily for her there was always bread as well, so she never went to work hungry. One thing she noticed about the General was that he ate quickly with short elegant moves and he somehow avoided food clinging to his moustache; something she had noticed General Suzuki do on numerous occasions and which had always disgusted her.

"I will visit the camps today and after that I want to meet with the Allied Commanders," he said when he had finished his breakfast.

Xiomara's eyebrows disappeared into her short bangs. General Suzuki had never spoken to the prisoners in person, he had always only read her reports –and discarded them- and talked to the Japanese Commanders. She could not remember him acknowledging a single request made to him.

The staff car was brought to the front door and they left, only here again there was a difference; Xiomara was told to sit beside the General and not her usual place beside the orderly who drove the car. When they reached the camp for the male prisoners, the General disappeared into the office of the Commandant and gestured to Xiomara that she had to follow him. Once inside she found that the English and the Dutch officer were waiting. They bowed deeply to the new General and when everyone was seated, General Takahashi spoke briefly to the Japanese Commander before turning to the Allied officers, addressing them in Japanese. Xiomara quickly translated his words for them.

"The General says that he will not tolerate insubordinance and as long as you cooperate and show respect to the Japanese officers and men, you will be treated well. Any attempt to escape or sabotage will be punished. And you will have nowhere to go inside Japan; you will be caught and shot immediately. You can never escape."

"Tell the General that we have not been treated well since we got here," the American said. "There is not enough food and there are no medicines to treat the dysentery in the camp. My men are dying General and I demand that you do something about this."

Xiomara cringed as she translated, knowing that the General understood every word that was said. The American did not approach him with respect and she feared he would have to face the consequences of this. And as she had foreseen, a young Japanese officer stepped forward and hit the American with a bamboo stick.

Now the General spoke in the harsh, raspy tones all Japanese officers used.

"Silence!" he roared. "You are all soldiers without honour. You should have taken your own lives and not live with the shame of your defeat. You are unworthy that we take care of you. I should let you die like you let my people die."

He took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. "There is nothing I can do about the shortage of food. This is the fault of the Americans who bomb our railways. Not enough food comes through and we need it to feed our own people."

"Forgive me, General for speaking without respect," the American said, "but please will you show mercy on those of my men who are sick and need medication?"

"I will see to it," was the curt answer.

Xiomara looked wide-eyed at him across the table. His handsome face showed no emotion after his outburst of anger and she found it hard to believe that she had actually heard him say he would do something about the sick in the camp. For a moment she forgot to translate and immediately his dark eyes rested on her face. Quickly she covered her mistake and when she told the American what Takahashi had said, he too seemed a surprised and stared, as with a swift move, General Takahashi rose from his chair and put on his spotless, white gloves, ready to go. Everyone present also stood up and bowed respectfully as he turned and left the office of the Commander.

Next came the camp for female prisoners and Xiomara was anxious to see what would happen there. The women in the overcrowded camp were suffering from shortage of food and disease, ranging from dysentery to malaria, which mostly afflicted the women from the Dutch Indies. Also a group of new prisoners had arrived at the camp and again an officer had come and chosen the youngest and prettiest girls for the brothels.

Japanese men were not interested in the welfare of women at the best of times, but General Suzuki had not even bothered to give them a single thought. His visits to the camp lasted no more than fifteen minutes at most. He spoke with the Japanese Commander, but that was more to have a cup of sake and a conversation among friends than to discuss anything that went on in the camp.

The small office of the Commandant as usual smelled unpleasantly of cigarette smoke and stale beer and she wrinkled her noise with distaste. Again she watched General Takahashi as he sat at the table in the Commandant's office. His fingers tapped on the smooth wood as he listened to the latest reports on deaths and disease at the camp. However when the Commandant wanted his approval to transfer some of the women to another camp in order to save food, the General refused.

"That camp is as overcrowded as this one and I will not lose face by presenting my problems to another Commander, I will deal with the situation myself."

"Kaka, there are so many women and children in this camp that my soldiers are in danger of getting diseases themselves. The shame is unbearable for me!" the Commander said as he stood up and bowed deeply.

"Then you will see to it that the camp is disciplined and cleaned up and not the mire of filth I see before me now!" General Takahashi growled impatiently. "And if you cannot live with your inability to serve the Emperor well, I suggest you use the tanto on yourself and die with honour."

The Commander bowed even deeper and Xiomara saw sweat trickle down his face. He had never been challenged by General Suzuki who did not care whether the camp was clean or not, or what happened to the inhabitants. At least this General wanted the place cleaned up, which would certainly improve the living conditions for the women. As they left, the general ordered her to bring him the reports on both camps for his inspection. This left her baffled, because General Suzuki had never even bothered with the reports he always wanted her to write, which had always made her wonder why he needed her services in the first place.

After his inspection of the camps the General drove to the office at the barracks that had formerly been General Suzuki's and as had been her duty for the last two and a half years Xiomara went to the windowless, closet like room where she wrote her reports. Once finished, she joined him, sitting down at her usual place in front of the large desk. She placed her reports before him and to her surprise he took them and began reading. Then he picked up the telephone and she heard him order medicines to be brought to both camps.

Xiomara licked her lips, wondering if she dared to discuss the subject of the brothels. The very first time she heard it and told General Suzuki about it he had whipped her with a bamboo stick. Yet she felt she had to try once more with this man, who appeared to be more human than the average Japanese.

"General…there were women taken from the camp. They are forced to live in brothels where they are raped by soldiers constantly. Is it possible for them to be returned to the camp?"

"Raped? Soldiers of the Empire of Japan do not rape, those women volunteered."

"Volunteered?" Xiomara asked. "I can assure you, General that they did not volunteer. It does not seem very honourable to me for a man to take a woman who is tortured and beaten until she gives herself."

The dark eyes flashed angrily as he spoke; "Remember your place, woman."

"Kaka, forgive me, I have been afraid to speak before, afraid to lose my own life or be tortured, but I feel I can no longer be silent. If I do I will also lose my honour and I must die too. I have been here a long time now and I am tired of your cruelty and your violence." Xiomara was now beyond care, she was exhausted and her voice rose shrill as she spoke on. "If you kill me now then that is what you must do, on your conscience be it, but I am damned if I am going to serve another General who abuses my people and then tells me I am a barbarian because I am gaijin. In that case I would rather be dead and get it over with."

As she spoke he General rose from his chair and for a moment she thought he would indeed draw his sword and destroy her, but instead he held up a warning finger.

"Silence!" he yelled at her. "Resume your duties and wait till I call for you!"

Still trembling, Xiomara bowed and left his office, returning to her own small room where she sat down because her legs could no longer carry her. This had been coming for a long time and she felt, had this been General Suzuki she would now be dead, but this morning's happenings made her realise that she should never have remained passive so long and let these crimes continue without trying to do anything against it.

"What could I do? It is the whole Empire of Japan against one woman!" she thought desperately.

In spite of her initial attraction to the General, Xiomara was determined to regard him as nothing more than her enemy and she tried to think of him with nothing but hate, especially when they went on their round of the camps together. There however, she found that the sick in the hospital barrack were given medicines and that the conditions were much improved since General Takahashi was in charge. The regime was still very strict and food was scarce, but there had been no more executions and the female camp was now disciplined and orderly for as much as that was possible under the circumstances. Grudgingly Xiomara had to admit that the General in his quiet manner had made the changes he deemed necessary and the camps as well as the Army Corps he was in charge of were running much more efficiently.

A few weeks later, Xiomara woke up because the man beside her groaned, tossed and turned in obvious discomfort. She leaned over to him and found he was shivering, but after a few moments he seemed to calm down. She lay down and not much later fell asleep again. In the morning the General did not get up, as was his custom. His face was pale and she thought his breathing was a little laboured.

When the orderly arrived to take them to work, she told him to ask the doctor to come by because the General appeared to be ill. She had no wish to stay with him in the bedroom listening to his moaning, so she ate some bread and made herself a cup of coffee, waiting for the doctor to arrive. When the physician finally came, she showed him into the bedroom and waited by the door with her arms crossed as he examined the General.

"It is a viral infection which is giving him a fever," the doctor explained. "He needs rest and will be all right in a few days. I will prescribe some medication and return day after tomorrow to see how he is. Meanwhile keep him warm and see that he has enough water to drink."

"That was short and sweet. So now I am to be his nurse as well," Xiomara thought annoyed as she showed the doctor to the door. "Damned if I am going to nurse him."

Yume had already placed a glass of water on the table beside the bed and when Xiomara looked in halfway through the morning, she saw he had hardly touched it. The General was lying on his back and his body shook with the fever. He had kicked off the blanket and she noticed the rapid rise and fall of his chest. Quietly she closed the door again and sat down in the living room, trying not to think about the sick man in the bedroom, which she found hard to do, in spite of her resolve to let him fend for himself.

The day went by slowly and late in the afternoon she went back to the bedroom. She could not prevent a gasp escaping when she noticed the glass of water had been knocked over and he lay across the bed, the blanket now on the floor. He was aware of her presence and tried to sit up, but fell back because he was already weakened from the fever and the lack of food and water.

"Mizu…" he whispered in a cracked voice.

Xiomara looked down at him and was torn between two options; leave him to die or listen to her conscience and let her humanity guide her.

"No, you and your kind tortured and murdered my people, I will not help you," she thought finally and left the bedroom.

But when she sat down in the living room her eyes fell on his gold pocket watch lying on the table and she saw his large, dark eyes and then the voice of her mother sounded in her head.

"Always treat people as you want to be treated. Forgiveness is greater and hatred will only lead to heartbreak. Do not always seek to satisfy the Self for self-love is like using polluted fuel that will destroy the engine, which is your soul. Use your energy to care for others and you create a world of love. Remember, Xiomara, a sinner needs your compassion more than a Saint."

An image came to her mind of the man in the bedroom who needed her help, even though he was her enemy.

"What have I become?" Xiomara thought with shock, "am I like them, torturing defenceless people?"

She went to Takahashi's side in the bedroom and pulled him back so he could lie straight on the bed again. When she touched his forehead she found he was burning up with fever and his lips were cracked and dry. She picked up the blanket and covered him with it, noticing how he writhed as it covered his feverish body. He shivered violently and groaned softly as she touched him. Quickly she went to the bathroom to fill the glass with water and upon returning, carefully slid her arm under his head to let him drink. He drank thirstily and then lay back exhausted with his eyes closed. Xiomara sat down beside him on the bed, pulling the blanket up to his chin.

As the evening progressed, the General's breathing became more laboured and from time to time his head moved from side to side and he uttered unintelligible words in Japanese. His hands moved restlessly over the blanket and for the first time she noticed how beautiful they were, delicately veined with long, slim fingers. She took his hand in hers and at the same time put her other hand on his hot forehead. He uttered a soft cry as if she hurt him and turned his head away, struggling to breathe.

From time to time Xiomara helped him to drink more water and gave him the medicines he needed and whenever she held him he groaned and tried to rest against her, but each time she pushed him away. It was now dark and as always when people are ill, the night made it all the more frightening. The fever did not want to go down and he seemed to be haunted by nightmares, because he moved so violently that at times Xiomara was afraid he would fall off the bed. He suddenly gave a groan and with a jolt sat up in bed, his eyes open but unfocused.

"What is it, General? Are you in pain?" Xiomara asked.

It appeared he was unable to breathe and for a moment Xiomara thought he was dying. It flashed through her mind that they might execute her for letting him die and she swore inwardly at her predicament. As he sat almost doubled over, he took another laboured breath and when Xiomara put her hands on his shoulders he moved sideways and fell against her. After her initial reflex to push him away once more, she slowly leaned back on the bed, taking him with her and as he lay with his head on her breast, it seemed that was what he had been seeking, for he finally calmed down and slept.

"All right, I have got you, I am here, I will not let go," Xiomara whispered, now trembling herself and instinctively her thumb caressed his arm.

Of all the things she had expected, it was not holding her enemy to her breast and certainly not wanting to hold him.

"Must be my motherly instincts," she thought sourly. "Never knew I had them."

A few hours later her body felt cramped from half sitting, half lying in the same position and she shifted carefully, trying to make him lay down on his side of the bed again. She noticed her dress was wet where he rested his head and looking at him she found he was sweating. The fever had broken and even though he was very ill, she knew he would recover and the danger was over.

Indeed the following morning General Takahashi was very weak and lay with his eyes closed, but the fever had gone down. Xiomara gave him more water and when she thought he could have some nourishing soup she woke him up and fed him small spoonfuls. Yet as she did so she was conscious of his dark eyes resting on her face.

"Why did you help me, Drake-san?" the General asked in a weak voice as he leaned back against the pillow exhausted after being fed his soup. "I know you hate me, so why did you not let me die?"

"I have seen too much what hate can do, General, it destroyed not only the lives of those women in the camp or the soldiers you killed, but also all those innocent Japanese women and children that died during the air raids. I refuse to stoop so low and I will never become like those bastards at the Daihonei who let all this happen. That is why I could not let you die."

His tired eyes rested on her face, but as he tried to speak more, his eyelids drooped and he fell asleep. Xiomara covered him with the blanket and washed the sweat off his face with a soft cloth. She was very tired after long hours of waking by his side and the bed looked very inviting, so she stretched out beside him and almost before her head touched the pillow she was fast asleep.

The next day the General looked slightly better, but the fever had left him very weak and exhausted and he stayed in bed to rest and regain his strength. As Xiomara entered the bedroom with a glass of water and his medicines, she saw that, although he quickly turned his head away from her, a single tear ran down his cheek. For one shocking moment she wondered what it would be like to kiss it away and immediately cursed herself for such thoughts. Then she felt she could not have seen it right. Surely no Japanese officer would show he was capable of having feelings and cry. She put the glass down on the bedside table, thinking he might be in pain.

"Are you all right, General?"

He did not answer, nor did he look at her as she sat down on the bed beside him. Very hesitatingly she put her hand on his arm for just a moment. She thought that maybe in his weakened state he had been thinking about his people or even members of his own family that had been killed in the war and had been overcome by his emotions.

"So even a Japanese is human after all," Xiomara thought.

"War is a horrible thing, General," she said, "and it makes terrible wounds."

Very slowly he turned to look at her and nodded. Something passed between them and there was no need for words. The night that followed had him move restlessly in his sleep once more and Xiomara was afraid that the fever would return, so she put her hand on his chest and gave him her energy and strength. She felt his heartbeat against her fingers and not until the early hours of the morning he was finally soothed into sleep.

After his complete recovery General Takahashi appeared to approach her a bit more gruffly than he had before and Xiomara wondered why. She thought that maybe he felt embarrassed because he had shown her his weakness or maybe it was his dependence upon her. Not that she expected gratitude from a Japanese, but she thought they were somehow connected in a strange way and hoped he would be more human after he had been ill and slept in her arms. Nevertheless he withdrew more often into a world of his own, reading a book and not speaking to her, or working at his desk until it was time to go to bed.

After a long morning of translating and writing reports, Xiomara was sitting at her desk waiting to take them to General Takahashi's office when there was a sudden loud rumble and it was as if a giant hand rattled the building. A framed picture of the Emperor shattered on the floor outside in the corridor and a cloud of chalk dust rained down on her. She was thrown to the floor and she realised it was the result of an earth shock, which had happened a few times before. Earthquakes occurred very often in Japan, but so far she had never experienced one and she hoped today would not change that. Xiomara quickly rose to her feet and steadying herself against the wall ran into the passage. As she was fleeing, a door to her right opened and the General's Aide Yoshiaki Sanada stepped out. He did not immediately see her and collided with her. She looked up at him in shock, almost expecting him to strike her or yell abuse at her.

"Honto sumimasen," Xiomara said with a polite bow.

He had dropped a small package wrapped in pink silk and Xiomara hurried to pick it up. The silk had become undone and a small box had fallen open, displaying a small, gold ring with a ruby that caught the light in the corridor in its tiny facets and darted fiery lights back as if it contained life.

Xiomara saw his round, friendly face with a full, sensual mouth and kind, dark eyes. He was very tall for a Japanese and had a portly figure. She could not help responding in a friendly manner to this man who held a small gift for his loved one in his large hands in such a protective way.

As had occurred very often recently, Xiomara was again astonished; the Captain had not beaten her, but only looked at her with a rather shy smile.

"All of a sudden after three years I seem to be meeting only kind Japanese," she thought.

"It is lovely! I am glad it is not damaged, Sanada-san," she said.

The Captain's cheeks took on a slight blush. "I hope my wife will like it as much as you do."

"I am sure she will be enchanted," she said with a genuine smile.

Xiomara and the Captain were just commenting on the fact that the earth had obviously settled itself because everything was now calm when the door of General Takahashi's office opened and he stood on the threshold, raising an angry eyebrow as he saw her talking amicably with his Aide. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks and quickly went back to her room.

After that initial meeting, Captain Yoshiaki Sanada and Xiomara began talking together when he was not attending to the General and Xiomara had time after finishing her own work. She found she liked the man, the first Japanese she had ever felt friendly towards, a man who proudly showed her a picture of his two teenage daughters, both with the same chubby, gentle faces their father had. He turned out to be a kind, quiet person, who would rather spend his time at home with his family, or working in his father's law firm, but who like all other Japanese men had to do the honourable thing and join the Army.

For Captain Sanada talking with Xiomara meant he could exchange thoughts and ideas he could not share with his own kind. He was a lawyer in civilian life and as such he had a strong sense of right and wrong and firmly believed in approaching every conflict according to the law, whether it was in the Army or as a civilian. It was his duty now to aid the General to supervise the defence of this suburb of Tokyo as well as guarding the prisoner of war camps outside the city. He seemed to enjoy her company and often sat on the edge of her small desk to sip a cup of coffee. They talked about a myriad of subjects, but Sanada was Xiomara's main source of information about General Takahashi, although of course she would never admit to anyone or even herself that she was interested in him.

"The General was not happy when he was transferred here from Manchuria," Sanada said one late afternoon. "Being in charge of prisoner of war camps is considered to be demoted. Fortunately there is also the defence of the city, but this is not the important post he hoped for. He wanted to be transferred to Singapore, but instead he was sent here. Of course he is honoured to defend the Capital and he will gladly die fighting for the Emperor, but he feels that the prison camps and the treatment of their inmates will prove to be a disaster for Japan on the long run. And as a lawyer I believe he is right. Any nation acting against universal laws will inevitably have to face the consequences. We should have kept to the Geneva Convention."

"You must be careful with your words, Sanada-san, the walls have ears," Xiomara warned.

"I will never criticise the Emperor, I would take my own life before I would do so, but I love my country and what is happening now will harm us after the war, when we must have diplomatic relations with the rest of the world again. Actually the General would have made a great diplomat I believe, maybe he will become one after the war."

Xiomara listened captivated to Sanada's words.

"He was an Aide at the Japanese Embassy in Washington and he often spoke of his interest in politics and diplomacy," Yoshiaki continued. "If we survive this war we may serve the Empire in a diplomatic way."

"Sanada-san, do you think Japan will lose the war?" Xiomara asked carefully.

"What do you think, Drake-san?" said Yoshiaki in a sad voice.

"Then why not close those brothels and show the Allies that you are prepared to right the wrong-doing? The treatment of the women in the brothels, the brutality towards the men, the disease, I find it horrible each time I have to visit them and find them thinner, more down-trodden than before."

"But the European women have been brought back to the camp, did you not know?" Sanada asked surprised.

"Returned? When?"

"They arrived this afternoon. They will not fare much better at the camp for lack of food and disease and you know better than anyone the camp is already overcrowded, but they will no longer be abused in the brothels. The General saw to that."

"The General? He did this?" Xiomara said.

"Yes, no one told him about where the women went before you pointed it out to him. General Suzuki told him that all women volunteered to become mistresses of Japanese soldiers and were proud to do so, but since not all of them could be so honoured some were left behind at the camp. He never knew about the brothels, and neither did I."

"Suzuki, it figures," Xiomara growled. It explained the General's surprise when she refused to share his bed, when he had been told that all her compatriots were all too eager.

"You must not think of every Japanese like Suzuki, Drake-san. The General is a stern man, but he is also an honourable man, he believes prisoners should not be abused."

"Tell me more about him," Xiomara asked.

Yoshiaki Sanada looked at her with surprise in his dark eyes. "What do you want to know?"

Xiomara made a gesture of ignorance; she wanted to know so much more about this intriguing man.

"Why was he demoted?"

Sanada dropped his eyes for a moment. "Prime Minister Tojo has a habit of removing those he disapproved of from the scene. Many military men as well as civilians have been posted to far away places or to undesirable locations. Such as prisoner of war camps."

"Tojo? He had an argument with Tojo?" Xiomara exclaimed astonished. "What did the General do to displease Tojo?"

"It was actually the Prime Minister's wife General Takahashi displeased. I do not know what really happened, but she met him at a formal reception and she must have wanted him. However the General did not want her."

"You are not seriously suggesting that the wife of the Prime Minister was in the position as a woman to flirt with General Takahashi?" asked Xiomara.

"Tojo's wife is a very powerful woman…and she has the ear of her husband." Sanada answered carefully.

Xiomara sat back in her chair. "I cannot believe my ears! Tell me more about the General."

"You already know of course his name is Koji Takahashi. He is originally from Niigata, but he and his wife and children moved to Tokyo when the war started."

Xiomara felt an unexplainable pang of jealousy. "He is married? Where are his family?"

"His wife and daughter were killed in 1942 when Tokyo was bombed. Last year his son was engaged in a dogfight over the Pacific and was shot down. He moved into this house after the one he lived in with his family was destroyed."

"Oh my God," Xiomara whispered. "That explains his hatred for the Americans."

"When he lived in America he had a great admiration for the culture. Did you never wonder why his house looks so western? He always believed that America and Japan would stand together against Russia, but the death of his family has made him bitter."

Xiomara shook her head. "That is no wonder. What a dreadful thing to lose your loved ones like that. I had no idea."

"Do not think of him too harshly, Drake-san. He is strict and he will do anything within his power to ensure the victory of the Empire, but he is a just man and I am proud to serve with him."

Yoshiaki stood up and put the empty cup on the desk. "I must return to my duties. I will talk to you again tomorrow."

When he had left, Xiomara leaned on the desk with her chin in her hand. Koji…Koji Takahashi…a beautiful name first of all… She knew his last name was Takahashi, but having heard his first name she found it absolutely lovely. Hmm…a Japanese man who was a widower and who had done an honourable thing for his enemies. It was unfortunately not something that happened very often in Japan.

When the bell on her desk alerted her that the General wanted her to accompany him home Xiomara knew she wanted to speak with him; for the first time really speak with him. As soon as they sat down to dinner that night, she picked nervously at her food before putting down her hashi.

"General Takahashi, I heard what you did for the women and I want to thank you for your compassion."

"I changed something I believed to be unjust. It had nothing to do with compassion," he said curtly.

"It was a good thing to do, Takahashi-sama," Xiomara said.

They looked at each other for a long time and then suddenly a smile broke on Xiomara's face and after a moment it was mirrored by a smile on his. She had suddenly lost all her fear of him and for the first time felt comfortable in his presence. After the years with Suzuki she felt drawn to this man with his calm, dark eyes. Suddenly the future with him no longer frightened her.

When they were in the living room after dinner, Xiomara was listening to a song she had heard often before on the radio. It was sung by a male choir and it had a haunting melody that made her hear it inside her head for days afterwards. However, the General stood up quickly, switched off the radio and sat down at his desk. She looked at him in surprise, wondering why he did not want to hear it.

"What is that song, Takahashi-sama? I have heard it often before and I find it very beautiful."

He looked up at her and she thought she saw a shadow pass over his face. "It is a very old song called Umi Yukaba and they sing it whenever our pilots leave on their suicide missions."

Xiomara cringed; she remembered Sanada telling her about the death of the General's son. The song must hurt him and for a moment she felt a wave of compassion for him warm her heart. She knew the time was not yet right for her to talk to him about private things, he was after all a Japanese and would keep his emotions well hidden inside. Instead she rose from the couch and went to make coffee for them both.

The remainder of the evening was spent in silence; Xiomara had found some books in English to read and he worked a few hours at his desk. Yet a few times when she raised her head, she found his eyes resting on her and she could not prevent a blush appearing on her face. When he finally stood up to retire, Xiomara followed him without the usual apprehension and lay down confidently beside him. She listened to his breathing and found that this night he did not fall asleep as quickly as he normally did. When finally he did sleep she carefully rolled onto her left side and looked at him resting beside her, his back towards her. How easy it would have been to kill him in any of those first nights she had spent in his bed; one thrust of a knife into the smooth skin of his back and he would have been dead. Yet every time she saw the freckles on his shoulders that gave him a certain look of innocence, she knew she could never have done it. He had already made his mark on her life and she was bound to him by fate.

As the weeks went by, Xiomara was more and more acutely conscious of General Takahashi's presence. He never sought her out, yet whenever he was in the same room with her she sensed his quiet presence as he went about his business. There were evenings when he would sit at the small desk in the living room going through some paperwork, or he would sit on the comfortable couch reading one of his many books, which he seemed to enjoy as much as his archery. She wanted to talk to him, but she was shy, fearing he did not want her to, so very few words were spoken between them. However, the invisible bond was obviously present and growing stronger every hour of every day.

Often she went into the garden to watch him practise his archery, following the graceful moves of his strong arms as he shot his arrows at the target. No gesture was superfluous; everything went according to the age-old rules of Japanese kyudo, which he followed to perfection. On one hot afternoon Xiomara sat on the grass looking at Takahashi as he hit bull's eye after bull's eye. He turned around and gave her a slight smile.

"Do you want to try?"

"What? Archery? I have never done that," Xiomara answered.

"There is a first time for everything."

Nervously Xiomara went to his side. He handed her the bow and showed her how to put the arrow in it. Then he stood behind her with his left hand guiding her left and his right hand holding her right. She felt the heat from his body as he stood against her and his cheek almost touched hers. Her breath caught in her throat at his closeness and she let the arrow go without taking aim. It flew into the shrubbery behind the target and she heard the General chuckle in her ear. It was then she discovered that he had a sense of humour.

"I think you have just killed that fern. You may need some more practise," he said as he took back the bow.

Xiomara looked at his face a little embarrassed and then he burst out laughing, showing her a radiant smile that would light up a room. She could not resist that smile and laughed before going inside the house with her heart beating as if it wanted to jump from her breast.

After dinner that evening, Xiomara felt restless and ill at ease. Earlier she had walked in on the General as he meditated before his family Shrine and she felt her heart miss a beat as she looked at his dark head bent in prayer. The last sunray that illuminated his face gave it the serenity of some of the Buddha statues at the Temple that was close to the house and which she had walked into one day and she quickly found herself a duty in the kitchen. Yume had already gone to bed and Xiomara decided to make tea for the General and herself. She felt her fingers were a little unsteady as she brought the tray into the living room and sat down.

Not much later Takahashi joined her and took a cup from her when she offered him tea. He too seemed a bit restless as he went to switch on the radio and leaned on it waiting for it to warm up. The radio station that evening aired a gentle tune played on the piano accompanied by a trumpet and the music was so lovely that Xiomara felt the hairs stand up on her arms. The General sat down at his desk, slowly sipping his tea in his normal elegant way. He suddenly looked up and met her eyes and the attraction between them was alive like currents of electricity that quickened the heartbeat and sent tingling emotions down the spine.

The music played on and it felt as if they were talking together in words neither of them could speak aloud just yet. The light in the room was warm and inviting and suddenly with a shock Xiomara realised that she loved him desperately! And that she had fallen in love with him that first time she saw him at the reception all those weeks ago. Even then she had felt a sting of pain as she realised that she would never see him again. When she was brought to his house to work for him the knowledge that she was attracted to her enemy was an agony, because it meant there was no future for them together. If she became his mistress she would betray her country and her people and if she did not, she would suffer from not having loved him as her heart demanded.

Takahashi sighed softly and stared absentmindedly at his cup. He decided to read through a paper concerning the recruitment of more soldiers into his army corps, but he could not concentrate and found he had been staring at the page for a long time without seeing a single word. He signed the document without a further glance and put it down on the neat pile of papers that his orderly would collect the following morning. Unaware of the fact that the woman with him was going through the same emotions, he wondered why he felt so attracted to this gaijin.

He had been married to a dainty, obedient woman, who had never raised her voice and walked a few paces behind him with the delicate steps of a well-bred Japanese lady. She had always seen to it that the household ran smoothly, in fact he had never even considered the reason why it was always spotlessly clean or how his house always came to be quiet and peaceful. It had always been Hitomi who arranged everything in his absence. Whenever he returned home he entered a serene haven. Yet he also knew he had never loved Hitomi. She had given him pleasure in bed, she was the mother of his children and because of her beauty other officers had envied him his lovely wife. But she had never touched his heart, nor had she made him catch his breath like this tall, voluptuous Dutch woman had.

That first time he saw her he had a flash of recognition, as if he had met her somewhere before and when another officer in the room blocked his view, he had stretched his body not to lose sight of her. All those days when she had worked with him, always in her worn dress, he had thought she carried herself like a Queen and the perfume of her long hair made him want her more and more. He had been angry when she refused to sleep with him, most women would try every trick in the book of seduction to attract him, yet this gaijin defied him and it even made him admire her courage.

Today as he stood close behind her when he gave her a first try at archery he had smelt her sweet scent and had felt the arousal in his groin. His hips touched her body and he wondered if she had felt his hardness against her. As he thought about that particular moment he was once again aware of a beginning erection that wanted to be satisfied and he shifted his body, trying to divert his mind.

Koji drank his tea slowly and looked at Xiomara. She certainly was attractive with her large dark-brown eyes, her sensual mouth and her long dark hair, which fell to her waist once she released it from the tight bun at the back of her neck she wore during the day. The nights often made an even greater demand on him than the days. He would feel her warmth as she slept beside him, and when she turned in her sleep, her face would sometimes be so close to his that he could taste her breath on his lips.

A few times he had tried to console himself, but as his hand touched his manhood he knew he wanted her and nothing less and he groaned with desire as he tried to find rest. He would look at her sleeping beside him, watching her chest rise and fall with every breath and her long eyelashes resting on her cheeks. He longed to touch her soft breasts, kiss those tender lips and make her his, but he always restrained himself. She would have to come to him; a Japanese officer did not beg for the affections of a mere woman, certainly not an enemy of the Empire.

With an annoyed frown on his face, Koji put down his cup and rose to switch off the radio. He was too restless to sleep and too preoccupied to do much work, so he sat down on the couch beside Xiomara and decided to read, but again the words swam before his eyes and he had no idea what he was reading. He felt Xiomara rise from the couch and take the empty cups with her to the kitchen.

Once more the General started at the top of the page of his book and after while found that he was indeed drawn into the story of Saigo, a famous Samurai. He had been reading for about an hour when he looked up from his book. The house was eerily quiet and Xiomara had not returned to the room. He went to the kitchen and found it empty, the dirty cups lying forgotten in the sink. A quick look in the bedroom taught him she had not gone to bed either. Takahashi was getting angry; she had no right to bring him anxiety, a woman had to obey and serve her master. But he knew this woman would never obey or serve him. She might be attracted to him –and fighting it- he was man enough to know that much, but she would never be subservient, she would always be on equal terms with him and to his surprise that thought did not in any way deter him from loving her. Yes, he had to admit it to himself, he loved Xiomara and for the very first time in his life he was in love.

Yasuko, the geisha who had given him the ultimate, exquisite pleasure in bed and who had that enticing way of looking up at him from under her eyelashes. The other women that had shared his bed, they had all meant nothing. At the time he had enjoyed their company, but now he found himself wanting so much more. He wanted this woman, heart, body and soul and he would accept no less from her. With a sharp exclamation of anger Koji returned to the living room and the telephone on his desk where a few harsh commands sent his orderlies out to search the streets to try and find Xiomara.

At the same time Xiomara ran along the dark streets of Mitaka. The rain that had been a drizzle when she left the house was now turning into torrential rain and it did not take long before she was drenched and rivulets of water ran down her back. She had no idea where she was going; all she knew was that she had to flee the house, run from him and from herself. She could cry with sheer misery as she struggled on, tripping over stones or bumping into things. The area was unfamiliar to her, she had never gone go out on her own, nor had she wanted to. Members of the civil guard and the Kempeitai patrolled the area and if they caught her it would mean death. No Westerner was treated with kindness by them since the Allied bombings had laid waste large areas of Tokyo.

From the traditional, wooden houses she passed came the reassuring sounds of people spending a quiet evening together, from one Xiomara could hear voices of families talking together, from another came the sweet voice of a woman singing accompanied by the koto and yet another brought the spicy scent of cooking to her nostrils. Xiomara stopped for a moment and leaned against the wall of the house, her breath ragged.

Earlier in the kitchen as she was about to clean the dirty cups, she was suddenly struck by such a panic that she knew she could no longer stay at the house; stay with him. She remembered her defying him, saying she would die before she would sleep with him and yet now she wanted her enemy to hold her and even more, she wanted him to love her as she loved him. At the same time when the war ended –in defeat for Japan, Xiomara had no qualms about that- she would be considered a harlot or even brought to trial by her own people as a collaborator.

"Oh God, please let me die!" Xiomara thought. "I cannot live with him and I cannot live without him, but it is already too late, I ran from the house and he will never let me in again."

The tears started to stream down her cheeks in an uncontrollable flood mixing with the raindrops. The rain drenched her shoes and she felt her toes swishing about in the water, adding even more to her misery. She could see in her mind's eye the living room with its soft, warm glow, the soothing music that filled the air and the comforting presence of the man she loved. It was as if the image screamed at her: "Return home you fool!"

With a sob Xiomara turned around. She knew she could not run any further; she was going back; she was going home. However, that proved easier said than done because she had no idea where she was or which direction she had come from. Crying with utter despair Xiomara turned back along the deserted streets, searching for anything familiar in the darkness.

"Koji! Help me find my way back to you!" she thought desperately.

She tried to recapture the corners she turned or how many times she crossed streets and walked on and on until she felt her feet would carry her no further. Then, after turning another corner she suddenly recognized the small torii of the temple where the General sometimes went to pray. As if drawn by a magnet, Xiomara ran to the door and entered. Once inside the spicy scent of incense wafted towards her and many candles were lit in front of the large Buddha sitting on a lotus flower, which made her remember how only a few hours ago, she had thought of Koji resembling this statue. The soft candlelight reflected on the shiny bronze of the Deity and cast dancing shadows on the smooth walls and suddenly a deep sense of peace descended upon her. She knelt down and folded her hands to pray when out of nowhere sounded a friendly voice.

"You are troubled, daughter." It was a statement more than a question.

Xiomara raised her head and met the gentle dark eyes of the Priest. He was dressed in his normal deep red garments, but somehow they appeared to glow as if a magic light enveloped him. He was still a young man with a very handsome face, and a mouth that always seemed to smile. His head was shaven, which made his elegant cheekbones more pronounced, and his well-shaped fingers were constantly moving the prayer beads around.

The Priest approached her and sat down beside her with his legs folded under him.

"Father, what must I do?" Xiomara began, but the Priest held up his hand.

"You must not ask me this. Your Karma is already set, you are the only one who can know it and can decide to follow it or not."

"I have pondered and looked at my problems from every angle, but I am lost!"

The Priest sighed softly. "You are in love, daughter and he loves you too, what else do you ask of life but to be loved like this?"

Xiomara's mouth fell open. "How do you know this?"

"I can see the man you love beside you and I can see the bond between you. It is not yet fully developed, but it is already too strong to be denied. You cannot change the Universe, daughter, why do you even wish to try? Why do you fight the Force of the Universe which brought your soul and his together again in this life?" the Priest's smile was friendly and touched her fevered soul.

"You ask yourself if you may love him because you are not of his race, but does the Divine Creation care whether he is Japanese and you are not? Both of you are creatures of light floating around in the endless Goodness of the Universe. Your souls have always been bound together and when one descends upon the Earth to take on a new life, the other may be left behind. When its own turn comes to take on a new corporeal existence it searches for its soulmate. But that search is difficult and it is one of the tasks we must fulfil in each life. Sometimes we are not successful and we die unfulfilled because we were not able to re-establish the bond with our other half."

Xiomara listened spellbound to the words of the Priest, shivers running down her spine.

"Go back to him, daughter and thank the Gods that be for bringing you together again in this existence, for it is a great gift. Do not force your Karma by wanting more than it can give. Nothing in life is perfect, if it were, you would have achieved Enlightenment and you would have been spared the pain of rebirth."

Xiomara now trembled both from the impact of the words of the Priest and the cold from her wet clothes, but she bowed her head and prayed to all the Heavens above. When she looked up a moment later, she found herself alone in the Temple and the Priest was gone.

It was only a few blocks to the house and Xiomara cried with relief. The encounter with the Priest had given her new strength and hope and her heart sang, because she knew now where she belonged. She ran along the street until she stood before Koji's house, which seemed to hold out comforting arms towards her. Never had anything been more welcoming and she could imagine Koji sitting at his desk, his uniform jacket hanging neatly over a chair, the lamplight creating shadows on his clean, white shirt as he worked. She knew the door was never locked and silently she walked up the few steps to the porch and opened the door. In the small hallway she could already feel the General's presence and eagerly but at the same time terribly afraid, she took off her shoes and stepped into the living room.

The General was standing at his desk, talking into the phone but when he saw her, his eyes widened and after a short word he hung up the phone and strode towards her. Xiomara cringed at the look of rage in his black eyes and steeled herself for his punishment. He grabbed her by both arms and shook her violently, making her teeth rattle.

"How can you do anything so stupid! Do you not know the Kempeitai are patrolling and that they will shoot you on sight? Are you insane, woman?"he yelled.

Xiomara could do nothing but cry and after a long look at the shivering, bedraggled woman standing before him, the General pulled her to him and put his arms round her. Slowly her arms went up round his back and she clung to him, hiding her face against his neck.

"I could not leave you," she wept, very much aware that his lips brushed over her wet hair.

"Go wash and dry yourself. You are tired. Go to bed and we will talk tomorrow," he said and his deep voice had a softness it had never had before.

Never had hot water and a soft towel been more wonderful than this evening. Xiomara washed herself and the misery followed the water into the drain. She wrapped the towel around her hair to dry it and realized now how exhausted she was and how much she longed for the comfortable bed. As she entered the bedroom the General had already undressed and lay in bed with one arm folded under his head. She hurriedly got into bed under the covers and lay down. He turned out the light and rolled over on his side, but she knew he did not fall asleep for a long time. Fatigue finally overtook her and she slept, until somewhere during the night she restlessly moved closer to the General and woke him up. Very gently he put his arm around her and with a soft murmur she instinctively buried her head against his shoulder and did not stir until they both awoke the next morning.

The first thing Xiomara was aware of as she drifted up through layers and layers of sleep was Koji's warm skin against her cheek. She moved her head and found his face close to hers, a serious look in his brown eyes. She quickly moved away from him even though she did not really want to leave the comfort of his arms.

"Forgive me, did I disturb you?" she asked in a sleepy voice.

"There is no need to apologise, you were restless and I let you sleep close to me," he answered.

She could see the shadow of a smile on his face as he rose from the bed and went to take a shower. Xiomara buried her face in her hands; she wished he would love her or maybe just kiss her. After last night all she wanted was to be close to him, but it was as if he no longer cared. She had slept in his arms, but he gave no indication that he wanted more from her.

The words of the Priest came to her again and she knew what she wanted. All she desired was to share this life with Koji and if he still wanted her she would indeed thank her Karma. She thought now of all the times she had looked at him with anger in her eyes and the evenings when she sat beside him in an insulted silence. It was too late for remorse now, he had wanted her once, but she had kept him waiting too long and he had lost all interest in her; maybe even already found another Japanese woman.

"Mama, please help me! What can I do, I love him so much, it is tearing me apart!" she thought miserably.

At breakfast Koji was quiet and a little aloof and for the first time Xiomara was unsure of what to do. The room smelled invitingly of coffee and fresh bread and because she had not eaten much the night before, she found that she was hungry.

"I must inspect the anti aircraft-batteries today. You can accompany me," he said suddenly, putting down his coffee cup.

Not much later the staff car waited outside and they left for the defence posts that were scattered all over the area, some in concrete bunkers, some on rooftops and even more just positioned at strategic points in parks or by the river, their long guns pointing aggressively at the sky and sandbags surrounding them. Each crew stood rigidly at attention as the General inspected the guns and made a short comment when something was not to his satisfaction. Finally the last gun crew were dismissed and the officer bowed deeply as Takahashi turned and left.

In the car the General leaned forward and told his orderly to take him to a lake of which Xiomara did not catch the name. It was not too long a drive and when they arrived and stepped out of the car, Koji ordered his driver to wait for him behind the small traditional inn, a delightful wooden house with colourful banners inviting hungry travellers in through blue noren with huge white characters on them. There were no geta on the porch, so Xiomara gathered that business was quiet, at least today.

"Come, walk with me," Koji said and led her along a narrow path closer to the lake.

They followed the path through a small park with beautiful tall trees and huge ferns covering the ground until they stood on the bank of the lake where low stone benches waited for visitors to rest and meditate. The view certainly was inspiring. In the steely blue water stood a large red torii, its shape reflected in the dancing water, making it appear as if a huge hand wrote Japanese characters in the lake. Far in the distance Xiomara could discern the unmistakable shape of Fujiyama, Japan's sacred mountain.

They sat down in silence on one of the benches and Xiomara stared at the view with wide, enchanted eyes. It resembled the old woodblock prints of Japan that she had always enjoyed. The whole scene emanated absolute beauty and peace and for a moment she could not believe there were such horrors as war or prison camps, or that the man sitting beside her should be her enemy. He was part of the beauty of this country and she knew her heart was lost forever to this man and this land.

"Your country is so beautiful," Xiomara sighed.

"I hoped you would think so," Koji said.

"Takahashi-sama, I know what happened to your wife and children. I am so sorry. You must miss them."

"My son died for the Emperor, it was an honourable death."

Xiomara looked at his face with the freckles on the cheek beside her. "Why did you bring me here?" she asked, sensing he would not allow her to know his emotions yet.

"Why did you run away?" he replied with another question.

Xiomara let her eyes wander over the beauty of the landscape before her. "Because I was afraid."

"Of me?"

"No, of myself and my feelings for you."

"You have feelings for me? I am your enemy."

"Are you? Am I yours? We are here, sharing this beautiful view and we are merely a man and a woman together. Do we need more?"

He shook his head. "No, we do not. What does the Universe care about this war or that we should call each other enemy. No human being is wise enough to understand Creation."

Xiomara's eyes filled with tears as his words were almost identical to those of the Priest the night before. Koji reached out and put his arm around her shoulder, drawing her near to him. She leaned against his shoulder and sighed. They were no longer human, they were indeed those beings of light and energy the Priest spoke of, part of the Universe and part of Eternity. Travellers that had merely taken a sojourn in this time and place, but whose strife and worry were unimportant to the Cycle of Time that had no beginning or end.

"The world is insane, Xiomara," Koji said, calling her name for the first time. "Let us try and make a safe place together where we can share what time we are given."

He gently lifted her chin and finally his lips met hers in their first kiss. She felt a flame streak through her body as he kissed her, first tenderly, then more passionate, with his tongue touching her mouth until she parted her lips and let him meet hers. His moustache tickled her and she felt his arms enclosing her tighter almost as if he was afraid she would escape him again. As he took his mouth from hers his breath was coming quickly between from his lips and his eyes were heavy with passion.

They sat by the lake for a long time, sharing the silence, their arms around each other, every now and then exchanging tender kisses, until with a deep sigh Koji moved away from her.

"We must go back."

"I will remember this lovely place until the day I die," Xiomara whispered, taking his hand. "The place where you first kissed me."

Almost reluctantly they returned to the car and went from this fairytale spot so far away from the evil of war.

The ride home seemed endless, because they longed to be alone at home where they could create a magic world of their own where no one could intrude. The bond between them was tying them together tighter even as they drove back and both of them found it hard not to embrace and kiss. Once Koji's hand brushed over hers, invisible to the driver and she rubbed her knee against his in response. Finally they stopped outside the house and they could be alone. Already in the hallway Koji took her in his arms and kissed her passionately, pushing her back against the wall where he continued kissing her and caressing her until her head swam.

"Will you sleep with me…please?" he asked huskily.

"Yes, I will sleep with you."

With a groan he drew her with him to the bedroom, hardly ever taking his mouth away from hers. He had hardly given himself time to take off his boots neatly as he always did; they were thrown thoughtlessly in the hall. He undid the buttons of her dress, kissing her neck and every piece of naked skin he exposed. The dress slid to the floor as he slowly pushed it over her shoulders, relishing the sight of her curvaceous body. As he took the clip from her hair it cascaded over her back and he buried his face in it, relishing her scent.

Xiomara eagerly opened his tunic, taking it off quickly before occupying herself with his white shirt. His bare skin was smooth and very warm as she laid her hands on his chest and caressed the shirt away. She had always loved his freckles and now finally she could close her mouth over those on his chest and shoulders. From the way his breath quickened she knew she excited him as he excited her when he undid her bra and looked at her large breasts with the hard nipples. He helped her take off his trousers and fundoshi, then ran his hands over her hips, taking her undies with them.

Xiomara felt his hardness against her thighs as he took her breasts in his hands and caressed them with his long, slender fingers. He gently pushed her down on the bed and lay down beside her, his eyes roaming over her body. He closed his mouth over her nipple and began suckling it, licking it inside his mouth and teasing it by running the coarse hairs of his moustache over it until she moaned with pleasure. His hands were everywhere on her body, stroking from her face and neck to her breasts and over her belly to her thighs until she let her legs fall wide, eager for him to touch her there. His fingers closed over her womanhood, parting the wet lips until he found her most sensitive spot and played it teasingly before moving on to her opening, inserting first one finger, then a second, forcing a cry from her.

As soon as Koji felt Xiomara would reach her climax he took his fingers away and kissed her mouth again, circling her tongue with his. She rolled onto her side and took his dark nipple between her lips, nipping it carefully and pulling it. Her hand travelled down over his body until she found his erect sex and she ran her fingers over it, trailing the veins and moving the delicate skin up and down. He threw back his head and groaned and when she let him go, he made a disappointed sound. But he could wait no longer; he rolled on top of her and parted the lips of her yielding womanhood before pushing his sex into her. Xiomara bit her lips and lifted her hips, feeling him go deep inside her. He thrust his hips forward, alternatively making fast and slow pushes and as they both felt their climax approach, Koji took her face between his hands and looked into her eyes.

"Look at me," he said between deep sighs.

He moved faster now, groaning with each thrust until Xiomara cried out and reached her climax as he ejaculated deep inside her. And as their juices mingled they became not just two people very much in love, but one being with one single soul, soaring up into the light to become one with Creation. They were now both out of breath from the intensity of their orgasm, which had left them spent and relaxed. Koji lay down beside her and held her close to him, running his fingers over her bare shoulder.

"I love you, Koji."

His hand tightened on her shoulder for a moment. "I have never been in love before. I have had other women in my life, but they never touched my heart. And now here you are."

"Here I am."

"Turning my world upside down," he said with a laugh in his voice. "I must have loved you from the very first moment on. I admired your courage and defiance when you stood up to me. No woman ever dared oppose me and yet I fell in love with you."

The question she always wanted to ask him now finally came out. "Why did you want me to translate for you when you speak English perfectly?"

He grinned mischievously. "Because I saw you with Suzuki and I wanted you."

"Koji, thank you for not taking me against my will that first night. I could never have loved you if you had," she whispered.

"I know and that is why I did not. I wanted you to come to me from your own free will. But often it was very hard not to touch you."

He kissed her forehead, pushing her head back to kiss her mouth.

"Did you love your wife very much?" Xiomara asked in a small voice.

"I respected Hitomi as was her right as my wife, but I never loved her, nor do I think she ever really loved me. She and I had an arranged marriage as is normal with our people. I belong to a Samurai family and she was of noble blood, that is why our families wished us to marry. She was beautiful and kind and she made me a good wife. And I was very proud of my children."

Koji was silent for a moment and Xiomara kissed him tenderly.

"My daughter was lovely like her mother and she was about to marry into a very good family. And my son looked so smart in his pilot's uniform. And then I lost all of them within the space of a few months. My wife and daughter I could lay to rest, but my son's body was never found."

Xiomara wrapped her arm closer around him.

"Take off your Samurai armour, if only for a few moments, Koji and allow yourself to grieve."

"I have never spoken of it to anyone. It is not the Japanese way. But I now feel the urge to talk to you."

"You honour me, my love," Xiomara said. "It is strange how things go in life. We started out as enemies and we find that we love each other. There is no difference at all between us; we are just man and woman. Why cannot the whole world do this and live in peace, or at least let us live in peace."

"They never will. My people will not accept you because you are a European, your people will ostracise you or worse because you live with a Japanese man."

"There must be a place for us somewhere where we can be together. Surely we did not find each other only to be torn apart again?" Xiomara asked.

"Nothing happens by accident. We have been together in previous lives and we will be together in all the ages to come. We can never lose each other, it is Karma."

"I want to be with you forever, Koji."

"We may not be together for a long time, but my heart will be with you forever, I promise," Koji said softly.

"What do you mean?" Xiomara said alarmed.

"There is a war on and I may get killed."

She kissed a freckle on his skin close to her mouth.

"I will not allow you to die. I want to grow old with you."

She heard his soft laugh. "We must all do that is written," he said. "If it is my Karma to die, then that is what I must do. Maybe we shall die together, who is to say?"

"Then I shall pray that that will happen, Koji," Xiomara sighed. "Koji?"

"Yes?"

"You have a beautiful name."

"Arigato. Do you know that the way my name is spelled means Happiness?"

"Really? That is perfect, I could not have given you a better name myself, because you have brought me such happiness, Koji."

He smiled and held her even closer, whispering sweet words of love in Japanese, which caressed her as softly as the petals of the cherry blossom as they fell to the ground.

Now that they were lovers, which no one was allowed to know, Xiomara found that to tease him was irresistible. One evening when they were returning home very late, she carefully put her hand on his knee and moved it slowly over his thigh, going up until she pressed down on his groin. Opening the course fabric of his army trousers was difficult without the orderly noticing, but she managed to undo the buttons and caress him. She heard him gasp and try to push her hand away, but she refused him and her fingers met his hardness. The car was safely dark and there was an erotic intimacy between them as she tried to move her hand over his sex.

It gave her a feeling of satisfaction that she had the power to arouse this beautiful man and as he parted his legs to give her more room, she slid her hand under his fundoshi and caressed his soft skin, which felt hot and throbbed against her fingers. He let out a groan, which he covered with a cough and Xiomara could not suppress a grin as she heard how he tried to remain silent as she played with his swollen manhood. The jolting of the car added to moves of her hand and she knew he was biting his lips to silence his groans. The ride home was not long enough for him to have his climax and as they stepped out of the car and the orderly bowed stiffly, Koji had to walk less quickly than he normally did.

Once inside the house he grabbed her and held her to him, panting as he pushed down her undies, followed by his own trousers. Her caressing him had also aroused her and when he touched her womanhood she was wet and eager for him. He thrust his sex between her legs and rubbed her until it was her turn to gasp. She pulled open her shirt and held his head against her breast as he invaded her and pushed in and out of her. They were both so aroused that it did not take long before Xiomara felt him release inside her and she let herself go with a long moan.

Koji kissed her passionately until she was breathless. "You are a woman with surprises, Xiomara!" he exclaimed.

"Is that not why you love me?" she teased.

On another occasion in his office where both his orderlies and Captain Sanada were present, Xiomara picked up a folder to file it in the metal cabinet behind him. She pretended to drop it and as she bent over to pick up the dossier, she secretly blew a breath over his neck. With amusement she saw him jump slightly, forcing himself to act as if nothing had happened. None of the officers had noticed anything, but when they were alone, Koji took a dossier from his desk and hit her on her behind, causing her to give a startled cry and then giggle. Once again there was that wide, flashing smile and the twinkle in his large eyes.

Even though both Koji and Xiomara tried to show nothing to expose their love, Captain Sanada sensed the intimacy between them, because he too was a sensitive man.

"You love him very much, do you not, Drake-san?" he asked her as he sat drinking his coffee.

Xiomara gave him a startled look, a blush appearing on her cheeks. "Yes I do."

"It is a good thing, the General deserves a good woman like you," Yoshiaki said and if that revelation embarrassed him he smiled shyly.

"Thank you, Sanada-san, is it not strange, I came her as a prisoner, expecting to hate my enemies and honestly when I worked for General Suzuki I hated his guts and I could happily have murdered him. Since then I found that I like many Japanese people. The General, you, the people at the shops who treat me with nothing but kindness and yet we are supposed to fight each other, without considering the individual." Xiomara gave an exasperated exclamation. "Even to mention the fact that I like you would land me in prison back home. I hate this world Sanada-san and I hate those who want this war to continue. Who ever asked the people in the street what they wanted? Did they ask to lose their husbands, their homes? Did General Takahashi want to lose his family?"

"There were some who started this and the rest just joined in without thinking for themselves, that is how insanity always starts. Drake-san, I thank you for your confidence. If there is anything I can do for you when the war is over, be sure to let me know. If I am not shot myself," he added wryly.

"Please, Sanada-san, be very careful. I want us all to survive this nightmare and live normal lives again. And if I can help any of you, I shall do my very best, you have my word," she said and held out her hand.

With a bow he took it and they knew they were bound by that strange friendship that only occurs in wartime and can never be broken again and since that afternoon they used each other's first names.

A few weeks later a sudden typhoon hit Japan and the weather made Allied bombing raids impossible, so for a few days there were no explosions of bombs in Tokyo and the people had time to relax.

The typhoon whipped the trees and plants in the garden and rattled the doors and windows until the constant noise made Xiomara nervous. Still there was something comforting in the fact that Koji stayed home and was lying on the bed beside her. The danger and the howling winds were outside, and she had never been happier in the soothing atmosphere of the house. She sighed and raised herself on her elbow.

"Do not worry, the winds will die down soon," Koji said, turning another page of the book he was reading.

Xiomara smiled and kissed his forehead and then the tip of his sharp nose, she caressed the freckles on his cheek and kissed them one after one, until he put down his book and grinned. She closed her mouth over his and held him captive for a long time, her tongue meeting his longingly. He was breathing deeply and ran his hand over her soft hair and as his eyes held hers, she found herself drowning in their mysterious dark depths.

He reached out to take the cup of sake that stood on the bedside table and was about to take a sip when Xiomara took it from him. She wet her lips with it and kissed him, letting him lick the drops from her mouth. Then she spilled a long trail of tiny sake drops over his naked chest from his neck to the waist of his fundoshi. Very slowly and deliberately her tongue licked the drops, following the path down. She let a few shiny beads of sake fall on his nipples and suckled them one by one before licking down again to his fundoshi. It did not take very long for it to be removed and with a little sake on her finger she brushed over his manhood, quickly licking it off before he could feel the sting of the alcohol on his sensitive flesh.

She could hear him gasp and then take a deep intake of breath as she let her tongue follow the delicate veins on his sex all the way down to the tiny opening, at the same time moving his skin up and down. The throbbing tip disappeared into her mouth and she pleasured him until she tasted the first salty drops on her tongue. Not until he was fully erect did she let him go to throw off the yukata she had been wearing and straddle his body, helping him to slip inside her warm opening. Her breasts swung invitingly close to his face, adding even more to his arousal as she began to ride him, at the same time contracting her muscles to massage him inside her.

For a moment she stopped moving, only to fill the cup with sake again and dip her nipple in it, then holding it to his mouth to let him suckle. His tongue raced around the hard nub and he grimaced when she took her breast away only to repeat it with her other nipple. She let the remainder of the sake fall on his lips drop by drop and shared them with him as they kissed and let their tongues touch.

Koji's hands grabbed her breasts to fondle them and his eyes became clouded with passion as she moved faster, at the same time caressing his hard, dark nipples. They were already so attuned to each other that Xiomara knew he wanted to release and she let him push his hips up to meet her and both had their orgasm almost at the same time.

As they rested close to each other Koji moved softly and held her head against his shoulder. "Do you think I am small?"

"What?" Xiomara asked astonished.

"When I was living in Washington I once heard women talking to each other. They said that Japanese men have a small sex."

Xiomara could not suppress a giggle. "Those women obviously never saw you naked and I would kill them if they had. Your body is perfect, my love, your sex is exquisite and you do such wonderful things with it."

Now it was his time to laugh softly. "Ah, you are a jealous woman! So I please you in bed?"

"Koji!" Xiomara exclaimed. "Next time I shall groan a little louder to prove it to you."

"Japanese women are never loud."

"Nihonjin dewanai," answered Xiomara pointedly. "You chose a western woman, deal with it."

"I thought that was what I am doing," he replied with a laugh in his voice, "and it is not always easy."

"You made me see many things with different eyes, my love," he continued after a moment. "I thought I had everything, my career, a wife, children. Yet now I see my life was barren, void of emotion. I want you to see who I am, what I am, no more hiding from you. I no longer own my heart, because you took it from me and hold it in your keeping."

His poetic use of Japanese made the tears come to Xiomara's eyes.

"Your heart and your soul belong to me now, my love, we are one and your life is no longer yours, it is mine, as my life and my happiness lie in your hands," she said, taking his hand and kissing it tenderly.

For Koji their relationship brought him something he had never known, or hardly ever expected to have. Xiomara would stand close to him and put her arms round him in a loving hug, or she would suddenly kiss him on his cheek or his mouth. At first he was startled, for his people were not accustomed to such a show of affection. Sex, of course there was in every way, lots of it and pleasure was something no Japanese shied away from. But what she gave him was pure love and he found that he relished every kiss and every moment in her presence and he responded eagerly to her. Often now it was he who put his hand on her shoulder or bent down to kiss her warm mouth or hide himself in her arms.

He remembered a story he had read years earlier about a man who spent years writing the perfect love poem to his wife, but who could never find words eloquent enough to express his feelings. When he read it he had snorted and thought it quite ridiculous, yet now if anyone were to ask him to describe his feelings for Xiomara, he himself would not be able to express his emotions adequately.

From an early age on Koji had been taught-and sometimes the hard way with the bamboo stick- that he should never shows his feelings and remain the stern, unemotional man his military upbringing demanded. But now when he saw her waiting for him with her heart in her eyes, he forgot his Japanese reserve and he stepped eagerly into her embrace to tell her of his love.

Yet Xiomara did nothing to remind him of the docile Japanese women he was accustomed to. She was never subservient and it happened sometimes that he would discuss with her the difficulties of his work in the Army. To her he could express his doubts and fears of what was to become of Japan and how much he would have preferred a fighting commission instead of being a Desk-General. This woman stood beside him like a tower of strength as well as a lover, a companion and a safe haven for his heart and his soul.

Besides his wife, Koji had had other women in his life; most important of those had been the geisha Yasuko, who had the intricate manners of her profession. She played the shamisen beautifully, she made the tea ceremony an unequalled event of serenity and her beguiling smile was something he looked forward to when he went to visit her. Yasuko had fallen in love with the dashing officer who had chosen her and was only too willing to give him exquisite massages and when he made love to her, she knew how to bring him to the summit of sexual fulfilment with her knowledge of the art of love.

Yet neither Yasuko nor Hitomi had ever touched his heart. As soon as he left Yasuko in the lovely traditional room where she received him, he found his thoughts already returning to a particular Army duty he had to perform and he hardly ever gave her a thought until the time he felt he wanted to visit her again.

This had been the same with Hitomi. Both their families thought their union would bring them even more prestige and arranged the marriage. They had both been virgins when they wed, but they had quickly found a life together that gave them a mutual sense of satisfaction. The birth of his son and two years later his daughter had been occasions of pride and joy for him. He loved his children dearly and was a proud father, and if his thoughts dwelled upon his family, it was his children and hardly ever Hitomi he thought of. In some arranged marriages husband and wife fell in love later, but this had not happened to Koji and he had not given it much consideration; he was properly married like all Japanese men and he had produced an heir.

Then when he saw Xiomara she had from the first moment imprinted herself upon his mind and she refused to let him forget her. Unknown to her, after he saw her at the reception for General Suzuki and their eyes met, he had asked a fellow officer who the gaijin woman was and the man laughingly told him she was the possession of Suzuki.

"She comes with the job, Takahashi-san, she will be yours next."

The man was amused by himself but Koji growled inside; he could not imagine this woman being with Suzuki, whom he merely thought of as a stupid penpusher and the idea of being attracted to a woman that man had used appalled him.

It very soon became clear to him that Xiomara had not shared the bed of Suzuki and when she refused to share his he was angry because he wanted her. He felt she, like all women should submit to him, but at the same time he appreciated her for showing bravery. They were at war, she was a prisoner of war and she had witnessed the execution of a prisoner herself, yet even though she knew he could have killed her, she stood up to him. When they worked together or were at home he was always very much aware of her, at first her defiant glares at him, then as time went on, he would look up and find her eyes resting on his face with an enigmatic expression. At times he wished he could read her thoughts and know what she really thought of him.

The days when he was ill and he saw her sweet face every time he drifted back to consciousness through thick clouds of fever or heard her steady heartbeat against his ear as she held him, it was as if she was the anchor that made him cling to life. He was half awake and the room seemed to be shrouded in a red haze when he felt her stroke his arm with her thumb and it had been so hard after that to wait for her to come to him, which he knew he must. Never before did he have to wait for the woman of his choice to surrender to him and he was horrified at the very thought of having to beg her to sleep with him, but when eventually he kissed her, that was what he did, because his love overruled his pride.

And he had never regretted it either; Xiomara made his heart soar when he made love to her. Small flames inside him that erupted into a raging fire whenever they were together even though she did not have the sexual expertise Yasuko had. Then it had been merely to satisfy his desire, but now every climax Xiomara brought him to was utter fulfilment because of his deep love for her. Sex with her was something he looked forward to every night when they went home. It had become part of their spiritual bond and he was no longer alone, but one with her, heart, body and soul.

This change in his personality manifested itself when, as the hot, humid Japanese summer dragged on, Koji was very tired one late afternoon and his head hurt intolerably. He sat down beside her on the couch and allowed her to draw him to her with his head on her lap. She began to caress his forehead, temples and hair with such soothing, loving strokes that he felt all tension leave his body and after a few minutes felt completely relaxed and warm and his eyelids drooped sleepily. He drifted off with her fingers still mesmerising him and he did not wake up until the darkness had wrapped the house in a soft, protective cloak.

One sweltering day Koji came home at dusk when Tokyo rushed home for dinner, to find Xiomara sitting in the garden where she tried to catch the first cooling breeze of the evening. As he approached her, he thought once more how lovely she looked with the radiant smile with which she always welcomed him into her arms. As they shared a loving kiss, Koji produced an artistically wrapped package from behind his back.

"I have brought you a gift."

"Koji! How sweet of you! Thank you!" Xiomara kissed his cheek and eagerly opened the bag to find a beautifully made dress complete with under-garments.

It was of a heavy black silk with pink cherry-blossoms embroidered on the skirt. Koji saw her mouth fall open with astonishment as she held up the lovely gown and he smiled.

"Like all women I know you would like something new to wear," he said.

"Yes, I want to look beautiful for you, my love."

"You have never been anything but beautiful to me, with clothes or without," Koji assured her with a grin. "Xiomara will you bond with me?"

He saw her gasp and her hand went to her breast. "Bond with you? Do you mean it?"

"There can be no traditional Japanese wedding for obvious reasons, but I thought we could go to the Temple and have our bond blessed," he said.

He felt her arms go around him and he held her close. Her body was very warm and as he kissed her neck he tasted the saltiness of her perspiration.

"Yes, I will bond with you, Koji," her eyes were soft and dark as they locked with his and he smiled again.

"Well then, we will take a shower and get dressed," he said and watched her run off into the house.

When Koji and Xiomara were both ready to go to the Temple, the darkness had already fallen over the city and the moment he saw her step into the living room he felt his heart overflow with love. The black silk accentuated the dark coil of hair on her head and her eyes shone like stars. He was wearing his Army uniform and looked dashing and handsome in the soft light coming from the lamps. They were both very still as they faced each other, holding hands.

"You look beautiful, my love," Koji said and he could not resist gently kissing her lips.

He decided to drive the few blocks to the Temple himself so that no one except Yume would see them leave.

As they entered the Temple the incense and the burning candles greeted them in a warm welcome and as they bowed reverently to the Buddha, the Priest once again seemed to appear out of nowhere, a gentle smile on his face.

"So you have come, my children. Let us ask Amida Butsu to bless the bond that I see between you."

Neither Koji nor Xiomara were surprised that the Priest knew exactly why they were there. They faced the altar and Koji took her hand, entwining his fingers with hers.

"Speak the words you wish to say, my son," said the Priest.

Koji faced Xiomara and his beautiful eyes showed his love. "Xiomara, you were with me in previous lives and will be throughout the ages to come and I am blessed that your soul decided to join mine again in this life. Whatever may happen in the days to come, know that I love you more than my life and even if we are parted, I will always be with you. I will be the brush you feel on your cheek when you go to sleep in the evening, I will be the star you see in the night-sky. I will be the shadow of your shadow for now and forever. This I swear to you on my honour and my love."

As Koji finished speaking he saw the tears glisten in Xiomara's eyes and her voice was soft as she spoke.

"Koji, I love you with all my heart and soul. The Gods were kind to me when they lead me back to you along such a difficult path. But I belong to you as you belong to me. You will never be alone again for I will be there to hold you and cherish you and share your burden. You are the light of my life and I kindle your light in my heart. I promise to love you as I always have and nothing, no human or even death can part us. I pledge myself to you forever."

As they were speaking the Priest stood before them with his hands together in silent prayer. Now his gentle eyes rested on the couple before him and a soft smile transformed his face, making him resemble the sacred statue of the Buddha behind him. He took Koji's and Xiomara's hands and wrapped a scarf of the softest, white silk around them.

"I ask Amida Butsu to bless these people, to bind them together by this bond I see between them. Guide them on this path together. Nothing that was joined together in the Womb of Creation can ever be separated. And when they return to the Light of Heaven, make their transition be gentle and let them rejoice together in eternal peace."

The air in the Temple was cool and brushed the sweet scent of the incense around the man and the woman in front of the altar. It was as if they were enveloped in a mist, which reflected the light from the candles so that it glowed like a magical veil and it was as if soft voices whispered their approval.

Behind the Priest the flames of the candles rose higher so they created a halo round his head and the atmosphere was filled with such ethereal beauty that Koji and Xiomara were afraid they would break the enchantment by even taking a breath. They stood transfixed before the Buddha and cherished this moment of wonder together.

Finally the Priest let go of their hands and the couple took a deep intake of breath. Now the atmosphere in the Temple was back to its normal serenity and the Priest bowed before the Buddha and then indicated Koji and Xiomara to follow him to a small room situated behind the altar where he produced a scroll written in beautiful calligraphy.

Koji did not seem to be surprised by this, but Xiomara could not help asking. "You already had this?"

"Of course, daughter. If you listen to the voice of the Universe, all things are revealed to you," the Priest replied gently. "Your love was too strong to be denied. Do you not know that love is the most powerful force in all Creation? If you love another being more than yourself, Life itself sings and Goodness is created. You thought once that loving this man was impossible, but you are old souls that have been together throughout Eternity. Such a bond cannot be denied, not by anything created on Earth."

The Priest held out a small, sharp knife to Koji, who made a tiny cut in his thumb and made five thumbprints on the document, which made it a legal manuscript of their bond. Then the Priest took the document from him with a deep bow and reverently put it with all manuscripts were stored at the Temple since it was built hundreds of years ago.

With a deep bow Koji and Xiomara left the sanctity of the Temple to return home and when he held her in his arms that night, Koji made love to her in a way that was both tender and dedicated. Whatever was to come, he would have no regrets, for the love of his life shared his existence and would do so until the end of time.

The closeness they shared now made Koji even question his decision to commit seppuku if Japan lost the war. Never before in his military career had he believed that possible; he was a Samurai and no Samurai would live and face defeat. His honour demanded that he ended his life, yet it was not the knowledge of the excruciating pain he would suffer, but the thought of leaving Xiomara that tore at his heart.

He knew that she would stand beside him, even though it would tear her apart; she would not go into hysterics like the women in America, who had obviously heard something about the old Bushido Code and babbled in their shrill voices at him about the 'horror of sticking a knife into your belly' and 'what does your wife think about that, Captain Takahashi?', twisting his name on their American tongues. He had found it difficult at the time to hide his contempt for them and their patronising ways, always thinking the Americans culture was the only one worthwhile.

No, Xiomara would be heart-broken when the time came for him to leave, but she would be with him at the end; he would die in her arms and the last thing he would hear would be her voice soothing him along his path into the Other World. At least that was what he wanted for himself, but for the first time in his life he considered the feelings of another person. His love for Xiomara made him want to spare her the sight of the blood and the agony of his death, maybe it would be better if he took her back to her own people and die alone. It would be lonely and cold dying without her by his side, but perhaps it would be better to suffer that rather than cause her pain. It would be his last gift of love to her.

Then came a late afternoon in early August when Xiomara waited for Koji to come home at the usual hour. She had been on edge all day for no apparent reason and this time not even the tranquil garden could do anything to soothe her restless mind. For weeks now the radio broadcast nothing but bad tidings; Iwo Jima was lost, Correggidor, Singapore and Bataan. The war was edging closer to the shores of the Japanese mainland and enemy soldiers stood waiting at the gates to conquer the Empire. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Japan was forced to her knees and her heart contracted with fear.

Never had she believed she would dread the defeat of Japan. When the war broke out she hated the Japanese and all she wanted was for the Dutch Indies to be free again, the end of the Empire and the war over. Now she hoped for another solution, any solution, just not the capitulation of Japan, for it would mean the end of everything she cherished in life.

"Selfish! So Selfish! I should pray for the deliverance of my friends, for the killing to come to an end and for the world to start living again in peace." Xiomara thought, but at the same time she remembered a conversation she and Koji had a few months ago when it became clear that Japan was lost.

They were lying in bed in each other's arms in the safe darkness of the bedroom when Xiomara moved even closer to Koji.

"The war is not going well for Japan."

"Japan has not lost the war yet," Koji replied.

Xiomara shook her head. "What will become of us after the war?"

"There will not be an 'after the war' for me if Japan loses," was the ominous answer.

She felt her heart miss several beats and her blood ran cold through her veins.

"You don't mean…"

"If Japan is defeated I will take you back to your own people and you will be able to live your life again in freedom and I shall die."

Xiomara sat upright and her hand went to her breast. Now the room that had been so cosy a moment before whispered angrily with dark demon voices.

"Why are you Japanese always so eager to die? Can you not live and face your defeat? Surely you can serve your Emperor better alive than dead?" Xiomara almost cried.

"I could not live with the shame of defeat and besides, what would you have me do after the war? I am a soldier, I know no other life. Do you want me to sweep the streets or become a farmer?"

"When you lived in Washington you wanted to be a diplomat," Xiomara tried.

"That was long ago, the war has come between me and that career. And the Americans are not likely to welcome me back after I fought them in this war."

"So I will wake up one night and the bed will be empty and I will find you somewhere with a knife in your stomach?" Xiomara felt helpless tears coming to her eyes.

"Do you expect me to do less than my own father did?'" Koji spoke calmly.

"Your father? He committed suicide?"

"Yes. A man was falsely accused of a crime and was killed because my father took too long to persuade his Lord to admit that it was his own son who had done this. It was doubly shameful to my father, first of all it was his Lord who acted without honour and second because an innocent man had died. He could never have lived with that disgrace and took his life as a Samurai should."

Xiomara was deeply shocked, also because he spoke in a calm, low voice as if it meant nothing to him. "It must have been terrible for your mother. How could she face this?"

"My mother was strong and stayed at his side till the end and she kept her kimono with his blood in a box until the day she died. But she was devastated and I never saw her smile again."

"And neither will I," said Xiomara sadly. "Your name may be spelled Happiness, which you brought me, but you will take it with you when you leave me."

"You are not Japanese, Xiomara, you must return to your own people. I am Samurai and I will die alone."

Suddenly Xiomara found a strength within her she never knew she had.

"No Kaka, you will not die alone. I will stay with you," she said steadily and when Koji opened his mouth to speak she put her fingers on his lips. "It is very noble of you to want to spare me, but you will not die alone. I will hold you. It is my right as the woman you love and who loves you…so very much."

Now her voice broke and her body shook with the sobs she could no longer restrain.

Koji drew her into his arms and kissed her forehead, her wet cheeks and her trembling lips. He held her close to his heart, caressing her and speaking softly in Japanese.

"Koji?"

"Yes, my love."

"Will you take me with you?"

For a moment his hand stopped stroking her shoulder. "No, this is not your fight, you must live and I must follow my Karma."

"It is my fight! You made it my fight by loving me!" Xiomara exclaimed a little angrily because he shut her out.

Koji kissed her mouth when she tried to say more. "Let us not spoil the time we have together. There is still time, anything can happen."

Since that night Xiomara had forever been alert, listening to the news and watching the grave face of Koji as Japan lost one battle after another. She had cringed in horror as she heard of the women on some of the conquered islands who threw themselves to their deaths from the rocks and the soldiers who held grenades to their chests and blew themselves up.

She caught herself following Koji around like a puppy, almost afraid to let him out of her sight just in case he would decide to kill himself. Before she knew him, Japan was something abstract; a nation that committed the worst crimes and needed to be conquered. Now it was personal and she realised that the death of Japan would also be the death of the man she loved.

At night sleep eluded her and when it finally came, she suffered from nightmares, in some of them she saw women screaming as they threw themselves into a dark chasm and one night she sat up in bed with a cry. It woke Koji up with a shock and he put his arm around her shoulders comfortingly.

"Koji! I dreamed…terrible…I saw you…you were lying on the floor and there was blood everywhere…you held out your hand to me and you called my name, but I could not move…I could not reach you…"

"Sometimes you see things in a dream that warn you in advance, so that your soul is prepared and you can face your destiny in whichever way it comes. And other times it is no more than that, just a dream. Go back to sleep," he tried to soothe her.

But Xiomara did not sleep after that particular dream. She lay in Koji's arm, listening to his breathing, trembling and praying that fate would be kind to them.

And then the summit of horror and human insanity had descended upon the Empire. A new experimental bomb had been dropped on the city of Hiroshima, killing thousands and destroying the city completely. Xiomara found Koji sitting at his desk that evening and he looked so forlorn with the defeat showing in his soulful eyes that her heart cried out for him. He folded his hands in his characteristic way and leaned forward to stare ahead with unseeing eyes. She covered his hands with hers and kissed the freckles on his cheek.

"Oh my love," she said softly.

Koji put his arms round her waist and leaned his head against her breast.

"If I could die now, listening to your heartbeat, I would die a happy man."

The night that followed the sixth of August was a sleepless one for Xiomara. She listened to every sound Koji made in his sleep, every restless move he made, always terrified that he would get up and commit seppuku. She watched him sleep and very carefully so as not to wake him kissed his parted lips which made him give a soft moan and turn towards her, throwing his arm over her.

"Let this night never end, let him stay with me forever, or let us die together, I beg you God,"

Xiomara had never been a religious person, but now she prayed with all her might for his life. But inevitably the early morning light crept up in the sky and he woke up, giving her a tired smile.

"Did you not sleep, my love?"

She kissed his mouth. "No, I watched you sleep."

Koji stretched his body and yawned.

"Come stay in my arms a little longer, it is early still," he said and drew her near. "It is such bliss to wake up with you every morning. Even when I made you sleep in my bed and you would not let me love you."

As he let the silky tresses of her hair run through his fingers, Koji thought about how much his life had changed. When he and Hitomi went to bed he had either wanted sex or he wanted to sleep, now he found that it was a wonderful feeling just to hold and caress the woman he loved and how much he enjoyed it when she touched him. He sighed softly, wishing he could stay like this forever, no need to talk, just holding Xiomara close to his heart. Once he had been master of his feelings and had no care for others, but now his first thought in the morning and the last at night was hers.

His thoughts returned to the war and what was to come inevitably and he felt a sharp pain in his soul; even though he was certain they would meet again in a next life, he did not want to be parted from her in this one.

Safely wrapped in Xiomara's embrace, Koji wondered how much longer the Empire could hold out in spite of assurances from the Daihonei that Japan would never surrender. He felt the days were now numbered and he let out a soft sound that made Xiomara stir in his arms.

"Are you afraid?" she said in a small voice.

"No. Only of leaving you."

"Then do not leave me!"

"Xiomara…" he raised himself on his elbow and kissed her mouth before she could speak. "You are strong and you promised you would stand beside me. Do not make it harder for me to leave you."

"How hard do you think it will be for me to see you die?" said Xiomara.

"I know, my love, it will tear you apart. And yet you will support me so that I can go to my rest in your arms, as you have foreseen. Is that not so?"

"Oh Koji! I remember the dream, but it is so hard! I am not prepared to let you go!"

"You said it was now your fight because you love me. Then make it the hardest fight of your life. Sacrifice your love for me and let me go. But until then let us cherish every kiss, every breath we take. Can you do that?"

Xiomara nodded. "If you can bear it, then I must too. I will show you that a gaijin can have as much courage as any Japanese. I promise you."

Koji held her close to his heart and kissed her as if he wanted to make up for all the lost time. He stayed in bed with her, holding her and gently talking to her. He would try to spare her the agony of being there at the hour of his death, but if she would be there he knew she would be as strong as she had always been.

Xiomara was convinced the Hiroshima bombing would mean the final blow to Japan and they would surrender, but she was proven wrong, the military command fought on, sacrificing more young men, women and children on the altar of insanity. Sometimes she wondered if the whole world had gone berserk and all this could only end when the last men had killed each other in a final apocalyptic battle.

The front door opened and Xiomara heard the familiar sound of Koji's footsteps. With a smile she ran to greet him, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the look on his pale face.

"What is it? What has happened?" she asked.

"Another of those atomic bombs was dropped on Nagasaki today. This is the end. The Emperor wants to surrender."

"Koji!"

"No, my love, do not worry. I will not leave you, there are things I must take care of."

Xiomara was shaking as she realised that the moment that had terrified her for months had arrived now. Koji might not leave her today, but they would not be together for much longer. However, she did not cry, she gave him a sad smile and put her arms around him, giving him the comfort of her nearness. He demanded that she be strong and she would not dishonour him with pointless hysterics, which would only serve to make his death more painful.

That evening Koji stretched out on the couch, resting exhausted with his head on her knees while she caressed his face. The sweet wrinkles around his eyes seemed deeper now and his dark eyes were sad and tired. He did not speak much, but only stared into the room without seeing. He just wanted to be close to her and be touched and she was glad to give him that comfort, soothing away his grief. A long time later Xiomara took his hand and kissed his long fingers.

"Come, let us go to bed, you must try to rest."

Koji nodded and followed her to the bedroom where they undressed in silence and lay down on the bed. She moved near to him and they were lying face to face, looking into each other's eyes and enjoying the closeness. Xiomara followed the lines of his beautiful face, the nose she loved so much, his mouth, which she so loved to kiss. As he flung his leg over her thigh she began to very slowly caress him from his ears to his neck and shoulders, going to his chest with the dark nipples and then to his smooth back, then trailing back again over his arm. He was breathing deeply and reached out to her as she kissed his mouth gently and longingly, her tongue slipping between his lips. Against her thigh she could feel him respond to her touch and she smiled between kisses.

"I have always wanted to count the freckles on our body, my love," she said huskily, "but you always aroused me so that I lost count."

Koji smiled. "Then count again."

She placed feather light kisses on the tiny freckles on his cheeks and searched for the next one on his neck and then others on his shoulders. He rested on his back now and closed his eyes, enjoying her kissing and touching. With gentle fingers she circled his nipples and played them until she wanted to caress his stomach and hips, still making no move for his groin. She knew he was very tired so she could take all the time she wanted with him.

Between caresses she stopped to kiss him and she could tell he felt good from the way he was breathing heavily. Then tenderly she took his manhood in her hand, moving the skin very slowly and pressing down between long strokes. As if he wanted to prolong the pleasure he forced himself not get erect and just enjoyed her touching. Only when her mouth closed over the delicate tip of his manhood did he moan.

"So tired, my love. Do you want me to stop?" Xiomara teased.

"No! Do not stop!" he said hoarsely.

She pushed the soft skin back and licked and kissed him again, then stopped to stroke very slowly until she felt him throb in her hand. Alternatively caressing and applying pressure on his sex Xiomara stimulated him, ending with long strokes from the tip of his manhood to the warm roundness behind it. By now he was erect and groaned softly as she moved faster to arouse him fully. Koji felt the fire streak through his body as she rubbed his sex until he ejaculated with a loud cry. She licked him gently and then caressed her way back over his chest to lay down beside him, holding him close to her.

"Now you must sleep, my darling," she whispered, knowing from his even breathing that he already slept before she finished speaking.

Xiomara was awake for many hours, listening to his soft sounds as he dreamed and soothing him when she knew he had a nightmare. These were moments of closeness she wanted to cherish and not waste them by sleeping. She saw the early dawn creep up over the sky and cursed it for arriving and forcing her beloved to leave her arms.

There followed five days of total chaos. Xiomara hardly saw Koji because he had to stay at his office at the barracks and see to the dismantling of the anti-aircraft batteries and discharging his men. He could only order them to disarm and surrender themselves to the Americans when they entered the city, but many of the officers and men went away quietly and single gunshots sounded in the night when they killed themselves rather than submit to the Allies. When there was nothing more he could do he himself went home for the last time.

The house whispered a sad welcome as he stepped inside and held out his arms to Xiomara, who stepped into his embrace, holding him against her. As they stood there clinging to each other, the telephone rang in the living room. Koji went to answer it and after a few moments put the receiver down without speaking, his head bowed.

"The document of unconditional surrender has been signed. The war has ended."

Xiomara sensed his despair in the way his shoulders sagged as he leaned on the edge of his desk. The strength inside her that forced her to breathe and put one foot in front of the other all those terrible days now made her reach out to him. That eternal power women have when they are faced with the ultimate disaster. She stood beside Koji and put her arms around him and sighed as he rested his head against her heart. This was the time he needed her most of all, now she could show him her love and total devotion. He would go away, but while she still owned him, she would give him herself, heart, body and soul.

"Please make love to me now," she said quietly.

He looked up and pulled her head down to meet her lips in a tender kiss. Still kissing each other they went to the bedroom where Koji waited for Xiomara to undo the buttons of his tunic and let it fall to the floor, then the small buttons of his shirt followed until she pushed the flaps away to touch the warm skin of his chest. She kissed a soft trail from his collarbone to his nipple while at the same time her hands caressed his stomach and his sides. His breath came quicker and he began to undo her dress, teasing her by running his nails gently over her spine.

His familiar masculine scent, a combination of sandalwood and musk aroused her as it always did and she pushed his shirt down over his shoulders until it joined the tunic on the floor. She took a small step back to make room for him to take off her dress and let him look at her. Her large breasts had always excited him and once again she heard his groan as he took them in his hands and fondled them, playing with the hard nipples.

Koji let her take off his trousers and fundoshi and then he stood before her naked, a look of longing in his eyes. He was already aroused, but she knew he could postpone his climax a long time and again she kissed his chest, sucking his nipples and running her tongue around them until they were hard in her mouth. He took her face between her hands and took possession of her mouth, kissing her passionately, his tongue eager to meet hers in a loving dance. He pushed her back on the bed and slowly began to kiss and lick her breasts. His kisses caused her to moan softly and move her body under him. He kissed his way down over her stomach to her thigh, licking to her knee and repeat it on the other leg. It did not take him long to push her legs apart and find her moist womanhood that waited for him with desire. Experienced long fingers played inside her, teasing her most sensitive spot and making her wet and yielding. The course hair of his moustache tickled her and she gave a soft cry as he moved and his tongue played inside her.

When Koji raised his head Xiomara looked into his face and saw his dark eyes were filled with passion. She drew him to her and it was her turn to lick and kiss a path over his body until she reached his throbbing manhood, which stood proud and erect. She followed the delicate veins with her tongue to take the tip in her mouth, all the time licking and suckling. Now he could not suppress a groan and dig his fingers into the sheets.

She licked the first drops he lost and then let him go. At his disappointed sound she straddled his thighs and let her moist womanhood caress his hardness, just not letting him enter her. She knew how he enjoyed it when her breasts swayed as they made love and she gave him that pleasure again. But he wanted her and embraced her, rolling her over on her back to bring himself on top of her.

Everything he did that night was filled with such tenderness and deep love that Xiomara knew that it had never been this intense. They were one as they had never been one before, their hearts beat with the same rhythm, their mouths clung together and they shared every breath.

The moves of Koji's hips were alternatively slow and deep, then quicker again until he felt that Xiomara was ready to have her orgasm. He leaned his elbows next to her head and looked into her eyes as he thrust in and out of her. Then she cried out and he held himself deep inside her, releasing into her eager body. They were both covered in a thin film of sweat as they lay wrapped in each other's arms.

"Please do not leave me without saying goodbye, my love," Xiomara whispered when she had caught her breath again.

"Do you not know by now that there is no goodbye between us?"

"I do not want to wait for another life to be with you again."

Koji kissed her forehead gently. "Go to sleep, my precious. For a few hours of the night let your mind be at peace."

Xiomara was silent, but she fought the sleep with all her might, afraid that he would wish to commit seppuku alone to spare her the agony of seeing him die. But she was exhausted in her mind as well as her body and their lovemaking had been so intense that she drifted off to sleep, only to awaken with a shock. Her sense of time was lost and she had no idea how long she had slept. Her heart drummed loudly in her breast as she realised that the bed was empty. Suddenly ice-cold and shaking violently she jumped to her feet and ran from the room, at the same time grabbing her dress and throwing it over her head. Her long hair was flying like a dark banner behind her as she raced along the corridor.

"Koji! Koji!" she screamed.

They were so attuned to each other that Xiomara knew where he would be; the small traditional sitting room with its sliding doors to the porch and the garden. It was here that he relaxed and meditated and she knew this would be where he would want to die. She almost slipped on the tatami as she rushed into the room to be confronted with the sight from her worst nightmare.

The light was on in the room and it shed a glow onto the porch where Koji knelt dressed in his army pants with a bandage wrapped tightly round his waist. He did not acknowledge her and she knew he was hardly aware of her presence. It was as if he had departed this world and his eyes could already see the one beyond that beckoned him.

"Koji! No!" Xiomara screamed his name and fell to her knees beside him, flinging her arms around his shoulders. "Goddamn you! Do not leave me without saying goodbye!"

She felt the shock against her body as the tanto entered his stomach and a sickening sound of tearing flesh as he slowly moved it from left to right. As he fell forward, Xiomara pulled him back against her and held him close, hoping he would hear her heartbeat as he died. Koji gave a soft sigh and his head fell back against her shoulder, his blood now pouring in a red river from the wound in his abdomen. Then he moaned and went limp, sagging into her lap and after one last twitch of his shoulder he did not move again and she knew he was dead.

Xiomara sat rigid; it felt as if her heart was unable to beat because some demonic being was holding it in its hand and crushed it and her blood had turned into ice. She felt herself sink into a deep pit of numbness as the echo of his last groan echoed again and again in her head.

Xiomara sat on the shadowy porch holding Koji's dead body in her lap, rocking him and speaking gentle words of love and comfort to him.

"It is all right my love, I promised you before I would not let go. Never. And you will not be lonely without me for long, I give you my word," she whispered in a constricted voice, gently touching his bloodstained hand that still clutched the tanto.

"You are so beautiful, my love. When I saw you I tried to hate you, but I could not. I loved you from the very first moment. Do you remember when I challenged you to kill me? And you know what? It would not have mattered if you had because I would have been with you right now."

She kissed shut the beautiful, dark eyes that had always held that special softness he only had for her.

"Those wonderful days together; they were too few. When we just found the way to each other and you looked so surprised when I hugged you, because you were not used to that. And that wonderful afternoon at the lake when we sat looking at Fujiyama, I was never happier. And the first time you smiled at me, it was as if the room suddenly filled with light and warmth."

She bent forward to kiss Koji's mouth and the freckles on his cheeks she loved so much, her long, loose hair falling around him like a concealing curtain.

"You should have been less loyal, beloved, you wanted me to live, but you should have taken me with you and I would have come…gladly." Xiomara bent forward to kiss Koji's forehead. "But you must sleep now and rest, nothing will harm you and there will only be dreams of happiness. Your daughter and your son are waiting to embrace you and guide you home. No more pain, no more fear, only peace. Go home, Koji and wait for me…please wait for me."

Outside in the garden the rain rushed over the leaves of the trees and plants and every now and then thunder rumbled through the air. The earthy scent that had always soothed both of them, now no longer brought her peace. She could only think about the endless days without his presence, nights of having to sleep without him holding her. She saw the living room, now cold and bare, where there would be no more evenings when he would sit at his desk working, or of them sitting on the couch together, listening to music. At that moment she was certain that she had no desire to bear that. The light of her life had gone out and nothing could bring it back.

In the early morning Yoshiaki Sanada found Xiomara still caressing the cold body of the man she loved, her eyes unseeing and dried tears on her cheeks. Almost with difficulty she raised her head.

Tears stood in Yoshiaki's eyes as he knelt beside her and put his hand on her shoulder, seeing her long hair that was sticking together where it had hung in the blood of the General.

"You must let him go now, Xiomara-san. Please…let me take him from you."

"He is sleeping, you must not wake him," she whispered, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Xiomara-san, he is dead. We must take his body to the hospital where he will be safe."

Only when Yoshiaki took Koji's body from her arms, did she scream like a mad woman, clinging to him, all the agony coming out in a prolonged, tortured scream. Gently Sanada took her hands away from Koji and solemnly lifted him in his arms to carry him away; he was a strong man and the slender body of his General posed no problem for him.

Xiomara rose slowly to her feet and with slow, unsteady steps went to the bedroom, her shoulders hanging as if she carried the weight of the world on them. Her eyes immediately fell on Koji's shirt, still lying on the floor where he had thrown it when they made love. She picked it up and held it to her face to find it still carried his scent and once again she broke down and cried, falling on the bed when her legs could no longer carry her.

Sanada respectfully knocked before he stepped into the bedroom.

"I will take the General to the morgue at the hospital. We have to make arrangements for his funeral service, but until then he cannot stay here; it is too hot. Will you accompany me?"

For a moment Xiomara had no idea what he was talking about. Her mind had simply stopped functioning and she looked up with an empty look on her face.

"Xiomara-san," Yoshiaki said softly. "If I take you to the Allies; they will understand that you worked for the General to save your own life. You have committed no crime so you have nothing to worry about."

"What can they do to me, Yoshiaki-san?" Xiomara answered in a hoarse voice. "I have heard Koji's last cry and I will live with that sound until death releases me. Is there a worse punishment than that?"

Yoshiaki gently put his hand on her shoulder. "Come with me, we must take the General to his rest."

Finally the message sank in and she nodded slowly. She walked to the car with Sanada, who had to keep her from tripping from time to time as if she were an old woman.

The whole Japanese infrastructure was in chaos and there was no ambulance available to take Koji's body to the hospital, so as soon as Xiomara sat down on the back seat, Sanada carefully laid him down on her lap. Under normal circumstances this would have been impossible; a deceased General would have been taken to a funeral parlour with full military honours, but now all that could be done for General Takahashi was to be transported in his staff car, held by the woman he had loved.

The ride to the hospital took a long time and during the journey neither Xiomara nor Yoshiaki Sanada spoke. She sat in the car, looking down at the serene face of Koji, who seemed merely to be sleeping with his head against her breast. Captain Sanada had pulled the tanto from his stomach and he was now as beautiful in death as he had been in life. The lines of agony and the swollen veins on his forehead that had been there at the moment of his death were gone and his lips were slightly parted as if in a smile.

When they arrived at the hospital, Sanada ran to the emergency entrance and not much later returned with a stretcher and two medics, who expertly took Koji's body from Xiomara's arms, placed him on the stretcher and wheeled him inside. As they entered, some of the nurses looked at the woman who followed them, wearing a dress covered with large, dark bloodstains and one of them gave her a compassionate smile.

They went through endless, white corridors and down with an elevator until they reached two huge doors that opened to the morgue. There finally Koji Takahashi's body was placed on a granite slab, waiting to be put in a cold cell until the cremation could take place.

At that moment something inside Xiomara broke; she saw the man she loved cold and pallid on the table and with a scream she turned and ran from the room. She fled along long corridors, turning corners, sometimes challenged by nurses or startling other members of staff as she sped by. Then she came to a door leading to stairs and she ran up, climbing higher and higher until she opened another door and found herself on the roof of the huge five-storied hospital building with its white, square tower and for a while she stood there panting.

In a daze she moved forward to the railing and looked down at the bridge they had just crossed and the river, glinting in the early morning sunlight. She felt the wind brushing her cheeks and it gently nudged her even nearer to the edge of the roof.

"Go to him, he is waiting for you," the wind breathed in her ear.

Suddenly the hospital and the river were gone. Instead she was in the garden and she could smell its earthy scent and see the mossy stones. Between the rocks and ferns stood Koji who smiled at her. He seemed enveloped with soft light and his smile was gentler than ever.

"Koji!" She stretched out her arms to him. "Koji!"

"Come to me, " he said and held out his hand to her. "Do not be afraid, I will catch you if you fall."

Xiomara's face was transformed by a radiant smile as she climbed over the railing and stepped into the void below her.

Koji's arms held her tightly as she fell into them and his lips closed over hers for a tender kiss. She threw her arms round his neck and held on to him, never to let go.

"There is no life for either of us apart, " Koji said gently, his beautiful eyes shining with love. "Let us share Heaven until we meet again in another existence."