Quinn Fabray couldn't keep herself from stealing glances at Rachel Berry's bare legs. She hated herself every time she did, but just couldn't help herself.
Hating herself was not something new to Quinn.
Despite the increasingly cold fall weather, Berry barely wore tights or leggings or even those ridiculous knee socks. Quinn was positive it was some stupid, childish attempt to attract Finn's attention that she had read about in some 1950's teen vogue one of her gay dads kept around to remind him of the good ol' days.
Finn was a teenage boy.
He liked boobs.
Still, Quinn had caught him looking at Berry's legs twice now so it was clearly kinda working. That meant Rachel Berry was going to continue to do it until either she froze to death or one of her dads realized what she was doing and forced her to cover those legs.
Quinn realized she had to pee -again, and that made her pull her eyes away from where the lacy tops of Berry's socks met her ankles and stare at Finn and Kurt as they made their way through whatever balled Kurt had decided they'd sing.
Kurt looked like he was about to start humping Finn's leg.
If Quinn wasn't peeing, then she was throwing up. Mrs. Hudson had bought crackers and ginger ale, which had made her feel terrible because Quinn didn't deserve anyone being nice to her let alone Mrs. Hudson.
Quinn Fabray was a horrible person in general, but she was really topping herself by lying to Finn and his mom about the baby. Of course, the alternative was letting Lima Loser Puck continue the cycle of loserdom by being in the baby's life. At least with Finn as it's father, her baby would have a slightly better chance. Mostly she hoped that Finn was a sweet enough guy that maybe he could counteract the innate Fabray horribleness.
That was assuming she kept the baby and stayed stuck in Lima forever.
She didn't know what she was doing, not really. Something as simple as watching a commercial can make her change her mind. She hated it, but she can't help it. More than anything, she wished her family loved her enough to help her figure this out -she needed their guidance. For all she is, was, and will be, Quinn is in way over her head.
So for now, her energy goes towards ignoring the twisty feeling in her stomach when she's around Mrs. Hudson, avoiding Puck, and trying not to stare at Rachel freaking Berry instead of thinking about what will happen after the baby is born.
She needs to stop thinking about it, otherwise she's going to start crying. Quinn took a deep breath, vowing to herself that she wasn't going to look at Berry any more today.
Rachel Berry was just another way for Quinn to torture herself.
And she really didn't need more ways -she'd been driven from her family, her home, for four days now.
Her sister had very politely told Mrs. Hudson that Frannie was now an only child when Mrs. Hudson had called her.
And not only had her dad canceled her cell phone plan, he'd gone into her bank account and completely emptied it, which he could do because his name was on it too. All she had was the one hundred and twelve dollars in her wallet, and a bunch of change in the bottom of her purse.
She'd woken up this morning on Finn's lumpy bed (he'd been regulated to the couch in the living room), and weighted herself to find that she'd gained three pounds.
Mrs. Hudson had left fast food applications on the kitchen table for her and Finn to find.
(As if Quinn would work at McDonald's. Fabray women did not work menial jobs. Fabray women worked respectable jobs, if they worked at all. Disowned or not, Quinn was still a Fabray. Her daddy could not take her name from her even if he took her family, money and phone.)
Someone, (she suspected Santana but it wasn't like Quinn didn't have plenty of enemies,) had started a rumor that Coach Tanaka was the father of her baby.
And people were believing it.
It had only been about a few weeks since Coach Sylvester had kicked her off the Cheerios and made her pregnancy public. Quinn had been fading from the gossip circuit, so whoever had started that rumor had timed it well. Figuring out who it was, hunting them down and making them pay was on Quinn's list.
She doesn't ever allow herself to think about what ifs -especially not now that she's a pregnant unwed teen.
Life didn't work like the movies, all wrapped up in a bow with a happily ever after.
Quinn was not gay.
She did not like other girls. She was not going to be a dyke on top of the next teenage mother.
No way.
She glared at Kurt -Finn may have forgiven him, but she wasn't ever going to for encouraging Finn to be even dumber than normal.
Kurt had ruined everything for her.
And he hadn't even bothered to apologize to her, just to Finn. Maybe the glee club's song to them the other day was his apology -it had made her cry, but that wasn't exactly hard to do right now.
He noticed her glaring at him, and faltered a little, missing a note.
She hoped Rachel had a lecture and five pages of notes to give to Kurt next glee club meeting. And maybe she'll send him a barrage of texts offering to tutor him all weekend too, annoying him so much he'd end up having to turn his phone off.
It wouldn't at all make up for getting her kicked out of her house -and then not even bothering to apologize to her for his part, but it was a start.
Thinking about it made her smile -and then, she realized not only was she smiling about Rachel doing something, but at Rachel Berry herself, she looked away, a frown marring her features. She settled on glaring at Kurt, angry at him, angry at Rachel -but mostly angry at herself.
She stood up, and stomped out for a bathroom break.
"That was really nice Kurt, Finn," Mr. Schue was saying when she came back into the room, everyone's claps dying down. "I know we've had our difficulties this week, but as long as we stay together, we'll be fine. We're stronger together then standing alone. I'll see you in class or at next week's practice. Um, Brittany I think you have your camera upside down...why do you have a camera any way?"
Rachel made a bee line to where she was just joining Finn. Rachel beamed at Finn, and gave him a look that made Quinn want to punch someone.
Preferably Finn.
Her stomach twisting, Quinn cleared her throat to get their attention. Finn looked at Quinn over Rachel's head guiltily as Rachel turned. The smile Rachel gave Quinn was a lot more toned down then the one she was just giving Finn.
Quinn wanted to throw up.
Addressing both of them, Rachel said, "Due to a miscommunication, I have no ride home. Normally I would enjoy the walk, but with the rain as heavy as it is, and the wind..." Rachel trailed off, and looked at Finn expectantly.
Before he could say anything, Quinn stepped forward, and with every ounce of nastiness she had, she snapped, "Go get one of your friends to give you a ride to your bridge Man Hands. Oh, right, you don't have any. Let's go Finn!" Then she grabbed Finn's hand, and pulled him away without a backward glance.
She was a horrible person. But she just couldn't spend the whole car ride watching Rachel flirt with Finn, and Finn awkwardly enjoy it while trying to not let Quinn know he was enjoying it.
Quinn wasn't stupid. She knew Rachel wanted Finn, for whatever reason.
Quinn knew why she forced herself to want him; the head cheerleader dating the quarterback was expected, it was normal, and now, with the thing inside her, he was better father material then Puck, and by dating him he was the only way to hold onto what popularity she still had left.
It was purely strategic. Like most things in her life had been up until now.
Quinn would never understand why someone as amazing, as talented, as great as Rachel Berry wanted Finn Hudson.
Finn would just hold Rachel back from the greatness that Quinn knew Rachel would achieve one day.
She thought about it, about why on earth Rachel could see in Finn that she couldn't see in Quinn -not that Quinn cared about what Rachel thought of her, or anything, and even if Rachel thought about her like that, Quinn was absolutely not a lesbian so it didn't matter if Rachel had a pathetic crush on her or not.
Nope. It didn't matter at all, which was why she spent the whole car ride to Finn's house stewing about it.
Finn was frowning with concentration as he parallel parked in front of his house when he finally worked up the courage to mumble "You didn't have to be so mean. It's raining and stuff, I -we, could have given Rachel a ride. It's on the way probably, or it's close enough. I mean, Lima isn't huge."
Quinn unsnapped her seat belt, and opened the door. Guilt and anger and shame churned within her. It took her a moment to answer, and she finally decided on, "I just bet you want to give Rachel a ride. Excuse me if I didn't want to watch man hands flirt with you while you pretend you aren't enjoying it," she hissed, punctuating her statement with slamming the door to his truck.
She stomped up the crumbling cement path to the Hudson's front door, and she could hear Finn stomping just as much on the wet cement, easily catching up with her.
She ignored him as she shimmed out of her wet coat, hanging it neatly on the tacky over the door hooks.
"How was school dear? Quinn?" Mrs. Hudson called, coming in. She was dressed in her scrubs -she worked nights as a nursing assistant while she finished school to be a real nurse, and gave them both a smile. Without waiting for an answer, she added, "I want you both to fill out those job applications and drop them off after school tomorrow. Clean up after you make dinner, I also need the carpets vacuumed and laundry done...Quinn..." Mrs. Hudson trailed off, giving Quinn a good look. Whatever she decided to say, she didn't. Instead, she grabbed her purse, gave Finn a kiss on his cheek, and called out goodbye as she left.
"Um, so do you want to vacuum or do laundry?" Finn asked.
Quinn glared at him, "Maybe if this house had good carpet, not whatever your mom found in the dumpster after the elementary school renovated, it wouldn't need to be vacuumed all the time."
"Quinn, that's not nice," Finn sounded whiny.
"Whatever Finn. Your baby is making me tired and cranky. I'll go make us a predinner snack, okay? And when you're doing laundry, remember to get the sheets off your bed please." Of course, Finn's bed only had one set of sheets. They were a little scratchy, a little threadbare and not at all like the nice ones that Quinn had for her bed in the Fabray home. Almost four nights of sleeping on Finn's lumpy bed was nearly enough to make her cry when she compared it to her bed -as if she, being kicked out of her home, pregnant, and left to fend for herself, didn't have enough reasons to cry.
"But I just washed those a few weeks ago."
She didn't bother to answer him, just gave him a 'You're being stupid' look. She tried not to shudder as she realized for the past four nights she'd been sleeping in Finn's dirty lumpy bed.
"Um, okay sorry."
Quinn let out a huff of annoyance, and went into the kitchen.
It was a fifth of the size of the kitchen at her home. It was dumpy and ugly and cramped. She hated it; had always hated it. Before she got pregnant, when she was half heartedly planning on being Mrs. Finn Hudson one day, doomed to live in the Hudson house after they got married, the kitchen was the first thing she'd renovate, with the hideous green fridge the first thing to go.
Of course, that was before she realized that she didn't want to stay in Lima. And now, with the baby...she closed her eyes for a minute, wishing she could stop being so indecisive.
She made them separate bowls of popcorn, having learned when she first started dating Finn -and was that only since June? that sharing with Finn was a terrible idea.
He was playing video games when she went to find him.
"Here. Shouldn't you do what your mom wanted?" She settled into the couch next to him, picking at her bowl of popcorn as Finn started shoveling his popcorn in his mouth without taking his eyes off the TV.
"Nah, I'll do it later," he muttered, sending little bits of popcorn onto the floor.
Quinn closed her eyes, and wondered how she ended up here, listening to the sound of gunfire and zombie moans and Finn's muttered cursing.
She twirled in the water, the sensation of weightlessness sending joy through her. The water was crystal clear, she could easily see the sandy bottom below her, and the blue sky above.
She was happy.
Smiling, she looked up at the blue sky above her, holding her hands up towards the light. She starting swimming up, wanting suddenly to feel the sun on her face.
She wasn't moving. Frowning, she swam harder. She needed to reach the light.
She couldn't breath, couldn't reach the surface.
Panicking, she opened her mouth to scream and her teeth fell out, floating away as she wasted the last of her air.
Pregnancy made her dreams weird.
She didn't think the fact that Finn's bed had slightly damp sheets helped any -even over night hadn't totally dried them, and she woke up feeling gross. The sheets were damp because Finn had taken too long to put the laundry in the dryer last night. She could not fathom sleeping on the bare mattress when Finn had suggested it, and had been so angry she'd burst into tears.
Finn had held his mom's hair dryer against them while she cried to get them tolerable. She'd cried herself to sleep that night. That didn't mean much, considering she'd cried herself to sleep every night she'd been in the Hudson's house, and more than a few nights before that.
Finn was a sweet boy and he didn't deserve to put up with her.
She was distracted through first period. People were whispering about her, which wasn't new. Karofsky leered at her in the halls -also not new. The hockey idiots seemed to take great pride in dating Cheerios, and stealing Cheerios from the football idiots. Karofsky had been after her since she'd made Cheerio Captain last year.
Rachel isn't in their Algebra 2 class.
Quinn doesn't see her at lunch -she usually didn't, unless she purposely tried to find Rachel and say something mean to her. She hasn't done that in a few weeks though, not since she was kicked off the Cheerios.
Santana makes a point of ignoring Quinn and flirting with Puck and Finn in Spanish class.
Rachel isn't in their World History class either. Quinn didn't think too much about it, she was too busy running to the bathroom to throw up or pee, to the annoyance of their teacher.
Seventh period came and went, and soon Quinn was exhaustedly dragging herself to their glee club meeting. Mr. Schue had declared they'd do extra long extra practices on Friday's, until sectionals were over.
Quinn wanted to go home.
She couldn't. So she'd settle for Finn's home.
Maybe she'd talk Mrs. Hudson into buying his bed a new set of sheets.
She's thinking about what shade of pink she'd pick and anticipating how soft and nice they'd be, exhaustion forgotten, when she slid into her chair next to Finn.
Rachel's late. And good lord above, does Quinn hate the fact that she noticed, that she's taken note of Rachel's absence in their shared classes at all.
She's not the only one who has noticed. Mercedes is watching the door like a hawk, a contemplative look of glee on her face -a gleeful look Kurt shared next to her. They kept whispering to each other and with Tina, and unlike last practice weren't making it obvious they were talking about Quinn.
"Man hands wants us talking about her," Santana said, then started filing her nails, "And I vote if she doesn't get here soon, she doesn't get to talk until after sectionals and she has to wear a paper bag on her head every glee club meeting."
Quinn kinda assumed Rachel was going to breeze into the room dramatically after Mr. Schue showed up and started talking. Rachel would excitedly be telling them some harrowing tale about how she skipped school today to badger a vocal teacher to come talk to them or something like that.
Puck snorted, "Berry wouldn't last an hour without talking."
"I think it'd be really mean to sew Rachel's mouth shut," Brittany said frowning, prompting Santana to start whispering rapidly to her.
Quinn stood up to go to the bathroom again. When she returned, just as she was about to sit down, Mr. Schue entered the room, his face creased with worry.
Behind him were two uniformed police officers.
He stepped aside to let them stand by him, and said quietly, "The police officers are here to speak to everyone; no one's in any trouble..." he trailed off, "Rachel's parents a report, she never came home yesterday... Rachel, well, she's missing."
A/N: I was going to wait to post this, but I changed my mind; I don't anticipate this story affecting Dead Girls as I've been working on it concurrently I've been working on both of those stories. It's gone through a lot of changes since the first version -that goodness for rough drafts!
This is a one sided Faberry fic. The main focus of this story will be Quinn growing up, how she and other characters are affected (through Quinn's POV) by Rachel's disappearance, and about Quinn attempting (poorly at first) to solve the mystery of "What happened to Rachel Berry?" Quinn's not a super nice person, and is a teenager; she's not going to say or act perfectly or always do the right thing.
Quinn is hella gay, as you can see in the first line of the story, even if she'll take a while to truly accept it and unpack her issues -she will not be in a romantic relationship with Finn or Puck. Puck is going to be present in this story a lot, though, enough that I felt the need to include him in the characters.
If you absolutely need to have spoilers about Rachel before you decide to read the rest of the story, I totally understand. Please feel free to either PM me or leave a review specifically asking for Rachel spoilers, and I will definitely tell you. All I ask is that you don't mention them in any future reviews, just to avoid possibly spoiling someone who does not wish to be spoiled.
Please let me know what you think! :)