The Price We Pay
.x.X.x
~CrazyPlotQueen~
"Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded. You have until midnight."
The quiet whisper was heard clearly throughout the Great Hall of Hogwarts, even though the room was filled with hundreds of students. It was barely audible, but it chilled Remus Lupin to the bone. Give up Harry Potter? Did Voldemort think they were that cowardly, to just give him up now?
"Well, what are we waiting for? Grab him!" Pansy Parkinson's voice echoed through the room, breaking the tense silence that had settled over them.
A scowl twisted on Remus' face as he moved over to Harry, who stood silently in the center of the crowd. Shock and horror was etched on his face; Remus could tell he was shaken by Voldemort's ultimatum. He was a selfless boy—he was no doubt considering turning himself in to save everyone from having to fight and risk their lives.
"Harry. We know the risk," Remus said softly, subtly reassuring him that they were willing to fight. The slight nod and thankful smile he got in return was enough to give him a bit of relief.
But a thought began to gnaw away at his conscience, and Remus began to tune out everything else in the room unintentionally. What if the risk was too high? He felt bad to even think something so selfish when so much was already at stake, but Remus was stuck on the risks of this battle—the loss of his wife, and leaving his child.
Remus loved Tonks and Teddy. They were his everything; his slice of heaven in a world cold and cruel, a world that outcast people like him for things he couldn't control.
What if he lost his piece of heaven? Or worse, what if Teddy was orphaned like Harry was when he was just a baby? A pit of dread began to grow in his stomach.
"Remus, are you alright?" Harry breathed quietly to him as the rest of the students conversed about what would happen tomorrow at the battle.
"Just...preparing for the battle is all," he replied. But it was only a half-hearted attempt at comforting himself as the pit in his stomach deepened.
.x.X.x.
"I can't sleep."
Tonk's hoarse voice startled Remus—he thought she had fallen asleep hours ago. He squinted at the clock on his bedside table, sighing at how slowly the hour hand seemed to be crawling. It was the dead of night, an ungodly hour; he had hoped that morning would come quicker.
"I want it to be morning already. I can't take the anticipation," she breathed out. It sounded as if she was crying.
Remus rolled over to face his wife, noticing that her face was indeed blotchy and her eyes red. "Don't worry, love. It'll be alright in the end," he whispered to her, gently touching her cheek with his thumb. He didn't expect her to believe him; he could hardly believe himself at the moment. But Tonks numbly nodded her head, and Remus pulled her in close, stroking her hair as they cocooned themselves in thick blankets to stay warm.
.x.X.x.
Remus couldn't sleep. He had wanted to drift off, get a few hours before the final showdown at Hogwarts, but sleep was elusive, hiding in dark corners of the room he didn't dare venture. He assumed Tonks had by now fallen asleep; her breathing had evened out at some point during the night.
Remus wondered if Teddy was asleep, and if he was happy. Merlin, how he wished there was more time to prepare.
A thought popped into his mind suddenly, making his brows furrow. He had only hours until the battle, but perhaps it was enough time to prepare, after all.
Remus rose from the bed, careful not to disturb Tonks on the other side of the mattress. She stirred a bit, clinging to the sheets.
He crept to the wardrobe, pulled out a cassette tape, and began to tiptoe down the hall. His destination was clear; he only wished to stop the clock.
Remus reached the room and, after quietly unlocking the door, slipped inside. When he finally reached the crib, he saw the little figure which made his tired frown melt into a smile.
"Hello, Teddy," Remus crooned as he gently picked the baby up, careful not to wake him. Teddy gurgled once, before nestling his head against his father's chest. Remus walked over to the oak rocking chair in the corner of the room, settling down in the plush pillows on top of it. After setting down the cassette player on the nightstand next to him, he hit a few buttons, listening to the low thrum of the machine whirring.
Remus' mind was racing at this point. What if he messed it up? What if he didn't say the right things? What would he even say?
But he knew he just had to begin. He would just say whatever came to mind, and that was that.
Remus hit Record and took a deep breath while he began to rock his son gently.
"Teddy. If you're getting this, then you already know what has happened, the events that have transpired. Right now, I hope with all my heart that by some miracle they won't come to be, but I know that it's not up to me. Only fate can dictate whether I'll see you again."
Remus paused at that sentence, the emotions bubbling up and the tears blurring his sight. It felt like he was just now realizing how grave his situation actually was. He glanced at the sleeping figure of his son, his eyes roaming over the baby's tiny face; over every curve and valley, every sharp point and rounded edge. Pressing a small kiss to his soft forehead, Remus continued.
.x.X.x.
"And this is where I leave you, Teddy. Goodnight. I love you."
The silence that followed the end of the tape was deafening. Harry Potter had always hated the silence; there was so much hiding in it. He was grown up now, just shy of his thirty-second birthday, and many things about him had changed. However, his hatred for silence never had; it always felt dangerous to him.
But suddenly, it wasn't silent anymore. A hushed sound—a sniffle —came from beside him. Harry gazed at Teddy Lupin, who stared blankly at the cassette player, struggling to form words. He was grown up now, too: at the ripe age of fifteen, he was not a child anymore. Harry had found the tape when he was going through Remus' and Tonks' possessions, after the battle. Keeping it for Teddy when he was older seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
"I'm sorry," Harry said, finally breaking the silence. His godson wore a heavy, numb expression that left no indication as to what he was thinking. "I know this is a lot to take in, but you have to understand what this is like for me—"
Teddy grabbed his godfather, pulling him into a hug. Harry could feel him trembling, could feel his silent sobs as he gently stroked Teddy's hair.
"It's not fair," Teddy whispered, mumbling it over and over again. "It's just not fair."
Harry closed his eyes, trying to will away the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. "No, it's not."
.x,X.x.
AN: This is not canon compliant. It's a 'What If' AU where Remus has a day before the battle. I kinda just said Fuck You to canon, to be honest.
Word Count: 1265
Thank you to Vic and Ca for beta-ing!
QFLC:
{Tutshill Tornados} — Keeper
{K-Drama Special} — Someone making preparations for their death
Room of Requirement:
{Wand's Wood} — Pear
The Golden Snitch:
{Pop Asia} — A professor
{South Korea, between facts and fiction} — write about someone dying young
{Through the Galaxy}: 166. Solar Wind— Teddy Lupin
{Jurassic Fever — Write about a character protecting their family, {word} hidden