Part 1

"How long are we going to NOT talk about what happened at Jimmy's?"

Mac looked intently at the text message from Billy, wondering what to do next. She knew they needed to talk – about what had happened, about Raul and her calling off the wedding, but she also knew what would happen if she finally came clean to Billy. A part of her wanted it to happen – wanted to it so bad – but another part was still fighting off these feelings. Billy was married, and this was all that should matter. But Billy's words kept coming back to her – how he had always had to beg for every scrap of honesty from her. She had said it wasn't true but it was. She was in denial, just as she had been years earlier. Billy always got her, always got what she herself did not get. She felt that at least he was entitled to hearing the truth from her. She owed him that.

***

" We do need to talk. Where and when?"

Mac's message seemed to send Billy over the edge. He had been fidgeting for days now, thinking about Mac, Raul, Chloe, feeling confused and at the same time so sure and so certain of what he really wanted. But once again Mac had built those walls around her, and it was so hard to get through. He replied immediately, asking her to join him at the pool-house at the end of the day. This time she replied instantly. He felt so nervous it was almost ridiculous. He was a grown man but she had a way of making him feel like he was 16 again. Mac was going to join him tonight, at his place. The butterflies in his stomach felt like they were going to eat him alive. But God it felt so good...

Everything came rushing back to him, as in fast-forward mode. The 16 year-old who had moved in the Chancellor mansion and didn't seem to care about him. How she had intrigued him from the very first moment, being so different from all the hip and cool girls he usually associated himself with. How he had so quickly pushed aside any romantic idea because it was so much easier to despise her. How unbelievably amazing everything had turned the moment they had acknowledged their feelings for each other. How everything had been shred to pieces when his mother had interrupted their wedding night.

That night, it had been as if someone had ripped his heart off his chest. The pain had been so tantamount, so much beyond any possible description that he felt as if he had lost the ability to feel anything again. It was as if he'd become a ghost or something, as if he had been... just going through the motions, doing things like you're supposed to do them but not feeling them. Like an empty shell. He had tried to drown this void inside him into a whirlwind of actions – going out, partying, drinking, doing drugs, hanging out with girls, sometimes paying for girls, gambling... as if doing things could replace feeling things. But it could not. And suddenly, Mac had walked through that door. First he hadn't been able to know what he was feeling. He was numb, as in shock, as if hit in the face. His bride was standing next to him, he was still at the altar, but he just couldn't run a proper thought. All he knew was that he could hear his heart beating. And then they had found that it had all been a lie, that they had never been related. And his heart had started racing like it was about to tear off his chest. And so here it was: his heart. It was here, again, back in its place. He felt like his heart had literally been given back to him, thrust back in his chest. It was in a million pieces, it was bleeding, it ached as hell, but it was here. Alive. HE was alive. And it felt so good – oh God, how good it felt. The pain had never been so sweet. He had longed for that pain because it meant he could feel again. Being in pain was so much better than not feeling anything, right? He just loved the way Mac made her ache. She was the only one who could touch him like that, he knew that now. There could be no other one. And all those who begged him to grow up, to stop living in the past, to stop behaving as if he were still in high school, all those people, they just didn't get it. They didn't understand that he had been a shadow all these years, and that suddenly Mac had breathed life back inside him. Surely this couldn't be an illusion. He could not be that deluded. He knew she was it. She was it. And there just was no other way.

Part 2

As the time was drawing close he was getting more and more nervous. Images of the night at Jimmy's came rushing back to him. He had no idea Mac could be that... passionate. He knew this was ridiculous – she was a woman now, no longer a girl, of course she was going to behave like a woman. He knew she had had boyfriends in the 6 years that had elapsed, but he didn't want to think about it – especially JT. He knew it was stupid but he couldn't help feeling jealous of him. They had shared something that he and Mac hadn't, and just the thought of it drove him crazy. He brushed aside this thought as he heard knocking on the door. He felt his knees were about to let go.

***

"Mac? I'm glad you came." Billy mustered everything he could to try and look natural and relaxed, but he knew it failed completely as he heard his own voice tremble.

"I'm sorry that it took me so long."

"So long to do what?"

"To make up my mind."

Now Billy was shaking.

"What do you mean? Making up your mind about what?"

"Please" Mac said imploringly, "let me do the talking, or else I'm afraid I'm not gonna be able to say what I've gotta say."

Billy just nodded. Mac heaved a sigh, and then started: "After.... Raul showed up, we had a talk." She paused, staring at the floor. "I've decided to be as honest as I could possibly be with him. I told him I was …. unsure." She looked at Billy. His heart was pounding. He didn't know what to expect.

"Anyway, we've decided to call off the wedding."

Billy suddenly felt light as air as he tried to repress the smile that was already starting to appear on his face; then he stammered : "But, er, you're still wearing his ring."

"He insisted I should keep it until I make up my mind in a more final way."

"And have you?" Billy asked, his heart suddenly filled with crazy hopes.

"Yes." She looked at him straight in the eyes, which sent his heart on an even wilder race. There was a long and awkward silence. Then she broke it: "Of course it doesn't change the fact that you're married."

"Mac..... you know this marriage means nothing to me." Billy said decisively, still looking at her straight in the eyes. "What I want to know is, what do YOU feel?"

Mac just looked at him imploringly. She could not utter another word and just hoped he would just read his mind and know. The silence kept going for a few seconds and suddenly they knew at the same exact split second that they both wanted the same thing. Their lips locked and their bodies met hungrily. They had longed for that moment for so long it seemed they could not get enough of each other. She took off his shirt and let him draw her closer to the bed. Then he started to unbutton her shirt. He paused when he realized she was just wearing a bra underneath. Suddenly he felt impressed. He looked at her intensely. "You're so beautiful." He slowly took off her bra and looked at her again. Ordinarily this would have embarrassed Mac – she was so shy about her body – but he made her feel so beautiful... She drew him close to her again and kissed him passionately. She felt empowered by the touch of his skin on her bare breasts, and unfastened his belt readily. Still kissing, they got on the bed and Billy took off her trousers and panties in what seemed like a second. Now they were naked, and as Billy was kissing her breasts, they both knew that the time had finally come. It was finally going to happen, and they couldn't help feeling impressed by the importance of what was going to come. He stopped kissing her and looked at her, his hips now firmly between her legs. They continued staring at each other as he finally ventured inside her, slowly, so slowly, until he was fully inside her. Then they stopped moving, and just kept staring at one another. "I love you Mac." He whispered. She whispered back: "I love you Billy." Only then did he start to move backward and forward between her hips, still looking at her right in the eyes. He didn't want to lose track of her eyes. She was so beautiful, and he was finally inside her, after all those years, and it was so sweet, and so good. It was even better than what he could ever have imagined, and so different from everything he could have known with other girls. She squealed softly as he started to move a bit faster, and she spread her legs a little more, which sent him over the edge. Then as he got even faster she spread her thighs wide open and brought her legs back onto him, holding him close. Now he moaned, still looking at her right in the eyes. "You're so fucking beautiful...." he sighed as she seemed to let go of every last defense that she might have had. Now she was no longer looking at him because she was losing all self-control, but he kept looking at her. He wanted to see her come, and when he felt her whole body tighten he suddenly let go of everything and came inside her. Their tongues found their way in each other's mouths right at the same time and their bodies started to relax against each other. They kissed for minutes, not saying a word, completely lost in each other. If there had ever been the slightest doubt about the reality of what they were feeling, it was now gone forever. Their bodies were as attuned to each other as their souls were. They might be different from each other, and different from the teenagers they once had been, but their bodies were made for each other. They knew it now. And nothing was going to change that.