Demo=but
Doushite=why
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Shallow Graves
Soi reined in her horse as she saw the body ahead of her.
Finally, she thought with mixed relief and dread as she vaulted off of the mount, swinging her bundle over one shoulder and walking over.
Her heart twisted as she neared the corpse. No matter how many times she saw such things, she would never grow hardened to them. The sickly scent of the blood turned her stomach as much now as it always had. Only this time, it was a companion's blood, and not a stranger's, that stained the ground.
Lines of pain and disbelief twisted the dead man's face. Dried blood marred the delicate patterns of makeup, and his gold eyes were flat and empty.
Soi swallowed back a surge of nausea as she crouched down next to the body. The cause of death was obvious--the ryuuseisui strung through his body bore gruesome witness to that.
Suboshi. Demo, doushite? Doushite, Suboshi?
It didn't really matter. The deed was done. Tomo was dead. Her jaw clenching, Soi carefully pulled the ryuuseisui from his body, dropping them carefully to the side. With hands disturbed by fine trembling, she turned Tomo over, flinching at the sight of his frozen expression.
Filled with sudden pity, she reached over and shut his eyes. Rummaging through her bag, she pulled out a bottle of water and a rag. Wetting it down, she began to wipe away the makeup and blood that covered the man's face.
Seiryuu... Why am I doing this? He wouldn't have done it for me. Why do I even care whether he has the dignity of a decent burial?
Because he was Seiryuu shichiseishi, like me. He deserves at least this much, and no one else is going to bother. Am I the only one who cares at all? I must be. When I felt him die...
Her heart had constricted, crying out in answer to the phantom pain that had stabbed at it so visciously. She had known instantly what had happened, and set out quickly to find Tomo.
Tomo... Oh, dear gods...
Her thoughts trailed to a stop as she cleaned away the last of the facepaint.
He--He's beautiful! How could he want to cover that up with makeup? How?!
She stared in shock at the pale skin, the delicate cheekbones, the fragile line of his nose. Silver-grey eyebrows ran in gentle arches over closed eyes, and the long lips were parted slightly.
Why...? Why did you hide behind it, Tomo? What was it you didn't want us to see?
We all have secrets in our pasts, a voice answered in her mind. Even him.
Brushing long ribbons of liquidly, silken hair out of his face, her eyes softened. He looks so vulerable. So--much younger. I think I understand, Tomo. I've seen--I've seen what happens to people when they're hurt.
She bowed her head, closing her eyes as memories lashed at her. She'd seen it often enough that she should have realized long ago what had happened to her fellow seishi. She'd just never thought...
When--when did it first happen to you, Tomo? I--I was twelve. And it hurt so much...
Opening her eyes, she studied Tomo's still face, imagining what he must have looked like as a child. Seiryuu, how can you be so cruel? We're your chosen, aren't we? Then why did we all have to suffer so? Ashitare, the twins, even your miko. Me. Tomo. And--what about him?
Blue eyes like crystal staring emotionlessly, analytically into the deepest parts of her soul. Golden hair glinting coldly in the sunlight.
Soi shook her head, lifting Tomo's body in her arms. Staggering under the weight, she made her way back to the horse. Draping his body his body in front of the saddle, she spared a moment to calm the animal before mounting. Then, grasping the reins, she turned it and rode away from the blood staining the ground behind her.
Again, she asked herself, Why am I doing this is? Did I care for him? No. But--I wanted to. I wanted to be able to, wanted him to let me.
Her lips tightened. Idiot woman, she berated herself. Always wanting to love, and to have someone return it. To have someone to lean on. Someone like him.
You wanted the same, didn't you, Tomo? She glanced down at the body, then away as the two bloody wounds in his back assaulted her eyes.
A memory came to her, of Nakago issuing her and Tomo orders, of his dispassionate dismissal. Slipping into the hallway, she'd glanced back at Tomo. He had stood turned half-away from her, his hand on the door, his gaze on the man within. His profile was blank, but his eyes were filled with half-glimpsed pain and longing. He'd blinked a few times, as if to banish tears, then left at a rapid pace.
You loved him. As much as I do. And died for it. Gods.
Deciding that she'd ridden for long enough, Soi reined in, dismounting. Taking a shovel from the bag, she set to work. As she dug, she wondered.
Will I end up the same way? Will my love condemn me like yours did you? Will he care?
She gave a breathless, bitter laugh as sweat began to snake down one temple.
Not likely. He never has. I'll be as unmourned as you, but I still cling to that moronic hope. I'm a fool. We're both fools. Cursed from the very beginning to lives of nothing but pain and loneliness. Did you ever cry yourself to sleep, Tomo? I did. Seiryuu, so many times... The pain never goes away, though. You can try to hide it, but it all comes back again as soon as the tears start. And no matter how much you cry, it's always alone, and nothing ever heals.
Salt burned in her eyes--sweat, or tears, possibly both. It didn't matter. Leaning back, she wiped a hand across her forehead.
It's a shallow grave. But it's the best I can do. I'm sorry.
Lifting Tomo's body, she placed the Seiryuu seishi in the hole she'd dug. Painstakingly arraging his clothes, she crossed his arms over his chest, pulling his long hair over either shoulder.
With a long, last glance, she began filling in the grave.
When she'd finished, she put the shovel back in the bag and swung up into the saddle. Her eyes skimmed over the landscape. Long grass spread over the gently rolling hills and, several yards away, the wind blew ripples over the surface of a small pond. A few willows dotted the area, spreading their low, silver-birch branches out over the grass, casting dancing shadows cut of the bright, warm sunlight.
I'm sorry things came to this, Tomo. I hope you can finally find some peace here.
"Sayonara..."
With that final word of farewell, Soi turned and headed back for the camp.
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I wrote this because I was never satisfied with the mysterious disappearance of Tomo's body. No matter what anyone thinks of him, Tomo is human. And bodies don't just vanish into thin air. Hence this fic.