Edward's face stared back at mine from the glowing screen on my laptop that was propped up by my pajama covered knees as i laid down on my bed. He was silent, as the words I had just said resonated in his brain. I couldn't read his face, and i wished so badly we could have this conversation in person. But reality was that Edward was in New York City, living the life of adventures and parties, while I was stuck in a tiny little town in Washington. 3,025 miles between us. Thank God for skype.
"I don't understand Bella, you want to break up?" I shut my eyes, and put my hands over my face, trying to stop the tears that I could feel about the make a waterfall down my face.
"I love you Edward, you know I do. And I know you love me, but-"
"But what Bella!? God, you just said you love me and that i love you! Isn't that enough?"
If only it were that easy. As I look at Edward, I see all of the things about him that made me fall in love with him all those years ago. The way he runs his slender fingers through his unruely, copper hair when he's anxious; how his tired face makes him look like the thirteen year old boy I once knew; and the way he looks at me like he could never love anyone else. That last one is almost enough to make me call this whole thing off. But my heart tells me that I can't let this go.
"It would be so easy to say yes! God you have no idea how much i just want to give up on this and tell you i'm wrong and that i want to stay together. but it's not that easy. I can't live my life worrying about what you're doing all the time. if you're with other girls, if you're thinking of other girls. I can't do that to myself!" My pull at my hair in fustration.
"Are you fucking kidding me!? I told you this would be hard, you knew that going in. But you told me to go, practically insisted it! And I knew something like this would happen, but i had faith we could make it work." His face goes quieter now. Sadder. And I feel so, so guilty for making him feel this way.
"How could i have told you not to go? You would resent me Edward! I couldn't get in the way of your dreams! No matter how much i didn't want you to go i would never stop you from something you love."
"Then why didn't you come with me?" i'm the quiet one now, as I cast my eyes down. For as long as i've known Edward, he has always wanted to move to a big city. he's always talked about it. and i've always said i would go with him. But in the back of my mind, i was terrified. Forks was my home. i've lived here my whole life.
"you know why." My voice is quiet, a contrast from my screaming just seconds ago. From the corner of my eye I see Edward's face soften and it pulls at my heart.
"Bella." He sighs as his voice breaks, "Bella, look at me." I take a shaky breath, and meet his gaze, his eyes move from mine to the trails of tears moving down my face. "We've been together for over six years, we've been through everything, and we've always had faith and trust in each other. Why is distance suddenly the deal breaker?"
"Because we've never had to deal with distance! We're 19 and we've been together for six years! Which means we've gone to school together since we've started dating. We saw each other at school every single day, plus dates on the weekend. I feel like we took advantage of that, and now that it's gone..thing's are different."
"Then we're going to have to work that much harder to get through this babe. We can't just call it quits when things change or get hard. Relationships are about commuting and getting through things together."