A Week in the Life of Darth Andeddu
The Immortal God-King of Prakith
Written by Darth Andeddu
-DAY 1-
0700 Hours - Time to get my bony butt out of bed. It's day 12,375 here in Central Prakith, the home of yours truly.
It's almost always sunny, except when it's raining, which always does every morning. It rains for 20-25 minutes
every morning at around 0830 hours. It never fails. Seriously, you can set your clock to the rain patterns here.
Time for a quick shower, before the local folks arrive for the morning blessings and sacrifice to me.
0800 Hours - How I love to manipulate the stupid. Every morning these fools gather to sacrifice a couple of
farm animals in my honor. I love that they named me their "God-King". And why not? I provide food, shelter,
everything that these fools need. If they choose to worship me; who am I to argue?
0930 Hours - This morning's blessings and sacrifice ceremony is over. It took long enough.
1420 Hours - Went for a walking tour of my new temple grounds. My people start construction tomorrow.
1800 Hours - Time for the evening blessings and feast. While these people may be stupid, they do know how to feast.
There must be over 200 dishes, from 20 different inhabited planets. There are 25 different varieties of stew alone.
2200 Hours - Why must it take four hours to eat? Because three and a half of those hours are wasted making long,
boring speeches. I already know how great I am; you told me the previous 12,374 days. And if I have to listen to one
more farmer ask and beg me to bless his farm, I'm going to force-choke him until his head pops off. His crops are not
my problem; they are his problem. Let him deal with it.
2300 Hours - Perhaps a good night's sleep will improve my mood for tomorrow. However, I doubt it.
-DAY 2-
0700 Hours - Day 12, 376 started exactly like all of the other days. Same rain. Same quick shower. Even the same
morning blessings and sacrifice.
1330 Hours - I finally get a change to my daily routine. Three local farmers are arguing over ownership of a herd.
And I get to decide that fate of not only the herd, but also the three morons. Why can't these fools solve their own problems?
Stop wasting my time with this trivial nonsense. Oh well, I guess every king has to deal with the common folk.
The burden of being a God-King, I suppose.
1340 Hours - I have solution to my problem. Kill the idiots. Serve the herd up as part of the evening blessings and feast.
No more problem. I feel better already.
1500 Hours - I started construction on my new temple today. I assigned the task to 5200 of my best slaves. I gave them
a deadline of one year to complete it. I plan to execute one slave per day to motivate them.
1800 Hours - Time for the evening blessings and feast. More food. Even more boring speeches.
2240 Hours - I decided on taking a nice, hot bath before I retire for the night.
-DAY 3-
0700 Hours - I had a great sleep last night. I'm actually looking forward to the morning blessings and sacrifice.
I think that I will shake things up. Let the animals go free. Sacrifice the idiots.
1920 Hours - I can't believe it. The morning blessings and sacrifice ceremony ended ten minutes early.
1230 Hours - I went for a walk around my new temple grounds. The slaves are progressing well. They finished
removing every tree, rock, and bush from the grounds. Not bad, when you consider that they started yesterday.
1410 Hours - My bodyguard unit found a couple of local folks trespassing on temple grounds. I don't care that
they were hunting; the fact is that they were there, on my land. This calls for a public execution. Perhaps their
deaths will discourage others from entering temple grounds without my permission.
2135 Hours - How much food can a God-King eat? Are these people trying to fatten me up, so they can serve
me on a platter?
2300 Hours - Good night to my loyal subjects.
-DAY 4-
0500 Hours - I couldn't sleep. So the chief of my bodyguard unit and I played a game of "live chess". We used slaves as
board pieces. If your piece gets taken, your slave dies. Naturally, the pawns are the first to go; so those slaves are the
first to die.
0750 Hours - After 2 hours, 50 minutes, I finally win our game. That was fun; for me anyway. I think that the three remaining
slaves had fun. As a reward for their service in our game, I set them free. See...I'm not a total, heartless bastard.
0800 Hours - The morning blessings and sacrifice begins on time. As expected, there are over a dozen speeches about
my greatness. All very true.
1300 Hours - I decided that it was time for some lightsaber training sessions. My sparring partner, slave no. #2763, managed
to land a strike to my lower left arm. The lucky bastard. Of course, his head immediately rolled.
1800 Hours - I hate all of these boring speeches that these fools give. However, I love the food. Some of the food is to die for.
I guess that I need to endure one, to enjoy the other.
2200 Hours - I decided to hit the sack early. I need to be well rested for tomorrow.
-Day 5-
0700 Hours - I had a little trouble sleeping last night. A nice, freezing cold shower should help me.
0800 Hours - My loyal subjects surprised my this morning. Instead of killing the animals themselves, they asked me to do the
honors. So I diced them with my lightsaber. How fun.
1425 Hours - Caught a gang of thieves today. I executed all of them. My justice is swift.
1600 Hours - Another game of "live chess" with the chief of my bodyguard unit. I think that he lets me win. He offered no real
challenge today. It only took one and a half hours to beat him. Five slaves remaining.
1820 Hours - All of these speeches are starting to give me a headache. They all say the same thing. First they praise me;
then they ask or beg me to bless their farm, business, family, or whatever. I don't care for their petty problems.
It's enough that they worship me. Your God-King needs food, now.
2200 Hours - I turned in early again tonight. I'm feeling kind of "blah". Doing the same thing every day can get a little boring.
-Day 6-
1730 Hours - I slept in early this morning. Only thirty minutes until the morning blessings and sacrifice ceremony begins.
0858 Hours - I see that we got our morning rain right on schedule. The ceremony must go on, rain or shine.
1215 Hours - My loyal bodyguards found another trespasser on temple grounds. Claims he was lost. I don't care. He was still
on my land. Several years ago, I decreed that nobody set foot on temple grounds without my permission. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My commands are law. I guess that some people never learned from the previous public execution. Time for a reminder.
This time, his family dies as well. If they didn't lose him, none of this would have happened. It's their fault.
1530 Hours - My slaves are making great progress on building my new temple. They started digging the foundation today.
I guess one death per day is good motivation. I think that I will make this temple six stories, instead of only four stories
like my first temple.
2100 Hours - I'm making a new storehouse for all of the offerings and gifts that these common folk give me. It should be finished
within the next few weeks. I assigned two hundred slaves to it. I hope two stories is enough space.
2300 Hours - I had a few slaves build me a new bed. It's made from slave bones. Tonight, I try it for the first time.
-Day 7-
0700 Hours - I slept like a baby. The slaves did a great job.
0800 Hours - Time for the morning blessings and sacrifice. I love hearing how great I am. And it's all true. I AM GREAT.
1030 Hours - These morons just gave me a gift of a 2000 acre farm, livestock and all. I'll add it to the 2000 acres that
they gave me last year. I have yet to see the lands that they give me. I hope that they don't keep giving me the same
piece of land. Perhaps these people aren't complete morons, after all.
1330 Hours - Went for a walk on temple grounds today. Ever notice how peaceful it is, when nobody is around to bother you?
1800 Hours - Could we just skip the speeches, and go straight to the food? Just this once. I don't care about the problems
of a nobody. Why should I care?
2300 Hours - I really love this new bed.