I started writing this story on my birthday a few days ago, but it took longer than I thought it would to complete the first chapter. This will be a two-shot.

I'll admit that I haven't seen any of the episodes before season 13 for at least a decade now, so I don't remember if Olivia's birthday has ever been mentioned or if she enjoys celebrating it. In this story, she doesn't, especially since this particular birthday takes place shortly after Elliot's departure and I can imagine that she didn't have very good birthdays growing up.

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"Rollins, will you please get out of the way?"

Amanda jumps at the sound of her co-worker's impatient voice, wincing as hot coffee sloshes over the rim of her cup and splashes across her hand, sidestepping quickly out of Olivia's path as she comes barrelling through the break area. The older woman looks like she is on a mission, long brown curls flying behind her as she strides across the room with a stack of files balanced in one arm and a frown etched deeply on her tanned face, Amanda tilting her head in curiosity as she observes her.

"Whoa, there, Liv, slow down. Where's the fire?"

Olivia merely waves dismissively at her without turning around, fixing herself a cup of coffee with her free hand and waltzing right back out again, nodding briefly at Nick who holds the door open for her but not saying a word to anyone else.

"What's her problem?" Amanda murmurs to her partner as she takes a seat beside Fin and blows on the small red mark that the drink has left on her pale skin, feeling somewhat chagrined at Olivia's attitude but admitting that she shouldn't have expected otherwise.

Amanda has been working at the Special Victims Unit in New York for several months now but had gotten off on the wrong foot with the tall brunette that she admires so much, despite all the effort she has made to try and fix things between them and get to know her better. She is still not entirely sure what she has done wrong and acknowledges that Olivia's issues might not have anything to do with her but are possibly part of a broader scope of traumatic life events, including the recent departure of her longtime partner. In spite of this knowledge, Amanda can't help but feel hurt by Olivia's continually indifferent or outright callous demeanor toward her, longing for a friendship or maybe something more to develop between them.

"It's Liv's birthday today," Fin replies in answer to her question, Amanda's eyebrows raising in surprise and noticing that Nick is mirroring her expression.

"It is? I should have known that! Why didn't she say anything? Man, I feel like an ass," the younger of the male detectives mutters in shame, Fin letting out a chuckle in response. "I could have wished her a happy birthday."

"You are an ass, Amaro," he says simply, Amanda's lips twitching with mirth even though she feels a hint of concern for Olivia, especially when Fin continues speaking. "But Liv hates her birthday, so don't tell her that I told you what day it is. She would prefer not to have it mentioned by anyone, just so you guys are aware. Every year she throws herself into any open cases that she can and tries to forget that her birthday exists. And it's even worse this year."

"Because it's the first one without Elliot?" Amanda inquires softly, her heart clenching slightly at Fin's nod and hating to think of Olivia being lonely and unhappy in any circumstance but particularly on a day that is meant for celebration.

Fin nods again and takes a long sip from his coffee cup, the older man's eyelids fluttering shut for a few seconds, like he is either really enjoying his hit of caffeine or is disgusted by the taste. "Yup," he confirms in a low tone, glancing around surreptitiously, as if worried that Olivia might make another sudden reappearance while they're chatting. "Without going into too much detail, she didn't have the greatest birthdays growing up, so she usually just ignores the day as an adult. But this year, it's even harder without her partner and best friend here. Now normally, I wouldn't be talking about this because it's Liv business and no one else's, but just cut her some slack if she's acting a bit off today, alright? Go easy on her."

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Nick replies worriedly, Amanda nodding her head in agreement, even as she silently resolves to keep an eye on Olivia for the rest of the day to make sure the woman she looks up to is doing okay.

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Amanda's patience is fraying rapidly by the time her shift starts drawing to a close, finding herself gritting her teeth through every interaction she has had with Olivia over the past several hours to avoid snapping at the older woman in response. The brunette's bad attitude has been nearly unbearable for the majority of the day, Olivia either choosing to ignore the entire team or taking her frustrations and misery out on Amanda every single time she passes by her co-worker's desk; the two of them engaging in multiple arguments despite the assurance she had given to Fin to cut her colleague some slack.

It takes all of Amanda's willpower to stand up from her chair at the end of the day and saunter as casually as possible over to Olivia's workspace in preparation to ask the other woman out for drinks, instead of just throttling her. Olivia looks to be in quite an agitated state, her knee bouncing up and down as she frowns at her computer screen and makes no move to begin gathering up her stuff to go home, Amanda inhaling a deep breath before speaking.

"So what are you up to tonight?" she asks in an offhanded manner as if an idea has just occurred to her, taking a chance and leaning one hip against her colleague's desk in an amicable way. "Do you want to grab a drink?"

Olivia's head instantly snaps up, large brown eyes regarding her with apparent surprise before narrowing at Amanda's friendly stance and zeroing in on the dress pants that are touching her desk, Amanda hastily straightening up again and smoothing her hands over her clothing. "Why? You've never asked me to get a drink before."

Amanda shrugs in return at the somewhat accusing tone, trying to maintain that air of nonchalance as Olivia's gaze raises to meet her own again. "There's a first time for everything, isn't there?"

"You want to spend time with me outside of work, even though I've been treating you terribly all day?" Olivia questions skeptically, the frown on her face deepening.

"I thought it might be nice if we got to know each other better." Amanda arches a teasing eyebrow, unable to resist getting under the older woman's skin a little bit, in light of how obnoxious Olivia has been behaving lately. "So you're admitting that you've had a horrible attitude all day, then?"

Olivia stares so hard at her that she feels a blush rising on her cheeks and tries to will it away, gulping audibly when the brunette doesn't address what she has just said. "Funny that you happened to pick today of all days to try and get to know me better." There is a short pause, Amanda able to feel her heart thumping in her chest and wondering if it's visible through her shirt. "Fin told you, didn't he?"

"Told me what?" she replies with feigned confusion, turning her palms up into the air in a gesture of ignorance.

"You can drop the act, Rollins," Olivia grumbles with a roll of her eyes and a wave of her hand. "I know he told that it's my birthday today and that I absolutely despise it." There is another slight pause, the older woman's voice sounding uncharacteristically small and hurt now, every trace of her usual confidence having disappeared. "And why else would you want to spend time with me outside of work, other than feeling sorry for me?"

Amanda's eyebrows fly upwards in surprise and she leans over, planting both hands firmly on Olivia's desk so they are face to face, not caring about invading her co-worker's personal space when she suddenly looks and sounds so distraught. "Do you honestly think that's the only reason I want to hang out with you, Liv? I happen to think you're a pretty great person, okay?"

"How can you think I'm a great person?" Olivia answers in perplexity, those chocolate orbs boring so intensely into her own that Amanda has to suppress a shiver of both nervousness and delight. "All I do is-"

"Treat me like shit?" she interrupts with a tight, knowing smile.

This time it's Olivia's turn to blush, a distinct look of shame crossing her beautiful features. "Well...yeah."

"Look, Olivia, I'll admit that you haven't exactly been welcoming since I arrived from Atlanta, but I see how you are with the victims and how you treat the other members of our squad who have been here much longer than I have," Amanda says softly, gathering her courage before reaching out to place a hand over top of Olivia's and gratified when she doesn't immediately pull away. "I know there's an amazing person underneath that hard shell, even if I don't get to see it personally because I'm still fairly new here and you don't like me very much."

"I do like you, Amanda." Olivia's voice is hushed and sad, and it feels like there is a fist gripping onto Amanda's heart when she sees the glimmer of tears in those dark eyes.

"No you don't," she chuckles with a shake of her head, no venom at all in her tone as she squeezes Olivia's hand. "But it's okay, Liv. You don't have to like everyone you meet. I know I can be pretty annoying and overeager sometimes."

"So you actually want to take me out for a drink, even though you think I don't like you?" Olivia confirms with a furrowed brow, Amanda noticing that the other woman hadn't corrected her when she had referred to herself as annoying.

"Yup," she replies simply, a sheepish smile tugging at one corner of her lip.

"So you do feel sorry for me, then?"

"Olivia..." Amanda trails off with a sigh, feeling that irritation creeping in once more and trying to squash it before she explodes. "Let's just go get drunk, okay?"

Olivia stares intently at her again, Amanda getting the sense that those penetrating eyes can see straight into her soul, when the brunette finally shrugs and nods. "Yeah, okay."

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The wind is howling fiercely and the snow is whipping around their heads in small white tornadoes when they leave the precinct together a little while later, Amanda walking them directly to the bar that is closest to the station. She doesn't even care about the quality of food and drink, just as long as alcohol is being served; her only mission to get as wasted as possible and hoping that Olivia can keep up with her with impressive drinking ability.

Her hands are already red and chapped from the short journey in the nasty winter weather, and she rubs her palms vigorously back and forth, trying to create some friction to warm herself up as they get seated on opposite sides of a tiny wooden booth. Olivia looks cold and miserable, the older woman's shoulders slumping dejectedly after she removes her coat and grabs a menu, Amanda pushing down the sudden urge to get up from her seat and slide in next to her colleague to give her a hug.

"I still can't believe I'm out on my birthday," she hears Olivia mutter in disdain under her breath. "I never do this. I should be spending tonight alone, like I usually do at this time of year."

"Look, Olivia, I didn't force you to come here, okay? Let's just try to have a good time-"

Amanda's voice is abruptly cut off when a much more enthusiastic one interrupts, glancing up with a wary look at the young woman who seems to have materialized out of nowhere and is standing next to their booth, both hands planted on her generous waist and green eyes dancing with delight. "Did I hear it was someone's birthday today?"

It is all Amanda can do not to cringe in response to the shrill tone and loud peal of laughter that follows, as if their waitress has never experienced a birthday at her job before and is overly excited at the prospect of helping one of her customers celebrate. "We have a special on drinks if it's your birthday, and we can also have the entire staff come over and sing to you."

The look of sheer horror that crosses Olivia's gloomy expression at this announcement is nearly enough to make Amanda burst out laughing, smothering the sound with her hand and trying to disguise the muffled grunt as a cough. Olivia glares across the table at her as their waitress prattles on and on about the fantastic things that birthday celebrants get to do there, and Amanda rushes to interject and put a halt to this conversation before everyone in the bar decides to burst into song.

"Actually, we're fine here," she says quickly, holding up a hand to stop the endless stream of frenetic chatter that is emitting from the young woman's mouth. "We'll probably just order a pitcher of beer and some chicken wings, but nothing for her birthday."

Amanda gestures to Olivia and has to hold in another bout of laughter at the aghast look on her face, the older woman's arms crossed over her chest as if she is actually pouting at the thought of anyone wanting to make this night special for her. She can feel an urgent foot rubbing into her own beneath the table, the soles of their boots squeaking against each other as Olivia stares imploringly at her, those huge brown eyes wordlessly begging her to make their waitress go away.

"Nothing for her birthday?" All of the excitement seems to have drained right out of the younger woman, leaving her devastated and deflated, rosy cheeks puckered as she squints down at them in disbelief. "But you have to do something. Birthdays only come around once a year. We can bring out a big cake with lots of candles-"

"No, thank you, we're fine with just the chicken wings and beer," Amanda hastily cuts in, biting down hard on her lower lip to quell her amusement when she hears the indignant squeak from across the booth and determined to protect Olivia from any chance of birthday festivities.

"And I could really use a large glass of water, if you don't mind. My throat is quite sore." She coughs in exaggeration and rubs the front of her neck, like she is getting sick, the waitress' eyes widening in response.

"Say no more! I'll be right back with your water, ma'am. I'm sorry you're feeling under the weather but I'll try to make sure you're comfortable."

Amanda nods meekly and murmurs her thanks as she coughs again, catching Olivia's eye and grinning as the younger woman hurries away, eager to be of some assistance. "There you go, Liv, problem solved. No birthday celebrations on my watch!"

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As it grows later in the evening and the music become louder, people shouting over each other in neighboring booths in order to be heard, Amanda feels herself relaxing bit by bit as the alcohol takes hold. Her cheeks are flushed with laughter and her throat actually does hurt now from having to yell over the table to Olivia as they converse, wincing slightly when the volume of the current song is turned up yet again.

Amanda is pleased and surprised that the evening hasn't gone nearly as badly as she feared it would, Olivia loosening up as she had chowed down on chicken wings and gulped from her mug of beer, the two of them resolutely ignoring the older woman's birthday and talking about a wide variety of other topics instead. She is trying to keep from staring too hard at the brunette, Olivia's cheeks as flushed as her own and a sparkle dancing in her eyes that has been missing lately, Amanda's stomach fluttering when her co-worker lets out a tinkling laugh at something funny she has just described.

She is thrilled to be able to bring the other woman some joy on the birthday they are so determinedly ignoring, very glad that Olivia hadn't gone home to spend the night alone. Her colleague's foot occasionally rubs against her own underneath the table and Amanda doesn't know if the action is a mistake or Olivia is doing it on purpose, so she holds her own foot still every time it occurs, even though she longs to return the gesture.

Their hands brush together from time to time when they simultaneously reach for the pitcher of beer, and Amanda's heart swells whenever her skin makes contact with Olivia's, daring to let the tip of her finger slide softly along the back of her hand when it happens again and it seems like Olivia is doing it on purpose now. The older woman glances at her for a moment, dark eyes unreadable as Amanda lets her touch linger, before a hint of a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth and Amanda's heart soars with happiness.

She is so ecstatic with how the night is progressing, Olivia's mood seeming to improve substantially as they bond and finally start becoming closer, which is all Amanda has wanted since moving to New York, that she is not even irritated when their hyper waitress makes a reappearance to chat about the dessert options. The younger woman has been grating on her nerves for the majority of the evening, but Amanda has felt herself growing less annoyed and more content with her presence as the alcohol does its job and she can sense a friendship forming with Olivia, and she chats easily with their server now.

After the waitress convinces her to order two slices of cheesecake, promising that she won't bring out a birthday cake instead, Amanda turns back to Olivia with a grin on her face, eager to pick up where they had left off with their storytelling and sharing. Her stomach drops when she sees the other woman's head hanging low, long brown hair obscuring her face but her shoulders shaking noticeably, and reaches across the table to place her hand on top of Olivia's.

"Hey, what's the matter?" she asks softly, realizing that she needs to speak up when Olivia doesn't answer and just sits there, silent and forlorn.

Amanda sees a tear glinting on the other woman's cheek when Olivia's head moves slightly, and she quickly slides out of her side of the booth, hesitating only briefly when she rounds the table and stands there on quivering legs, gazing down at the crumpled form of her colleague. Without giving it much thought, she slips into the seat next to Olivia, hearing the soft hitch in the brunette's breathing like she is trying to hold in a sob, and loops one arm around trembling shoulder blades.

"What's wrong, Liv?" Amanda whispers into her ear, feeling the taller figure shudder against her and pressing herself closer so they are molded into each other on the stained wooden bench.

"I'm sad." Olivia's simple response comes out in an emotional croak, her voice sounding choked up when she speaks, and Amanda's chest aches for the woman that she idolizes so much.

"I know you are, honey," she replies quietly, the pet name slipping out as her chin rests on Olivia's shoulder and her breath puffs into the sweet-smelling tresses next to her nose. "But I thought you were doing a bit better. I thought you were enjoying yourself."

"I was," Olivia confirms in a broken tone, Amanda unable to relish being this physically close to her co-worker for the first time when Olivia is so upset. "But the song they just played reminded me of my mother and made me remember why I started hating my birthday in the first place; because she was usually too drunk to even acknowledge it. And I was usually alone."

"I'm so sorry, Liv. I'm sorry you had to go through that." Amanda leans away slightly to tuck a tendril of hair behind Olivia's ear, her heart breaking at the lost expression on the other woman's face. "But you're not alone this time. I'm here with you."

She watches as Olivia nods slowly in return, their gazes locked intensely on each other and the rest of the bar ceasing to exist for Amanda; the music and conversation and laughter fading away until it is only the two of them in the room, pressed so tightly together in the tiny booth. She lets her fingers feather gently through the thick brown curls spilling around Olivia's shoulders, her hand sweeping behind the curtain of hair and coming to rest on the nape of the older woman's neck, drawing their faces closer to one another.

Amanda feels a shiver of anticipation race down her spine when Olivia's lips part slightly, the older woman's eyes darkening as they stare so intently at each other, her gaze trailing languidly over the gorgeous features of her colleague to fix on her plump mouth. Her heart is galloping inside her chest as she leans forward so their lips are hovering mere inches apart, Olivia's breath warming her skin as Amanda struggles to control her breathing and stay calm.

"Here's your cheesecake!" the bright voice of their waitress suddenly announces, two plates plunked down with gusto onto the table in front of them and Amanda feeling Olivia jerk in her embrace, wrenching away from her like she has been burned and a look of panic crossing her face. "Oops, sorry, did I interrupt something?"

"No," Amanda hears Olivia mutter in reply, barely able to discern the soft, regretful voice of the woman she adores over the pounding beat of the music. "You didn't interrupt anything. And you can take one of those pieces of cheesecake back because I was just leaving."

The younger woman appears quite sheepish, a fiery blush infusing her plump cheeks as she picks up one of the plates holding the delectable dessert and mumbles a stuttered apology again, the first time all evening that she seems to be struggling to find the right words to say.

"Olivia, wait," Amanda gasps out, grabbing onto her colleague's arm as the older woman turns away from her and begins fumbling with the winter coat and purse that is sitting on the bench, her body still buzzing and her lips still tingling from their near-kiss. "Please don't go."

"This has been nice but I really should be getting home now; it's been a long day," Olivia murmurs as she avoids eye contact, Amanda's heart sinking when the other woman repeats what she had said earlier in the day. "Rollins, will you please get out of the way?"

Amanda reluctantly slides back out of the booth, giving her fellow detective room to stand up and maneuver awkwardly around her and the waitress in the tight space. Before she can utter another word in objection, Olivia has shrugged into her coat and slung her purse over her shoulder, striding purposefully toward the door of the bar with a slight wobble in her step from the alcohol, the brunette disappearing swiftly into the snowy night.