Title: Cheese
Summary: Cheese. A marker. Head full of... friendly advice. Tsuna was going to take over the world. Not that he knew at the time.
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Contrary to popular and misguided belief, Tsuna wasn't scared of everything. He had fears, yes, but so does everyone else. He was not yet paranoid enough to be scared of everything, though, so how the whole school seemed to come to the collective conclusion that he was a bundle of just... scared, he wouldn't know.
At first it bothered him, everyone thinking he was a weak cry-baby. He might not be athletic nor a genius but neither were most people. In fact he was only a little under the average in most subject apart from mathematics and English but maths wasn't for everybody and who liked learning another language when their mother tongue was perfectly fine?
The taunts got old quickly as well. After a while he got the idea to make a tally of the phrases they teased him with (because what else would he do in school?), but a week later he realized just how unoriginal they were.
It wasn't even the collective population of bullies, but the same people used the same words. And calling him Dame-Tsuna? People do desperate things if they get pushed too far and calling someone 'no-good' for his whole school life is well on its way to being assisted murder. Who even started that? Tsuna honestly can't remember where it came from.
Apart from name calling there was also the kids who would shove him. Of what he could remember, the first time it happened he had been scared, but when he got home he laughed. They shoved him around a bit but that was all, which seemed a little farfetched.
Sure, maybe if they wanted something like money or revenge of some sort, but to just shove him a little was kind of pointless. They should have better things do, right?
It escalated, and there was even a fight after Tsuna said some bad things about their intelligence and failed abortions. (Bless his mother but she was bad at shielding him from the world.)
They were caught and hauled to the office. They waited on the chairs and he was so nervous, this had never happened before. Apparently, the other kids had been called in before because they still sniggered and threw bits of rubbish at him. The office lady, sitting right there in front of them, did nothing to stop the others.
When the parents came they were called into the office and the first thing his mum said was "Sorry for Tsu-kun." Like it was his fault.
But he suppressed the urge to argue because after his mother saying he was so kind and considerate almost every day for his whole life he didn't want to disappoint her. He got off with a suspension for three days because apparently it didn't matter if they started it and that it had been going on for a while, it only mattered that Tsuna questioned their origins and facial looks.
They forgot the whole 'sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me' saying that they constantly repeat in the playground. Worst part? The adults tried to keep it quiet so nothing was said on the matter and when the other boys went back - after all they only got a lunch detention - they spread the word that Tsuna was staying at home to be away from them.
Bull-fucking-shit.
But it spread and many other unfortunate, most unavoidable, experiences garnered Tsuna's reputation. Tsuna stayed away from people or they stayed away from him and he simply got used to it.
Because of this Tsuna didn't have 'best friends' he had the occasional friend that he spoke with and sat next to and ate lunch with but that was it. No connection stronger that would last outside school time.
That is where his mum's mistaken belief that he was lazy came from. Tsuna had no friend to go out with, and what else would he do? Sit at the park by himself? Go for a run? But she wouldn't hear it.
She had a friend that worked in a cheese shop. It sold a small selection of sandwiches, cakes and beverages but mostly cheeses of all kinds. It wasn't worth the one-sided argument so Tsuna went. It wasn't bad working there and it was a satisfying feeling getting paid. Cash of course because it was technically illegal for him to work at his age.
When the week was up, the cheese still not sold would be thrown out. It was a popular store for some reason so the cheese was rarely there after all was said and done, but one type was always forgotten. It was the normal store bought type. Thin, sliced up squares.
The owner, Kerune-san, would give them to Tsuna. He didn't know why but every time he asked she would wink and say, "Everything is recyclable Tsuna-kun." The old lady probably just couldn't be bothered to throw it out.
He should stop. Tsuna tries to be nice and it works the majority of the time as he really is kind, but sometimes he can't help thinking it. Tsuna would get a journal to write out the muck if he didn't think someone would eventually get their hands on it or that he's far too lazy to keep it up. He has out of date cheese, though, a consolation prize... actually, maybe it will be useful.
Inventory: A small bag full of cheese, a marker, and a head filled with... friendly advice.
It didn't target specific people at first. Tsuna would arrive late as he usually did and placed the cheese then. He used a marker and copied writing that he had meticulously researched and remembered last night. Calibri.
'It's okay. Just smile.'
The very first cheese was pinned opposite a classroom door. The students laughed at the strange sign when they came out from class, and as Tsuna watched, a few of the people who passed by smiled and kept on smiling. Groups of friends would pass by and take photos with their phones.
For a week the cheese continued to turn up. Different messages, vague and encouraging. Then on an assembly day they spoke about it. They said that it was disruptive and a waste of food.
The next note spoke of excuses and people caring. The due date for the cheese was on the back.
Next week the cheese turned up somewhere different. 'You are all unique. Thankfully, otherwise conversation would be boring.'
And the next. 'The pot of gold may be fake but the journey along the rainbow more than makes up for it.'
Soon it became a game. People would go out of their way to hunt for it as it got harder to find due to teachers searching for it and taking it down.
As it turned up when everyone was in their first class, students started making notes of people not showing up so they could catch the cheese writer. Tsuna's name was written down, and he had to do something about it.
No matter how much fun it was, he didn't want to be known as a cheese writer. He stayed late, giving the next day's cheese to the janitor for him to put up. Tsuna spun a tale of how a student came and asked him to do this. He placed awe in his voice and spoke of how he thought the cheese was hilarious and it should keep going.
The janitor smiled and took he cheese, promising to put it up. It appeared on the roof of a fourth-grade class. When Tsuna passed the janitor at lunch they hi-fived.
During the weekend he passed a park on his way to work. A couple of secondary students were talking about the cheese notes and how they only get information by word of mouth or their younger sibling's pictures.
Tsuna gave it some thought. Why should only the younger section get them? Cheese should be shared with the masses. If the smile on his face was distinctly disturbing, well, no one saw it.
So he used the rest of the weekend to scope out prospective minions. The story he spun for the janitor came back and he got the idea to spread out his business. He found a companion in a first year middle schooler. Terai-san was his goal. He had a stubborn sense of justice so it could go either way, Tsuna being ousted or Terai-san would keep his secret till death.
Tsuna was cornered in the south part of the middle school. He had made his stalking more obvious and knew Terai-san would confront him, he was that kind of person. Soon enough Tsuna's prediction came true.
Terai-san purposely walked to the most secluded corner of the middle school, the building near there are extras and are used once in a blue moon. Terai-san maneuvered them so he was between Tsuna and the escape route. Tsuna knew he had picked a good minion, smart and subtle.
Terai-san confronted him and Tsuna played his part, trembling and stuttering out apologies and his disconnected story of being the cheese writer's messenger. He explained how the writer actually give the cheese to others and they are the one who put it up and because there is a network then no one is responsible for it.
If a teacher asked, then they can safely say 'he/she told me to do this'. Then the teachers are sent on a wild goose chase and the students get preparation time for what they are going to do about it.
Terai-san was convinced when he glared at Tsuna and the boy got tears in his eyes.
Tsuna didn't want to jinx it so he only stayed with Terai-san and himself placing the cheese. The rumours increased once they found a slice of cheese crudely taped to a window in the science area of Namimori middle.
'Don't be afraid of what could go wrong, be afraid of what could go right.'
This was intensified when the cheese still turned up in the primary school.
'Never give up on your dreams. Except if you plan to be a unicorn. That's just not happening.'
Tsuna didn't have a reason to do this. Nothing as altruistic as making people happy, that was just a nice side effect. More like the knowledge that even with teachers and staff alike patrolling the area, he won't get caught, and that was a rush.
Now what he needed to do to not get caught was to make scapegoats. It would be easier to just have Terai-san and himself but the story he spun for his first minion made him think it may be a good idea to expand. Although everything was good in theory.
He needed to test it first. No mentioning names and he couldn't show his face either. Each would have two contacts and only two. One that told them things and one they would tell. Six, he decided, was a good number. Six throughout the primary school first. Trustworthy people?
The two girls in the fifth-grade, gossip about them proves that they look for adventure. The same goes for that one third year who continually believes he can do parkour. Three year sixes that he had watched before.
Tsuna was starting to feel like a puppet master. He liked that feeling, (in a non-evil way).
Year by year, Tsuna gathered more and more people to the cause. The cause being a wide network of helpers. Lost a book? Ask for the Web. Trying to find a good deal for clothes? Ask the Web. Feeling dislocated and lonely? The Web will come to you with cheese at hand to make you laugh and give surprisingly good advice in only a few sentences.
By the time Reborn arrives, Tsuna has eyes and ears all over Japan. Tsuna personally invites new members, all of them seemingly homeless puppies just waiting to be picked up and given a mission.
When Xanxus shows, Tsuna has infiltrated the mafia and the network spreads quickly from country to country. Almost everyone has heard of Web.
Enma arrives and Tsuna knows exactly why. Enma doesn't believe him with regards to Daemon being a dick face and events play through, but with dozens of people that have figured out who their leader is, there are contingency plans for their contingency plans.
Byakuran understands quite clearly (is made to understand) that if he orders Tsuna's death, he won't survive the night.
"I've always wanted to know. Why do you eat cheese with almost all of your dishes?" Takeshi comments, placing his fork so only the prongs are on the plate.
"Don't question Juudaime! Cheese is amazing!" snaps Hayato, waving a spoon threateningly in Takeshi's direction. Ten years and the fighting has become instinctual.
Sweet and light laughter breaks through the chatter (read: arguments) and clinking of utensils on plates (red: shattering of plates as utensils are hurled at the makeshift shields). They've spent enough time around the Decimo that his laughter is known by heart.
"I extremely don't get the joke," comments Ryohei from the right side of the table, frisbee-ing plates into unsuspecting heads.
Hana, who's sitting beside him eating normally, had stopped trying a few years back to make him not say 'extreme'. They have all accepted it as a verbal tick. At least he doesn't scream it anymore.
"What is there to get? He likes cheese," drawls Lambo from his hiding place under the table. He still has his amazing ability to annoy anyone and not die, as shown by Mukuro lazily stabbing under the table in Lambo's direction.
Mukuro spears Hayato in the leg and gets tackled.
The occupants of the room, namely the biggest powerhouses in the mafia -Vongola and CEDEF on one side and Varia all the way on the other for the safety of all involved- break into debate over why cheese is funny.
"Well, I'm off," chimes in Reborn. He stands up and tosses out, "Control your men, Dame-Tsuna."
It's reflex, since both Reborn and everyone else close to the upper echelon understand that nothing short of a God -maybe not even then- could make the Vongola stand in line. Throw in the rest of Tsuna's friends and it's duck and cover for anyone under expert level of fighting.
"Where are you going, Reborn?" calls Tsuna over the screams.
A smirk and then, "Getting information from the Web on Vongola stats." Reborn dodges a sword and trips Squalo, the perpetrator.
"No!" Tsuna flails and trips over an up turned chair when he tries to stop Reborn. "You stay away from the storage! Members only!" But Reborn slips out before Tsuna can finish.
"Members for what, Juudaime?" asks Hayato with his 'I'm so interested because it's Juudaime' look, his eyes sparkling.
"No-nothing."